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I sat down this morning to write a blog post on our family schedule and why routines work well for us. However, as I was typing our toddlers kept interrupting me with issue after issue.

Whining.

Whining.

Whining.

I eventually felt myself getting more and more frustrated, losing my train of thought and writing long, rambling paragraphs that lead nowhere. I saved the blog post and closed the browser.

I tried switching gears. I reached out to a fellow momma and shared my frustrations, got some support; even texting someone can help get some encouragement. I switched activities. Obviously blogging wasnt going to happen; lets color! Lets start school earlier than usual. Lets do something organized together.

I called our kindergartner back inside to do some school. He got out his school supplies. One of our toddlers started whining, unprovoked. Literally standing in the middle of the room making high-pitched whiny, screeching noises over and over again. I gave him a warning. I invited him to sit with us and to color. He persisted. I walked him to his room and told him whining was unacceptable. He started screaming and hitting the door when I closed it. I took a deep breath and prayed, "God, let me love my kids through you. Let me show them your love."

I went back to the table with the other 2 boys, a toddler and our kindergartner. We said the Pledge of Allegiance. We prayed together. I went back to get the toddler in quiet time and asked if he wanted to join us. He declined and said he was sorry for whining and that he wanted to play in the playroom. He started getting dressed in costumes. I resumed school with the other 2 boys. The toddler at the table finished coloring and said he wanted to do costumes; he cleaned up his markers and went to the playroom. Moments later the first toddler came out of the playroom whining, whining, whining. I instructed him to use his words. He was frustrated; his backpack was broken. I informed him it was upside down and that is why everything was falling out. I offered to help him. He backed away whining. He let out the high pitch screeching whine over and over and so I walked him to his room to collect himself. He whined and whined at the door. I prayed. I went back to school with the other 2. I came back awhile later to ask if he wanted to come out of his room and he threw a toy at the door. I tucked him in for a nap and told him he needed to rest. I came back to do the calendar with the other 2 boys. It went well. We did our thing and then the other toddler started whining-- expressionless, unprovoked whining. Why? I didnt know so I asked him to do his calendar job. He stood motionless whining. I gave him a warning. He whined. I escorted him to his room to rest as well.

I stood outside their door and felt the tears well up in my eyes. What am I doing wrong? Why are they constantly whining and fighting?

Yesterday we had a list of errands to run. On the actual errands, they were obedient and well behaved. They stood in line with me at the Post Office. They waited in the returns line at Costco. But as soon as we got in the car it was constant bickering-- constant bickering. Wild slapping in the direction of their brother, screeching at the top of their lungs, "NO!", yelling, whining, throwing, flailing, moaning...

Im exhausted. This behavior has been going on for over a week. Throw in there some potty training regression and the constant whining and bickering has just about drained me. I put them down to nap and they spend the entire time opening their respective doors bumming, "Can I come out now?" I wake up in the morning to the sounds of the toddlers fussing and fighting and whining and arguing in the hall bathroom. I put them to bed after listening to them fuss and fight and whine and argue all.day.long.

I go through moments where I feel confident and think, "This is a phase. I understand it is a phase. I understand that parenting is hard and that some phases are more enjoyable than other phases. I know their brains are developing. I know they have dealt with big changes from their dad starting prototype and being gone all day. I know we will come out of this okay and to focus on the positives."

And then there are other moments where I cringe at the thought of riding in the car with them and so I dont want to leave the house.

Where I think about how quickly they grow up and how one day they wont be 3-years old anymore, they will be 6-years old and I will wonder where the time went.

Where I hear other moms talk about how the toddler years are their favorite.

Where Im crying in the laundry room and texting my mom because I just dont know what else to do and I feel so alone.

Where I miss our old duty station because I had friends who were going through the same thing with me, who have kids the same age as mine, who invited us over for playdates and park dates and coffee dates.

Where I just hate spending all day long listening to them fight with each other.

Those moments I feel like a horrible parent.

I dont know why our toddlers are behaving this way. I spend a lot of time praying and asking God to extend some grace their way, to blanket me in his love so that I can show them his love, to strengthen me so that I have the energy and patience to be consistent. I read parenting books (my favorites: Keep Calm and Parent On and When Mothers Pray). I meditate on Philippians, my favorite book of the Bible. I hold on to those sweet moments with them in between the fussing and the fits. Yet I struggle because the absolute truth is that I am not enjoying myself.

Since I do not have a large friend base here, Ive been working on keeping myself busy. Ive been focusing a lot on things that I do enjoy doing-- kindergarten with our oldest, taking walks with our infant, reading by myself and with the kids, and cooking. Some of the cooking has been fun to do with the children, even the toddlers. Sometimes it goes downhill quickly and for no reason, like yesterday when one of the toddlers was helping me until he just broke down into a whining mess. Other times they get immense satisfaction from making the meal with me and will channel all their energy into the tasks I give them. I try to have them help me one at a time, stealing moments that I can give them my undivided attention and listen to what they have to say. I try to find tasks that play to their strengths so they can build their self-confidence. Ive also been trying to keep our calendar full, inviting friends on playdates, meeting up with girlfriends, doing things with my family. Having 4 children, homeschooling, and life as a Navy wife tend to keep our calendar full and so the hours of the day tend to slip by quickly anyways; I make my best effort to organize those hours in a way that works well for our boys.

This is one of those phases that I am just holding on and hoping that it passes quickly. It has been one of those phases that no matter what I try doesnt seem to make a big difference in how our day goes or how the toddlers behave. It has been one of those phases that make me wish I lived closer to my family and to my girlfriends.

How do you deal with these kind of phases?

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One of my good friends is doing MOPS this year and has been talking to  me about their theme: being brave as a mother. I can think of several times as a mother that I have had to be braver than I thought I could be, the first coming to mind when one of our sons was in the PICU for 4 days with RSV and there was nothing else the doctors could do for him. Since then there have been other things: asthma flare ups, injuries, sickness, late nights, solo parenting... Then there have been other times where the lines arent as clear and Im praying and praying that Im making the right choice: disciplining a 6-year old {very different than disciplining 2 and 3 year olds}, disciplining 3 children, speaking up for my parenting choices to others when Id prefer to stay silent... Last night was a new one for me: having the courage to enjoy the holiday.

It has been 4 years since my husband has been on a submarine-- 3 years of college and now going through the officer pipeline. When we first moved to North Carolina for him to start college, I was so jealous of his time. After coming from a fast attack submarine, I wasnt accustomed to him being around much. I tried to soak in every weekend, every weeknight, every time he could go to lunch with us... I wanted to do everything together and I felt panicked when our plans separated us or when we had too many plans in a weekend, even if we were doing them together. We are both homebodies and I felt like we should be home together, making the most of it.

