weight loss during early pregnancy normal | Potty training twins Part 3 Treats

weight loss during early pregnancy normal


The sage continues. We are now potty training both our toddlers.

You can check out my previous potty training posts here:
  • Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}
  • Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}
Weve been potty training one of our toddlers, C, for 22 days now. His twin brother decided this past weekend that he wanted to potty train as well. We are on day 5 of potty training O. The first couple days of potty training both toddlers were crazy. It almost felt like C regressed some when O started potty training. In my previous posts, we were considering potty training C for overnight. We arent exactly sure of the approach we want to take on nights right now. Both toddlers are waking up with somewhat wet diapers-- not really, really wet, but still a little wet. Here are the three options Im considering for potty training them on nights:

1. Training underwear and waterproof training pants.
I feel like this is the most aggressive approach, the one to really get them to potty train overnight. I used these Gerber All in One Waterproof Training Pants with our oldest son, D, when we potty trained him. When wearing the Gerber Training Pants underneath these, they are pretty waterproof. A child can have an accident in these and it will hold really well. I like this combination because it really lets the child feel wet. I feel like pull ups are basically diapers and so there isnt too much incentive for the child not to treat it like a diaper. These Gerber training pants feel like underwear and so they arent comfortable to be wet in. I would also do the mattress trick I mentioned in "Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}."
Downside to this option: waking up in the night if they feel wet to change training pants; waking up in the morning to change training pants to regular underwear (which I do now from diapers to underwear).

2. Pull ups
I feel like this might be the easiest option. If I do this, there is a good chance that they will keep sleeping through the night when they use the pull up. In theory, they could also pull up and down the pull up in the morning when they need to use the restroom, perhaps even if they wake up in the night and need to use the restroom. I really feel like, even if I decide to go with the first option, I will probably start with pull ups first and then move to the Gerber training pants after they are even better about waking up dry.
Downside to this option: we go from buying Target diapers at $24.99 for 138 to pull ups at $19.99 for 52. The nice thing about the Gerber training pants is that they are reusable and washable; you have to keep buying pull ups.

3. Diapers
This is what we are doing for nights now. When they wake up in the morning, they run to the restroom and I change them from a diaper to underwear. Sometimes this is at 6:45 am, sometimes at 7:30 am. They sometimes wake up shortly after we put them to bed demanding to use the restroom, but never in the middle of the night. I dont feel they are necessarily learning to potty train nights this way and they throw a fit every evening when we change them into their pajamas and diaper, "I wear underwear, Momma!" The Target brand diapers, while we have generally been happy with them after switching from Pampers, dont have the best Velcro on the side. Once you pull apart the Velcro to allow the child to use the restroom, it doesnt stick back together well. Taking on and off the diaper to allow the child to use the restroom generally means changing his diaper as well, regardless of how dry it may be. Im kind of feeling like we need to do something else than diapers.
Downside to this option: we are almost out of diapers, so I would need to head on over to Target to buy another box of diapers.

We havent made up our mind yet on what we want to do for nights. I mentioned it before, but Im dreading the idea of giving up sleep. At 22-weeks pregnant, the last thing I want to be doing right now is wake up in the middle of the night to change sheets and give quick baths. That is why I think we will switch-- next week (ever the procrastinator)-- from diapers to pull ups, try it out for a week or two, and then move up to the Gerber Training Pants option if it is going well. Otherwise, I think we will linger in pull ups. (This is kind of a big deal for me to be considering pull ups as I swore up and down when potty training our oldest that I would never buy pull ups! Ah, motherhood... you end up eating words so often.)

Before we started potty training O, C really had potty training under his belt. Very, very few accidents. He had reached the "rebellious stage" of potty training: "Okay, Ive got this. Now Im going to see what I can get away with." He wasnt very happy the day he told us that he was going to use his underwear as a diaper and then did-- only to be confronted with consequences instead of treats or "Its okay." We didnt always have a change of clothes with us when we left the house, because he was so reliable. Wed left him with a sitter; wed run errands all day; wed visited friends houses and the like. If he was doing nights, I would have considered him potty trained. And then we started potty training O. The first day of potty training O passed uneventfully. The second day, Cs potty training went out the window. Not sure what happened. O only had one accident, but C had 3 or 4, very surprising to my husband and me because we had started thinking of him as very reliable and trustworthy in underwear. We had mini panic attacks. Are we starting over at square one with C? Are we doing something wrong?

The other problem we had was the treats were well out of hand. Anytime anyone used the bathroom in the house-- myself, my husband, our oldest son, one of the toddlers-- one of the toddlers would leap up and have to use the restroom. They were getting to the point of producing a drop or two just for treats constantly. I wrote in the blog post "Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}" that we were out of treats by noon. I was constantly in the bathroom telling the toddlers to stop playing in the sink, stopping playing by the toilet, asking them if they actually had to go potty, perpetually bombarded with demands for "Treats! Momma, treats!" It was ridiculous. If one toddler used the bathroom, the other would as well. So the first toddler would genuinely have to go potty. I would help him in the bathroom, wash his hands, come out and do treats, only for the second toddler to see the first toddler get treats, run to the bathroom, have me help him wash hands, come out and get a treat, for the first toddler to dash back in the bathroom... Constantly, constantly, constantly. Our system wasnt working.

So what does every logical woman do when faced with a tough problem? Call her mother. My mom said we needed to do away with treats for every time they use the restroom-- totally agree. I printed off a sticker chart for both of them, each a table I made on Microsoft Word. The table has 5 rows and 8 columns. The first row lists the days of the week in each column: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and a special column for Week. The next four rows are for stickers. If they go the entire day without an accident in their underwear, they get a sticker and a special treat (O got a cookie his first day without an accident and last night they both had their pick from the leftover Valentines Day candy). If they go the entire week without an accident (a concept they havent grasped yet and we havent fully explained yet-- we will when we actually have a weeks worth of stickers on the chart), they get a very special treat, like a bowl of ice cream or something.

Happy toddlers celebrating getting stickers on their potty training charts

I think it was because we had just started potty training O, but he caught on to this system very quickly. The first day we implemented this (day 3 of Os potty training), he was on board. He went the whole day without an accident. C did not catch on the first day. This was during his potty training regression after we started potty training O, and he deliberately had 2 accidents that day. That evening when we were putting a sticker on Os potty training chart, not intentionally in front of him, just with O to celebrate going a whole day, something with C clicked. The next day, C told me first thing in the morning, "I not have accidents today. I get sticker and treat." O piped in, "Me too!" And they did-- they went all day without any accidents. We spent a long morning/early afternoon picnicking at the park and they had no accidents. (I gave them each a small treat when we got home for being dry the whole time and for using the potty once we got home. They celebrated, "Yay! Dry at park!") They both took a long afternoon nap and were dry the whole time during their nap. When they woke up, we went to dinner and ran an errand all together as a family. I was so glad my hubby was there. When we pulled into the gas station, O yells, "Have to go potty!" He took O in to the bathroom. While he was in there, C says, "Have to go potty, Momma!" I pumped the gas and told C he had to wait. When my husband came out of the gas station, he went back in with C while I buckled O up in the car seat.

I havent entirely taken away treats. I generally give them a treat for performing the larger functions in the restroom. Out of all the accidents they could have in their underwear, pooping is the least pleasant to clean up and so I feel it should be amply rewarded for being done properly in the toilet. They seem satisfied when I tell them they dont get a treat every time they go potty in the toilet. I try to emphasize that they need to do go all day without an accident. Our oldest will always add, "Or if you go poop!" That has produced several small functions in the toilet for which the toddlers demand a treat, "Tiny poop, Momma! Treat!" Overall though, the treat system is far less abused as we are doing it now than when we were freely handing out treats every time either of them used the restroom. I also try to hand out surprise treats so they feel rewarded and noticed during the day for their efforts. I gave a treat yesterday for going the entire park playdate without any accidents. Ive given treats for running errands and using the potty while we are out. I just try to keep them small and casual, not make them feel like they are entitled to a treat every time they do this. After all, potty training really is something they should learn at one point or another to do without praise or compensation. I do ponder how the treat system crumbled so completely having twin toddlers potty training simultaneously. The treat system worked great potty training our singleton and when we were potty training one of our toddlers, but not potty training both of them.

This morning both the toddlers were admiring their sticker charts. They have counted up the stickers they have earned and plan on getting another sticker for today. After using the restroom an hour or two ago, one of the toddlers came in the family room and announced, "No accidents, Momma! Sticker tonight!" Im really starting to feel that some of the darker days of potty training are behind us... well, until we start nights! :)

Im sure other moms feel this way, but I am frequently reminded of Lord of the Flies by William Golding when parenting 3 children. So heres my upbeat potty training quote: “He found himself understanding the wearisomeness of this life, where every path was an improvisation and a considerable part of ones waking life was spent watching ones feet.”

