baby losing weight weaning

You know whats hard? Life. Marriage. Being a parent.

All of that.

Ive been feeling like a failure lately in my endeavors. People say things to me like, "I dont know how you do it!" and "You are a supermom" and "4 boys? You are amazing."

Most of it is lip service from strangers, the go-to things that people say to moms (and moms for 4 boys). It goes in one ear and out the other most of the time, but lately those comments have been giving me stress. This was a crazy move for us, a big change returning to boat life and living across country from my family. I feel like Im barely holding on and that Im frequently dropping the ball with our kids. We wrestled with our decision to send our oldest to public school instead of continuing homeschooling him. We wrestled with the decision to homeschool our 4-year old twins instead of re-configuring the budget to send them to preschool. Weve been wrestling with the decision on whether or not I want to go back to college (and all that entails-- registering, student loans or GI Bill, childcare, time commitment, yadda yadda). Just life decisions. It is all life and it is all normal and it is all good, but it has been a lot all at once.

But through all of this, I have felt like I have been stretched as a mother. One of our 4-years has been struggling with his asthma. Our baby had bronchiolitis and is taking a long time to recover. I am s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d. The other day, our 1st grader wanted me to come see the DinoTrux he built out of Legos and one of our preschoolers was babbling and the baby needed a nebulizer treatment and the dog was barking because the delivery man dropped a package off at the door and who knows where the other preschooler was... and I snapped, "Go to your rooms! Go, go, go!"

I want a break.

When I hear the lip service from strangers, I think, "Is this really as good as it gets?" It makes me feel like they dont really know how it goes at home. They may see a glimpse of our life-- the boys darting around happily at the park-- but all I can think is that the boys will be so tired leaving that 2 of them will be crying, one will be hitting another, and another will be taking off down the path on the way to the car instead of listening to me... and that once we get home I will have to wrestle them all through the bedtime routine. I feel like Im yelling all the time. I feel like Im sneaking to my room all the time to let the stress go, to say a prayer, to plead to God for some mommy courage, to vent to new friends who probably think Im nuts. And so the kind words from strangers, most likely meant to be encouraging, often make me feel like Im falling short from what they "think" of me, that Im not portraying our true selves, and that surely motherhood has to be more than where we are right now.

I know motherhood is more than this. We have days and strides where I am overwhelmed with joy from my our children. We have moments where I cant imagine being anywhere else in the world. And then the last couple weeks have left me feeling burnt out. BURNT OUT. Like, flame extinguished, running on fumes, headache, heartache, tears, sleepless nights, BURNT OUT. My face feels like it is in a constant frown and I swear Im getting wrinkles from worry lines. Im sure that my far away friends and family think Im a nut. Im texting everyone too much and calling too much and writing too much and in general, being a hot mess. Im venting to new friends about potty training woes, 4-year old woes, back to school woes, moving woes, Navy woes, woe, woe, woe... and I wake up in the morning feeling defeated before my feet hit the ground.

I finally opened up a devotional I got from MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) last year and find myself nodding "yes" to every page. Known & Loved by Caryn Rivadeneira has been such a comfort. This morning I made everyone breakfast and eagerly opened up my devotional, ready to dive into the Word and feel like Im finally getting my feet back on the ground. My parents recently flew out for a visit and it was so good, so good having my mom get us on schedule and making me feel like I wasnt losing my mind. Reading this devotional is a lot like that feeling, the rope guiding me through this dark tunnel where Im not sure what lays ahead or if other people feel this way. The best part of this devotional, to me, is discovering, yes. Yes... other moms do feel this way. It is a day by day journey. There are hard times. Change is hard. Change is hard on the children. It is hard on the parents. It is hard on me-- I feel like it all is falling on my shoulders to guide each of them individually through this time of transition and that somehow, from somewhere, I need to have all the answers. It feels like our world has been turned upside down and that all these little eyes are looking at me for guidance and Im just as confused-- yet somehow in charge of the ship. I have to balance their physical needs with the clockwork schedule of our house and now this crazy range of emotional needs as well. How do I get it all done?

Ive struggled with this blog post because I havent known all the words I wanted to put in it, the feelings Ive wanted to convey. There are so many moving parts when you PCS, when you check into a new command, when you arrive in a new duty station, when your kids are going to a new school, when your children grow from preschool and kindergarten to 1st grade (so big!). And cold and flu season approaching, managing asthma in a new climate... another one of our children diagnosed with reactive airways, 2 children on Albuterol, doctors appointments, trips to the hospital, nights up worrying and monitoring breathing... my head spins thinking about all of the things that have gone on during this PCS. What finally motivated me to get this blog post in writing was our sons first day of 1st grade. I was so proud of myself for holding it together that morning, proud of our 4-year olds (who have been struggling with all the changes) for behaving like gentlemen dropping off their big brother, and proud of our 1st grader for being brave when he was so nervous. Most of all, I was proud of all 4 of our boys for having listening ears on as we wandered around the school hallways trying to figure out where to go and what we are doing and how we do school pick up. I left the school feeling like, "It is getting better. We are putting one foot in front of the other and moving in the right direction." We went to a coffee shop to celebrate the occasion; I bought our younger 3 boys each a chocolate milk and myself a pumpkin spice latte. We sat in the sunshine and chatted with other parents doing the same thing. The 4-year olds were right back at their busy behavior-- they have been keeping me busy, like gray hair busy. As I chatted, a lady at the coffee shop felt the need to interrupt my conversation with a fellow momma to let me know how I was parenting wrong. Can I even begin to tell you how defeated, deflated, and embarrassed I was at that moment? This happened in front of a couple that I had met just that day, fellow parents at our brand new school in our brand new duty station. I ended up bustling my boys out of there and walking them to the park so I could get fresh air and not cry at the coffee shop. I was so embarrassed. So embarrassed at how the couple must perceive me and that my children were such a nuisance that someone had to dive into the middle of my conversation to inform me of how she feels their behavior should be corrected. I looked out over the water by the park and wondered if we were making progress or if we were just sitting at square one.

That is when words from the devotional came back to me, Psalm 94:18-19, "When I said, My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Ive also had Coldplays "The Scientist" stuck in my head the past couple weeks (parenting: brought to you by the Bible and Coldplay... dont worry, I know my life is a mess): "Nobody said it was easy/ no one ever said it would be this hard/ Oh, take me back to the start."

It isnt easy. Im not sure when I will hit my stride and feel like, "Ive got this." Perhaps I will always feel like we are a hot mess and maybe the dull headache will come and go over the years as these children try my nerves at every turn. Perhaps God has me where he wants me-- calling out to him hour by hour and day by day. Ive said it before that one thing I love about life as a submariners wife is that I have to opportunity to see my faith come alive in every day life; I am there again right now.