My husband is the sweetest person I know and so loving. He eventually had a little chat with me about how much time we have together with the STA-21 program and that it is okay to enjoy life, doing things together or apart. I slowly relaxed {slowly}. I still sometimes would feel that panicked feeling in my chest if I was at a Bible Study and he was at home doing nothing {my husband is HOME and I am NOT THERE-- what am I doing here???}. By the time we left North Carolina, doing things separately wasnt a big deal. He started power school and golfed, did wood working; I hung out with girlfriends, worked on my writing. Of course I still have issues when we are too busy-- I know our children want to spend time with both of us together and, since quality time is my love language, I love when we do things as a family.

I suppose the foreshadowing for last nights feelings happened last week when I sat down to figure out our Thanksgiving plans. With shiftwork, I didnt want to be struggling to make Thanksgiving dinner with children underfoot only for him to eat and leave at odd hours. I kept thinking that I wanted to do something more than eating take out or a casserole because it might be our "last Thanksgiving together for awhile." That thought just kept bouncing around in my head. I found a recommended restaurant with traditional Thanksgiving fare that would give us the holiday feel without me stressing over a ginormous meal for just our family. I wanted him to enjoy this Thanksgiving because next year... where will he be next year? On a submarine. Home? Deployed? Underway? We dont know. We dont even know where we will be living next year.

Last night we were getting ready to go trick or treating. My husband was tired from shiftwork. Our children were over excited about a holiday-- dressing up, something new, general excitement. I was a little stressed because one of our boys-- the one who tends to randomly projectile vomit when over excited or after eating junk food-- wasnt eating his dinner and I didnt want him binging on candy later without "real food" in his stomach. The baby needed to be fed. All 3 older boys were covered in dirt and sand from head to foot after playing outside before dinner and I needed to give them baths before costumes. It was a busy start to the holiday, but one to be expected with 4 children. My poor husband-- who is genuinely tired from shiftwork-- pulls me aside and says he doesnt want to trick or treat long because he really wants to go to bed early. The panic hit my chest, "We have to trick or treat! We need to do this with the boys. They want to do it with you. We are going to do it as a family." He says he knows, but he doesnt want to be out all night. {Funny conversation in hindsight-- we set out with a 6-year old who falls asleep standing up at 8 pm, two 3-year olds who hadnt napped, an infant who wanted to eat, and my husband who is on rotating shiftwork.} We agreed to hit a few houses in our neighborhood, coming home in time for the kids bedtime.

I kept thinking as we were trick or treating, "Enjoy this night. Next year youll be doing this alone. Next year-- if hes home-- hell be on 3 section duty days, but hell probably be underway or deployed. If were lucky hell be home on shiftwork. Make the most of tonight." Thinking like that is so paralyzing. I knew I wanted us to stick together-- no breaking off and trick or treating with neighbors. We are doing this together, dammit. I felt that panic hitting my chest. Should I let our oldest go trick or treat with his friends? I mean, that is part of normal life, right? But hes only 6-years old, its fine if we tell him no and have him go with us. I know my husband wanted to do this with all his boys, so it is good we said no, right? Ugh. Yes? No? Panic rising again-- he wont be home next year! Enjoy this year!

For me, this became a courageous parenting moment. I realized that my fears that we wouldnt be together next year {the unknown future} were taking over my ability to enjoy and live in this moment {the present}. And while I wasnt walking around telling our children, "You must enjoy this time with your father. He will probably be underway next Halloween," I wasnt exactly letting them spread their wings and just be. I had expectations of the evening that I wanted met. How is that fun for a kid? Trying to fit into a box his mom has made for the day? While I was thinking all that, I also realized that I dont want to teach my children to think this way. I dont want to train them to have those panicked feelings of making the most, clinging on so tight that they cant see what is in front of them. I know they will have struggles as military children, but why should I compound that by teaching them new things to be afraid of? To dread? Teaching them to regret how they spent a holiday-- time they spent-- before theyve even had a chance to experience the day? My love language is quality time. Regret and anxiety are not quality time.

Remember Finding Nemo? Marlin tells Dory regarding his son Nemo, "I promised Id never let anything happen to him." Dory replies, "Hmm, thats a funny thing to promise... you cant never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little [Nemo]."

And as I write this blog post, we are watching The Croods. Eep says to her father, "You have to stop worrying about us." Her father replies, "Its my job to worry! We have to follow the rules." Eep goes on to say, "The rules dont work out here." Eeps father interjects, "The rules kept us alive!" to which Eep replies, "That wasnt living! That was just... not dying."

Last night when it looked like our night was going to go downhill before 7 pm-- fussy baby, cold family, tired husband-- I felt myself getting upset, "This isnt how I want tonight to go!" But when does life ever happen exactly how we want it to? I took a deep breath and let it go. I let go of my expectations for the evening, the panic that we have to make the most of tonight because of the unknowns of next Halloween, the desire for tonight to be perfect. When I did that, the evening was perfect. The boys sprinted from house to house (we were glad that we stuck together as a family in the end). We dropped the stroller off and held the baby, warming up my husband and actually putting the fussy baby to sleep. We ended up back home before 7:30 pm, letting the boys eat some of their Halloween candy while passing out candy to the last few trick or treaters. The kids were in bed on time; my husband was in bed before 8:30 pm. It all ended up working out and even I enjoyed myself once I let go, once I stopped clinging to everything so tight.

I curled up next to my hubby with my book last night as I fed our baby happy. Who knows where we will be living next Halloween or if my husband will be home. I do know that if hes underway, hell be thinking of this Halloween and how our boys kept taking off as fast as their legs could carry them from house to house. How we had a hard time keeping track of our Captain America and Buzz Lightyear, but our Big Al {Alabama Crimson Tides elephant mascot} was easy to spot. How baby #4 calmed as soon as he was picked up by his daddy and promptly fell asleep on his shoulder. How my husband spent the rest of the evening with one hand free, the other holding the baby, but how all the baby needed right then was his daddy. How the boys screamed with delight when we told them they could eat all the candy they wanted last night and how they compared and shared all their treats-- without us asking. How they fell asleep not 10 minutes after we put them to bed. Who could ask for a better Halloween?

Now, while it took a lot of courage to let go on Halloween, it was fairly easy to remember with all the Elsas wandering the neighborhood. I will have a much harder time when Thanksgiving and Christmas come around. Hopefully I can breathe in, breathe out, and enjoy those days for what they are as well.

Do you find it hard to live in the present as a military family?

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Our 2-year olds wrestling on a hotel room couch last PCS ;)

I wrote a blog post before titled, "PCSing tips from a Navy wife and mother of three." We have a PCS coming up in the next couple months and so I wanted to write another blog post about how we start preparing several months before an upcoming PCS.

Move Notebook?

The most important aspect to a smooth PCS is organizing all your paperwork which is why the move notebook is so important. I wrote a blog post called "Write it all down" where I explain how I organize our move notebook. The other day I spent the morning getting our move notebook ready for our next move: throwing out and filing paperwork from our last PCS, printing off new note taking pages, adding sections for our new kitten and baby #4. Move notebook: ready.