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continuous weight loss during pregnancy | Why should I shop at the commissary

continuous weight loss during pregnancy


It seems a lot of people avoid the commissaries for any number of reasons or are in support of them for the "lower enlisted." Personally, I think commissaries are full of savings that benefit all ranks, especially our family of five (soon to be six). I also think that shopping at the commissary and thus supporting it with my dollars is a way to ensure continued commissary benefits both for my family and for other military families, especially the OCONUS locations where the commissary benefits are crucial. Some of the complaints against the commissary, I believe, are made without an understanding as to how the commissary operates and is funded. I hope this blog post sheds some light on why you should shop at the commissary and how to get around the somewhat inconvenient aspects of commissary shopping, such as limited hours and tipping.

Commissaries are a non-profit organization ran by the Defense Commissary Agency (DeCA). From the DeCA website:
Although commissaries collectively realize sales of about $5 billion per year, there is no profit generated on these sales. By law, commissaries are required to sell goods at prices that are set at a level to recover the cost of goods, with no profit built into these prices. There are also very stringent legal controls on the ways that DeCA can use taxpayer monies that Congress provides to operate commissaries.
Commissaries run on appropriated funding, meaning tax payers support the commissaries and funding is regularly voted on. Remember during the sequester when all the commissaries shutdown? This was due to the fact that commissaries operate on appropriated funding (read my blog post, "Government shutdown," and Military.coms 2013 article, "Commissary Cuts Remain Likely"), unlike exchanges which operate on non-appropriated funding. The prices at the commissary also reflect a 5% surcharge on each purchase. Question and answer on the DeCA webpage, "why does DeCA make me pay a surcharge on my commissary purchase?"
Surcharge is applied to the total value of each commissary purchase because the Congress has mandated collection of surcharge (currently 5 percent) to pay for commissary construction, equipment and maintenance. All surcharge dollars collected are returned to commissary patrons in the form of continually improved commissary facilities. The amount of surcharge applied to a commissary sale transaction is shown as "SCG" on your sales receipt.
What exactly does this surcharge pay for? From the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget, page 2:
Surcharge Collections represents a third major source for funding commissary operations. Surcharge Collections is a trust fund primarily funded by a five percent surcharge applied to patron sales at the check-out counter. This fund was established so authorized patrons share responsibility for overall costs of commissary operations, including commissary supplies, equipment, utilities at CONUS locations, information management equipment and support, and commissary construction program. This fund also receives revenue from prompt payment discounts, the sale of used cardboard and equipment, and services provided to others.
Page 3 of the same report outlines the differences between CONUS and OCONUS commissary locations and the absolute importance of OCONUS locations to military families:
OCONUS and remote locations cost more per dollar of sales than CONUS locations, using about 45 percent of available appropriated fund support to produce 22 percent of sales. These commissaries are more expensive because operating and support costs in foreign and remote locations are higher. Many locations service small-to-medium military populations with smaller sales and higher fixed costs. Additionally, there are significant support costs incurred in providing U.S. food products and household items to overseas locations, e.g., transportation of $156 million in FY 2000.
...In spite of these cost considerations, commissary operations overseas are efficient and effective because DeCA’s infrastructure provides economies that are not achievable by other alternatives. The commissary system is also instrumental in reducing cost of living allowances (COLA) overseas by providing low-cost groceries.
The commissary system is critical in supporting military members and their families overseas. This military population does not have adequate alternative shopping available. OCONUS commissaries are more than a place for acquiring groceries. They are an essential "life-line" of the overseas military community and their quality of life.
 
The general rule of thumb is that shopping at the commissary will save you on average 30% than what you would pay at an average grocery store. The commissary also is very coupon friendly. Overseas commissaries even accept manufacturer coupons 6 months past their expiration date. For the complete coupon policy at the commissary, check out this link: "Coupon Use in Commissaries." One difference between couponing at the commissary and couponing at an average grocery store is that commissaries do not have loss leaders (check out the Crazy Coupon Ladys post "Whats a Loss Leader and How Do I Find One at my Supermarket?"). The DeCA website explains why the commissary does not offer loss leaders: "Because commissaries are required by law to sell items at cost-- neither higher nor lower– we cant offer loss leaders." The commissary also changes its flier on a different schedule than average grocery stores, according to their website:
Stateside commissaries change prices twice a month, as opposed to the private sector, where prices are changed weekly or more frequently. Commissary prices are changed on the 1st and 16th of each month and are usually in effect for 30 to 45 days. These price changes are generally about a 50-50 mix, with some prices being lowered as items go on a special promotion or sale and some raised as items come off a special promotion or sale. 
 Even without loss leaders, the commissary website claims:
However, although you may find selected items at lower prices in commercial stores, our price surveys provide convincing evidence that-if you shop regularly in a commissary for all or virtually all of your grocery needs--you will save 30 percent or more on your grocery bill versus what you would pay in a commercial store for the same array of items.
The National Military Associations article, "Protecting Our Commissary Savings," states:
A military family of four saves $4,500 a year when regularly using the commissary. Multiply that average savings by the number of military families who use the commissary and you see how effectively and efficiently the $1.4 billion [appropriated funding] is used.
In the About.com USMilitary "What the Recruiter Never Told You" Part 13 Military Commissaries and Exchanges article by Rod Powers, he compares commissary prices with WalMart Super Store prices:
In preparation for this article, I visited a local Wal Mart "Super Store," and bought $103.57 worth of groceries. I then made a list of the items I bought and traveled to Patrick AFB... At the commissary there, I priced the exact same items. According to DeCA, my commissary bill should have been around $70.00. Had I actually purchased the items, my bill would have been $85.52. Tack on the 5 percent surcharge, and it would have been $89.79. I wont count the baggers tip, as Commissary baggers not only bag your groceries but take them outside and load them into your car. Thats worth every penny of the tip, in my opinion. My total discount would have been 13.3 percent.
Tipping at the commissary is subjective. I typically do not carry cash. However, when checking out at the commissary, I can request specific dollar amounts of cash back when paying with my debit card. The last time I went to the commissary I requested $10 cash back in the form of one $5 and five $1. The baggers at the commissary work entirely off of tips and are not government or commissary employees. I generally put $1-$2 in the jar if I do not have the baggers take my groceries to the car and about $5 for a normal grocery load if they do. $2-$5 is generally considered acceptable when tipping at the commissary. Often times I tip more over holidays or when I have an exceptionally large or cumbersome load. Using the self-checkout at the commissary does not require tipping.
 
According to the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget, page 3, "Commissary operating hours and days are determined by sales, patron demographics, and local installation needs. Due to funding limitations, commissaries are open an average of 48 hours a week." The same report estimates on page 22 that an average grocery store is open roughly 117 hours a week, just to compare the differences between commissary hours and average grocery store hours. While the commissary often has limited hours, they generally open their doors a half hour before the cash registers are open. This is very convenient for me when shopping with the kids. I can do my shopping when the commissary is still relatively empty and get to the cash registers right when they open, making for a speedy check out. Even so, the limited shopping hours are often inconvenient for my family. The commissary opens later than most other area grocery stores. On weekends when we are making big pancake breakfasts and run out of an ingredient, it is often before the commissary is open. Or when my hubby calls on his way home from school and I want him to swing by the commissary for something, it is often when the commissary is closing or right before, forcing him to use a different grocery store. And just like the Chick-Fil-A law (anyone else only crave Chick-Fil-A on Sundays?), we inevitably need something from the commissary on the day it is closed.
 
The previous quote from the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget
brings up a very valid point: "Commissary operating hours and days are determined by sales, patron demographics, and local installation needs." This is where the responsibility falls on us, the commissary shoppers. If we arent shopping at our local commissaries, the hours will continue to get cut and commissaries will continue to close. While the commissary is not the vital lifeline for us here in South Carolina as it was for us in Hawaii, shopping at CONUS locations helps keeps OCONUS locations afloat, balancing out the commissaries non-profit budget. How important are these commissary locations to military families? This article on Hawaii News Now, "Milk Prices in Hawaii Go Up" by Beth Hillyer, outlines the prices of milk in Hawaii, "The highest price we found on Oahu for a gallon of whole milk was $8.99 on sale for $7.49 if you have a value card. The cheapest was Costco for $4.99 per gallon." This article obviously doesnt include commissary prices on milk, but you can see how shopping at an average grocery store in Hawaii for the basics starts adding up!

So where do I stand on commissary prices? Do I think that they are always much less than shopping out in town? Here in South Carolina, no. For the bulk of our family shopping, we go to Costco (read my post, "Family diet verses family budget"). In general, Costco has lower prices on more of the staples of our family grocery list than my local commissary. Do I think the commissary in general has lower prices than an average grocery store here in South Carolina? Yes, especially when loss leaders are not on our list and we are just getting those in-between Costco trips items or small portions of things we couldnt buy at Costco (fresh herbs, for instance). Do I think that dealing with the "hassle" of the commissary is worth supporting this service to military families? Absolutely.
 
