is weight loss common during pregnancy

This post is not about how to cloth diaper, but about the cost of cloth diapering. We have not cloth diapered before. I really wanted to cloth diaper with our third pregnancy, but when we found out we were having twins, I feel like I talked myself out of it. In some ways I wish we had (budget); in other ways, I think it all worked out (convenience of disposables). Regardless, this time, I am cloth diapering come hell or high water.

Realizing this morning that I am almost 36 weeks pregnant, I figured it was about time to get baby #4s things together. My sister and I set out this morning to get all the last minute supplies I need before we have a newborn in the house (nursing pads, breast milk storage bags, pacifiers, etc). We also went by my new favorite local baby store and picked up all the things we will need to start off cloth diapering.

Im pretty pleased when I look at the bottom line of cloth diapering compared to the bottom line of disposable diapering. As of right now, I have enough supplies to conservatively cloth diaper through the toddler years. I will most definitely be buying more cloth diapers (and possibly supplies) before our cloth diaper days are through, but this supply is a very good start. I know that some of these things (for instance, the hand-me-down prefolds) are not things that everyone has ready access to-- such as a first time mom-- but other things (like my used BumGenius Elementals) can be found if you keep an eye out.

So here are the numbers:

11 BumGenius Elemental All-in-One Diapers for $87.50

When I set out this time to cloth diaper, someone tipped me off to the BumGenius All-in-Ones. Since my husband is still somewhat skeptical about cloth diapering, I love that they work exactly like disposable diapers. The more I learned about them, the more I knew they would be the diapers for us. I firmly believe that chatting about these types of things with friends opens doors and in this case it definitely did. One of my mommy friends found a great deal on a local cloth diaper swap Facebook page and asked if I wanted to split the stash with her. Even better, they were the BumGenius Elemental All-in-Ones, the organic version of the All-in-One diapers I had decided upon. With that deal, I purchased 11 BumGenius Elemental All-in-One diapers for $87.50.

Estimated retail on (1) BumGenius Elemental All-in-One diaper: $24.99

Approximate price I paid per diaper: $8

 

6 Thirsties Duo Wraps for $81.00

I went to my local baby store to chat with the gal about cloth diapers. She tipped me off that the regular size BumGenius All-in-One diapers (as well as the Elementals) are not ideal for the newborn days. I asked her what she recommended and she said that she really liked using the prefold diapers with the Thirsties Duo Wraps. I was excited about this because we used Gerber prefold diapers with our first 3 boys as burp cloths. I have an entire bin of them. The gal at the baby store said that 6 Thirsties Duo Wraps would be enough to get started cloth diapering in the newborn days, which is what I went with. I did not buy any more prefold diapers because we have so many hand-me-downs.
Price I paid per diaper: $13.50

 

2 Planet Wise Pail Liners for $36.00

One of the most convenient aspects of cloth diapering is the wet bag. I love the idea of throwing it all in my washer instead of sorting through soaking buckets. Since Im setting up a diaper changing station for easier cloth diapering at home, I decided to go with 2 Planet Wise Pail Liners, one to use while the other is being washed.
Price I paid per pail liner: $18.00

 

1 medium Planet Wise Wet Bag for $17.00

The gal at the baby store told me that she uses just one wet bag for on the go. She said that when she gets home, shell often just dump the contents of her wet bag into her diaper pail instead of having to wash it every time. So, to start with, I only bought 1 medium Planet Wise Wet Bag to use on the go.

 

1 Planet Wise Wipe Pouch for $11.00

Well, I bought an adorable wet bag with a monster design on it... Then I saw the adorable matching wipe holder. And I knew I had to get that to. This was my only frivolous cloth diaper purchase. Yes, I could do without it. Yes, it is super cute.