Donating HHG?

The next step {and one you can never start too early-- seriously} is going through your household goods (HHG). One of the difficult aspects of being a Navy family is you never know where your next PCS will be. We will find out roughly 2 weeks before we PCS where we are going. I dont want to donate our winter coats because 1.) I dont know where our next move will be and 2.) I dont know where we are going after that. When we lived in Hawaii, our hall closet was stuffed with winter jackets from living in New Hampshire/Maine. Our storage unit in North Carolina was lined with boogie boards from Hawaii, that we then used here in South Carolina. I know everyone manages their HHG differently, but, man, I hate rebuying things every time we PCS. So, while keeping in mind that while we might not need our boogie boards/swim suits or scarves/winter coats at our next PCS, I still follow a few rules when combing through our HHG:

• When you last lived in that climate, did you actually use those items?
  I just went through my closet and found a whole bin of hideous scarves and hats. I never wore them in New Hampshire, I never wore them on the cold days in North Carolina, and I definitely dont plan on wearing them in the future. Some things that never were in style will definitely never be in style again. If you find beach toys that you never took to the beach when you lived 10 minutes from it, get rid of them.
• Follow the rules of fashion: if you havent worn them in 2 seasons, out they go.
  If you have gone through 2 seasons with your fall wardrobe and havent pulled out an entire drawer of sweaters, pare them down. If you have skipped over certain items for 2 seasons, you will never wear that item again. If you need help going through your closet with a critical eye, I highly recommend Tim Gunns Guide to Quality, Taste, and Style. Tim Gunn has all the answers.
• Most important question: how easy is that item to replace?
  Being a moving military family, this is the most important question to me when looking at an item and weighing whether it should stay or go. I dont like donating items that I immediately need to replace when arriving from a PCS (moving is expensive enough already without creating expenses). My husband hates one of the end tables in our family room. I agree with him that it isnt a quality piece of furniture. However, I do not want to move to our next house missing end tables; I need somewhere to put my coffee. That is an item that I would keep and replace... eventually {probably never-- haha!}. Our winter jackets also fall in that category. My husband and I both have very nice winter jackets; our childrens winter jackets have all only seen a season or two, meaning our younger sons have quality hand-me-down jackets. It would cost more for me to throw them all out then keep them and hand them down to our younger children. Several things that didnt make the cut: surplus outdoor toys, a large quantity of toys from our playroom, a whole bin of spare picture frames, cookbooks that I rarely-- if ever-- use, etc.

Going through your HHG is something that takes time. We did spend the couple weeks after baby #4 was born going through every drawer and closet in our house, tossing out the junk, organizing all our paper files. That was very productive, but, since then, we have gone through even more stuff. We keep a donate box in our garage so that we can continuously add to it. Yesterday alone I found literally 20 pounds of things to donate in our office, a room that we have already combed through. I look at it this way: when you first walk into a room like our playroom, it is hard to discern what we truly need to keep. The first wave is the most obvious for removing junk. The second wave is when we start picking through and really organizing. The third wave we can go through with a fine tooth comb and eliminate almost all of the junk.

Use up your liquids

 

This is a really helpful blog post on PCSing, "Army Wife Network: PCS Guide." It states:

Be aware that most moving companies will not transport candles, batteries, live plants, and liquids.  They will however pack non-perishables.  If you have any of these items you will have to make other arrangements to get them to your new home or give them away.

Sounds simple enough, but take a close look at how many liquids you have in your home, starting in the kitchen: oils, condiments, vinegars, alcohol, dressings, jars of pickled products, etc. Move to the bathroom: lotions, hair products, shave products, bath and body products, etc. Move to the garage: paint, finishes, aerosol cans, gas, cleaning products, etc. This is obviously not a process that you should start the week before you pack out.

Some people get really frustrated that those items wont be packed out. I agree.. It is hard to throw those all away each and every time you move. On the flip side, how would you feel PCSing from Hawaii and having your household goods packed in a crate with someone elses household goods and one of their boxes exploded, leaking 409 all over your couch for 2 months? Or a bottle of olive oil saturating a box of books? When we left Hawaii, one of our movers left a bag of individually wrapped chocolates on our couch. 3 months later when our couch was delivered to North Carolina in July, we had an epic mess on our hand that literally coated our small living room in our apartment. (The chocolate had coated the couch and the paper that the couch was wrapped in, spreading all over the carpet, the couch cushions... It was a mess.) So I understand why these items arent moved. I also am excited when some of these items accidentally do get packed and survive in one piece-- "Score! A box of household cleaners that I dont need to go out and buy!"

I 100% agree with passing out things you cant move to your friends-- freezer items, cleaning products, hair products, any and everything. I believe in paying it forward. I believe in donating things you dont need anymore or cant use. I also believe in cutting down on waste and using what you own. It is still so frustrating throwing out so much waste every time we move. No matter what we pass out to friends, we still end up with waste each and every time. Some moves it cant be helped. We found out we were moving in 2 months when we left Hawaii, fast forwarding our move date by over a year. My husband was underway while I was setting up our move and we had a lot of ducks to get in a row for the STA-21 program. Im not sure we used up much of our perishables before we moved. I remember boxes of cleaning products I handed out and throwing away so much food, even after passing out so much food.

Here are my tips on using up your liquids:

• Take inventory
  What items do you own that actually cannot be moved? Check your freezer. Check your pantry. Check your bathrooms. Check your garage. Figure out what you have and what you need to use up. Write a list if it helps. Figure out how to use up the cleaning products you own and, if you run out before your PCS, buy multi-purpose cleaning products that will be easier to consume before your move date. Make meals that use your perishables.
• Start early
  I have found that, for our family, the last month before we move is not a good time for us to use up our products. We are busy cleaning. Our friends want to go out to eat with us. I am spending time setting up the move, confirming dates, refiguring everything when I get a call that the pack out is moved by a week or two, etc. That last month never goes as planned and our freezer suffers for it. Plan early-- start 3 months ahead truly consuming what you already own. Make it a goal. With 3 months before you move, pull out those perishable items from your pantry that must be consumed-- condiments, dressings, etc-- and get creative. In your bathrooms, set out the liquids that cannot move and start using them! Make a point of using these things.
• Figure out what you wont use
  Despite our best efforts, there will still be things that we will not use. For instance, my husband has lots of finishes and paints in our garage. He will not be completing any more woodworking projects before we move. I have lots of shampoos and conditioners that I will most likely not use. Make a game plan for those items. Since I plan on visiting my parents, I know that I can bring our unopened condiments, bath and body products, etc, to their house and I know what will get used there. For the other things, we plan on passing those things off to our friends, especially in the last month when it is obvious we will not be using them. A big note is do not wait to hand it all out the week before you PCS. As well-meaning as people are, everyone is busy. You may have a free afternoon to hand out your household cleaners and bath and beauty products, but your friend has school pick up/drop off and doctors appointments. Dont wait until the last minute when your only option is to throw it away.

