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The sage continues. We are now potty training both our toddlers.

You can check out my previous potty training posts here:

• Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}
• Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}

Weve been potty training one of our toddlers, C, for 22 days now. His twin brother decided this past weekend that he wanted to potty train as well. We are on day 5 of potty training O. The first couple days of potty training both toddlers were crazy. It almost felt like C regressed some when O started potty training. In my previous posts, we were considering potty training C for overnight. We arent exactly sure of the approach we want to take on nights right now. Both toddlers are waking up with somewhat wet diapers-- not really, really wet, but still a little wet. Here are the three options Im considering for potty training them on nights:

1. Training underwear and waterproof training pants.
I feel like this is the most aggressive approach, the one to really get them to potty train overnight. I used these Gerber All in One Waterproof Training Pants with our oldest son, D, when we potty trained him. When wearing the Gerber Training Pants underneath these, they are pretty waterproof. A child can have an accident in these and it will hold really well. I like this combination because it really lets the child feel wet. I feel like pull ups are basically diapers and so there isnt too much incentive for the child not to treat it like a diaper. These Gerber training pants feel like underwear and so they arent comfortable to be wet in. I would also do the mattress trick I mentioned in "Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}."
Downside to this option: waking up in the night if they feel wet to change training pants; waking up in the morning to change training pants to regular underwear (which I do now from diapers to underwear).

2. Pull ups
I feel like this might be the easiest option. If I do this, there is a good chance that they will keep sleeping through the night when they use the pull up. In theory, they could also pull up and down the pull up in the morning when they need to use the restroom, perhaps even if they wake up in the night and need to use the restroom. I really feel like, even if I decide to go with the first option, I will probably start with pull ups first and then move to the Gerber training pants after they are even better about waking up dry.
Downside to this option: we go from buying Target diapers at $24.99 for 138 to pull ups at $19.99 for 52. The nice thing about the Gerber training pants is that they are reusable and washable; you have to keep buying pull ups.

3. Diapers
This is what we are doing for nights now. When they wake up in the morning, they run to the restroom and I change them from a diaper to underwear. Sometimes this is at 6:45 am, sometimes at 7:30 am. They sometimes wake up shortly after we put them to bed demanding to use the restroom, but never in the middle of the night. I dont feel they are necessarily learning to potty train nights this way and they throw a fit every evening when we change them into their pajamas and diaper, "I wear underwear, Momma!" The Target brand diapers, while we have generally been happy with them after switching from Pampers, dont have the best Velcro on the side. Once you pull apart the Velcro to allow the child to use the restroom, it doesnt stick back together well. Taking on and off the diaper to allow the child to use the restroom generally means changing his diaper as well, regardless of how dry it may be. Im kind of feeling like we need to do something else than diapers.
Downside to this option: we are almost out of diapers, so I would need to head on over to Target to buy another box of diapers.

We havent made up our mind yet on what we want to do for nights. I mentioned it before, but Im dreading the idea of giving up sleep. At 22-weeks pregnant, the last thing I want to be doing right now is wake up in the middle of the night to change sheets and give quick baths. That is why I think we will switch-- next week (ever the procrastinator)-- from diapers to pull ups, try it out for a week or two, and then move up to the Gerber Training Pants option if it is going well. Otherwise, I think we will linger in pull ups. (This is kind of a big deal for me to be considering pull ups as I swore up and down when potty training our oldest that I would never buy pull ups! Ah, motherhood... you end up eating words so often.)

Before we started potty training O, C really had potty training under his belt. Very, very few accidents. He had reached the "rebellious stage" of potty training: "Okay, Ive got this. Now Im going to see what I can get away with." He wasnt very happy the day he told us that he was going to use his underwear as a diaper and then did-- only to be confronted with consequences instead of treats or "Its okay." We didnt always have a change of clothes with us when we left the house, because he was so reliable. Wed left him with a sitter; wed run errands all day; wed visited friends houses and the like. If he was doing nights, I would have considered him potty trained. And then we started potty training O. The first day of potty training O passed uneventfully. The second day, Cs potty training went out the window. Not sure what happened. O only had one accident, but C had 3 or 4, very surprising to my husband and me because we had started thinking of him as very reliable and trustworthy in underwear. We had mini panic attacks. Are we starting over at square one with C? Are we doing something wrong?