Here are a list of common complaints against the commissary-- many of which are my own complaints when compared to an average grocery store-- and how I deal with them to continue to support this service:

 
1. They do not offer online grocery shopping.
I love online grocery shopping, as Ive mentioned in several previous blog posts. Where we live in South Carolina, there are no local grocery stores convenient that offer online grocery shopping, so this really isnt much of an issue for me. If I had to choose between shopping at the commissary or placing an order online with Harris Teeter... I think it would be a much harder choice for me. As is, I have the choice to either go in to a local grocery store or to go into our commissary. I usually choose the commissary, unless it is closed or pay day.
 
2. Their check out system is ridiculous.
Well, I agree. I do not like the big ole one line system. My friends without kids tell me it moves fast. Standing in that one line with all three of my kids is about as much fun as taking the boys with me to the clinic on base (which I also do). Since our boys are so young (5-years old and 3-years old), I solve this by going early in the day, arriving when they open the door, about half hour before the registers open. Ive even taken them all on pay day-- totally unintentionally. I get our shopping done and am either the first or second person in line. When I only have one or two items I need, arriving early works great too because I can be first in line for self-check out and we really are in and out.
 
3. You have to tip the baggers.
Maybe Im frivolous, but this doesnt really bother me. I never have cash, so Im always glad I can request cash back when I check out. I generally dont like the baggers coming out to the car with me. The mini van is impossible to load groceries in with the stroller in the back and our toddlers are always a hot mess to load up. Most of the time, I have them load my groceries back into my shopping cart and put a tip in their jar. The $1-$5 doesnt feel like a big deal and the times I take my hubbys car without the kids, I like having my groceries loaded up for me.

4. The commissary is so... dark.
Yeah, it isnt bright and fancy like Harris Teeter or Whole Foods. But neither is Costco. It may not have the upscale look, but it does the job. This is our fourth duty station; weve shopped at all different types of grocery stores across the country. The commissary just really doesnt bother me.

And here are some links to help with your commissary shopping:
 
The blog "Commissary Deals" teaches you not only how to coupon at the commissary, but tips you off to current deals! Learn the commissarys coupon policy, how to navigate commissary sales, and how to make the most of case lot sales. New to couponing? Check out the Getting Started: Learn to Coupon tab. This website is seriously a treasure trove of useful links (check out the Categories and Topics menu on the right hand side of the page!).
 
SpouseBuzzs blog post, "Price Expert: Commissary vs WalMart"
 
Military.coms article, "Study Confirms 30% Savings at Commissaries"
 
InCharges article by Ellie Kay, "Go Crazy for Coupons! Commissary Shopping Tips"
 
Note: Ive mentioned it before, but I am not a couponer. I know many people coupon which is why I provided the links for couponing at the commissary. I save money when doing our family grocery shopping by sticking to our list and minimizing our trips to the store. :)


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weight loss and gain during pregnancy | Potty training 2 5 year old twin boys

weight loss and gain during pregnancy


We potty trained our oldest when he was three years old-- hes now five years old-- and I am so ready to have our toddlers potty trained as well. However, my husband and I decided awhile ago that we wouldnt potty train our twin boys until they turned three. What led us to that decision?

When our first was a little guy, I dabbled in potty training. I would put him in underwear at 18-months and let him feel what it was like without a diaper. We brought him to the restroom with us and worked on his "potty vocabulary." We encouraged him to try to use the restroom. We asked him when his diaper was full if he was stinky... on and on. We never really pushed the potty training, but we highly encouraged it.

By the time he turned three, he had decided that potty training was not for him. Diapers were great. I would ask if he wanted to use the potty and he said, "No," every time. In fact, he never used the potty until we actually made him potty train. But, when he was just past three and we made him potty train, he exceeded the readiness list (read "Why not?") and we potty trained him days and nights all at once. Why not do it that way?

Our toddlers have thrown us a curve ball. While our oldest demonstrated zero interest in potty training, our toddlers are super excited about it. They are two and half years old right now and love talking about the potty. They love when their older brother uses the potty. They love when we are in the bathroom, either to use the restroom ourselves or to brush their teeth, take a bath, whatever it is that brings us into the glorious restroom. They have used the restroom multiple times. One of them even told us-- on his own initiative-- that he needed to use the restroom for a larger function than just tinkling. Our oldest would never have done that in a million years. In fact, when asked at the same age, he told me, "Ive got my diaper."

Which brings us to another big difference between our oldest and our two toddlers. While D was also a late talker, when he started talking, he really started talking. Our toddlers are dragging in their vocabulary. Right now they are playing and talking and I can make out about 20% of the words they are saying. When Im involved in what they are doing, not just eavesdropping, I can get that number to 50% or so. They are in the midst of this phase where they throw fits about everything. At the park the other day, one of our toddlers threw an epic meltdown when I told him to stop touching things in the parks public restroom (ew, ew, ew, ew).

There are days when the toddlers shake our resolve regarding putting off potty training. A week or so ago, one of our toddlers was obsessed with the restroom. He told us before he had to go potty, after he went potty, and wanted his diaper changed if it was the slightest bit wet. When we were changing a barely wet diaper for him to run and finish in the potty, we thought, "Should we?" We debated the pros and cons, if we wanted to or not. While we see many pros, the con-- their ability to communicate-- remains the same.

Which leads me back to how we potty trained our oldest. Yes, we made him potty train. He was over three years old and literally demonstrated every bullet on the readiness list (on every readiness list I read). When we kicked off the potty training, we handed the responsibility over to him. He became responsible for telling me the timer went off and it was time to try. He became responsible for going potty before we left the house. He became responsible for telling me he had to go potty when we were out and so we had enough time to get to a restroom. He became responsible when he had accidents after he was potty trained. I dont see the toddlers rising to this occasion. I watch them and wonder, but at the end of it, I dont see them taking this on. I see me pushing two toddlers to try. I see me cleaning up accidents for weeks and weeks with little progress. I see a year or more of over night diapers and just-in-case pull ups and carpet cleaner and extra clothes when we leave the house. That is not how I want to potty train.

And so we wait. We wait and let them build their potty vocabulary. We give them praise and a treat when they ask to use the potty. We change their diapers when they ask and make sure to clean up stinky diapers right away (not that anyone with a nose would be able to tolerate a toddler in a stinky diaper for more than 30 seconds anyways). We are viewing potty training in a different light. Potty training is a process and there is a lot that builds up to it. If we teach them that using the potty is the end goal and the words they need to know before switching to underwear all the time, they will comprehend what their role is much more than throwing it all at them at once. If we teach them to understand "no" and "wait," then they will have more control over themselves when we cant access a bathroom immediately or when we tell them accidents happen but not once you are potty trained.

This is not to say that I do not have a countdown until we get our youngest two kids out of diapers: 5 or 6 months. Now if only we could skip the whole "potty training process" and jump straight to three potty trained kids. :)

(Note: we did allow our oldest a period of leniency when he was working on potty training. It is hard to learn that it takes longer to get to a bathroom when you are at a grocery store than at home or that sometimes Momma doesnt know where a bathroom is and has to find it, like at a big mall. However, once he was potty trained, we told him he needs to make it to a bathroom. Again, we made exceptions after big changes that initiated backsliding, like when he was having problems with a bully at preschool and things such as that.)


Blogs I wrote on potty training our oldest:
"Try to see it my way"
"Why not?"
"Follow-up on potty training"


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is weight loss good during pregnancy | Dual parenting while on hold

is weight loss good during pregnancy




We moved to South Carolina at the end of August for my husband to go through the pipeline (again). The first class up date for power school, October, my hubby did not get picked up. This week they put out the list of who will be classing up this time and my husbands name was on the list.

This morning when he came home and told me he was classing up, I was very surprised by my disappointment. Weve never been "on hold" like we have been here. He has had to muster twice a week while on hold, but he was home before 8 am every morning. By the time I got out of bed, he had already fed the boys breakfast and was cleaning up the kitchen, even on muster days. That was a definite bonus. By mid-November, I think we started grating on each other though. I really wanted him to class up soon. I told my mom, "If he doesnt class up this time, we are going to kill each other!" We dont have a busy calendar here and so we were all spending a lot of time at home together-- all.day.long. Wonderful for a month or so, but it is now December and we have been doing this since he graduated college in August (granted we did move from North Carolina to South Carolina during that time and he completed indoc, but, still, mostly just spent here at home). It is amazing how irritating little things can become when you spend all day, every day with someone.