For any strangers or friends who light-heartedly want to say, "You are a supermom." No, not a supermom. I am a mom that has no idea what shes doing. Im a mom that makes mistakes, big and small, every day. Im a mom with a heart full of love for friends and family and doing my best, just like every other mom out there. Im a mom that says sorry and who leaves coffee shops crying after people judge my parenting, perhaps harshly or perhaps for good reason (though that ladys timing could have been better). Im a mom that has super long evenings and super stressful mornings. Im a mom that ends honest tries at involving the kids in projects with a headache, wondering if it was worth the effort, but always trying again, hoping that this time will be more fun or a little easier. Im a mom that always stresses about if a bone is broken or if that is normal breathing or labored breathing or if we should call the doctor (how about we just call to be on the safe side...). Im a mom that packs lunches that are never eaten or are only picked at, that has a mini van covered in snacks and chicken nuggets. Im a mom that wears shirts I thought were clean, only to find them caked with oatmeal or whatever else life throws at me. Im a mom that swears, sometimes intentionally and sometimes on accident. Im a mom that doesnt read directions and then wonders why I cant get new batteries in a Lightning McQueen flashlight. Im a mom that calls my mom for every problem and my best friends for all the other problems that arise in between phone calls to my momma. Im a mom that loves each and every moment with my children and is also surprised and exhausted over how freaking hard each and every moment with my children can be.

I think all parents are super parents. Life is hard and we are all doing what we can. Treat each other with love. Because that mom that you chewed out at the coffee shop is having a super rough couple of weeks. She may look like she was gossiping with friends while her kids ran amok, but Im telling you, she wasnt. I went back to talk to that lady, but she wasnt there. I tried to picture what that glimpse in my life looked like to her and wanted to give her a bigger picture. In my 7 years of parenting, she is not the first person to offer "insight" as to how I should be parenting. This one just happened to fall at a tender, vulnerable moment in my life. I know that we will have many more comments made to us in this parenthood journey and I hope each time God reminds me of his Word and his promises just as I feel myself falling apart.

"When I said, My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."
Psalm 94:18-19

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post pregnancy weight loss while breastfeeding

Ive never considered myself an insecure person. I would say that, in general, I feel confident in who I am and who God made me to be. I believe in the full body of Christ, how each of us have individual and unique gifts that we bring to the table. What I am good at may not be what you are good at and vice versa. I also believe that the root of finding your own confidence and inner strength is identifying what you are good at, what your passion is, what your skill set is. For myself, when I am practicing my skill, I get that sense of purpose. Sure, I occasionally see somebody doing something that I think, "Wow, I wish I could do that!" or something coming naturally to someone, where I have to work very hard at the same thing. Those times it is easy to doubt myself-- should I be doing that the same way? But having my inner compass-- my confidence in my own skills, my own sense of purpose-- I am quickly grounded again in who I am and being the best me.

Lately, Ive struggled a lot with that. Ive been pulling more things on to my calendar, some of them deliberately to challenge me and others to give back to my community. Ive been challenged. Ive been shown my limitations. Beyond that, Ive felt life is challenging me lately. Our 4-year old twins are at an age and stage that tests me on the regular. Different aspects of their personality challenge me in ways that I do not find enjoyable, but exhausting. My marriage is being challenged by the shipyard schedule and our return to life with my husband on a submarine. It is all life. It is all normal. It is all stretching me.

Because I like re-reading classics and because I have felt searching, I picked up On the Road by Jack Kerouac the other day. It felt like the book my soul needed at the moment.

They have worries, theyre counting the miles, theyre thinking about where to sleep tonight, how much money for gas, the weather, how theyll get there--and all the time theyll get there anyway, you see. But they need to worry and betray time with urgencies false and otherwise, purely anxious and whiny, their souls really wont be at peace unless they can latch on to an established and proven worry and having once found it they assume facial expressions to fit and go with it, which is, you see, unhappiness, and all the time it all flies by them and they know it and that too worries them to no end.

Unhappiness. Worrying over our worrying. And it is true-- in the end, we get there anyway. Why am I focusing so much on all these things that get me down?

It brought to mind these verses in Matthew. (Is it possible to jump from Kerouac to the Bible?) Matthew 6:31-34:

So do not worry, saying, What shall we eat? or What shall we drink? or What shall we wear? For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Lately I feel like my days move from one trouble to the next. My face is pulled into a facial expression to go with it and I spend so much time worrying about my life. Ive been consumed. And it has made me insecure. I doubt my abilities. I doubt my decisions. I doubt what Im capable of.

While getting ready this morning, I was listening to the Rolling Stones, "You cant always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need."

Mulling this over in my head as I went about our morning, dropping our 1st grader off at school, I seized the moment once we got home and called my best friend back; she called me yesterday. She wants to visit. As if my spirit couldnt get any higher from those words, when I told her what Ive been dealing with, she gave me encouragement.

This morning what I needed was the encouraging words of my best friend. What I needed last night was the encouraging text messages from my mom and the understanding ear of my husband. When he got home from work yesterday, he fed the children dinner while I left to go find a quiet corner in a restaurant to write. These people in my life surround me and lift me up. When I feel like I "cant" they show me that I can. (And, as my mom always encourages me, I can and I will.)

Yesterday morning at school drop off, I went home in tears, exasperated by the shenanigans of our 4-year olds, overwhelmed and in my head. I canceled my plans and cleaned the house from top to bottom-- cabinets, baseboards, laundry, and dusting included. Ive felt lost staring at the screen to blog. What should I write about that isnt yet another complaint? Sitting down this morning to write, I briefly doubted if I should publish this post.

But here is what I think is important: admitting your shortcomings. If I dont have the strength to admit when Im struggling, how will my friends find the strength to admit they are struggling to me? Wouldnt I happily bake a meal, baby-sit, or lend an ear to any of my friends when they need to feel the love? Ive got that love for them; I know theyve got that love for me. It is hard when we feel insecure. It is hard when we feel like the things we are good at fail, when we feel like nothing is succeeding, when we feel it is all for naught and we are running in circles. It is hard when we get in our own heads and feel alone. Yesterday taught me that while a lot of the day to day activities fall on my shoulders, I am not alone. My mommy texted and called me all day. My best friend is going to fly across country just to see me. My husband supports me. When I walked in the door from my solitary dinner last night, the children bustled down the stairs, "Mommy! Mommy! Where did you go? I love you."

Because I checked off my to-do list in a tear soaked binge yesterday, I can focus today on building my inner strength. I carved out that time to pray and listen to God. I am publishing this blog post when internally I wonder if I have anything to say. I am going to do some preschool with our 4-year olds and let them dabble in their passions; I swear one of them is ready to start reading. (How can I decline a desire to read?) The baby has a cold and needs me-- my care, my love, my patience. Today I have a chance to get what I need: the support of those that love me, opportunities to love those around me, and time to practice my skills. Ive let myself fall down a rabbit hole of insecurities, second guessing my every move. While I find it scary right now, I know that the only way to get past this is to put one foot in front of the other, to get on the road and stop counting the miles.

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baby weight loss newborn

So, its finally happened...Ive gone nesting mad! This week has seen me going a little crazy trying to get the nursery sorted.  Ive lost count of the number of baby gros Ive washed and I think the neighbours must think I have already had the baby, as every day there is a new outfit hanging on the washing line.  I am exhausted, but somehow Im still going.  I shall not be defeated.  I dont think it helps that my husband is currently away as nobody is here to reign me in, but, I feel better for getting everything sorted.  Its nearly, nearly done!