The other problem we had was the treats were well out of hand. Anytime anyone used the bathroom in the house-- myself, my husband, our oldest son, one of the toddlers-- one of the toddlers would leap up and have to use the restroom. They were getting to the point of producing a drop or two just for treats constantly. I wrote in the blog post "Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}" that we were out of treats by noon. I was constantly in the bathroom telling the toddlers to stop playing in the sink, stopping playing by the toilet, asking them if they actually had to go potty, perpetually bombarded with demands for "Treats! Momma, treats!" It was ridiculous. If one toddler used the bathroom, the other would as well. So the first toddler would genuinely have to go potty. I would help him in the bathroom, wash his hands, come out and do treats, only for the second toddler to see the first toddler get treats, run to the bathroom, have me help him wash hands, come out and get a treat, for the first toddler to dash back in the bathroom... Constantly, constantly, constantly. Our system wasnt working.

So what does every logical woman do when faced with a tough problem? Call her mother. My mom said we needed to do away with treats for every time they use the restroom-- totally agree. I printed off a sticker chart for both of them, each a table I made on Microsoft Word. The table has 5 rows and 8 columns. The first row lists the days of the week in each column: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and a special column for Week. The next four rows are for stickers. If they go the entire day without an accident in their underwear, they get a sticker and a special treat (O got a cookie his first day without an accident and last night they both had their pick from the leftover Valentines Day candy). If they go the entire week without an accident (a concept they havent grasped yet and we havent fully explained yet-- we will when we actually have a weeks worth of stickers on the chart), they get a very special treat, like a bowl of ice cream or something.

Happy toddlers celebrating getting stickers on their potty training charts

I think it was because we had just started potty training O, but he caught on to this system very quickly. The first day we implemented this (day 3 of Os potty training), he was on board. He went the whole day without an accident. C did not catch on the first day. This was during his potty training regression after we started potty training O, and he deliberately had 2 accidents that day. That evening when we were putting a sticker on Os potty training chart, not intentionally in front of him, just with O to celebrate going a whole day, something with C clicked. The next day, C told me first thing in the morning, "I not have accidents today. I get sticker and treat." O piped in, "Me too!" And they did-- they went all day without any accidents. We spent a long morning/early afternoon picnicking at the park and they had no accidents. (I gave them each a small treat when we got home for being dry the whole time and for using the potty once we got home. They celebrated, "Yay! Dry at park!") They both took a long afternoon nap and were dry the whole time during their nap. When they woke up, we went to dinner and ran an errand all together as a family. I was so glad my hubby was there. When we pulled into the gas station, O yells, "Have to go potty!" He took O in to the bathroom. While he was in there, C says, "Have to go potty, Momma!" I pumped the gas and told C he had to wait. When my husband came out of the gas station, he went back in with C while I buckled O up in the car seat.

I havent entirely taken away treats. I generally give them a treat for performing the larger functions in the restroom. Out of all the accidents they could have in their underwear, pooping is the least pleasant to clean up and so I feel it should be amply rewarded for being done properly in the toilet. They seem satisfied when I tell them they dont get a treat every time they go potty in the toilet. I try to emphasize that they need to do go all day without an accident. Our oldest will always add, "Or if you go poop!" That has produced several small functions in the toilet for which the toddlers demand a treat, "Tiny poop, Momma! Treat!" Overall though, the treat system is far less abused as we are doing it now than when we were freely handing out treats every time either of them used the restroom. I also try to hand out surprise treats so they feel rewarded and noticed during the day for their efforts. I gave a treat yesterday for going the entire park playdate without any accidents. Ive given treats for running errands and using the potty while we are out. I just try to keep them small and casual, not make them feel like they are entitled to a treat every time they do this. After all, potty training really is something they should learn at one point or another to do without praise or compensation. I do ponder how the treat system crumbled so completely having twin toddlers potty training simultaneously. The treat system worked great potty training our singleton and when we were potty training one of our toddlers, but not potty training both of them.

This morning both the toddlers were admiring their sticker charts. They have counted up the stickers they have earned and plan on getting another sticker for today. After using the restroom an hour or two ago, one of the toddlers came in the family room and announced, "No accidents, Momma! Sticker tonight!" Im really starting to feel that some of the darker days of potty training are behind us... well, until we start nights! :)

Im sure other moms feel this way, but I am frequently reminded of Lord of the Flies by William Golding when parenting 3 children. So heres my upbeat potty training quote: “He found himself understanding the wearisomeness of this life, where every path was an improvisation and a considerable part of ones waking life was spent watching ones feet.”