Make reservations

 

Im not sure how well it comes across in my blog, but Im a planner. I like making lists, schedules, keeping notes, hanging reminders. I like having a game plan. PCSing can be really hard because moving plans are contingent on all the other parts of the move: the pack out date, when HHG are picked up, etc. If you have a moment, Ill take you on a little walk through my over-planning mind.

• Set up the outgoing hotel:
  
  I am a huge fan of booking directly through companies. I never use third party sites, such as Travelocity or Kayak or whatever. My favorite hotel companies for PCSing are Marriot and Hyatt {both have military rates}. As soon as I have an idea of when we might possibly have a good chance of maybe PCSing, I book our hotel. Why? Because I familiarize myself with the hotels cancellation policy. Marriot and Hyatt give you 24 hours before your check-in time to cancel a reservation.
  
  How do I make this work for me? Lets say that I think we are PCSing at the end of November (which we arent). I would go on the computer now, compare rates, book an outgoing hotel reservation for 2 weeks at the hotel of my choice, and then continue to monitor hotel prices. When PCSing with pets and children, sometimes it costs far less to stay at a hotel that does not accept pets and board the animals than it does to stay at a hotel with a pet deposit and a pet fee each night; sometimes it isnt. It also takes some planning to figure out if it would be more convenient to board the animals or keep them with us-- where is the pet boarder located in relation to our hotel and home? How much will it cost to board our pet? What is the pet fee/pet deposit at our hotel?
  
  I also like to call local military hotels, such as Navy Lodge or any hotels on base. Many of those hotels have deposits that you pay when you make the reservation, but they also usually have a similar cancellation policy as the larger chain hotels. I like to check out those hotels because they are usually less expensive, generally centrally located, and often pet friendly. The downside to the military hotels is that they are quite often just hotel rooms whereas with a Residence Inn I can get a 2-bedroom suite that comfortably accommodates the whole family or a Hyatt Place room with somewhat divided spaces that works well for a short stay.
  
  And here is why I never use third party sites: as the move gets closer, I adjust our reservation when our dates become firmer. I never cut down the length of our stay. I always make sure to make our reservation at least 2-3 days past when I think I will need it. {When PCSing with a family, dont make it more difficult by setting it up so you have to change rooms in the middle of a hotel stay.} I carefully mark my calendar as to where I have made reservations and the cancellation dates. This makes it much easier for me to guarantee lower fares, comfortable accommodations during a PCS, and a convenient location {I like an included breakfast, lunch and dinner within walking distance, and centrally located to the other aspects of our move}. With third party sites, they often do not allow cancellations or adjusting the stay. It is often very difficult to do this as well, resulting in long phone calls through automated systems (my nemesis).
  
  It is much easier to book our outgoing hotel in advance. I generally have to wait until the month before our PCS to book our incoming hotel. We do not like to stay at our home once our pack out begins because it is often dangerous keeping track of the kids with moving boxes, etc. Our outgoing hotel begins the day of our pack out and ends when we leave town, usually right after our final walk through. {I love when we can book our final walk through in the evening the night before we check out of our hotel-- that is perfect PCS timing.} The incoming hotel is contingent on when we are actually moving to our next duty station-- when our household goods will be delivered, my husbands report date, etc. That I have to wait on until we have a firmer idea of when things will take place, but I book that as soon as we have an inkling as well.

 

HANG IN THERE

?

 

I hear a lot as we get ready to move that "it will all work out." We had a really crappy situation when PCSing from North Carolina to South Carolina (read "Living on borrowed time"), but it worked out. It always does. Its stressful to not know where the next move is or when exactly we are moving or being able to look up housing at our next place {my fingers are itching to start searching Zillow}. For now Im content channeling my energy into these tasks. Eventually the  move will hit and Ill earn more PCSing gray hairs. For now there is no stress-- no dates to keep track of, nothing broken in a move, no overbooked hotels, no missing POAs, no housing wait lists... Just a looming move.

 

What are your pre-PCSing tips? How do you get ready for an upcoming PCS?

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You know whats hard? Life. Marriage. Being a parent.

All of that.

Ive been feeling like a failure lately in my endeavors. People say things to me like, "I dont know how you do it!" and "You are a supermom" and "4 boys? You are amazing."

Most of it is lip service from strangers, the go-to things that people say to moms (and moms for 4 boys). It goes in one ear and out the other most of the time, but lately those comments have been giving me stress. This was a crazy move for us, a big change returning to boat life and living across country from my family. I feel like Im barely holding on and that Im frequently dropping the ball with our kids. We wrestled with our decision to send our oldest to public school instead of continuing homeschooling him. We wrestled with the decision to homeschool our 4-year old twins instead of re-configuring the budget to send them to preschool. Weve been wrestling with the decision on whether or not I want to go back to college (and all that entails-- registering, student loans or GI Bill, childcare, time commitment, yadda yadda). Just life decisions. It is all life and it is all normal and it is all good, but it has been a lot all at once.

But through all of this, I have felt like I have been stretched as a mother. One of our 4-years has been struggling with his asthma. Our baby had bronchiolitis and is taking a long time to recover. I am s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d. The other day, our 1st grader wanted me to come see the DinoTrux he built out of Legos and one of our preschoolers was babbling and the baby needed a nebulizer treatment and the dog was barking because the delivery man dropped a package off at the door and who knows where the other preschooler was... and I snapped, "Go to your rooms! Go, go, go!"

I want a break.

When I hear the lip service from strangers, I think, "Is this really as good as it gets?" It makes me feel like they dont really know how it goes at home. They may see a glimpse of our life-- the boys darting around happily at the park-- but all I can think is that the boys will be so tired leaving that 2 of them will be crying, one will be hitting another, and another will be taking off down the path on the way to the car instead of listening to me... and that once we get home I will have to wrestle them all through the bedtime routine. I feel like Im yelling all the time. I feel like Im sneaking to my room all the time to let the stress go, to say a prayer, to plead to God for some mommy courage, to vent to new friends who probably think Im nuts. And so the kind words from strangers, most likely meant to be encouraging, often make me feel like Im falling short from what they "think" of me, that Im not portraying our true selves, and that surely motherhood has to be more than where we are right now.

I know motherhood is more than this. We have days and strides where I am overwhelmed with joy from my our children. We have moments where I cant imagine being anywhere else in the world. And then the last couple weeks have left me feeling burnt out. BURNT OUT. Like, flame extinguished, running on fumes, headache, heartache, tears, sleepless nights, BURNT OUT. My face feels like it is in a constant frown and I swear Im getting wrinkles from worry lines. Im sure that my far away friends and family think Im a nut. Im texting everyone too much and calling too much and writing too much and in general, being a hot mess. Im venting to new friends about potty training woes, 4-year old woes, back to school woes, moving woes, Navy woes, woe, woe, woe... and I wake up in the morning feeling defeated before my feet hit the ground.