 

1 6-pack of Thirsties Fab Reusable Baby Wipes for $13.00

For wipes, most of my friends make their own cloth wipes by cutting up old receiving blankets and the like. I also plan on doing this, but I did decide to buy a pack of Thirsties Fab Reusable Baby Wipes just to help get me started. That way, at least, I have "nice wipes" to try and I can always buy more if I just absolutely love them over the ones I make myself. I did remember the diaper budget and so I only bought 1 pack of wipes. ;)

 

4 bottles of BabyGanics Loads of Love detergent, unscented, for $33.98

One thing Ive been told about cloth diapers is that you need to be careful what you wash them in. I make my own detergent (read my blog post "Homemade Household Cleaners") and it has Borax in it. When I was talking to the gal at the baby store, she recommended using a detergent without Borax. Her store carries the Rockin Green Classic Rock Motley Clean detergent for around $20.00 a bag. I was planning on buying a bag to try out. However, when I was at BabiesRUs, they had the BabyGanics Loads of Love detergent at buy one get one free, $13.99 for 2. I couldnt pass up the deal and so I bought 4 bottles of it. Well see how I like it. Ive heard really good things about the Rockin Green detergent, so I can always fall back on that if the BabyGanics detergent doesnt work as well as I would like it to.

 

The total cost for all of this is $290.54.

According to the chart on Aware Beginnings Doula Services, you will need 8-10 diapers between the ages of 6-12 months, if you wash daily, with that number going down further after 12 months; I have 11 All-in-One diapers. For the newborn days, the Thirsties Duo Wraps are a diaper cover with the actual diaper being the prefold, which I have a surplus of. The gal at my baby store said the Thirsties do not need to be washed every time, but on an as needed basis. Going off of this chart, the diaper supply I have built up at just under $300 could last me until toddlerhood!

Talking to my friends who have started cloth diapering and who have been cloth diapering for a long time (second and third children in cloth diapers), I know that there will be additional expenses along the way. For instance, when we are moving, we will have to figure out the cloth diaper situation. We still have to install a diaper sprayer in the bathroom we plan on setting up our changing station; running between $40-$60 new, I plan on having my husband build one himself (check out this blog post: "DIY Tutorial: Make Your Own Diaper Sprayer"). We will probably end up buying more BumGenius All-in-Ones. But what Im most pleased about is that this is a great start. There is no rush to go buy anything else.

These are the diapers we bought for our children in the past:

Pampers Swaddlers Newborn Size: 88 count at $19.95 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.22 a diaper

Pampers Swaddlers Size 1: 148 count at $25.99 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.17 a diaper

Pampers Swaddlers Size 2: 132 count at $25.99 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.19 a diaper

Pampers Baby Dry Size 2: 160 count at $31.99 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.19 a diaper

Pampers Baby Dry Size 3: 180 count at $27.68 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.15 a diaper

Pampers Baby Dry Size 4: 180 count at $36.79 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.20 a diaper

Pampers Baby Dry Size 5: 160 count at $37.75 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.23 a diaper

Pampers Cruisers Size 3: 174 count at $36.70 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.21 a diaper

Pampers Cruisers Size 4: 136 count at $36.26 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.26 a diaper

Pampers Cruisers Size 5: 96 count at $28.46 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.29 a diaper

Target Brand Diapers (Up & Up) Size 5: 138 count at $28.99
$0.21 a diaper

With our oldest, we used Pampers Swaddlers from newborn size up to size 2, then we switched Pampers Cruisers (the Baby Dry diapers made him rash).

With our twins, we used Pampers Swaddlers from newborn to size 2, then we switched to Pampers Baby Dry before eventually switching to Target Brand. When we could, we bought biodegradable diapers, but, for the most part, we used Pampers.

For wipes:

Pampers Sensitive Wipes: 448 count at $8.78 with Amazon Subscribe and Save
$0.019 a wipe

The chart from Aware Beginnings Doula Services says you will change 10-12 diapers a day up to 6 months of age. Using their statistics and the prices of the diapers I bought for our kids in the past, here is the estimated cost of diapering one child for the first 4 months, about the time my girlfriends have been switching from Thirsties to All-in-Ones:

 

10 diapers a day x 28 days = 280 diapers / 88 diapers in Newborn Swaddlers = 3.18 boxes of diapers

 

4 boxes of Pampers Newborn Swaddlers = $79.80

 

+ 1 box of Pampers Sensitive Wipes = $88.58 for the first month of diapering

 

10 diapers a day x 28 days = 280 diapers / 148 diapers in Swaddlers Size 1 = 1.89 boxes of diapers

 

2 boxes of Pampers Size 1 Swaddlers = $51.98

 

+ 1 box of Pampers Sensitive Wipes = $60.78 for the second month

 

10 diapers a day x 28 days = 280 diapers / 132 diapers in Swaddlers Size 2 = 2.12 boxes of diapers