Today, I popped into town and bought all the things I need for my hospital bag.  I say need, and use that term quite loosely. Anyone would think I am going away to the Bahamas for two weeks as I perused the aisles and contemplated how I want my hair to smell post labour, whilst sniffing a copious amount of miniature shampoo and conditioners. Again, I know some would think Im crazy, but sorting these little things just makes me feel better.  Obviously, I have bought baby essentials too. Which leads me on to a going home outfit. 

I admit, I live in my own little dream world, and in my little dream world, me, my husband, our new arrival and daughter will leave the hospital, and it will be wonderful. Our new little bundle of joy will be immaculate in his or hers gorgeous little outfit and we will make our way home for the first time as a foursome.  

The reality of this scenario is that I will probably be waddling out, with possible sick down my top, and our newborn may or may not be wailing as he or she will need a feed.  A nice baby outfit will be the least of my worries.  However, this doesnt stop me.  And can I find a nice plain suit anywhere? No. I feel like I am the only person in England who has opted for a surprise knowing the gender.  All I can find is pink or blue outfits.  Or ones with words emblazoned across the front.  I will let you know how my search goes.  I did end up on the Selfridges website, but after seeing a Gucci snow-suit for £500 I decided I was definitely in the wrong place! 

Im feeling OK in myself this week.  Babys movements feel huge now when he or she moves. Possibly verging on uncomfortable as my whole belly wobbles from side to side.  I have some belly button news too...well sort of.  If Ive eaten alot in the day, my belly button then  pops out in the evening.  It does return to its usual innie self the next morning, but I think its only a matter of time before it makes the transition to being an outtie full-time.  

My 34 week midwife check went well, and baby is now head down which is good news.  She did say the position could change, but babys little legs were tucked under my ribs with his or her arms to my left.  Personally I think her or she is still doing somersaults in there, or at least trying their best to. 

I will definitely have my hospital bag packed for next week.  I know Ive said this on nearly every blog post, but definitely by next week.  Definitely. :-) 

Thanks for reading, 

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baby weight loss normal

We recently made these lovely paper flowers for my daughters Abuela (Spanish grandma) as a birthday present.  The end result was a pretty vase of hand decorated flowers which she absolutely loved. After trawling the internet, and many flowers gone wrong following dodgy tutorials, I finally perfected how to create these flowers, and its so easy! 

I thought this was a lovely and thoughtful, yet simple idea to make for a birthday or maybe just to cheer someone up, so heres how we did it. 

You will need (to make four flowers):

Twelve squares of plain paper approx. 8cm x 8cm (You can use larger or smaller sheets depending on how big you would like your flowers to be)

Scissors

Colours to decorate the paper 

PVA glue, (or any runny glue) 

Bamboo skewers for stems 

My daughter started by decorating the paper and colouring patterns and swirls on one side. I found just doing this on one side of the paper was enough, but, you could decorate both sides if you wished.  You repeat this for all twelve squares. 

Next, you fold one square in half diagonally, going from corner to corner.  If you have only decorated the paper on one side, make sure the pattern is on the inside. 

You repeat this folding process twice more going diagonally and corner to corner, so in total you have folded the paper three times and you are left with a small triangle. 

Keep an eye on which corner is the centre of the paper whilst you are folding, it is from this point of the triangle that you want to just cut the end of the paper off.  Dont cut too much off. This will be the place you thread the petals onto the stalk. 

With the other two sides, cut a petal shape going from each of the points.  When you open the paper out, you should have a flower shaped petal with a small hole in the centre. Repeat this process with two other sheets of paper, then lay the three petal shapes out. 

From the first petal, cut out one petal along the fold lines.  From the second petal, cut out two petals from the fold lines.  And on the third petal, cut out three petals. 

Next, place glue along one side of all petals and fold over to create six little cones of different sizes. 

These cones can now be threaded onto the stem.  I found bamboo skewers worked really well, but you could use gardening wire or pipe cleaners.  Start with your smallest cone, and apply more glue to its centre. Thread onto the stick and add more glue around it if needed. 

Repeat this process, adding more glue each time, using the next smallest petal until all petals have been threaded on. I found it easiest to thread from the base of the skewer. 

And ta-dah! A beautiful paper flower! A gorgeous and pretty gift. You could also use wallpaper or patterned paper to make these flowers, and the best bit? They will never ever wilt! 

I would love to see your creations, so be sure to tag me on Instagram or Twitter if you make any! 

Thanks for reading,  

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weight loss during pregnancy due to healthy eating

I suppose every mommy blogger at some point has to write a post on yelling. Is it possible to raise kids without yelling? Im throwing this out there: no.

I know that there is someone reading this right now with a look of indignation on their face, "What?! I would never yell at my kids!" Good for you.

Now before I get lots of mommy judging, we really put forth an effort to not be a yelling family. My husband is just naturally gifted at not yelling. His even temper is one of the things I love most about him. It genuinely takes a lot for him to lose his cool, so much so that in our seven and a half years of marriage I can count the number of times that I have heard him raise his voice at me. I mean, we are talking about a very mellow guy. Me? Yeah... I am a lot like that. Except opposite. I would describe myself as a passionate person, which is why my husband and I work well together. I bring the passion; he brings the logic.

Frustrated or angry feelings toward our children demand a different form of communication though. (Not saying I just yell at my husband, but he at least can rationalize and understand when I do. Read my blog post on "Marriage.") They arent my peers. Their brains dont work how my brain works; they truly dont think how I do. Half the time, they dont fully understand what it is that they have done wrong or what has irritated/upset me so much. Even worse, sometimes they havent even done anything wrong. They are just being toddlers-- while frustrating, totally age appropriate. (Read Hands Free Mamas blog post, "The Important Thing About Yelling.") Simply put, yelling at them isnt fair in those situations, nor does it actually get through to them. I can actually see the point when they have totally checked out of my message and they are just wondering when Mommy is going to stop being mad at them.

But is yelling always wrong? No, I honestly dont think so. I feel that there are very appropriate times for yelling, especially when you dont yell all the time. When all my boys are screaming over each other, one darting off with a toy he stole from his brother and the other chasing after screeching at full volume while the last is hollering it is his turn... I can try at that moment (and I do try) to get their attention. Sometimes I am able to get the attention of the bandit, but not always, especially now in my third trimester. I cant chase a child, nor do I feel that as the mother it teaches them to listen when I chase after them. So I either yell, "STOP!" or the name of the child absconding with the goods. I dont keep yelling. Im yelling to get their attention. Once I have their attention, I speak to them. Other times I feel yelling is appropriate in some danger situations, not all. If the child is teetering towards, say, an open flame, yelling could startle the child into falling in. When our boys are rough housing as we unload the van and no one is listening to my instructions to calm down and hold hands, yes, yelling is appropriate, "STOP NOW!" Once I have their attention, I can get them to follow instructions and we can safely cross the parking lot.