I finally opened up a devotional I got from MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) last year and find myself nodding "yes" to every page. Known & Loved by Caryn Rivadeneira has been such a comfort. This morning I made everyone breakfast and eagerly opened up my devotional, ready to dive into the Word and feel like Im finally getting my feet back on the ground. My parents recently flew out for a visit and it was so good, so good having my mom get us on schedule and making me feel like I wasnt losing my mind. Reading this devotional is a lot like that feeling, the rope guiding me through this dark tunnel where Im not sure what lays ahead or if other people feel this way. The best part of this devotional, to me, is discovering, yes. Yes... other moms do feel this way. It is a day by day journey. There are hard times. Change is hard. Change is hard on the children. It is hard on the parents. It is hard on me-- I feel like it all is falling on my shoulders to guide each of them individually through this time of transition and that somehow, from somewhere, I need to have all the answers. It feels like our world has been turned upside down and that all these little eyes are looking at me for guidance and Im just as confused-- yet somehow in charge of the ship. I have to balance their physical needs with the clockwork schedule of our house and now this crazy range of emotional needs as well. How do I get it all done?

Ive struggled with this blog post because I havent known all the words I wanted to put in it, the feelings Ive wanted to convey. There are so many moving parts when you PCS, when you check into a new command, when you arrive in a new duty station, when your kids are going to a new school, when your children grow from preschool and kindergarten to 1st grade (so big!). And cold and flu season approaching, managing asthma in a new climate... another one of our children diagnosed with reactive airways, 2 children on Albuterol, doctors appointments, trips to the hospital, nights up worrying and monitoring breathing... my head spins thinking about all of the things that have gone on during this PCS. What finally motivated me to get this blog post in writing was our sons first day of 1st grade. I was so proud of myself for holding it together that morning, proud of our 4-year olds (who have been struggling with all the changes) for behaving like gentlemen dropping off their big brother, and proud of our 1st grader for being brave when he was so nervous. Most of all, I was proud of all 4 of our boys for having listening ears on as we wandered around the school hallways trying to figure out where to go and what we are doing and how we do school pick up. I left the school feeling like, "It is getting better. We are putting one foot in front of the other and moving in the right direction." We went to a coffee shop to celebrate the occasion; I bought our younger 3 boys each a chocolate milk and myself a pumpkin spice latte. We sat in the sunshine and chatted with other parents doing the same thing. The 4-year olds were right back at their busy behavior-- they have been keeping me busy, like gray hair busy. As I chatted, a lady at the coffee shop felt the need to interrupt my conversation with a fellow momma to let me know how I was parenting wrong. Can I even begin to tell you how defeated, deflated, and embarrassed I was at that moment? This happened in front of a couple that I had met just that day, fellow parents at our brand new school in our brand new duty station. I ended up bustling my boys out of there and walking them to the park so I could get fresh air and not cry at the coffee shop. I was so embarrassed. So embarrassed at how the couple must perceive me and that my children were such a nuisance that someone had to dive into the middle of my conversation to inform me of how she feels their behavior should be corrected. I looked out over the water by the park and wondered if we were making progress or if we were just sitting at square one.

That is when words from the devotional came back to me, Psalm 94:18-19, "When I said, My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Ive also had Coldplays "The Scientist" stuck in my head the past couple weeks (parenting: brought to you by the Bible and Coldplay... dont worry, I know my life is a mess): "Nobody said it was easy/ no one ever said it would be this hard/ Oh, take me back to the start."

It isnt easy. Im not sure when I will hit my stride and feel like, "Ive got this." Perhaps I will always feel like we are a hot mess and maybe the dull headache will come and go over the years as these children try my nerves at every turn. Perhaps God has me where he wants me-- calling out to him hour by hour and day by day. Ive said it before that one thing I love about life as a submariners wife is that I have to opportunity to see my faith come alive in every day life; I am there again right now.

For any strangers or friends who light-heartedly want to say, "You are a supermom." No, not a supermom. I am a mom that has no idea what shes doing. Im a mom that makes mistakes, big and small, every day. Im a mom with a heart full of love for friends and family and doing my best, just like every other mom out there. Im a mom that says sorry and who leaves coffee shops crying after people judge my parenting, perhaps harshly or perhaps for good reason (though that ladys timing could have been better). Im a mom that has super long evenings and super stressful mornings. Im a mom that ends honest tries at involving the kids in projects with a headache, wondering if it was worth the effort, but always trying again, hoping that this time will be more fun or a little easier. Im a mom that always stresses about if a bone is broken or if that is normal breathing or labored breathing or if we should call the doctor (how about we just call to be on the safe side...). Im a mom that packs lunches that are never eaten or are only picked at, that has a mini van covered in snacks and chicken nuggets. Im a mom that wears shirts I thought were clean, only to find them caked with oatmeal or whatever else life throws at me. Im a mom that swears, sometimes intentionally and sometimes on accident. Im a mom that doesnt read directions and then wonders why I cant get new batteries in a Lightning McQueen flashlight. Im a mom that calls my mom for every problem and my best friends for all the other problems that arise in between phone calls to my momma. Im a mom that loves each and every moment with my children and is also surprised and exhausted over how freaking hard each and every moment with my children can be.

I think all parents are super parents. Life is hard and we are all doing what we can. Treat each other with love. Because that mom that you chewed out at the coffee shop is having a super rough couple of weeks. She may look like she was gossiping with friends while her kids ran amok, but Im telling you, she wasnt. I went back to talk to that lady, but she wasnt there. I tried to picture what that glimpse in my life looked like to her and wanted to give her a bigger picture. In my 7 years of parenting, she is not the first person to offer "insight" as to how I should be parenting. This one just happened to fall at a tender, vulnerable moment in my life. I know that we will have many more comments made to us in this parenthood journey and I hope each time God reminds me of his Word and his promises just as I feel myself falling apart.

"When I said, My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."
Psalm 94:18-19

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post pregnancy weight loss while breastfeeding

Ive never considered myself an insecure person. I would say that, in general, I feel confident in who I am and who God made me to be. I believe in the full body of Christ, how each of us have individual and unique gifts that we bring to the table. What I am good at may not be what you are good at and vice versa. I also believe that the root of finding your own confidence and inner strength is identifying what you are good at, what your passion is, what your skill set is. For myself, when I am practicing my skill, I get that sense of purpose. Sure, I occasionally see somebody doing something that I think, "Wow, I wish I could do that!" or something coming naturally to someone, where I have to work very hard at the same thing. Those times it is easy to doubt myself-- should I be doing that the same way? But having my inner compass-- my confidence in my own skills, my own sense of purpose-- I am quickly grounded again in who I am and being the best me.