 

3 boxes of Pampers Size 2 Swaddlers = $77.97

 

+ 1 box of Pampers Sensitive Wipes = $86.75 for the third month

 

10 diapers a day x 28 days = 280 diapers / 160 Size 2 Baby Dry = 1.75 boxes of diapers

 

2 boxes of Pampers Baby Dry Size 2 diapers = $63.96

 

+ 1 box of Pampers Sensitive Wipes = $72.74 for the fourth month

 

For four months of conservative disposable diapering, the total cost of diapers and wipes is $300.07

Buying all of the supplies to cloth diaper cost me $290.54 and that number includes diapering from newborn to toddlerhood.

 

The $300.07 does not include Diaper Genie Refills, which we also use, and it also gave a conservative estimate on wipes. Some months we used a lot of wipes and some months not as much. We did use roughly a box a month.

 

I do also want to note that when you look at the price of the links I have for cloth diapering, most of the numbers on Amazon are slightly lower than the prices I listed from my local baby store, usually by about a $1 or $2. Shopping online is so convenient as a stay-at-home mom and I do it often. However, I love to support local businesses when I can (usually used book stores). Local baby stores are a great way to save money on items like these because most of them offer a customer loyalty program. When we bought our Baby Jogger City Select, that is how we saved money buying all of the accessories. That is why I made the choice to shop at a local store versus buying everything off of Amazon.
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continuous weight loss during pregnancy

It seems a lot of people avoid the commissaries for any number of reasons or are in support of them for the "lower enlisted." Personally, I think commissaries are full of savings that benefit all ranks, especially our family of five (soon to be six). I also think that shopping at the commissary and thus supporting it with my dollars is a way to ensure continued commissary benefits both for my family and for other military families, especially the OCONUS locations where the commissary benefits are crucial. Some of the complaints against the commissary, I believe, are made without an understanding as to how the commissary operates and is funded. I hope this blog post sheds some light on why you should shop at the commissary and how to get around the somewhat inconvenient aspects of commissary shopping, such as limited hours and tipping.

Commissaries are a non-profit organization ran by the Defense Commissary Agency (DeCA). From the DeCA website:

Although commissaries collectively realize sales of about $5 billion per year, there is no profit generated on these sales. By law, commissaries are required to sell goods at prices that are set at a level to recover the cost of goods, with no profit built into these prices. There are also very stringent legal controls on the ways that DeCA can use taxpayer monies that Congress provides to operate commissaries.

Commissaries run on appropriated funding, meaning tax payers support the commissaries and funding is regularly voted on. Remember during the sequester when all the commissaries shutdown? This was due to the fact that commissaries operate on appropriated funding (read my blog post, "Government shutdown," and Military.coms 2013 article, "Commissary Cuts Remain Likely"), unlike exchanges which operate on non-appropriated funding. The prices at the commissary also reflect a 5% surcharge on each purchase. Question and answer on the DeCA webpage, "why does DeCA make me pay a surcharge on my commissary purchase?"

Surcharge is applied to the total value of each commissary purchase because the Congress has mandated collection of surcharge (currently 5 percent) to pay for commissary construction, equipment and maintenance. All surcharge dollars collected are returned to commissary patrons in the form of continually improved commissary facilities. The amount of surcharge applied to a commissary sale transaction is shown as "SCG" on your sales receipt.

What exactly does this surcharge pay for? From the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget, page 2:

Surcharge Collections represents a third major source for funding commissary operations. Surcharge Collections is a trust fund primarily funded by a five percent surcharge applied to patron sales at the check-out counter. This fund was established so authorized patrons share responsibility for overall costs of commissary operations, including commissary supplies, equipment, utilities at CONUS locations, information management equipment and support, and commissary construction program. This fund also receives revenue from prompt payment discounts, the sale of used cardboard and equipment, and services provided to others.

Page 3 of the same report outlines the differences between CONUS and OCONUS commissary locations and the absolute importance of OCONUS locations to military families:

OCONUS and remote locations cost more per dollar of sales than CONUS locations, using about 45 percent of available appropriated fund support to produce 22 percent of sales. These commissaries are more expensive because operating and support costs in foreign and remote locations are higher. Many locations service small-to-medium military populations with smaller sales and higher fixed costs. Additionally, there are significant support costs incurred in providing U.S. food products and household items to overseas locations, e.g., transportation of $156 million in FY 2000.