Then we went on mini-vacation during Thanksgiving weekend. We spent four days at the beach with no plans, just hanging out as a family, away from our house and the day to day routine. We had so much fun. It was so refreshing coming home after that. And we talked about things we could do if he didnt class up this time... And I started thinking, "Oh, it would be nice if we could do this and that..."

So this morning I realized how much things will change around here. He fed the boys, as usual, this morning. While I got ready, he got the boys ready. While I was out of the house with the boys, he cleaned up the house and did the dishes. It really struck me just how much of a help he has been around here and how petty and silly the little things are. He would get irritated with me taking so long to get ready-- reading and talking on the phone to my sister while getting ready. I would get irritated with him for filling up the hamper after making a trip into his closet or not having the boys clean up their messes as they went. Today, that stuff all seemed silly. He gladly played with the boys while I chatted with my sister this morning, telling me to enjoy my last couple leisurely mornings. (Can I even emphasize how nice it is to have two parents home in the morning???) And when we got home, I noticed all the stuff he did do instead of all the stuff he didnt do and how much I appreciate him doing those things.

As for my feelings now that it has sunk in that hes classing up, Im fine with it. We came here for him to go through the pipeline and now hes started. Im surprised at how stressful it was to find out when he was classing up. For the October class he was told yes and no all the way up to the day school started. The next classes will probably be more of a roller coaster, SOBC and prototype. SOBC is unaccompanied in Connecticut. Prototype is either here or in upstate New York. I think Ill have a Navy wife heart attack if they tell him, "Oh yeah, you are classing up next week for prototype... in upstate New York." But I wont will do my best not to stress out about that until power school is over.

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extreme weight loss during pregnancy | Potty training twins part 1 No plan

extreme weight loss during pregnancy


As a mother to three children with another on the way, I know the importance of planning. As a mother of twins, I know the importance of planning. And now, as a mother to children growing more and more independent each day, Im learning the importance of going with the flow, trying things out, and seeing where life takes us-- essentially, throwing out the plan and flying by the seat of our pants.

We have already potty trained one child. I wrote three blog posts about the experience:
  • Try to see it my way
  • Why not?
  • Follow-up on potty training
With him, he really didnt want to potty train. He liked diapers and was fine with how things were going. As his parents, we were the ones ready to be done with diapers. If you read the blog posts on potty training D, you know that he was ready to potty train and capable to do so. The thing that I liked about potty training him was that he was ready and so when we finally did it, we were able to do days, nights, naptime, out and about... It all just feel into place.

As for potty training our 2.5-year old twin toddlers, I came up with a plan. I wanted to wait until they were the same age our oldest was when we potty trained him, a couple months past 3 years old. I did have other reasons for wanting to wait as well, such as their vocabulary and their maturity level. (Read my blog post "Potty training 2.5 year old twin boys?")

My plan has gone out the window! One of our twin toddlers, C, decided that he wanted to potty train. He even said that, "I want potty train now." {Face palm.} I put it off. We played along with his desire to use the potty, feeling like it was helping him understand the concept of eventually potty training. He wanted his diaper changed after each time he tinkled. He would tell us before he would poop, after he pooped, waddle to the diaper changing basket, pull out a clean diaper and wipes, and demand we promptly changed him. Sometimes he would tell us before he would poop or pee and demand to use the potty. I was doing everything I could to prevent him from potty training. What changed my mind?

A couple weeks ago the toddlers vocabulary and communication skills leaped forward. It felt like one week we were totally frustrated that they wouldnt use their words to communicate-- depending on temper tantrums to express themselves-- and a week later they were chatting with us about their day. C started expressing more and more his desire to potty train-- which I listened to-- but what really convinced me to let him try was when I started being able to negotiate and reason with him. One morning we were rushing out of the house. The toddlers were feeling hurried and stressed as I searched for shoes and dressed them quickly. C started screaming and flailing when I attempted to strap him into his car seat. I took him out of the seat and stood him in the driveway next to our van and began to reason with him. He listened! We came to an agreement and I was able to peacefully strap him his car seat. That conversation was the turning point for me. I realized that if I could explain to him why I needed him to buckle up, I could explain to him the fundamentals of potty training.

I made the decision to make a new plan for potty training: No Plan.

This past Thursday, we had an afternoon at home. I put both the toddlers in underwear and explained to them that they cannot go potty in their underwear; they must use the toilet. They agreed. C was beaming; he was so thrilled to finally be in underwear! I remembered how well the timer system worked with their older brother so I set the timer on the microwave. The timer works great for two reasons:

1. it isnt you harassing your child every couple minutes, "Do you have to go potty? Hey, do you have to go potty? Love, do you need to go potty?"
2. it puts them in charge, "Momma! The timer went off! Time to go potty!"

I figured that when the timer went off, we would all trudge into the bathroom and try to go potty. It didnt work well.

For C, our toddler who wants to potty train, he felt too much pressure. He wanted to go potty. When I brought him in the bathroom at intervals, he felt like I was telling him that he had to go then. He would try and try and when he couldnt produce even a drop, he would look so sad and disappointed. He didnt throw a fit or burst into tears; he would just look up at me with big eyes brimming with tears, "Momma! I no have to go!"

For O, our toddler who we only put in underwear because we were letting his twin brother attempt to potty train, it was boring. It became a game: do not use the bathroom when the timer goes off. He would run and hide when he heard the timer, or, worse, try to be the first to the bathroom so he could attack the toothpaste tubes before I got in there (as a rule, none of our boys are allowed to loiter in the bathroom when their business in there is done). Every time he stood in front of the toilet, he said he did not have to go. He did hold it for an impressively long time Thursday afternoon. It all blew up in our face though. By Thursday evening, he had a series of accidents, the first standing in front of the toilet and the next 3 anywhere that he wanted to in our house, all after denying the need to go in the first place, "No have to go, Momma. No need potty, Momma. No baf-room, Momma!" My poor husband had his hands full with O that night. Graciously, he allowed O to keep trying and let him put on underwear again and again, patiently explaining the process after each "accident" (in quotes because that child had no intention of ever using the toilet that day). After 3 accidents in a row though, even my optimistic husband couldnt justify putting O in underwear again and O was put back into a diaper. When O finally crinkled back to the table wearing a diaper, both his brothers looked at him. Finally D, their older brother, said, "Uh-oh. O isnt potty training anymore?" O didnt seem to mind; he acted almost relieved that he was no longer part of the potty training charade.

Thursday night, our first day potty training, my husband and I discussed how things were going and how we wanted to proceed. We came to the decision that we would continue potty training C and we would keep O in diapers. That is how we arrived at potty training one of our 2.5-year old twins and the other toddler is remaining in diapers. Im in no hurry to push O because I dont think hes ready. While his vocabulary has grown, he doesnt communicate or negotiate as much as C does. Im not saying that he wont or that I feel he is somehow delayed or that C is advanced; I just dont think hes ready to potty train. If he was not a twin and his identical twin brother wasnt potty training at the moment, I wouldnt even consider potty training him. And that is how Im going to treat them: like individuals. Just because one twin is doing something doesnt mean that the other must. Just because one twin is ready to potty train now, doesnt mean there is something wrong with the twin not potty training. We have been very careful around here not to use language that is comparing them. "O, do you see what C is doing? Do you want to potty train too?" While my husband and I have discussed that seeing his 2 brothers in underwear could possibly motivate him to potty train sooner than later (never underestimate the power of monkey see/monkey do), we havent vocalized this to the boys. Our 5-year old has asked a couple times, "Why is C potty training and not O?" And our answer is, "Because C wants to potty train right now and O doesnt, which is okay."

So how have been managing this? Yes, it gets chaotic having two toddlers in the bathroom. Just because O isnt potty training and their older brother D has been potty trained for 2.5 years now, doesnt mean when C has to go potty that it is just me and him in there. Nope, all the boys make their way into the bathroom. This stressed me out at first. There was just too much going on in there until I realized that when we go out of the house, this is how it will be. Now I dont stress about them being in the bathroom. They need to leave C alone while he goes potty. No toys are allowed in the bathroom (not that we ever really allow toys in the bathroom, but when 2 boys follow their brother into the bathroom, they have a tendency to want to drag the house in there with us). I do allow O to be curious in there. While we are not pushing to potty train him, I dont want him to feel that the toilet is off-limits for him. I allow him to watch and ask questions. However, we have rules in the bathroom. While I know how clean our toilets are at home, we arent sure how clean public bathrooms are. We dont allow any of the boys to touch the toilet (well, more than necessary-- toddlers and toilets are just a bad combination in general). We believe in teaching them bathroom etiquette at home that can be applied out in public. I have our oldest stand like a gentleman if he wants to come in the bathroom with us while Im potty training C. If O wants to watch as well, I usually have him sit on one of the bathroom stools or stand with D. I do not let D and O rough house while standing in the bathroom with us (yup, siblings have a gift for constantly messing with each other, "Im not touching you... Im not touching you... Im not touching you..."). We have bathroom rules and we are strict in enforcing them. If they dont follow the rules, they have to leave the room.