Lately, Ive struggled a lot with that. Ive been pulling more things on to my calendar, some of them deliberately to challenge me and others to give back to my community. Ive been challenged. Ive been shown my limitations. Beyond that, Ive felt life is challenging me lately. Our 4-year old twins are at an age and stage that tests me on the regular. Different aspects of their personality challenge me in ways that I do not find enjoyable, but exhausting. My marriage is being challenged by the shipyard schedule and our return to life with my husband on a submarine. It is all life. It is all normal. It is all stretching me.

Because I like re-reading classics and because I have felt searching, I picked up On the Road by Jack Kerouac the other day. It felt like the book my soul needed at the moment.

They have worries, theyre counting the miles, theyre thinking about where to sleep tonight, how much money for gas, the weather, how theyll get there--and all the time theyll get there anyway, you see. But they need to worry and betray time with urgencies false and otherwise, purely anxious and whiny, their souls really wont be at peace unless they can latch on to an established and proven worry and having once found it they assume facial expressions to fit and go with it, which is, you see, unhappiness, and all the time it all flies by them and they know it and that too worries them to no end.

Unhappiness. Worrying over our worrying. And it is true-- in the end, we get there anyway. Why am I focusing so much on all these things that get me down?

It brought to mind these verses in Matthew. (Is it possible to jump from Kerouac to the Bible?) Matthew 6:31-34:

So do not worry, saying, What shall we eat? or What shall we drink? or What shall we wear? For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Lately I feel like my days move from one trouble to the next. My face is pulled into a facial expression to go with it and I spend so much time worrying about my life. Ive been consumed. And it has made me insecure. I doubt my abilities. I doubt my decisions. I doubt what Im capable of.

While getting ready this morning, I was listening to the Rolling Stones, "You cant always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need."

Mulling this over in my head as I went about our morning, dropping our 1st grader off at school, I seized the moment once we got home and called my best friend back; she called me yesterday. She wants to visit. As if my spirit couldnt get any higher from those words, when I told her what Ive been dealing with, she gave me encouragement.

This morning what I needed was the encouraging words of my best friend. What I needed last night was the encouraging text messages from my mom and the understanding ear of my husband. When he got home from work yesterday, he fed the children dinner while I left to go find a quiet corner in a restaurant to write. These people in my life surround me and lift me up. When I feel like I "cant" they show me that I can. (And, as my mom always encourages me, I can and I will.)

Yesterday morning at school drop off, I went home in tears, exasperated by the shenanigans of our 4-year olds, overwhelmed and in my head. I canceled my plans and cleaned the house from top to bottom-- cabinets, baseboards, laundry, and dusting included. Ive felt lost staring at the screen to blog. What should I write about that isnt yet another complaint? Sitting down this morning to write, I briefly doubted if I should publish this post.

But here is what I think is important: admitting your shortcomings. If I dont have the strength to admit when Im struggling, how will my friends find the strength to admit they are struggling to me? Wouldnt I happily bake a meal, baby-sit, or lend an ear to any of my friends when they need to feel the love? Ive got that love for them; I know theyve got that love for me. It is hard when we feel insecure. It is hard when we feel like the things we are good at fail, when we feel like nothing is succeeding, when we feel it is all for naught and we are running in circles. It is hard when we get in our own heads and feel alone. Yesterday taught me that while a lot of the day to day activities fall on my shoulders, I am not alone. My mommy texted and called me all day. My best friend is going to fly across country just to see me. My husband supports me. When I walked in the door from my solitary dinner last night, the children bustled down the stairs, "Mommy! Mommy! Where did you go? I love you."

Because I checked off my to-do list in a tear soaked binge yesterday, I can focus today on building my inner strength. I carved out that time to pray and listen to God. I am publishing this blog post when internally I wonder if I have anything to say. I am going to do some preschool with our 4-year olds and let them dabble in their passions; I swear one of them is ready to start reading. (How can I decline a desire to read?) The baby has a cold and needs me-- my care, my love, my patience. Today I have a chance to get what I need: the support of those that love me, opportunities to love those around me, and time to practice my skills. Ive let myself fall down a rabbit hole of insecurities, second guessing my every move. While I find it scary right now, I know that the only way to get past this is to put one foot in front of the other, to get on the road and stop counting the miles.

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Bear with me...

I love Project Runway. I love watching people pursue their dreams and have an opportunity to let their creativity run wild, to focus solely on their passion. (When, as adults, do we have a chance to be thrown in neck deep to forget about the rest and just do what we love?) As I was watching Project Runway this season, I started thinking about a common theme through all the seasons of Project Runway, creating that moment. Runway fashion is about that moment when the model turns the corner on the runway and the audience gasps at the design and innovation of the created piece. It isnt about practicality or what went in to the outfit or the budget or any of that; it is that elusive moment of excitement and intrigue over what you are witnessing for that brief period of time. The model walks down the runway, pauses, lets you take it in, and then turns-- vanishes-- poof! She has gone back stage and the moment is gone. You are left thinking about what you saw. You only have your impression, what you remember, nothing in your hands, nothing tangible. How did you feel about it?

Recently Project Runway shows when the judges have the models come down to their judging area after the show, while the contestants wait to hear what was decided and who will go home. One by one the models come before the judges to have the pieces they are wearing inspected. Sometimes a piece that was mediocre on the runway suddenly blossoms in front of the judges eyes-- "Can you believe the amount of work and technique that went into this? It looks so simple and, yet, look! The fine detail..." Sometimes wow pieces are exposed for what they are-- prototypes. It walked down the runway amazing and was beautiful, but under their prying eyes they can see the stitches coming unraveled, seams that werent finished, details glued on haphazardly right before the show. It was never real-- never a finished piece, just an illusion.

I have been mulling this idea over in my mind. Parenting has been a challenge for me lately. I feel stretched and empty. I feel like I simplify and still I have twelve hundred things to do at one time. I try to go back to the basics, the things I must complete each day and allow the space and time to get those things done yet the children, through no fault of their own, keep finding ways to stretch me. And this is where I tie in Project Runway. I have times where I feel like those designers. They are working with this limited budget to create something in a short time, to get it done, to make it work, to put on a show. The workroom is a mess. Everyone is at their table doing the best that they can, cutting, sewing, dreaming, believing, doubting. "Is this good enough? Is this right? This is what Im trying to showcase." Last week a designer hovered over his material, doubting if he was ready to commit to the cuts he was about to make. Once he cut the fabric, there was no going back, no changing his mind for a different design; he would be committed to that path. Was he ready to make that choice? As a parent, I relate to those feelings of doubt. That desire to do the best that I can, to make it work. While I do not have a panel of judges watching my parenting and critiquing me, but I do have times where I feel judged, whether I actually am or whether I perceive to be. I relate to taking all of these busy aspects of life and tying them together to make a cohesive look, a finished product, a child that has all of these different elements of myself, my husband, and our life together working inside of him.