I try to stick to three rules when yelling at our kids: 1. Yelling to get their attention and 2. Dont yell in anger and 3. Dont yell when it is not getting through. The first rule is what I just described, yelling a childs name or a command, "Stop!" "Wait!" "No, sir!" And, as I said, once I have their attention I speak to them. Continuing to yell completely loses the message. They are not going to listen to a long tirade. Im not saying I dont use the "Mommy No-Nonsense Voice." I most definitely do. If the boys are pushing their boundaries and I need to get their attention and reprimand them, Im not using the same voice I use when suggesting we all head over for a picnic at the park. No, they are hearing the voice of, "If you do not stop, we are leaving." But that is not yelling. Different tones help convey different messages and let them know where their behavior is falling. Getting their attention doesnt always mean a reprimand. It can mean a loud, "HEY! You guys need to follow me to the back porch like gentlemen and we can all have freeze pops." It all depends on the circumstance.

The second rule is pretty easy to understand. Dont yell in anger. This is where you can get into trouble yelling. Again, Ive most definitely yelled at my children in anger. Ive yelled out of frustration. "WHY CANT WE USE LISTENING EARS TODAY? IS THAT SO HARD?" It happens. We all get upset sometimes. We all sometimes say things we didnt mean to say in a tone we didnt mean to say it in. After losing my temper one day I called my mom. She wisely told me that it is bound to happen when you spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with someone. The most important thing to do after losing your temper is to own up to it and apologize. "I am sorry for yelling at you earlier. I did not handle that well and I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?" When I do yell at our kids this way, which I do not do often, I make sure that I never put the blame on them. "I am sorry for yelling at you when you spilled my sweet tea. Next time you should be more careful so I dont lose my temper like that." It is never our kids fault when I lose my cool. I did not yell because our child did something-- I yelled because I lost control of my temper. I love watching 19 Kids and Counting on TLC. I am always impressed with how Michelle Duggar handles their household. On her blog post, "Michelle Speaks About Motherhood," she is asked by Melissa at MOPS, "How did you learn to speak to your children softly, even when you are angry?" One of the things I love about Michelle Duggar is that she is always honest, so of course she answers honestly:

I haven’t mastered this one yet. Just the other day, several of my boys made a mess in the living room. It was just normal kid stuff, but I got angry and overreacted to the mess. But I feel that by God’s grace, he is giving me some success over yelling. There are times I have to whisper to myself, “I’m not going to lose it. I am going to stay calm.” 

On my page tab, "How do you do it?" I have the verse: ??Psalm 121:1-3, "I lift my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber." I too depend on Gods grace.

The third rule trumps the other two rules. If we are out at the park and I keep having to yell at the boys, "Stop!" "Wait!" "Hold on!" It is time to go. If my instructions are not getting through and they are immediately disregarding what Im saying to them, it is time for a complete change of activity. If we are at home and Im trying to get ready and the boys are all ignoring the house rule of "no rough housing in the family room," I will probably holler from my bedroom, "Boys! Calm down!" That usually will get them to stop. If I have to holler again, I come out and calmly issue a warning, "You guys either need to sit and watch your show or go play in the playroom." The third time I come out, I turn off the television and tell them it is time to go play somewhere else. Sometimes they will happily go play in the playroom or back porch and I can finish getting ready. Sometimes they just move from being way too rough in the family room to being way too rough in the playroom or back porch and Im constantly interrupted (and thus unable to finish getting ready) by tears and arguments. This is when I know that Im not getting through to them and they need to go sit on their beds. This is definitely a time where I start feeling frustrated. I feel like Im giving them great options-- watching shows, playing in the playroom, splashing in the water table on our back porch-- and instead they want to fuss and fight and yell and scream. It is frustrating. Its been really important for me to figure out a solution that doesnt upset me because when I am interrupted every thirty seconds by yet another fight, it gets exhausting. That is why I have them sit on their beds in their own space and I can take the 10 minutes I need to pray, refocus, get ready, and face the day still fresh without feeling like we got off on the wrong foot (which, as every mom knows, has a tendency to affect the outcome of the rest of the day). This third rule also helps when I break the second rule. If I feel myself getting frustrated and raising my voice too much, it really helps to remind myself that this is not getting through to them. All I am doing is yelling to hear my own voice, let out my frustration. It is time for a different plan of action that is less frustrating for everyone. If I am feeling frustrated by how they are behaving, they are probably feeling frustrated with our current activity. If a free-for-all in the playroom is making them fuss and fight, they are probably needing something more structured. If our outside play time is dissolving in tears and toy battles, it is probably time to switch activities. Getting angry and yelling at them will not make them get along better if they themselves are done participating in our current activity.

For me, my biggest obstacle is feeling frustrated, especially lately. Weve really been focusing on our household rules now that we are rapidly approaching the arrival of baby #4. We dont want baby #4 to arrive on the scene with a bundle of new rules that suddenly all his siblings have to follow. Some of the rules have been our rules for all time-- such as no rough housing in the family room-- but are harder for the boys to follow now that they are 5-years old and 3-years old (the couch is more fun when all the pillows are on the floor and you are jumping on them...). Some of the other rules are new but will be sanity savers when baby #4 arrives, such as playing quietly in their room until a certain time each morning. Feelings of frustration are normal in parenthood. It is hard not to feel frustrated when you get every one out of the house for a fun day at the park and all your toddlers want to do is cling and whine. It is hard not to feel frustrated when Daddy gets home from a long, tiring day at work to walk into a house of screaming, fighting children who are whining that they arent tired. It is very hard not to feel frustrated when I really need to rest my almost 32-weeks pregnant self and the boys are screeching for help in the restroom or battling to the death over a toy in the playroom; it is hard not to feel like, "Dont I ever get a break?"

Times like that are when I turn to God. It sounds cliché, but I remind myself of the verses on love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I cant create that type of love on my own; that kind of love comes from God. Knowing that this is the love that he puts in my heart to share with my children is how I humble myself to stop when I realize how Im behaving is wrong. Would love feel this angry over a lost Croc? Would love continue to yell at 3-year olds who were being more curious than naughty? Would love remind our 5-year old how he failed earlier that day? No, when I think of these verses, I am reminded that when our boys are feeling frustrated with each other and fussing and whining, sometimes they just need a hug. When I am having a day where I just really feel frustrated and short-tempered, love is what motivates me to talk about it with my girlfriends because it really helps to have someone pray for me, offer sweet words, or simply relate. Im far, far, far from perfect, but I love, love, love these children that we have been blessed with and I hope and pray that every day we show them how big Gods love is.

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weight loss during pregnancy due to morning sickness

I hear this all the time lately, "Take it easy."

"Just be sure to take it easy."

"Take it as easy as you can."

"You just really need to take it easy."

I am just over 30 weeks pregnant. I stay at home with our 5 and a half year old, whom we homeschool in preschool, and our 3-year old toddler twins. We have a dog. My husband is in the Navy which, of course, means we live next door to my parents (not).

How do I take it easy?

We went through this when I was pregnant with our identical twins. I was on modified bedrest and had multiple ultrasound appointments and an OB appointment each week. It was exhausting. When I was pregnant with twins, we lived in a small apartment with one toddler; I left the housework to my hubby. It was a small amount of housework and got done whenever he got around to it. (Sometimes in a frustrating amount of time.) But it all worked out.