Potty training, no matter how eager the child, requires spending a lot of time in the bathroom. We learned a long time ago that we need a chair in the boys bathroom. Ive spent a lot of time in that chair the last couple days. Thursday I completely cleaned the bathroom, even the baseboards. Friday was busier with a full day in underwear; it passed in a blur. (Amazing how some days fly by and some days drag on when you are a stay-at-home mom!) Saturday was great because my husband was home to help take C to the bathroom; I felt like I finally got to spend time in other rooms of our house. :)

Overall, Im very pleased with how potty training is going with C. He really desires to be potty trained and is working very hard at it. Hes had minimal accidents, none of them messy. Hes actually taken to potty training so quickly that I put him in underwear all day, from the time he wakes up to the time he puts on pajamas. He took a 3 hour nap on Friday and stayed dry the whole time. Saturday we ran errands-- 2 different stops, out of the house for 2.5 hours-- and he was dry the whole time, even using the public restroom while we were gone. When we arrived at a store, we took him to the restroom and we took him again before we left. (Note: I only braved leaving the house this early in the potty training process with all the boys in tow because my husband was home to help. One of us was able to quickly get him to the restroom when C needed to go potty while the other stayed with his brothers.) Right now Im feeling like we are going to hold off on nights. Im not sure hes ready to be in the bathroom unsupervised, especially if he has a fellow 2-year old following him in there. For now we are taking baby steps, seeing what works, seeing what they can do with the freedom we are handing over to them. When we tackled nights with our oldest, he was waking up dry night after night. C is not waking up dry every morning, so Im not sure when we will do nights. Again, my plan is No Plan-- well just see what happens.

As for a rewards system, we havent had to be as creative with our rewards system with C as we were for his older brother. Cs ambition to potty training is really driving us this time around. We do have a jar of gummy candies sitting on the counter as his treat, but we havent had to do something different for pooping or peeing-- he does both on his own accord in the toilet. The only problem with "treat," as the he calls it, is that O gets quite upset when his brother is picking out gummy candies that he cant have. Occasionally our 5-year old asks if he can have one, but he is more accepting of our answer than his 2.5-year old brother. Because we dont want our toddlers to feel that they are being compared against each other as twins, we are careful how we word our reasoning as to why C gets a treat and O doesnt. When O starts reaching for a treat, I tell him that these are Cs treats. When he demands further explanation, "Why I not get treat, Momma?" I politely tell him that C is potty training right now, which is the truth. O has said to that that he wants to potty train, which he doesnt. As I wrote this, he insisted on trying to go potty after seeing C get a treat, only to get in the bathroom and fidget around, refuse to go near the toilet, and try to grab the toothpaste tube. Now when I tell him that C is potty training right now, I quickly add that he will potty train soon too and will get treats then as well. I briefly entertained the idea of finding some sort of consolation treat for D and O, immediately shooting down the idea. We dont give all 3 boys medicine when only 1 child needs medicine. We arent going to reward all 3 boys because 1 is potty training successfully. We are loving but firm and the technique is working thus far.

Wish us luck! We are breaking on to day 4 of potty training and-- knock on wood-- so far no accidents today! :)

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weight loss exercise during pregnancy | Potty training twins Part 2 The next step

weight loss exercise during pregnancy


So our very first day of potty training our twin boys was February 6th. I wrote this blog post four days later: "Potty training twins: Party 1 {no plan}." This is part 2, day 18 of potty training.

Potty training our eager toddler C has been good-- actually, almost easy; I think because he really wants to potty train. When I potty trained our oldest, I was very stressed leaving the house with him in underwear. I had a system and a fully loaded diaper bag, ready for every possible scenario. The other day I decided to take the boys to lunch. I made it halfway into the restaurant when I remembered that I didnt have a diaper bag with me (I usually leave the diaper bag in the car since our twins are now toddlers). I took the boys back to the car and scoured around the van trying to find a change of clothes and some spare diapers in case of an accident. I feel like it has been one of those times of what you do with your first child compared to what you do with your second child. While the idea of potty training twins caused me serious anxiety, I havent been as stressed now that weve actually started.

As for our other toddler, O... I dont know if he is ready to potty train. This past weekend, a little over 2 weeks of potty training his twin brother, he insisted on wearing underwear. I actually took him to church in underwear yesterday (another example of something I never would have done with our first, "Oh, you want to potty train? Okay, well lets leave the house then."). I am not entirely on board with this because I dont think he actually wants to potty train right now. I feel like it is almost like his brothers are getting a lot of attention for potty training or being potty trained and so he is trying to jump on the bandwagon. However, he actually did pretty good yesterday. Today he has again insisted on underwear. While hes doing well, I think a lot of it is treat motivated. He keeps using the restroom and then demanding a treat, "I went again, Momma! Treat!" And then because hes using the bathroom, his twin brother C is stepping up his bathroom usage, "I went too, Momma! Treat!" Let me tell you, I thought I was in the bathroom a lot during the first week of potty training a couple weeks ago. I feel like this has become a game for them and, honestly, it is driving me slightly crazy, not to mention we are out of treats and it isnt even noon yet. Im hoping that today is just a novelty and that it will wear off soon. I am trying to be supportive of it (while tempering their desire for treats) since the end goal, even if it is just a game, could mean fully potty trained toddlers.

I am not sure of the direction we are heading with O. I feel comfortable taking C places with us in his underwear, like to our neighbors house or to the park. I feel comfortable with him in his car seat and he did great with a baby-sitter. I dont know about O... I dont know if I would want him in underwear out and about right now. He didnt have an accident in the church nursery, but I think that was because he had just used the bathroom. I dont know if he would have told them that he had to go. He seems 100% motivated by whatever he has to do to get treats, not the desire to potty train. Today we are hanging around our neighborhood and so Im letting him dabble in potty training. If he has accidents on our walk or at the park, Ill probably put him back in a diaper until he actually is ready to fully potty train-- for reals.

As for fully potty training C, he is acting like he wants to take the next step: nights. While not having 2 kids in diapers during the day is excellent, I dont really consider a child fully potty trained until they are going days and nights in underwear and are trustworthy in those underwear. These are the questions I ask myself to determine if our boys are trustworthy in underwear:
  • Would I let him sit on our couch in underwear?
    O- yes, but only if supervised and we know when he last used the bathroom
  • Would I let him ride in his car seat in underwear?
  • Would I let him watch a movie in our guest room in underwear, on our guest bed for an hour and a half?
    C- not quite there yet. Ive been keeping him out of the guest room
  • Would I let him hang out on my husband and Is bed in underwear?
  • Would I let him hang out on my parents Tempur-Pedic mattress in underwear?
I feel like these kind of questions get progressively more difficult and require a greater degree of trust. Obviously only our oldest is a "yes" to all the questions.

The idea of potty training C during nights right now doesnt thrill me. When we potty trained our oldest for nights, he was just waking up every morning with a dry diaper, so, really, there wasnt much potty training required. We told him what to do if he had to use the restroom at night and it pretty much happened from there. We did do the whole protecting the mattress trick. The mattress was protected in a zipped vinyl mattress protector. Then I made the bed with a fitted sheet and a loose sheet. Over that I put a fitted waterproof mattress protector. On top of that, I again made the bed with a fitted sheet and a loose sheet. On top of the loose sheet, I laid a waterproof mattress pad. On top of that I put his comforter. The idea was that if he had an accident at night, the comforter would be protected by the waterproof mattress pad and I could just strip the bed of the first layer of messed sheets and have a second layer already made on the bed (no making a bed in the middle of the night). It worked great. The few times he had an accident, it was usually just a little bit, enough to wake him up and alert him he needed to use the restroom, and it didnt happen more than once in the night.

C is not waking up in the morning with heavily wet diapers, but they are still not dry. However, every night when we put him in a diaper before bed he gets quite upset and insists he wants to wear underwear all night. He is taking his afternoon quiet time in underwear. Some days he just stays in his room and plays for an hour, heading to the restroom if he feels he needs to go potty; some days he actually takes a 2-4 hour nap and is dry the whole time. Im completely on the fence about whether or not he would do well in underwear at night. Even more so, Im concerned about how well his brothers would handle him using the restroom at night. Since they all 3 share a room, would he wake up his brothers? Would I have 2 toddlers playing in the bathroom at 2 am? Would I be struggling to get 3 boys back to bed after changing sheets in the middle of the night? Im just not sure how it will go. I think I would feel more adventurous and cavalier about trying out nights if I wasnt almost 22 weeks pregnant. Sleep has become quite important to me.