...In spite of these cost considerations, commissary operations overseas are efficient and effective because DeCA’s infrastructure provides economies that are not achievable by other alternatives. The commissary system is also instrumental in reducing cost of living allowances (COLA) overseas by providing low-cost groceries.

The commissary system is critical in supporting military members and their families overseas. This military population does not have adequate alternative shopping available. OCONUS commissaries are more than a place for acquiring groceries. They are an essential "life-line" of the overseas military community and their quality of life.

 The general rule of thumb is that shopping at the commissary will save you on average 30% than what you would pay at an average grocery store. The commissary also is very coupon friendly. Overseas commissaries even accept manufacturer coupons 6 months past their expiration date. For the complete coupon policy at the commissary, check out this link: "Coupon Use in Commissaries." One difference between couponing at the commissary and couponing at an average grocery store is that commissaries do not have loss leaders (check out the Crazy Coupon Ladys post "Whats a Loss Leader and How Do I Find One at my Supermarket?"). The DeCA website explains why the commissary does not offer loss leaders: "Because commissaries are required by law to sell items at cost-- neither higher nor lower– we cant offer loss leaders." The commissary also changes its flier on a different schedule than average grocery stores, according to their website:

Stateside commissaries change prices twice a month, as opposed to the private sector, where prices are changed weekly or more frequently. Commissary prices are changed on the 1st and 16th of each month and are usually in effect for 30 to 45 days. These price changes are generally about a 50-50 mix, with some prices being lowered as items go on a special promotion or sale and some raised as items come off a special promotion or sale. 

 Even without loss leaders, the commissary website claims:

However, although you may find selected items at lower prices in commercial stores, our price surveys provide convincing evidence that-if you shop regularly in a commissary for all or virtually all of your grocery needs--you will save 30 percent or more on your grocery bill versus what you would pay in a commercial store for the same array of items.

The National Military Associations article, "Protecting Our Commissary Savings," states:

A military family of four saves $4,500 a year when regularly using the commissary. Multiply that average savings by the number of military families who use the commissary and you see how effectively and efficiently the $1.4 billion [appropriated funding] is used.

In the About.com USMilitary "What the Recruiter Never Told You" Part 13 Military Commissaries and Exchanges article by Rod Powers, he compares commissary prices with WalMart Super Store prices:

In preparation for this article, I visited a local Wal Mart "Super Store," and bought $103.57 worth of groceries. I then made a list of the items I bought and traveled to Patrick AFB... At the commissary there, I priced the exact same items. According to DeCA, my commissary bill should have been around $70.00. Had I actually purchased the items, my bill would have been $85.52. Tack on the 5 percent surcharge, and it would have been $89.79. I wont count the baggers tip, as Commissary baggers not only bag your groceries but take them outside and load them into your car. Thats worth every penny of the tip, in my opinion. My total discount would have been 13.3 percent.

Tipping at the commissary is subjective. I typically do not carry cash. However, when checking out at the commissary, I can request specific dollar amounts of cash back when paying with my debit card. The last time I went to the commissary I requested $10 cash back in the form of one $5 and five $1. The baggers at the commissary work entirely off of tips and are not government or commissary employees. I generally put $1-$2 in the jar if I do not have the baggers take my groceries to the car and about $5 for a normal grocery load if they do. $2-$5 is generally considered acceptable when tipping at the commissary. Often times I tip more over holidays or when I have an exceptionally large or cumbersome load. Using the self-checkout at the commissary does not require tipping.
 
According to the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget, page 3, "Commissary operating hours and days are determined by sales, patron demographics, and local installation needs. Due to funding limitations, commissaries are open an average of 48 hours a week." The same report estimates on page 22 that an average grocery store is open roughly 117 hours a week, just to compare the differences between commissary hours and average grocery store hours. While the commissary often has limited hours, they generally open their doors a half hour before the cash registers are open. This is very convenient for me when shopping with the kids. I can do my shopping when the commissary is still relatively empty and get to the cash registers right when they open, making for a speedy check out. Even so, the limited shopping hours are often inconvenient for my family. The commissary opens later than most other area grocery stores. On weekends when we are making big pancake breakfasts and run out of an ingredient, it is often before the commissary is open. Or when my hubby calls on his way home from school and I want him to swing by the commissary for something, it is often when the commissary is closing or right before, forcing him to use a different grocery store. And just like the Chick-Fil-A law (anyone else only crave Chick-Fil-A on Sundays?), we inevitably need something from the commissary on the day it is closed.
 