How did I stay at home and take care of a toddler by myself every day then?

1. Netflix Instant Queue
I never had to get up to change a DVD. I could add shows to our queue from my computer and either watch them on our laptop or from our Blu-Ray player.

2. Toddler Look and Find books
I know I say this all the time, but I seriously loved these. I could sit and do these with our toddlers while I was laid out on the couch and later when I was feeding 2 newborns. There is so much to talk about in these books, from finding his favorite Disney characters to making up stories about what they are doing. These were a huge source of entertainment to us.

3. Melissa and Doug box puzzles
I love these puzzles. There are 4 puzzles in one box. He would drag this puzzle over to me and we could sit and do 4 puzzles without having to get up. We could do the puzzle on the couch because you assemble the puzzle on the lid of the box. Fantastic. We bought several of these during my pregnancy and in the early "twinfant" stages.

Things are different this time around. I dont have one toddler bumming to go to the park when I need to be resting. I cant turn on a show and take a cat nap while he plays quietly on the family room floor. As I write this blog post, Im propped up on the couch enjoying Braxton Hicks while our 3 boys bounce wildly around the playroom. Our house is always loud. Someone is always getting hurt. One day of skipping tidying up and the toys start taking over all our living spaces (a bit hazardous for me since I can barely see my feet!). So what am I doing this time around?

First of all, we have a very different living situation this time around. We dont have a small, quiet apartment to take care of. My husband is working much longer hours and when hes home he takes care of the kids and does a few small chores. He doesnt have time to do all the housework. We dont have a housekeeper helping us out like we did in North Carolina. Instead, I rely a lot on doing small tasks each day. I dont have one big day of housecleaning. We tidy as we go and I accomplish one area of housecleaning earlier in the day when my energy is at its peak. (For our cleaning schedule, check out my blog post, "Domestic goddess.") I also prioritize our house chores. I dont waste my energy doing things that dont need to be done right then or dont need to be done by me. For instance, heavier kitchen appliances that go in awkward cabinets will sit on our kitchen counter all day until my husband gets home to put them away. When I make a huge Costco run, I stack things in my vehicle so when I get home I can unload the freezer/fridge items and leave the rest for when my husband gets home. There is no need to tire myself out doing things that dont have to get done right then. These are small examples, but they add up. Sometimes I look around the house and think, "Man, we need to sweep the floors!" But we dont have company coming over and I already cleaned the bathrooms that day, so I put it off until the following day. Or, lately, I ask our oldest son if he wants to do it. Surprisingly, 9 times out of 10 he enthusiastically says yes; he absolutely loves helping his momma, as he calls it. One of the hardest things for me to do, oddly enough, is pick up toys. The constant bending over to pick up toys from the floor really inflames my round ligaments, not to mention sometimes making me very lightheaded (the joys of pregnancy-- Im anemic too, of course). I never spend time picking up toys anymore. I have the boys pick up their toys throughout the day, but my husband has them clean everything up each night when he gets home. I posted as a Facebook status the other day, "How do you guys get it all done?" My favorite response: "I dont." That really is the answer. I dont get it all done; I dont try to and I dont pretend to. I do what I can.

The number and ages of our children are also different. I was pregnant with our twins when our oldest had just turned 2-years old and then was months shy of turning 3-years old when they were born. I have been pregnant this time with a 5-year old (now 5 and a half year old) and 2.5-years old, just turned 3-years old toddler twins-- 3 kids at busy ages! While we have to sometimes, our kids go nuts staying home all day. They want to ride bikes, play outside, run in circles, and experiment. Homeschooling has been a huge blessing because we are always looking for activities. As this pregnancy has progressed, Ive set guidelines for myself when scheduling our days. I dont do activities that require walking or standing around; I must be able to sit. I dont over schedule our days (well, I really try not to... I accidentally overbooked yesterday). I stick to one or two activities, including errands and bigger chores. I have fun things for our boys to do in our front and back yard. My husband makes sure our outdoor spaces are usable for us. Hes always picking up our back porch so I can sit out there with the boys and watch them play. He keeps our garage organized so all I have to do is open up the garage and pull out our nice, sturdy folding chairs and watch the boys play. I love being able to let them run wild right outside of our house. We have tons of outdoors toys-- a water table, bikes, chalk, hose, sprinkler, scooters, every ball and sport you can think of, bubbles... They love paint brushes and buckets of water; they "paint" everything in sight. This is nice too because they can run in the house and use the restroom and I can fill up my water without having to drag everyone off of play equipment while lugging around all our stuff, like when we go to the park. I do also utilize our neighborhood parks; we pack sand toys and picnic. Sometimes this is our days outing. For the days we have to stay at the house, we have lots of indoor toys and we make sure to pick them up between activities so they stay fun, even if they can reach a lot of these themselves. We have crayons, Play Doh, puzzles, crafts... I really try to do a couple focused activities with them a day, even just helping me make granola bars, so that they arent moving from down time to down time.

Here are some of the things I have loved so far during this pregnancy:

1. Finding a homeschool playdate group
Since we are homeschooling preschool this year and starting to homeschool kindergarten next year, finding a playdate group with fellow homeschoolers has been awesome! (If you arent a homeschooling family, maybe just a mommy playdate group?) Instead of me trying to fill our calendar with things to do, I have this group of moms who are always planning something. They are always posting park meet ups, picnics, bubble playdates, information on local happenings... I love it and my kids love it. I dont go to all the playdates and Ive had to leave early a couple times, but it sure is nice to have low-key playdates outside of our house to take the kids to on our calendar!

2. Brain Quest workbooks
This is for our 5-year old. For our 3-year olds, I am using a lot of the same things I used with their older brother when I was pregnant with them. We do Look and Finds; we watch Netflix. And they are entertained. For our 5-year old... he gets bored. He wants to do something. These have been a recent purchase and Im sooooo glad we got them. We have our homeschool activities (read "Homeschooling 5-year old preschool"), but this is not for homeschool. This is just for the times that he is bumming to play a game and I want to lay on the couch because his brothers are finally quiet. He sits next to me on the couch and works on his workbook. He loves the puzzles and games. These have been very entertaining for him.

3. Well-stocked pantry
While running out of groceries wasnt a huge deal when it was my husband and I feeding a toddler,  now that we are a family of 5, I cant feed our kids just by splitting my meal with them. Eating out gets expensive, not to mention it is very inconvenient at our current duty station. It is exceedingly convenient to be able to make our meals at home (read "Family diet and family budget"). For breakfast we had English muffins, strawberries, and hard boiled eggs. We spent some time outside, came home for lunch, and I let the boys play on the back porch while they ate sandwiches, pickles, and apples. For snack we turned on a movie and picnicked on our family room floor where they had chips, almonds, and dried apricots. Since today has been such a rough pregnant day for me, I threw some tortellini in boiling water and steamed a bag of frozen veggies for dinner. Not fancy, but super easy.