My husband and I talked about it and we feel like if C is really wanting to do nights, we should let him. He may surprise us, just like O may surprise us by actually being ready to potty train. Im at a point in this pregnancy where I feel pretty good. I have energy during the day. Im taking it a bit easier than usual, so we are home more. Why not let them potty train if they are ready? They will be turning 3 mid-April and so the alternative is to wait and potty train them when I am huge pregnant in my third trimester or, even less desirable, when we have a newborn, who will most likely be arriving this June.

We have already decided to go into this with our plan thrown out the window and this is just another example of seeing where the potty training road takes us...

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weight loss during pregnancy due to healthy eating | Yelling

weight loss during pregnancy due to healthy eating



I suppose every mommy blogger at some point has to write a post on yelling. Is it possible to raise kids without yelling? Im throwing this out there: no.

I know that there is someone reading this right now with a look of indignation on their face, "What?! I would never yell at my kids!" Good for you.

Now before I get lots of mommy judging, we really put forth an effort to not be a yelling family. My husband is just naturally gifted at not yelling. His even temper is one of the things I love most about him. It genuinely takes a lot for him to lose his cool, so much so that in our seven and a half years of marriage I can count the number of times that I have heard him raise his voice at me. I mean, we are talking about a very mellow guy. Me? Yeah... I am a lot like that. Except opposite. I would describe myself as a passionate person, which is why my husband and I work well together. I bring the passion; he brings the logic.

Frustrated or angry feelings toward our children demand a different form of communication though. (Not saying I just yell at my husband, but he at least can rationalize and understand when I do. Read my blog post on "Marriage.") They arent my peers. Their brains dont work how my brain works; they truly dont think how I do. Half the time, they dont fully understand what it is that they have done wrong or what has irritated/upset me so much. Even worse, sometimes they havent even done anything wrong. They are just being toddlers-- while frustrating, totally age appropriate. (Read Hands Free Mamas blog post, "The Important Thing About Yelling.") Simply put, yelling at them isnt fair in those situations, nor does it actually get through to them. I can actually see the point when they have totally checked out of my message and they are just wondering when Mommy is going to stop being mad at them.

But is yelling always wrong? No, I honestly dont think so. I feel that there are very appropriate times for yelling, especially when you dont yell all the time. When all my boys are screaming over each other, one darting off with a toy he stole from his brother and the other chasing after screeching at full volume while the last is hollering it is his turn... I can try at that moment (and I do try) to get their attention. Sometimes I am able to get the attention of the bandit, but not always, especially now in my third trimester. I cant chase a child, nor do I feel that as the mother it teaches them to listen when I chase after them. So I either yell, "STOP!" or the name of the child absconding with the goods. I dont keep yelling. Im yelling to get their attention. Once I have their attention, I speak to them. Other times I feel yelling is appropriate in some danger situations, not all. If the child is teetering towards, say, an open flame, yelling could startle the child into falling in. When our boys are rough housing as we unload the van and no one is listening to my instructions to calm down and hold hands, yes, yelling is appropriate, "STOP NOW!" Once I have their attention, I can get them to follow instructions and we can safely cross the parking lot.



I try to stick to three rules when yelling at our kids: 1. Yelling to get their attention and 2. Dont yell in anger and 3. Dont yell when it is not getting through. The first rule is what I just described, yelling a childs name or a command, "Stop!" "Wait!" "No, sir!" And, as I said, once I have their attention I speak to them. Continuing to yell completely loses the message. They are not going to listen to a long tirade. Im not saying I dont use the "Mommy No-Nonsense Voice." I most definitely do. If the boys are pushing their boundaries and I need to get their attention and reprimand them, Im not using the same voice I use when suggesting we all head over for a picnic at the park. No, they are hearing the voice of, "If you do not stop, we are leaving." But that is not yelling. Different tones help convey different messages and let them know where their behavior is falling. Getting their attention doesnt always mean a reprimand. It can mean a loud, "HEY! You guys need to follow me to the back porch like gentlemen and we can all have freeze pops." It all depends on the circumstance.

The second rule is pretty easy to understand. Dont yell in anger. This is where you can get into trouble yelling. Again, Ive most definitely yelled at my children in anger. Ive yelled out of frustration. "WHY CANT WE USE LISTENING EARS TODAY? IS THAT SO HARD?" It happens. We all get upset sometimes. We all sometimes say things we didnt mean to say in a tone we didnt mean to say it in. After losing my temper one day I called my mom. She wisely told me that it is bound to happen when you spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with someone. The most important thing to do after losing your temper is to own up to it and apologize. "I am sorry for yelling at you earlier. I did not handle that well and I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?" When I do yell at our kids this way, which I do not do often, I make sure that I never put the blame on them. "I am sorry for yelling at you when you spilled my sweet tea. Next time you should be more careful so I dont lose my temper like that." It is never our kids fault when I lose my cool. I did not yell because our child did something-- I yelled because I lost control of my temper. I love watching 19 Kids and Counting on TLC. I am always impressed with how Michelle Duggar handles their household. On her blog post, "Michelle Speaks About Motherhood," she is asked by Melissa at MOPS, "How did you learn to speak to your children softly, even when you are angry?" One of the things I love about Michelle Duggar is that she is always honest, so of course she answers honestly:
I haven’t mastered this one yet. Just the other day, several of my boys made a mess in the living room. It was just normal kid stuff, but I got angry and overreacted to the mess. But I feel that by God’s grace, he is giving me some success over yelling. There are times I have to whisper to myself, “I’m not going to lose it. I am going to stay calm.” 
On my page tab, "How do you do it?" I have the verse: ??Psalm 121:1-3, "I lift my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber." I too depend on Gods grace.

The third rule trumps the other two rules. If we are out at the park and I keep having to yell at the boys, "Stop!" "Wait!" "Hold on!" It is time to go. If my instructions are not getting through and they are immediately disregarding what Im saying to them, it is time for a complete change of activity. If we are at home and Im trying to get ready and the boys are all ignoring the house rule of "no rough housing in the family room," I will probably holler from my bedroom, "Boys! Calm down!" That usually will get them to stop. If I have to holler again, I come out and calmly issue a warning, "You guys either need to sit and watch your show or go play in the playroom." The third time I come out, I turn off the television and tell them it is time to go play somewhere else. Sometimes they will happily go play in the playroom or back porch and I can finish getting ready. Sometimes they just move from being way too rough in the family room to being way too rough in the playroom or back porch and Im constantly interrupted (and thus unable to finish getting ready) by tears and arguments. This is when I know that Im not getting through to them and they need to go sit on their beds. This is definitely a time where I start feeling frustrated. I feel like Im giving them great options-- watching shows, playing in the playroom, splashing in the water table on our back porch-- and instead they want to fuss and fight and yell and scream. It is frustrating. Its been really important for me to figure out a solution that doesnt upset me because when I am interrupted every thirty seconds by yet another fight, it gets exhausting. That is why I have them sit on their beds in their own space and I can take the 10 minutes I need to pray, refocus, get ready, and face the day still fresh without feeling like we got off on the wrong foot (which, as every mom knows, has a tendency to affect the outcome of the rest of the day). This third rule also helps when I break the second rule. If I feel myself getting frustrated and raising my voice too much, it really helps to remind myself that this is not getting through to them. All I am doing is yelling to hear my own voice, let out my frustration. It is time for a different plan of action that is less frustrating for everyone. If I am feeling frustrated by how they are behaving, they are probably feeling frustrated with our current activity. If a free-for-all in the playroom is making them fuss and fight, they are probably needing something more structured. If our outside play time is dissolving in tears and toy battles, it is probably time to switch activities. Getting angry and yelling at them will not make them get along better if they themselves are done participating in our current activity.

For me, my biggest obstacle is feeling frustrated, especially lately. Weve really been focusing on our household rules now that we are rapidly approaching the arrival of baby #4. We dont want baby #4 to arrive on the scene with a bundle of new rules that suddenly all his siblings have to follow. Some of the rules have been our rules for all time-- such as no rough housing in the family room-- but are harder for the boys to follow now that they are 5-years old and 3-years old (the couch is more fun when all the pillows are on the floor and you are jumping on them...). Some of the other rules are new but will be sanity savers when baby #4 arrives, such as playing quietly in their room until a certain time each morning. Feelings of frustration are normal in parenthood. It is hard not to feel frustrated when you get every one out of the house for a fun day at the park and all your toddlers want to do is cling and whine. It is hard not to feel frustrated when Daddy gets home from a long, tiring day at work to walk into a house of screaming, fighting children who are whining that they arent tired. It is very hard not to feel frustrated when I really need to rest my almost 32-weeks pregnant self and the boys are screeching for help in the restroom or battling to the death over a toy in the playroom; it is hard not to feel like, "Dont I ever get a break?"