The previous quote from the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget
brings up a very valid point: "Commissary operating hours and days are determined by sales, patron demographics, and local installation needs." This is where the responsibility falls on us, the commissary shoppers. If we arent shopping at our local commissaries, the hours will continue to get cut and commissaries will continue to close. While the commissary is not the vital lifeline for us here in South Carolina as it was for us in Hawaii, shopping at CONUS locations helps keeps OCONUS locations afloat, balancing out the commissaries non-profit budget. How important are these commissary locations to military families? This article on Hawaii News Now, "Milk Prices in Hawaii Go Up" by Beth Hillyer, outlines the prices of milk in Hawaii, "The highest price we found on Oahu for a gallon of whole milk was $8.99 on sale for $7.49 if you have a value card. The cheapest was Costco for $4.99 per gallon." This article obviously doesnt include commissary prices on milk, but you can see how shopping at an average grocery store in Hawaii for the basics starts adding up!

So where do I stand on commissary prices? Do I think that they are always much less than shopping out in town? Here in South Carolina, no. For the bulk of our family shopping, we go to Costco (read my post, "Family diet verses family budget"). In general, Costco has lower prices on more of the staples of our family grocery list than my local commissary. Do I think the commissary in general has lower prices than an average grocery store here in South Carolina? Yes, especially when loss leaders are not on our list and we are just getting those in-between Costco trips items or small portions of things we couldnt buy at Costco (fresh herbs, for instance). Do I think that dealing with the "hassle" of the commissary is worth supporting this service to military families? Absolutely.
 
Here are a list of common complaints against the commissary-- many of which are my own complaints when compared to an average grocery store-- and how I deal with them to continue to support this service:

 1. They do not offer online grocery shopping.
I love online grocery shopping, as Ive mentioned in several previous blog posts. Where we live in South Carolina, there are no local grocery stores convenient that offer online grocery shopping, so this really isnt much of an issue for me. If I had to choose between shopping at the commissary or placing an order online with Harris Teeter... I think it would be a much harder choice for me. As is, I have the choice to either go in to a local grocery store or to go into our commissary. I usually choose the commissary, unless it is closed or pay day.
 
2. Their check out system is ridiculous.
Well, I agree. I do not like the big ole one line system. My friends without kids tell me it moves fast. Standing in that one line with all three of my kids is about as much fun as taking the boys with me to the clinic on base (which I also do). Since our boys are so young (5-years old and 3-years old), I solve this by going early in the day, arriving when they open the door, about half hour before the registers open. Ive even taken them all on pay day-- totally unintentionally. I get our shopping done and am either the first or second person in line. When I only have one or two items I need, arriving early works great too because I can be first in line for self-check out and we really are in and out.
 
3. You have to tip the baggers.
Maybe Im frivolous, but this doesnt really bother me. I never have cash, so Im always glad I can request cash back when I check out. I generally dont like the baggers coming out to the car with me. The mini van is impossible to load groceries in with the stroller in the back and our toddlers are always a hot mess to load up. Most of the time, I have them load my groceries back into my shopping cart and put a tip in their jar. The $1-$5 doesnt feel like a big deal and the times I take my hubbys car without the kids, I like having my groceries loaded up for me.

4. The commissary is so... dark.
Yeah, it isnt bright and fancy like Harris Teeter or Whole Foods. But neither is Costco. It may not have the upscale look, but it does the job. This is our fourth duty station; weve shopped at all different types of grocery stores across the country. The commissary just really doesnt bother me.

And here are some links to help with your commissary shopping:

 

The blog "Commissary Deals" teaches you not only how to coupon at the commissary, but tips you off to current deals! Learn the commissarys coupon policy, how to navigate commissary sales, and how to make the most of case lot sales. New to couponing? Check out the Getting Started: Learn to Coupon tab. This website is seriously a treasure trove of useful links (check out the Categories and Topics menu on the right hand side of the page!).