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So our very first day of potty training our twin boys was February 6th. I wrote this blog post four days later: "Potty training twins: Party 1 {no plan}." This is part 2, day 18 of potty training.

Potty training our eager toddler C has been good-- actually, almost easy; I think because he really wants to potty train. When I potty trained our oldest, I was very stressed leaving the house with him in underwear. I had a system and a fully loaded diaper bag, ready for every possible scenario. The other day I decided to take the boys to lunch. I made it halfway into the restaurant when I remembered that I didnt have a diaper bag with me (I usually leave the diaper bag in the car since our twins are now toddlers). I took the boys back to the car and scoured around the van trying to find a change of clothes and some spare diapers in case of an accident. I feel like it has been one of those times of what you do with your first child compared to what you do with your second child. While the idea of potty training twins caused me serious anxiety, I havent been as stressed now that weve actually started.

As for our other toddler, O... I dont know if he is ready to potty train. This past weekend, a little over 2 weeks of potty training his twin brother, he insisted on wearing underwear. I actually took him to church in underwear yesterday (another example of something I never would have done with our first, "Oh, you want to potty train? Okay, well lets leave the house then."). I am not entirely on board with this because I dont think he actually wants to potty train right now. I feel like it is almost like his brothers are getting a lot of attention for potty training or being potty trained and so he is trying to jump on the bandwagon. However, he actually did pretty good yesterday. Today he has again insisted on underwear. While hes doing well, I think a lot of it is treat motivated. He keeps using the restroom and then demanding a treat, "I went again, Momma! Treat!" And then because hes using the bathroom, his twin brother C is stepping up his bathroom usage, "I went too, Momma! Treat!" Let me tell you, I thought I was in the bathroom a lot during the first week of potty training a couple weeks ago. I feel like this has become a game for them and, honestly, it is driving me slightly crazy, not to mention we are out of treats and it isnt even noon yet. Im hoping that today is just a novelty and that it will wear off soon. I am trying to be supportive of it (while tempering their desire for treats) since the end goal, even if it is just a game, could mean fully potty trained toddlers.

I am not sure of the direction we are heading with O. I feel comfortable taking C places with us in his underwear, like to our neighbors house or to the park. I feel comfortable with him in his car seat and he did great with a baby-sitter. I dont know about O... I dont know if I would want him in underwear out and about right now. He didnt have an accident in the church nursery, but I think that was because he had just used the bathroom. I dont know if he would have told them that he had to go. He seems 100% motivated by whatever he has to do to get treats, not the desire to potty train. Today we are hanging around our neighborhood and so Im letting him dabble in potty training. If he has accidents on our walk or at the park, Ill probably put him back in a diaper until he actually is ready to fully potty train-- for reals.

As for fully potty training C, he is acting like he wants to take the next step: nights. While not having 2 kids in diapers during the day is excellent, I dont really consider a child fully potty trained until they are going days and nights in underwear and are trustworthy in those underwear. These are the questions I ask myself to determine if our boys are trustworthy in underwear:

• Would I let him sit on our couch in underwear?
  O- yes, but only if supervised and we know when he last used the bathroom
• Would I let him ride in his car seat in underwear?
• Would I let him watch a movie in our guest room in underwear, on our guest bed for an hour and a half?
  C- not quite there yet. Ive been keeping him out of the guest room
• Would I let him hang out on my husband and Is bed in underwear?
• Would I let him hang out on my parents Tempur-Pedic mattress in underwear?

I feel like these kind of questions get progressively more difficult and require a greater degree of trust. Obviously only our oldest is a "yes" to all the questions.

The idea of potty training C during nights right now doesnt thrill me. When we potty trained our oldest for nights, he was just waking up every morning with a dry diaper, so, really, there wasnt much potty training required. We told him what to do if he had to use the restroom at night and it pretty much happened from there. We did do the whole protecting the mattress trick. The mattress was protected in a zipped vinyl mattress protector. Then I made the bed with a fitted sheet and a loose sheet. Over that I put a fitted waterproof mattress protector. On top of that, I again made the bed with a fitted sheet and a loose sheet. On top of the loose sheet, I laid a waterproof mattress pad. On top of that I put his comforter. The idea was that if he had an accident at night, the comforter would be protected by the waterproof mattress pad and I could just strip the bed of the first layer of messed sheets and have a second layer already made on the bed (no making a bed in the middle of the night). It worked great. The few times he had an accident, it was usually just a little bit, enough to wake him up and alert him he needed to use the restroom, and it didnt happen more than once in the night.