4. Games
Games have been ah-maze-ing this pregnancy. We play so many games. With our 5-year old, we play the obvious preschool games: Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land. We also enjoy playing with him:

• Share a Berry
• SpongeBob Square Pants Yahtzee Junior
• Farkle
• Sorry and Sorry Sliders
• Battleship
• ThinkFun Math Dice Jr
• Uno
• 3-in-1 Jumbo Checkers

We dont play as many games with our 3-year olds. We didnt really start playing a lot of games with our oldest, like seriously play games, until he was around 3.5/4-years old. Playing with all 3 of our kids is a little crazy. We usually can get in 2, maybe 3, rounds before the toddlers are bored and our 5-year old is frustrated. With them, we recently have started playing Uno Moo-- which is actually a lot of fun and our oldest will play with his brothers, even without an adult-- and Cooties. Cooties has been more fun for us to play with the age groups, either with our 5-year old or with our 3-year olds. Our oldest wants to follow every rule and our toddlers just want to build Cooties and make them dance. A game our 3-year olds really like is when we take out their deck of cards and shuffle and deal and pass cards around. There is no rhyme or reason to this game, just holding real playing cards (one of our old decks that is now missing many cards).

5. Let it be
To quote the Beatles, "There will be an answer; let it be." Sometimes I just let it be. The kids are behaving too wildly-- but happily-- in the playroom and Im having horrible round ligament pain? Let it be. Husband called to say he was on his way home when I made steamed veggies and tortellini for dinner? Let it be. Someone knocked on the front door when Im wearing my husbands PT gear and our kitchen counter is covered in dishes? Let it be. Some of this stuff just really doesnt matter that much in the scheme of things. My house is not going to look like how it did before I got pregnant with baby #4 (which isnt how it looked before I got pregnant with babies #2 and #3... which isnt how it looked before I got pregnant with baby #1... notice a trend?). Pregnancy is a temporary state; Im not going to be pregnant forever. Yes, I will be busy when baby #4 gets here and there will be sleepless nights, but I wont be dealing with all the wonderful side effects of pregnancy (note the sarcasm). I cant do it all right now and there is no reason to do it all right now. Our house is operating under a Priority Policy-- if it must get done it will; if not, it wont. The harder side of letting it be has really been saying no. Sometimes there are things I want to do, but I know that after a day with the kids and my hubbys schedule being what it is, that it would be too much for me to go, that I wouldnt have any energy or that I would really pay for it that night with Braxton Hicks. The biggest reason I say no to things is that I know would just be exhausting for me and not fun, like if I would have to spend too much time wrangling the kids. It is what it is. I cant change whats on my plate-- my husbands schedule, our active kids, the point Im at in this pregnancy-- and so I just need to put some thought into what I say yes and no to.

6. Sisters
Ah-- gotta love family. Since we dont live anywhere near family, my sister is going to fly down and stay with us for a month, during an especially busy time in my husbands schedule, when Im even further in the third trimester and having a hard time dealing with his long hours. Im so excited to have her come down and help with the kids and make us dinner and pick up around the house-- er, I mean, Im really looking forward to her company. ;) On some of these really busy days, it is so comforting to think, "Only a couple more weeks and my sister will be here!"

So that is how Ive been taking it easy so far this pregnancy. My definition of taking it easy has evolved with each pregnancy and again this pregnancy with each trimester. Now that Im 30 weeks (home stretch!), Ive really had to put more thought into how I can take it easy with 3 kids.

What are your tips for taking it easy when pregnant, especially if you have other children?

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pregnancy weight loss natural

Its that time of year again, where you cant move in your local supermarket without fear of knocking the giant pumpkin display over (oh, thats just me then) and theres more costumes and candy than you can shake a witches broom at.  Our Halloweens have always been pretty low key, but now my daughter is that little bit older, (she has already eyed up a werewolf costume she has taken a fancy to), I thought Id put a bit more thought into this years celebrations.  

The lovely people at Zazzle kindly let me loose on their website to choose my picks for Halloween, so without further ado, heres what I chose for a spooky Halloween themed party.  Oh, and before I begin, I should really say it took me hours to pick.  Zazzle has so much choice that I really could have spent a good week debating the various merits of their Halloween stock! 

First up, if you are throwing a little Halloween gathering, you need invitations.  These immediately caught my eye as they were spooky, without being frightening for little ones. The design of these is the design that is on the Zazzle website, but you can completely personalise the invites and play around the design to your hearts content.  The invites are printed on really high quality paper and have a very luxurious feel to them! 

I adored these little pumpkin favor boxes and thought these would be the perfect size for sending guests home with cake and Halloween goodies. Again, you can completely personalise the boxes with your own message on each box. 

No Halloween party is complete without some paper plates! I loved the design of these and they are the perfect size for Halloween treats. 

And in a similar design to the plates, I thought this poster was also really great and would go wonderfully hanging above the cake table!  Again, the poster is really high quality and something that will definitely last. 

With the help of my daughter, we picked a few treats out for her. She choose this very cute Halloween apron, which she hasnt wanted to take off since it arrived.  Its lovely thick material and the perfect size for her to make some yummy Halloween cupcakes in. 

We also picked out this very soft cotton dress, with a little Halloween motif on the front.  Again, the quality is fantastic and its Halloweeny without being too in your face. (For some reason she was dancing like a crazy lady when I was trying to take her picture in it). I ordered size 4/5T which fitted my daughter perfectly, she is 3 years old and normally wears aged 3-4 clothes. 

Lastly, we picked up this canvas bag which is the perfect size to hoard all of our Halloween goodies in.  

All of the above products can be found at Zazzle, and I cannot recommend the site enough. The range and quality is amazing and the ability to personalise almost anything on their site is fantastic. This is the first time Ive used Zazzle, but I will definitely be returning.  At the moment, you can use code: SHOPXMASCARDS on the Zazzle website for 35% off invitations, greeting cards and photo cards. 

Right, Im off to find my witches broom and double check my daughter does want to be a werewolf! :-) 

Thanks for reading and wishing you all a happy Halloween! 

Zazzle kindly sent me the above items for review.  All opinions are completely honest and my own.

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baby losing weight while teething

 

As a blogger, I tend to try to read blogs posted by sites I follow.

As a mother and Navy wife, ah! This can be exhausting.

Why?

It seems a lot of blogs tear people down. One of the ones I just read talked about how life as a military spouse really isnt that difficult. Another talked about moms make their own lives difficult. These two blog posts really struck a nerve with me. I know that lately Ive been over sensitive and taking things personally, but, man. Come on now, mommas. Can we build each other up?

What bothers me about these posts?

Immediately after reading them I felt defensive. I wanted to explain so much-- why I agree on some level and why I disagree on another. They felt like attacks on me. Because Ive been struggling so much lately with all the different responsibilities in my life and then throwing my husbands return to submarine life-- going underway and now a shipyard schedule. The whirlwind of reasons why it all feels like a lot to me right now left me feeling deflated and lost reading these posts, these posts that are telling me that I am the one failing right now. Me. I already feel like Im failing and now these posts are basically proof that Im failing.