Times like that are when I turn to God. It sounds cliché, but I remind myself of the verses on love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
I cant create that type of love on my own; that kind of love comes from God. Knowing that this is the love that he puts in my heart to share with my children is how I humble myself to stop when I realize how Im behaving is wrong. Would love feel this angry over a lost Croc? Would love continue to yell at 3-year olds who were being more curious than naughty? Would love remind our 5-year old how he failed earlier that day? No, when I think of these verses, I am reminded that when our boys are feeling frustrated with each other and fussing and whining, sometimes they just need a hug. When I am having a day where I just really feel frustrated and short-tempered, love is what motivates me to talk about it with my girlfriends because it really helps to have someone pray for me, offer sweet words, or simply relate. Im far, far, far from perfect, but I love, love, love these children that we have been blessed with and I hope and pray that every day we show them how big Gods love is.



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weight loss during early pregnancy without morning sickness | Homeschooling 5 year old preschool

weight loss during early pregnancy without morning sickness



The year is not over yet, but I have loved homeschooling 5-year old preschool. Yesterday I worked on our curriculum for kindergarten and Im even more excited for next year. We kept D back a year (a fellow homeschooling mother of boys calls this "red shirting" and not keeping them back-- love it!). Our sons birthday is at the end of the summer so he would either be youngest or oldest kid in his class. We decided he could use another year before we started him in kindergarten. Next year we will start our first "real" year of homeschooling: kindergarten.

For us, the emphasis for preschool has been on character and community. Weve been focusing on waiting your turn and taking turns, not interrupting, helping others, thinking of others before yourself, listening and following instructions, and following the rules even without direct supervision. Most of this can be taught in everyday life, especially since he has two younger brothers. We apply these lessons as he helps cook, clean, and run errands. When there is an aspect we feel needs special attention, we take the time to teach that lesson, such as following instructions while cooking and patiently waiting for the job he has to do (not rushing through it and making mistakes).

Of course we also do school. Ive been following Ruth Beechicks method for reading and writing, The Three Rs. We do some sort of writing every day. Usually it is informal, but a couple times a week I have him copy a complete sentence. Weve been reading chapters of Who Was Martin Luther King Jr? by Bonnie Bader. After we read a chapter, I have him copy a sentence down from that chapter, a sentence of my choosing that I feel summarizes that chapter or teaches something important about Martin Luther King Jr. Often he copies words in his notebook that have something to do with that days theme or activities, like when we were working on colors with his toddler brothers, he wrote down things that were red (strawberries, apples, Clifford). Sometimes the only writing he does that day is on a treasure map he drew or a card for a friend or family member he made. We do a lot of reading as a family anyways, Look and Find books, childrens books, books on a topic that interests him. One of their favorite books is Birds of North Carolina by Tim Ohr. We bought it when we lived in North Carolina and had lots of trees and birds in our backyard. There we would sit in our sunroom and name the birds we saw. This book was a Costco find that I bought on a whim (need to get one for South Carolina now that weve moved!). We also have a large coffee table book on John Deere tractors that they love. It gives the history of John Deer and facts on each model; we read that book a lot. That book was a used book store find that cost hardly anything. Now that we are working on reading, Ive scoured the used book stores childrens section for easy readers (Curious George, Berenstain Bears, Clifford, etc). We usually work together on reading during his brothers naptime when we have uninterrupted time together. I love that time, curled up on the couch together working on reading a book (and then I love when we are done for the time being and not spending 10 minutes on one word-- haha!).



Math hasnt been difficult for us to incorporate in our homeschool. I actually bought Saxon Math K: An Incremental Development (Home Study Teachers Edition). I bought this at a homeschool consignment store in North Carolina-- best place ever! I did not buy the meeting book or the kit, which includes all the materials needed for the curriculum. I bought the materials on Amazon, like the linking cubes and such. I bought some of them before we started and some of them after we started when I realized I actually needed for the lessons. I also did not follow this book to a T. I mostly used it as a guidebook. D really likes math and it comes naturally to him. We tend to do a lot of math with him in everyday life, not just with counting bears, but with word problems and having him help solve things. For instance, "If Mommy and your brothers drive in the van and Daddy and you ride in the Jeep, how many people are in the van? How many in the Jeep? How many all together?" "I made 10 cookies and there are 3 boys to eat the cookies. How many cookies does everyone get? How many cookies are leftover?" "How many drinks do I need to buy at Chick-Fil-A so we all get a drink? If we want a milkshake after we drink our lemonades, how many drinks will I buy total?" I used the Saxon Math Teachers Edition much more as an inspiration for a more structured lesson if I need it. I do not use the calendar plan laid out in it; we have a hanging pocket calendar we use instead. We also play math guided games: Chutes and Ladders, ThinkFun Math Dice Jr, Sorry. He seriously loves math and loves when we do anything that has even the slightest mathematical slant. A favorite game of his? Measuring things in the house with a tape measure. I make it a math game. "If the chair is 20 inches across, how many inches across would it be if there were 2 more inches? How about 2 less inches?" I really did like the Saxon Math book; so much so that I bought the Level 1 Home Study Teachers Edition to use his kindergarten year-- again, just the teachers edition, not the complete kit.

There are other subjects that we do regularly. I keep track of everything in the Homeschoolers Journal. We try to remember to do our calendar everyday and we usually do. Before I got the pocket calendar, we crossed off days on a wall calendar. My neighbor and I have big plans to make an adorable felt calendar! Im very excited about that. Everyday at breakfast we read from the One Year Childrens Bible. The boys love their Bible story and pull it down while I get their breakfast plates on the table. I like how short the stories are so I can actually read to both our preschooler and our toddlers without losing their interest. We also do a Bible verse with our preschooler. I do not have him learn a verse a week, just more on his pace. He must learn it word for word, but when hes ready to learn the next part, I teach it to him. He just learned Isaiah 9:6 and now we are working on John 3:16. We also talk a lot about the Navy, since their dad is a submariner. The toddlers are very interested in submarines, ships, and boats. Our preschooler is very interested in how the submarine works. They all love that there is a submarine in Despicable Me 2.

And part of our homeschooling plan is teaching that everyone needs to help out around the house. He feeds the dog every morning and changes the dogs water. They all bring their dishes to the kitchen sink or kitchen counter (depending on the dish-- I bet they could break their Corelle bowls chucking them in the sink). They have to pick up shared living spaces throughout the day, when they change activities. I do not require either the toddlers or our preschooler to move all the toys from the family room to where it necessarily goes in the playroom, unless Im having our preschooler pick up toys that he got out and a mess he made (like his puzzles or his craft stuff). That is too much of a task for the toddlers to grasp (keep picking up toys in the family room and put them away where they go-- they get distracted). After they bring the toys to the playroom, I sit in there and help put them away or direct where they go. They all help with housecleaning, tidying shared spaces, dusting, sweeping, wiping down counters. This Rubbermaid Dual Action Microfiber Flip Mop has made it so easy for our preschooler to help with the floors. The toddlers dust with dusting cloths and they help clean either with paper towels or rags sprayed with vinegar water. They all help fold laundry. Surprisingly, they actually can all help, not the kind of help children often give that is in no way helpful. The toddlers can fold rags, towels, and pillow cases quite well. Their shirts and things are often folded by them in interesting and unique ways, but when they get a bee in their bonnet to fold a load of laundry, who am I to stop them? Our preschooler can fold just about anything; he gets frustrated when I drop a big load of laundry in front of him and will hum and haw. Once he gets going he is fine. The smaller loads he handles with no complaint. I really, really, really make an effort not to complain about house chores in front of them. They do, after all, have to get done one way or another, so it might as well be cheerfully. I have Philippians 2:14 hanging in their playroom, "Do everything without grumbling or arguing."

As for socializing... We do lots of playdates and activities, some structured (held a paper airplane contest), some not (park picnics or childrens museum trips). There are neighborhood kids to play with at home and homeschooling families that weve really been connecting with since weve moved here. And we are looking into our homeschooling co-op options for next year, joining one of those in the next couple weeks. Hes part of organized sports and, most recently, a preschool piano class. The best thing about homeschooling preschool is that our schedule is open and we are available for playdates and get-togethers that are held during the day. Ive been really excited looking at the co-op options for next year and the homeschool families weve connected with. The other thing Im really excited about is that my hubbys schedule is going to a little crazy next year and homeschooling is going to give us the flexibility to spend as much time as possible with him! I know we havent started the kindergarten year yet or had baby #4 yet, but I loved homeschooling preschool this year and I think kindergarten is going to be even more fun. :)

Picture taken by A McTaggart


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weight loss on pregnancy | Potty Training What you need to know

weight loss on pregnancy


Summer is now officially here and that can only mean one thing for parents with toddlers...potty training!!!!! Out with those nappies and in with naked bottoms dashing around the garden, with mums and dads waving the potty manically, sporadically and above all enthusiastically!  Its a fact that the sale of potties triples in the Summer as does the sale of sticker charts and chocolate bribes (well I actually made that up, but Im sure if tested this hypothesis would be true!). 