 

SpouseBuzzs blog post, "Price Expert: Commissary vs WalMart"

 

Military.coms article, "Study Confirms 30% Savings at Commissaries"

 

InCharges article by Ellie Kay, "Go Crazy for Coupons! Commissary Shopping Tips"

 

Note: Ive mentioned it before, but I am not a couponer. I know many people coupon which is why I provided the links for couponing at the commissary. I save money when doing our family grocery shopping by sticking to our list and minimizing our trips to the store. :)

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constant weight loss during pregnancy

I am 38 weeks pregnant with our fourth child. We live in South Carolina and it is hot and humid. We also have three boys and are expecting our fourth boy. Apparently all of this put together has left people rather flummoxed when trying to make small talk with me. In order to fight off the Im-beyond-hot-and-exceedingly-pregnant bitterness that accompanies the late third trimester while pregnant in the South, Im putting together a list of polite things to say to other gals in my situation, should you choose to start making personal remarks to strangers.

 

10 APPROPRIATE COMMENTS TO MAKE TO A PREGNANT WOMAN

 

1. "When are you due?"

This comment takes the place of these inappropriate comments that I hear all.the.time regarding how far along I look:
"Wow! You are about to POP! Holy cow! I saw you walking up and I thought WHOA!"
"Goodness, any day now, right?" (Why is this rude? Because I started hearing this a little before 30 weeks. And obviously I didnt want my baby born any day around 30 weeks.)

 

2. "You look beautiful."

 

This can take the place of just about any other comment you want to make regarding my general appearance. Because I can tell you, the awkward "You look (pause) great" when Im hot and chasing toddlers does not make me feel like I look great. Also, any other comment regarding my size probably should be avoided totally.

 

3. "Do you know what you are having?"

 

I dont mind this question at all, though the follow up response is really what starts bothering me. "NO! ANOTHER BOY?" The next point will help you get through my answer of, "Another boy."

 

4. "What a blessing."

 

This is all you have to say when I tell you Im having another boy. Thats it. I dont need to hear how having all boys is your worst nightmare or that you know a mom to all boys and her kids pee in their family room. I really dont even care about your friend who had 6 boys before they finally had their girl or how you and I are in the same boat because you had 2 boys before you finally had your girl. Even worse, dont start female bashing to me. I myself am a female and do not want to hear about "female hormones" or my luck at missing the teenage years of raising a daughter. In fact, just read my blog post: "Mom to all boys."

 

5. {Smile}

 

Im putting the smile in here because if you are the type of person that would holler, "WHOA! DELIVERY ROOM IS CLOSED! HAHA!" as I approach the dressing room in Old Navy, you probably should just refrain from making a comment at all. Actually, just about any joke you want make-- unless we are friends-- should probably be avoided. Just smile. Or dont even acknowledge me. I dont know you; you dont know me. Lets not make this awkward.

 

Aaaaargh! Im really trying to keep this positive. I suppose my Costco trip in the heat has done me in for a positive list of things to say to a pregnant woman. Resisting the third trimester bitterness... failing...

 

6. {Wave and smile}

 

This is for people who are far away, as in across the street or on the other side of the playground, even across the restaurant or grocery store. If you arent close enough to use an indoor voice when speaking to me, do not feel obligated to "open mouth, insert foot" as you shout across a public place to me. I have not been waiting all day to hear you tell me, "I HOPE IT IS A GIRL!" or "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE ABOUT TO POP!" or "ARE THOSE ALL YOURS? AND YOU ARE PREGNANT?" or "ANY DAY NOW, EH?" Your wave and smile will be enough and instead of me feeling like a circus act, I may walk away thinking, "Wow, that person must like pregnant women to wave and smile at me."

 

7. "Where are you delivering?"

 

This comment is in place of just about any other comment a stranger can make to me in regards to my birth experience. The following are a list of comments that you should never even think about asking a pregnant stranger who you are making small talk with in a public place:

"I bet you had a C-section with your twins, so youll need a c-section this time, right?"

"I bet youll be able to just pop this one right out."

"Did you have all your other ones naturally?"

"Are you scared to give birth? I mean, it, like, hurts, right?"
Basically, just dont go there. Dont talk about it. I dont want to talk about it with you, truly. And it isnt your business if I had c-sections or not and I really dont want to talk about my lady bits with you. Ever. At all. You wont get a nice response from me.

 

8. "Best of luck to you."