C is not waking up in the morning with heavily wet diapers, but they are still not dry. However, every night when we put him in a diaper before bed he gets quite upset and insists he wants to wear underwear all night. He is taking his afternoon quiet time in underwear. Some days he just stays in his room and plays for an hour, heading to the restroom if he feels he needs to go potty; some days he actually takes a 2-4 hour nap and is dry the whole time. Im completely on the fence about whether or not he would do well in underwear at night. Even more so, Im concerned about how well his brothers would handle him using the restroom at night. Since they all 3 share a room, would he wake up his brothers? Would I have 2 toddlers playing in the bathroom at 2 am? Would I be struggling to get 3 boys back to bed after changing sheets in the middle of the night? Im just not sure how it will go. I think I would feel more adventurous and cavalier about trying out nights if I wasnt almost 22 weeks pregnant. Sleep has become quite important to me.

My husband and I talked about it and we feel like if C is really wanting to do nights, we should let him. He may surprise us, just like O may surprise us by actually being ready to potty train. Im at a point in this pregnancy where I feel pretty good. I have energy during the day. Im taking it a bit easier than usual, so we are home more. Why not let them potty train if they are ready? They will be turning 3 mid-April and so the alternative is to wait and potty train them when I am huge pregnant in my third trimester or, even less desirable, when we have a newborn, who will most likely be arriving this June.

We have already decided to go into this with our plan thrown out the window and this is just another example of seeing where the potty training road takes us...

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Previous potty training posts:

• Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}
• Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}
• Potty training twins: Part 3 {Treats}

Not gonna lie... Today was a horrible potty training day.

Which makes me want to write a blog post about how wonderful potty training is going for us-- no sarcasm, in all honesty.

When I talk to people about potty training, everyone has a different view on it. A girlfriend of mine sent her boys to a potty training boot camp (never heard of those before, but, HECK YES, and WHERE IS THE ONE NEAR ME?). I have friends that swear by the three day method-- cover your furniture and let them roam naked for three days and suddenly you have potty trained kids. I have friends that do things slowly, never officially "potty train," just switch to pull ups, let them dabble in underwear, let things ride, and one day their pull ups are dry and they are wetting their beds-- no mess, just potty trained kids.

Whats my view? To me, potty training is a process. A long, long process. Not always hard work and not always messy, but still a process. Potty training, to me, answers this one question: am I involved in the bathroom process? If the answer is "yes" then they are still potty training.

Potty training means continually making forward progress towards the end goal of not being in the bathroom with my children-- not having to wash their hands, clean them up, fasten their pants, or watch the clock and wonder if they have gone potty lately. For instance, I can let our oldest use a public bathroom by himself (though I always wait outside the door for him-- yeah, Im "that" mom). When he comes out of the restroom, I know he washed his hands and dressed himself properly. In comparison, with our toddlers, although they dont have accidents when we leave the house anymore, Im dragging them to the restroom when we arrive at our next errand; Im dragging them to the bathroom before we leave the store; the whole time we are at a playdate Im closely watching them to make sure there are no signs of them needing to use the restroom. Also, just in case, I have a diaper bag fully loaded with plastic bags, clean underwear, and changes of clothes (including socks). When I leave them with our baby-sitter, I give her a heads up about when they last went potty.

Are they driving their potty training? Yeah. They really are. The only time I get on their case about using the restroom is when I would be mortified if they had an accident, like when Im at a girlfriends house and they are sitting on her couch watching a movie or on a playdate at a new friends house. Or when I really dont want them having an accident, like heading out on a longer car ride or when Im making a big Costco run. At home, they are in charge of potty training. Even when we are out, they are the ones telling me when they actually have to go potty. I just cant help but stress about the possibility of accidents because I am their mother a.k.a. the one who has to 1. clean up the accident and 2. apologize for the accident.