I wrote a blog post, The Potty Training One, where I wrote a diary about our week of potty training. This is a no holes barred honest version of the highs and lows of having a nappy free toddler, oh yes, and the pit falls of having a dog in tow too (trust me, this complicates things!!). 

I also wrote a post about the pieces of kit I think you need to start your potty training adventure (!) and a portable potty that fits in your bag that I think is the best thing ever, the Potty To Go. 

And armed with all of that information is all I think you need.  Dont listen to that woman down the post office who potty trained her child at 1 year (she didnt), or that lovely relative who kindly informs you that you are delaying your 18 month by not potty training them, and this could well affect their future career (it wont).  Potty training needs to be done when YOUR child is ready.  When they are showing an interest in the toilet, knowing whether they are wet or dry, and having an awareness of wanting to go to the toilet too.  

Oh, and YOU need to be ready.  Dont do potty training when you have a really busy week at work, when you are having the house redecorated or your in-laws are staying with you for the week! I mean, come on, that is just asking for trouble! 

Potty training is fine, honestly.  Remember when you freaked out about weaning, then once you did it, you wondered why you ever thought your son or daughter would still be living off milk at 32? Yup, well this is just the same.  Forget all the horror stories and if you and your little are ready then just go for it!  

Good luck to all wannabe potty trainers and thanks for reading,  


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weight loss during entire pregnancy | Potty training twins Part 4 The process

weight loss during entire pregnancy


Previous potty training posts:
  • Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}
  • Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}
  • Potty training twins: Part 3 {Treats}

Not gonna lie... Today was a horrible potty training day.

Which makes me want to write a blog post about how wonderful potty training is going for us-- no sarcasm, in all honesty.

When I talk to people about potty training, everyone has a different view on it. A girlfriend of mine sent her boys to a potty training boot camp (never heard of those before, but, HECK YES, and WHERE IS THE ONE NEAR ME?). I have friends that swear by the three day method-- cover your furniture and let them roam naked for three days and suddenly you have potty trained kids. I have friends that do things slowly, never officially "potty train," just switch to pull ups, let them dabble in underwear, let things ride, and one day their pull ups are dry and they are wetting their beds-- no mess, just potty trained kids.

Whats my view? To me, potty training is a process. A long, long process. Not always hard work and not always messy, but still a process. Potty training, to me, answers this one question: am I involved in the bathroom process? If the answer is "yes" then they are still potty training.

Potty training means continually making forward progress towards the end goal of not being in the bathroom with my children-- not having to wash their hands, clean them up, fasten their pants, or watch the clock and wonder if they have gone potty lately. For instance, I can let our oldest use a public bathroom by himself (though I always wait outside the door for him-- yeah, Im "that" mom). When he comes out of the restroom, I know he washed his hands and dressed himself properly. In comparison, with our toddlers, although they dont have accidents when we leave the house anymore, Im dragging them to the restroom when we arrive at our next errand; Im dragging them to the bathroom before we leave the store; the whole time we are at a playdate Im closely watching them to make sure there are no signs of them needing to use the restroom. Also, just in case, I have a diaper bag fully loaded with plastic bags, clean underwear, and changes of clothes (including socks). When I leave them with our baby-sitter, I give her a heads up about when they last went potty.

Are they driving their potty training? Yeah. They really are. The only time I get on their case about using the restroom is when I would be mortified if they had an accident, like when Im at a girlfriends house and they are sitting on her couch watching a movie or on a playdate at a new friends house. Or when I really dont want them having an accident, like heading out on a longer car ride or when Im making a big Costco run. At home, they are in charge of potty training. Even when we are out, they are the ones telling me when they actually have to go potty. I just cant help but stress about the possibility of accidents because I am their mother a.k.a. the one who has to 1. clean up the accident and 2. apologize for the accident.

So why was today such a horrible potty training day? Because they dont have accidents anymore. They have "on purposes." This morning there was a debacle in the restroom. A toddler removed himself from the toilet before he was all the way clean and ended up making a mess of both the porcelain chair and the floor next to it. Apparently his brothers found this quite amusing and the other toddler decided to recreate this hilarious scene in the playroom later in the afternoon; much to his dismay, his mother did not find it nearly so amusing and he found himself in trouble. The original toddler, attempting to relive his earlier popularity, made his way to the restroom a few short hours after the playroom incident and dramatically reenacted the mornings fiasco. While his brothers could not suppress their giggles, he found he had far less sympathy from his mother the second time around. Actually, all three boys were quickly disciplined and assured this sort of behavior was not welcome in their home. It was an upsetting afternoon for the toddlers-- who seemed shocked they were punished for their antics-- and an unpleasant afternoon for myself-- as I was the one cleaning up the mess.

How is this forward progress?

Hmm, not entirely sure. The only positive outcome from today is that the toddlers now know that under no circumstances do I think using their underwear as diapers is funny or acceptable or okay or "an accident."

What I do know is that they understand what they are supposed to do. Their attempt at humor showed me that they know what is socially expected of them and this was their way of going against the grain.

I dont believe in holding their failures over their head. We forgive and move on in this family. After they were properly reprimanded for their indiscretions, we moved forward. However, when I put them to bed tonight, I gently reminded them that tomorrow is a new day and that tomorrow "we" are going to use the potty all day and when "we" use the potty all day and have no "accidents" then we get a sticker (for more on "we" read Honest Toddlers post, "We").

They seem on board with this plan. My husband and I have taken away all treats during the day except for the big kahuna-- no accidents all day. Weve started pull ups at night, still no idea when we will actually potty train overnight.

My last view on potty training is that there is no right or wrong way. I do believe potty training requires forward motion. Sometimes you realize you are pushing it when your child isnt ready (read, "Try to see it my way") and you need to shelve the potty training plan for the time being. When we first potty trained our first child, we had no idea how we wanted to do it. I researched so much and came up with a plan. Then we rolled up our sleeves and got to work potty training him only to realize that it was a team effort: he needed to be just as on board as we were (read "Why not?" and "Follow up on potty training"). Along the way, we changed tactics. We did what worked. This time around, when one of our twin toddlers demanded to be potty trained, we thought, yeah, lets just potty train both toddlers at the same time, only to discover the other toddler was not ready (read "Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}"). Before we knew it, the reluctant toddler was ready to potty train and the treat system we were doing with just one toddler didnt work potty training 2 toddlers at the same time. We changed tactics. The point is, all along the way, we reevaluated and readjusted. We tried things out and tweaked what didnt work. On top of that, the way we went about potty training one toddler wasnt the way we went about potty training his twin brother (one is far more motivated by the desire to potty train and the other by the treats and praise).

Even more so, the things we are doing with our toddlers may not be the things you do with your toddlers. I dont think we are necessarily doing it the best or easiest way for everyone in every circumstance. Im doing it the best and easiest way for me, a stay-at-home mother 23-weeks pregnant homeschooling a preschooler with almost 3-year old twin toddlers demanding to be potty trained at the same time. This is in no way how I potty trained the first time around and probably wont be how I potty train when baby #4 is ready to potty train. I am writing about our experience potty training twins because when I start potty training, I like to read about what other people did and I like when I can glean things I hadnt thought of from other peoples experiences.

So when I say that we are now on day 28 potty training our first toddler ready to potty train and day 11 potty training his twin brother, no, I dont mean that this whole time has been full of accidents. I definitely have not been setting alarm clocks or watching them closely this whole time (actually setting the alarm clock never worked for them, though we did that with their older brother). Save for today, they are not wandering our house having accidents (I would be a total mess if that were the case-- todays stress required a decadent risotto for dinner in order to put it all behind me). Potty training is working out the kinks of everyday life and trusting they will use the bathroom on their own, holding it when need be and using the restroom when they know there wont be another one for awhile. I know which situations are harder for each of the toddlers to deal with-- one has a hard time shortly after we get home from a long day of errands (not sure why when he uses the restroom just fine the whole time we are gone?) and the other just after he wakes up from afternoon nap (dry the whole nap, wakes up groggy and this is the most likely time for him to have an accident). Yes, I stress under new scenarios (friends houses) or when my hands are tied (pushing a huge cart at Costco when Im there alone with the boys), but this time around, with both of the toddlers wanting to be potty trained and pushing for it, has been hands down 100% easier than the first time around when my husband and I were the driving force behind potty training our oldest.

I am sure there will be at least one more blog post on this, definitely when we actually potty train nights (right now we are doing pull ups at night).

Happy potty training, friends. May the force be with you.

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