 

This comment sends good tidings to someone instead of any other comment you want to make regarding breastfeeding. Why should you avoid making breastfeeding comments to strangers? Because it isnt your business.
Yeah, I said it. It isnt your business.
Especially to a first time mom.

Especially to a mom with older kids.

If a mom chooses not to breastfeed, that is her business and your comments may add guilt to a decision that she wrestled with or she may feel you are attempting to put feelings of guilt on a decision that she is comfortable with. If she cant breastfeed for whatever reason, she may remember your comments about the importance of breastfeeding and breast is best and yadda yadda and feel even more like a failure-- WHEN SHE ISNT.
When people make comments to me about breastfeeding, I really want to tell them it isnt their business. Instead I say, "Thats the plan!" and smile. I cant believe that some people pry further and ask which of my other kids I breastfed and for how long. Rude.

And TRULY it is a moms choice how she wants to feed her baby. And that decision should not be surrounded by guilt or feelings of failure.
Now, this is NOT to say that I do not discuss my experience breastfeeding. This is in regards to the comments you receive from strangers making small talk at the store, randomly, not actually seeking breastfeeding advice or camaraderie, just shooting the breeze.

Read my post on breastfeeding twins: "Breastfeeding."

 

9. "Congratulations!"

 

This comment covers the comments that people want to make regarding how many children we have. I hear, "You are brave!" all the time. Brave for having four? Brave for having another when we already have three boys? Brave for leaving the house?
The other comment I hear is, "Better you than me!" What a philosophical statement... Is this person trying to say that a curse was hovering somewhere over our town and that it happened to land on my house instead of theirs? The curse of four children? Or is this person saying that if they were in my shoes and lived my life and married my husband and had my kids, they would not have chosen to have a fourth child?

However you look at it, just dont say it. Say congratulations and then later, in the privacy of your home, tell your family, "Man! Saw this lady at the store today! Pregnant with her fourth kid! Can you believe it?" And they will all say, "What a crazy lady!" Your family will agree with you because, clearly, my family does not or we wouldnt be having our fourth blessing.

 

10. {Silence}

 

Best kind of comment when a comment eludes you. No need to scrounge around in your mind trying to think of something witty when you see me waddling around Target with my hoard of kids. No need to tell me to find a hobby (found one!) or about how astronomical our food bill we be (as if we hadnt thought of that) or that pretty soon well need a 12-passenger van (already researching them, thank you). No need to remind me how hot and humid it is outside when you see my puffing along with swollen ankles, "Man! You look sweltering!" No need to jokingly accuse me of going into labor when I stop to catch my breath or rest my feet a moment. Best just avoid any one of those comments.

 

 

Well, I tried to make this a friendly list of things to say to a pregnant woman. I think the 10 comments themselves are polite, perhaps my explanations could be a little less bitter sounding... I think the heat has finally gotten to me. So now I will answer the most common questions I hear when I go out:
 

"Man, are you READY to have this baby? You look ready!"

Yes, I am ready. I am hot. I am tired. I already have three kids and, yes, they do keep me busy.

 

"Are you trying to pop this baby out?"
Most commonly asked question when I do anything-- run errands, take a walk, take the kids out... Apparently what people want me to say is yes, that that is the only reason I would be doing any of my daily activities.

 

"Are you done?"

I dont know. I dont want to be done having kids. I would love to have five or seven kids, seriously. My husband is leaning more towards being done. When I met him he wanted two kids and this will be our fourth. So one day in the next couple years we will have to have a conversation about it. At this point, Im not sure our life could get any crazier.

 

"Are you going to go for that girl?"
Yeah, I would love to have a daughter. I love my relationship with my mom. Read my blog post: "Four boys." Obviously God has a different plan for me and my husband and I trust him. Maybe one day we will have a daughter and I would absolutely love that. For now, I absolutely love being the momma to each one of my boys.

For the record, I have heard all the above statements and questions from strangers this pregnancy.

Pregnant mommas, what would you add to this list?


****Just to reinforce the point, this post is NOT in regards to having conversations with my family, friends, or acquaintances. This is about complete strangers stopping me in public-- such as at the cash register or as Im walking through Costco or at the park. I am always happy to discuss with my friends or fellow mommas my breastfeeding experience, especially in an appropriate environment or when there is a genuinely curious momma (like fellow multiple moms asking me about my experience with twin newborns).?

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