When a different thought hit me: I do not think I have it worse than other people. I just think that-- for me-- this has been a lot of changes all at once. I dont think we have a bad life. I think I am struggling right now.

There are other things I know:

This is a season in my life.

It will get better.

The children are going through a phase.

I need to be present.

The biggest thing for me to remember:

I need to bring this all to God.

Our twins are 4-years old, an age I have come to realize is not my favorite age; I did not enjoy 4-years old with our oldest son either. I feel stressed when dealing with them, when managing the day to day life with two 4-year olds in tow. I understand that they are in a phase and that it will pass-- I loved 5-years old with our oldest-- but, man, right now... Right now I am tired of the arguing, the meltdowns, the drama, the bedwetting, the tantrums, the tears, the whining, the moping, the constant conflict over each and every aspect of our lives. The sass. Even worse, I have a really hard time handling the input from strangers when it comes to our childrens behavior. They seem to have completely dropped any semblance of manners and when strangers jump in to inform me they should use manners, I feel instantly judged. I feel 5 inches high. I dont understand why all these things that I have spent the last 4 years teaching them have flown out the window. I am trying my best. I am praying all the time. I am struggling.

And when people pat me on the head and say, "It is just a phase. Enjoy it before they..." or something equally dismissive, I feel alone. Like I am failing as a mother for not loving the small things, the in-between moments. I feel horrible for dreading the day before it even starts. I love them to pieces and I love being their mother. I love staying at home with them and I love being the one to teach them new things. I just need a break.

The mommy martyr blog definitely hit me like a ton of bricks. Is that what people think about me? We just moved to a new area. We have four children. We have two children with breathing issues, one with anxiety issues. Baby-sitters are hard to find and not inexpensive. I know in my bones that so many of the behaviors that we are struggling with right now are due to our recent changes: moving, Daddy going underway, starting at a new school, missing their old friends and their old favorite places to go, Daddy coming home and working long hours. It is all a lot for such little people who dont really understand it all. When you are just meeting people and just making friends, it is hard to find people willing to take on four children who are adjusting to a new place. I dont feel comfortable imposing on new people. I dont feel comfortable leaving children Im concerned about with people I dont know or who Ive barely met just so I can go to coffee and take a break by myself-- in a town I dont know. It feels selfish. And imposing.

What I would love is to be living next door to my best friend again. What I would love is to drag all my kids to her house and let them destroy it while she makes me tea and lets me cry on her shoulder. I would love to give her children some love. I would love to feel at home. Connected. Like Im not a burden or intruding or annoying or all over the place. That my mess is welcome. That Im not being judged. That struggling for now is okay.

Of course I call and write to my friends. And of course I reach out to the new and old friends that I have here locally. But everything here is different. As a military spouse-- a submarine spouse-- we move and adapt. I am in that hard phase of adjusting to a new place. The coping mechanisms that I had at our last duty station dont work here. I dont have a long list of easy places to take the kids or know where to grab a quick cheap meal when dinner fails and my husband is working late. My relationship with my husband is also under strain from an entirely new schedule because, as a military spouse, a PCS means a new job.

No, I dont think we are alone in those pressures. No, I dont blame my spouse for these struggles. No, Im not angry at him for moving us or any of that. But there is so much comfort in finding support within a community that understands what you are going through. Just like the support networks we have made through our entire lives: peer friends as I went through high school and college, making friends with other young married couples after I got married, making friends with babies after we had our first son, making friends with fellow parents of multiples after we had our twins, reaching out to other families that have had miscarriages and loss after our second miscarriage, joining homeschool support groups when homeschooling our oldest in preschool and kindergarten and now our twins in preschool, finding other large family friends after we had our fourth son... It isnt strange to me to desire to find support within the military community when dealing with all these changes.

So, for me, this past underway when our oldest was struggling, I gave his teacher a heads up that his dad was away, not so that he could have a free pass, but so that she knew where he was coming from. When I had a hard time from comments I received while my hubby was gone, I would say prayers and seek a local support network. I do not believe that if my husband had a different job our life would suddenly be worry free. I feel that this is the job he has and this is the community we were given. There are unique challenges with this job-- just like any job has its own unique challenges-- and some of these are easy to identify and some of them are hard to explain to people who dont live it. I may fail as a mother in the eyes of the world everyday. I may be judged by strangers for how my children are behaving and I may struggle to find the enjoyment in certain ages and stages with our children. I may struggle with certain aspects of my husbands career right now. I feel all of this makes me exactly what I am: human. I dont have all of the answers and I dont know what Im doing. This is exactly why I depend on God, why I pray, and why I spend time in his word. I fail-- constantly. I feel weak and vulnerable lately. I feel judged. I feel burdened. I feel weighed down by the smallest aspects of our day.

But Lord knows I am grateful. I am grateful for this family, for my husband and our four beautiful boys. For the friends that I have-- near and far. I am grateful for my family, that is so supportive. I am grateful for Gods mercies and grace. I am grateful for my story and testimony.

I dont know where those two blog posts I read fall in my story (the Military Spouse blog and BluntMoms blog), if they are supposed to be convicting or if I should just move on past them. I wont forget how they made me feel reading them though, that someone out there thinks that people like me arent good enough. What I think is important to remember is that God says you are good enough. God is enough. I am not called to have my act together. I am called to depend on Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christs power may rest in me. That is why, for Christs sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I am not at the point of feeling strong yet. I am sure that looking back on this time I will be able to see how strong we were in Christ. Right now I feel like Im hanging on by a thread. His grace is sufficient.

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weight loss during pregnancy diet

Before you even read the rest of this, you should know that today is not my best mommy day. I was up half the night with Braxton Hicks. Our asthmatic toddler is having a small flare up, not too bad but enough to put him out of sorts. I woke up exhausted; he woke up whining. Then I served the boys breakfast, crock pot oatmeal with apples, cinnamon, and brown sugar simmered in it all night, topped with walnuts and heavy cream this morning. There was an absolute boycott at breakfast, "What is this? This not how you make oatmeal!" Our oldest said, "I like oatmeal how Marmie makes it, not like this." (Marmie is my momma.) By 9 am, I was exhausted and ready for either a re-do of the day or bedtime. I would like to note that the oatmeal was really good and tasted almost exactly like the instant packets of Quaker Oats Apple and Cinnamon, plus it was ready as soon as we got up!

So this blog post is brought to you by my pleasant weve-made-it-to-mid-afternoon attitude. With that said, I thought this would be the perfect afternoon to give you a follow-up on potty training toddler twins.

How has potty training been going? Im going to say, "Good..."

Why such a tentative answer? You would think that getting 2 toddlers out of diapers would be a hands down relief. I certainly thought it would be (read "Potty training 2.5 year old twin boys?"). In a lot of ways, it is. I dont have to change their poopy diapers; every parent knows that by the time your children are reaching 3-years old, their stinky diapers are horrendous. Not changing those is nice. It is also nice not to worry about buying diapers. While we werent flying through diapers with twin toddlers like we were with twin infants, we still needed a diaper stash. Even better, I havent bought baby wipes in months.