Parenting has those moments. The moments where you dont see whats going on backstage or the craziness in the audience-- the cameras, the crew, the people, the noise-- and all you see is the model coming down the runway. Yesterday my husband and I felt like having a movie night. We blew up the air mattress in the family room and snuggled on the couch all day watching Tim Burton movies with the children. We made "mummies" out of hot dogs and crescent rolls. We had popcorn and candy. It was great doing nothing. I wasnt thinking about the laundry that had to be finished before the week started or the sink full of dishes that would need to be done before breakfast the next day. I wasnt thinking about the sour sugar all over our floor or the ketchup stains the baby made on the blankets. We had our moment. It was sublime. Of course it didnt last. The baby got bored and dedicated his time to climbing on the table and knocking over our drinks and popcorn. The older boys started wrestling on the air mattress. My husband fell asleep. I was pinned in a corner of the couch with a baby hitting me with a remote control. We finally pried ourselves off the couch to put an end to the wrestling and finish the dishes, start the laundry, get the boys to clean their toys in the loft. We did pajamas, medicine, dinner, and got the house ready for school and work the next day. The boys ended up having an early bedtime due to meltdowns. Our oldest desperately finished up his Boy Scout project. It was chaos. But when we got in bed that night, my husband and I remembered that moment when we were all on the air mattress watching movies, when our four boys were snuggled up under one blanket, eyes glued to the silly songs, and we had this whole lazy afternoon stretched before us, nowhere to be but here, now.

Lately I feel like Ive been focusing on the chaos. Not the good chaos of parenting, but the bad chaos. The meltdowns, the repeated battles, the same old story day in and day out. I have been letting little things get to me in a big way and I have forgotten about the beauty and magic of parenting. How children can get so much joy from a rainy day (even if they throw a massive fit when it is time to go inside). How fun an air mattress is (even if it ends with a bloody lip and a crying baby). How long weekends are (even if it flies by in a whirlwind and you never make it to the trains, the pumpkin patch, the movies, wherever you wanted to take them that weekend). How sweet sick days can be (even if you still have three other children to take care of plus all the house responsibilities you always have to accomplish). Ive turned away from the moments and been caught up in whats going on backstage. I feel like that lately Ive been trying to make this wow piece-- getting our house on schedule, figuring out how to transition activities without meltdowns, organizing our spaces, working on manners-- but that it is all an illusion because upon closer inspection it is all falling apart. Im stressed doing it. Im not taking the time to enjoy the finished product. Im still thinking about what the garment should look like, what I didnt accomplish, what I intended to do. And parenting is much more about the simple look, the one that upon closer inspection you see those fine details. It may not be a wow piece to anyone else, but you see the effort and you know what went into that moment. When I dropped our 4-year olds off at daycare and they didnt throw a fit-- that was huge for them. When my husband went to work and they trusted that he was coming home that night instead of going underway-- they have been so worried about Daddy leaving again. When the children play quietly in their rooms in the morning instead of running wild-- I have been working so hard with them on that and they are finally getting it. When our oldest packs his lunch each morning for school all by himself, without my help. When one of our boys takes it upon himself to clean his space and tidy up their shared bathroom-- on his own-- because he wants to help. When our boys find a game that includes all of them, even the toddler, and play together upstairs. When our oldest picks a book at school specifically to read to his brothers when he gets home that afternoon, "I really thought they would love this one." These are small but beautiful things. These are the moments of parenting to look at and focus on. Not the times where I dragged them out for an entire day at the doctors office and ended with us all crying in the car on the way home because it was so exhausting. Or the times when strangers felt the need to tell me what a bad job Im doing. The moments I need to focus on are the ones where I see these small and beautiful blessings in our day to day life, when hard moments become slightly easier moments, or when new skills are developed and eventually perfected. When new interests take root and when family moments happen in the middle of normally busy times of day.

I need to focus on the moments of parenting where it all comes together harmoniously, to reflect on them and the feelings I had during them. I need to stop judging myself so harshly on what went into creating those moments and let them stand on their own, because when it all comes together, even briefly, it is beautiful.

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My sisters can tell you that I am the least crafty in this family, so I am pretty proud of my latest project. We have a trip to Disney coming up. I want the boys in matching shirts everyday that we are there, mostly to have an easier time keeping an eye on everyone and also because it will be adorable. We have already spent a fair amount at Del Sol buying the boys matching Spiderman and Buzz Lightyear changing color shirts. Shirts at the Disney store are about $12.95 each ($38.85 total for 3 not including shipping and handling), though they do have sales. I do not have a local Disney store to pop into so Ive been watching the shirts online and have been frustrated that many of the sales shirts do not still have sizing for 2 size 2 shirts (or 2T/3T) and 1 size 6 boys shirt, all matching. So I took matters into my own hands: I crafted!

I went to Target and browsed the toddlers and boys t-shirt department. I found white shirts in both departments and neon stripey gray shirts too. They were all on sale. The boys size short sleeve shirts were $5 each ($10 total for 2) and the toddlers long sleeve shirts were $4 each ($16 total for 4). Then I went to Wal Mart and bought Cars fabric, full price, and black fabric from the scrap/clearance bin. I paid $3.74 total for all the fabric. I also had to buy Heat n Bond Ultrahold (an iron on adhesive), which was about $5 for 1 yard (I dont remember the exact price). I still have most of the yard left from the 6 pieces of fabric I ironed on, so I plan on using that at a later time. Total for materials: $34.74, giving me 6 completed shirts plus leftover fabric and leftover iron on adhesive.

This probably is not an earth shattering idea for my crafty blog readers, but, as I said, Im not crafty, so this was pretty big stuff for me. :)

The neon stripey gray shirts

Im a visual person, so I actually had to cut out the printed off image and lay it on the shirt to make sure I liked it.
This is a Googled image of an applique Mickey.

For the toddlers shirts I printed off a 4x4 Mickey Mouse (adjusting the size on my computer).
For the boys size shirt, I printed of a 6x6 Mickey Mouse (picture above this one).

I then cut out the three Mickeys. I did not put the Heat n Bond on the back of the Mickeys first because I want to put a stitch around the edges of the Mickeys. I did use double sided tape to tape the printed off Mickey pattern to my fabric, making it easier to cut out my exact shape.

This is the Cars fabric that I bought at Wal Mart. I then put away this project for about a week before my neighbor reminded me that I really needed to finish this before we go to Disney.

I roughly cut out 3 Lightning McQueens and ironed on the Heat n Bond.

I traced the Mickeys on the Heat n Bond and then cut out their shapes.

This is a picture of the back of the cut out Lightning McQueens and the Mickeys with Heat n Bond applied. I did not put Heat n Bond all the way to the edges of the Mickeys because I bought Heat n Bond Ultrahold which says "Do not sew!" really big on the packaging and I want the edges sewn on... so this is how I solved that problem (apparently I should have bought Heat n Bond Lite if I wanted to sew it). Now the edges can be sewn.