So why was today such a horrible potty training day? Because they dont have accidents anymore. They have "on purposes." This morning there was a debacle in the restroom. A toddler removed himself from the toilet before he was all the way clean and ended up making a mess of both the porcelain chair and the floor next to it. Apparently his brothers found this quite amusing and the other toddler decided to recreate this hilarious scene in the playroom later in the afternoon; much to his dismay, his mother did not find it nearly so amusing and he found himself in trouble. The original toddler, attempting to relive his earlier popularity, made his way to the restroom a few short hours after the playroom incident and dramatically reenacted the mornings fiasco. While his brothers could not suppress their giggles, he found he had far less sympathy from his mother the second time around. Actually, all three boys were quickly disciplined and assured this sort of behavior was not welcome in their home. It was an upsetting afternoon for the toddlers-- who seemed shocked they were punished for their antics-- and an unpleasant afternoon for myself-- as I was the one cleaning up the mess.

How is this forward progress?

Hmm, not entirely sure. The only positive outcome from today is that the toddlers now know that under no circumstances do I think using their underwear as diapers is funny or acceptable or okay or "an accident."

What I do know is that they understand what they are supposed to do. Their attempt at humor showed me that they know what is socially expected of them and this was their way of going against the grain.

I dont believe in holding their failures over their head. We forgive and move on in this family. After they were properly reprimanded for their indiscretions, we moved forward. However, when I put them to bed tonight, I gently reminded them that tomorrow is a new day and that tomorrow "we" are going to use the potty all day and when "we" use the potty all day and have no "accidents" then we get a sticker (for more on "we" read Honest Toddlers post, "We").

They seem on board with this plan. My husband and I have taken away all treats during the day except for the big kahuna-- no accidents all day. Weve started pull ups at night, still no idea when we will actually potty train overnight.

My last view on potty training is that there is no right or wrong way. I do believe potty training requires forward motion. Sometimes you realize you are pushing it when your child isnt ready (read, "Try to see it my way") and you need to shelve the potty training plan for the time being. When we first potty trained our first child, we had no idea how we wanted to do it. I researched so much and came up with a plan. Then we rolled up our sleeves and got to work potty training him only to realize that it was a team effort: he needed to be just as on board as we were (read "Why not?" and "Follow up on potty training"). Along the way, we changed tactics. We did what worked. This time around, when one of our twin toddlers demanded to be potty trained, we thought, yeah, lets just potty train both toddlers at the same time, only to discover the other toddler was not ready (read "Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}"). Before we knew it, the reluctant toddler was ready to potty train and the treat system we were doing with just one toddler didnt work potty training 2 toddlers at the same time. We changed tactics. The point is, all along the way, we reevaluated and readjusted. We tried things out and tweaked what didnt work. On top of that, the way we went about potty training one toddler wasnt the way we went about potty training his twin brother (one is far more motivated by the desire to potty train and the other by the treats and praise).

Even more so, the things we are doing with our toddlers may not be the things you do with your toddlers. I dont think we are necessarily doing it the best or easiest way for everyone in every circumstance. Im doing it the best and easiest way for me, a stay-at-home mother 23-weeks pregnant homeschooling a preschooler with almost 3-year old twin toddlers demanding to be potty trained at the same time. This is in no way how I potty trained the first time around and probably wont be how I potty train when baby #4 is ready to potty train. I am writing about our experience potty training twins because when I start potty training, I like to read about what other people did and I like when I can glean things I hadnt thought of from other peoples experiences.

So when I say that we are now on day 28 potty training our first toddler ready to potty train and day 11 potty training his twin brother, no, I dont mean that this whole time has been full of accidents. I definitely have not been setting alarm clocks or watching them closely this whole time (actually setting the alarm clock never worked for them, though we did that with their older brother). Save for today, they are not wandering our house having accidents (I would be a total mess if that were the case-- todays stress required a decadent risotto for dinner in order to put it all behind me). Potty training is working out the kinks of everyday life and trusting they will use the bathroom on their own, holding it when need be and using the restroom when they know there wont be another one for awhile. I know which situations are harder for each of the toddlers to deal with-- one has a hard time shortly after we get home from a long day of errands (not sure why when he uses the restroom just fine the whole time we are gone?) and the other just after he wakes up from afternoon nap (dry the whole nap, wakes up groggy and this is the most likely time for him to have an accident). Yes, I stress under new scenarios (friends houses) or when my hands are tied (pushing a huge cart at Costco when Im there alone with the boys), but this time around, with both of the toddlers wanting to be potty trained and pushing for it, has been hands down 100% easier than the first time around when my husband and I were the driving force behind potty training our oldest.

I am sure there will be at least one more blog post on this, definitely when we actually potty train nights (right now we are doing pull ups at night).

Happy potty training, friends. May the force be with you.

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