I started with the toddlers shirts. First I peeled off the back of Heat n Bond before measuring where to iron on the Lightning McQueens.

I used the ruler on the side of my husbands level to make sure the Lightning McQueens were ironed on at the same spot for the toddlers shirts. I put the bottom of the Lightning McQueens just above the arm pits of the shirt, which put them about 2.5" down from the neck of the shirt.

For the boys size shirt, I just made sure the Lightning McQueen was centered. I placed him just above the arm pit of the shirt as well.

The completed Lightning McQueen shirts.

These Mickey shirts were even easier. I used the striped to help line up the Mickeys and just made sure they were centered on the shirts. I measured the toddlers shirts at the same time again, since it would be most obvious if these shirts werent uniform.

And I did the same thing with the boys size shirt, using the lines to help place the Mickey and making sure it was centered.

The mostly completed Mickey shirts. Now Im sending them over to my neighbors house to have black stitches put around the edges of the Mickeys.

The Mickey shirts are definitely my favorite. With the neon stripes, they will also be the easiest to spot in the park. I have bright stripey shorts that I am going to have the boys wear the day they wear the Lightning McQueen shirts, making the outfit pop a little more. My husband is most pleased with the price of this whole project, 2 days of matching shirts for the price of one. :)

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Since weve brought our 4th child home, Ive been wanting to write a blog post about our stroller. Recently I wrote a blog post called "Stroller shopping checklist" that helps you find the right stroller for your family. In it, I also give the reasons as to how we ended up investing in the Baby Jogger City Select with the second seat. Ive already written several blog posts on our stroller, the first being "I love my stroller." This stroller has also made it on my must-have lists, the most in detail being "Cant buy me love" and "0-2 years old twin: must haves."
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In the post "Stroller shopping checklist," I explain why I am so passionate about having a good stroller that fits our familys lifestyle:

I was so nervous about how I would manage a toddler and twins and having a stroller that suited our lifestyle helped make that much easier for me to handle on my own. I know that sounds really corny, but as a Navy family, it is difficult to live so far away from friends and family. When our twins were born, I did not have a large support network and was trying to figure out how I would manage everything on my own. I truly feel that for us, picking the right stroller made those first couple years with twins-- a busy time by all accounts-- easier.

Birth to the toddler years?

When we found out I was pregnant with twins, our oldest had just turned 2 years old. I immediately started researching strollers knowing that I would be managing all 3 children by myself most of the time. One of the first things that I really liked about our stroller is that it works from birth to the toddler years. While there is an option for bassinets-- I have seen parents use the Baby Jogger City Select with two bassinets for their twins-- I decided to use the car seat adapters.

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Car seat adapters

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2 sets of 1 year old twins

2 years old

3 years old

Holds three children...

 

When our twins were born, our oldest was just over 2 and a half years old. I quickly taught him to sit on the glider board, making it a comfortable place for him to ride for longer distances. Now that we have four children, Ive taught one of our toddlers to sit there so I can take all four of our boys out without have to wrangle them.

 

 

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...or can hold one, two, or three children!

 

One of my favorite features about this stroller is that it can accommodate one to three children. I love that I have the option to make it a single stroller... or a double stroller... or add the glider board to hold three children! Part of what makes this stroller so versatile is that it really is easy to take off or put on accessories like the second seat or the car seat adapter. The glider board is also easy to attach to the stroller, but it also folds up nicely on the stroller if you want to leave it on and flip up or down when you decide to use it (or not). This stroller is full of options!

 

Grocery shopping with one of our twins
Dropped the shopping basket under my stroller for easy shopping!

Out on a walk with baby #4

Car seat adapter with baby #4

 

Versatile seats

 

I love all the different seat positions. It seems silly to have so many options, but there are times where the boys feel social and like facing each other to chat while I ran errands and times where it was better to have them facing different directions (so the one in back cant kick his brothers seat, for instance) and times when it was nice having them both face forward, such as to see an exhibit. I posted these photos on my blog post, "0-2 years old twin: must haves." I took these when our twins were 2 years old; these are the most common seat positions I used when our twins were toddlers, sometimes adding the glider board for our oldest. {Check out the cool video on Baby Joggers website!}

 

 

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When our twins were infants, I moved the seats around a lot more, mostly to make it easier to feed them or let them nap in the stroller. They also seemed to enjoy more interaction with each other while in the stroller as infants. Toddlers seem to enjoy much more conflict... :P

 

The glider board is attached to the stroller and folded up in this picture

 

 

 

The toddler in the lower seat is napping while the toddler in the upper seat is feeding

 

 

 

"The stroller that grows with your family"

 

We bought this stroller when we found out we were having twins. When our twins were born, our oldest was 2.5 years old. We have used this stroller with our twins from the time they were newborns to 3-years old. Now we have another baby and we are using it with our twins (3-years old) and a newborn! Our oldest (now 6 years old) walks next to us and holds on to the side of the stroller when I need him close (crossing the street, busy area, etc). Here are some pictures of us using the Baby Jogger City Select with baby #4:

 

Carrying our 3-year old twins and our newborn
In the basket: diaper bag, swim bag, cooler, leftovers wrapped up to-go from lunch, and shopping purchases

 

3-year old relaxing on our glider board

Pushing the stroller with just the car seat adapter for baby #4

Pushing the stroller with just a seat for baby #4
Since he is a newborn, I like to recline the seat for him. The seat is deep enough that it is almost like a bassinet.

 

Out on a walk with the toddlers holding on to the side of the stroller

 

We love our stroller!

 

Here are some pictures I took during our twins first year (our oldest 2.5 years old to 3.5 years old during that time). This stroller has fit into our life seamlessly and made our outings so much easier! We really do love this stroller.

 

Feeding our twins baby food pouches while using the glider board to do our Target shopping!

Checking out the fish at PetsMart

Adjusting the hood for his brother

One of the perks of twins: you are often pulling a shopping cart while pushing a stroller
Put our City Select to use while doing some pre-move shopping (perk of Navy life: frequently moving)

Out shopping!

Being silly while we wait at the pediatricians office

2 infants needing to eat at the same time means leaving the house with a Boppy pillow!
Loved how it fit under the stroller with everything else I brought with me

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Road tripping pit stop

At the park-- it handles well on all sorts of terrain!

At the pumpkin patch

 Link to Baby Joggers webpage: Baby Jogger City Select

 

Kimbers Navy Family blog posts on the Baby Jogger City Select stroller with second seat:

 

"Stroller shopping checklist"

 

"I love my stroller"

 

"Baby products"

 

"6-month old twins must-haves"

 

"0-2 years old: twin must-haves"

 

"Toddler twin must haves (2yo to 3yo)"

 

"Strollers in Disney"

 

"Cant buy me love"

 

"Resources" section

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