But there is a downside. I read this post by "30 Fingers, 30 Toes: Potty Training & Avoiding Public Restrooms." I couldnt agree more. It is a nightmare. When I go out with the boys by myself, most of the time I have to drag all our stuff into the bathroom with us (reason number 1 that I still push a stroller, as mentioned in "Toddler twin must haves (2yo to 3yo)"). Once I get us all in there, I have 3 boys exploring a public bathroom with their hands. Our 5-year old really is very good in the bathroom, but he starts trying to help wrangle his brothers and it just becomes this whole hands on experience. In the public bathroom. The toddlers are pretty good. As in, grabbing hand rails, trying to help lift the toilet lids, wanting to help lock and unlock the bathroom stalls... Washing their hands is a struggle. After I wash one set of hands, hes off trying to man-handle the trash can to throw his paper towel away while Im stuck at the sink trying to wash the other set of hands, while their older brother is opening the bathroom door to "help" hold the door for me (which, in action, is really just letting his brothers escape before Im done). It is non-stop stress for me from the moment we enter the bathroom to when we finally leave it. One of the few pluses, which really is a plus whether they are potty trained or not, is that I can have them all stand next to the stroller outside of the bathroom stall where I can see their feet so I dont have to have them all in the bathroom stall with me; our 5-year old is very good at bossing his brothers around and enjoys when I tell him to make sure no one moves an inch.

Then you have the constant, "I have to go potty!" When we go out as a family, well be sitting at the restaurant table and our oldest will say he has to use the restroom. Since we are sitting close to the restroom and can see him go in and out, we say, "Go ahead." We watch him leave the table and head into the bathroom. Then one of the toddlers says he has to go. We ask the other toddler if he also needs to use the restroom. He says no. So my husband takes the first toddler to the bathroom. Our oldest comes out of the bathroom and says he saw Daddy in the bathroom with his brother to which the second toddler declares that he, in fact, does have to go potty. I wait until my husband comes out of the bathroom with the first toddler before getting the second toddler out of his high chair to go meet his daddy. My husband takes the second toddler to the bathroom and then we will all settle back at the table before one of the toddlers exclaims, "I have to go poop!" Right now it is very hard to tell if this is a game or real. Our oldest, when potty training, often would use the restroom and then need to go back for the larger functions. Our toddlers have followed that trend. However, when all 3 of them are rotating through the restroom our entire meal, our understanding of, "Hes still learning what his body is telling him," is lost. It just becomes tiring. We can tell our oldest, "Well, you are going to wait." We started potty training our toddlers in February and it is now April... thats not a ton of potty training experience under their belt and the consequences of making a toddler wait that really does need to use the bathroom does not yet outweigh the benefit of making said toddler wait. Sometimes we make all of them go to the bathroom when we get up with one, especially if out by ourselves with all 3 of the boys. This often helps eliminate the "Oh, I really do want to go" after the other boys come back from the bathroom. However, we still get the "I have to go poop!" after we settle back into our table or out at the park.

Speaking of the larger functions, it is difficult when both toddlers really do need to go poop. If you have ever been in a public bathroom, you are probably familiar with the fact that they are equipped with one toilet in each stall. My husband felt bad one day when both toddlers were occupying the only 2 stalls in the mens bathroom and a gentleman came in wanting to use a stall. I often will take both into the handicap stall and make the other wait, but that can be hard when you can tell looking at the toddlers face who is waiting that he really does need to use the restroom. Again, not really one of those times where the consequence of making him wait outweighs the benefit. Logistically, it is quite difficult when one toddler is finished in one stall and the other toddler is finished in the other stall, especially when you hear the waiting toddler start touching things in the other, out of sight, stall. I dont know how many times I have hollered over a stall, "DONT TOUCH ANYTHING."

Then there are the other joys of potty training boys. A common problem we are having now is not pulling their shirts up enough when standing to tinkle. This means changing shirts because the bottom of the shirt gets wet. Or they dont pull their pants down enough so the top band gets wet. My husband has jokingly said, "Its just a little pee." But as every momma knows, there is no such thing as a "little pee." We still havent tackled nights yet. We do pull-ups at night (the Target brand pull-ups have submarines on them!). We do have them nap in underwear. Their mattress are zipped into waterproof mattress covers. We have 2 sets of spare sheets always clean in the linen closet. We switched from diapers at night to pull-ups because they were not able to take their diapers off in the night or in the morning to use the restroom; they are able to pull the pull-ups up and down by themselves without requiring us to change them (yay for more sleep in the morning and not having to get up in the night!). One of our toddlers has started getting up in the night to use the restroom. Hes even had a couple days this week of waking up dry. If I wasnt 31-weeks pregnant, I would seriously consider potty training him for overnight. Even with this progress, we are still having issues during naptime, especially when they are over tired or sick. If we have a super busy morning and they are beat tired, they will pass out and sleep for 3 hours straight-- like rocks. Rocks that have the risk of wetting the bed. When we first started potty training them, we held our breath every naptime-- will they make it through nap without having an accident? It was a risk we were willing to take. We knew we didnt want to do pull-ups for naptime and we wanted them to learn, so we just kind of threw them into it. Now it isnt so stressful when they go down to nap, save for the above mentioned times. They really dont nap too often or too long anymore anyways and, if they do start to wet the bed, it usually wakes them up. They will wet a small amount and wake up angry like cats in a bathtub, "My bed is wet!" We really dont have many naptime accidents anymore. The accidents we have are usually attire related (they cant get their jeans down fast enough which leads to panicked accidents next to the toilet) or logistic accidents (sitting down to use the restroom and not getting everything squared away before tinkling).  I think our toddlers are more prone to these little accidents because they dont have an adult shadowing them every time they use the bathroom; our oldest was also a little taller and so I think some of this was much easier for him to handle logistically.

The last joy of potty training is the potty training rebellion. We experienced this with our oldest, having accidents after he mastered potty training. We felt like he did this to see what his boundaries were. "Okay, I wanted to potty train and now Ive done it; what are my rules now?" Potty training twins was potty training rebellion times two. Maybe times a million because taking care of 3 kids and being in my third trimester really made the potty training rebellion super frustrating. Our oldest didnt host a rebellion with me and then another one with my hubby; one of our toddlers didnt do it that way either. The other toddler, after rebelling with me, starting a potty training rebellion every night when Daddy got home. Oh, it was just a frustrating time. I felt that between potty training at naptime and the little accidents that happened during the day, I was doing laundry all the time! I also kept thinking, "Surely it wasnt like this with our oldest?" In a lot of ways it was and wasnt. While one of our toddlers decided he wanted to potty train at 2.5-years old and did-- contrary to our oldest who we told to potty train after he turned 3-years old-- the rest of his potty training path has been very similar to our oldest. It just all fell into place and he did a great job with it. Our other toddler has been a wild card. Sometimes we felt like he really did want to potty train and sailed through it; other times we felt like it was all a big charade. Sometimes we wondered if we needed to go back to diapers with him, but then we felt we had come too far in potty training him and that he would learn bad behavior had no consequence, that we would concede and put him back in diapers... It was confusing. So it was hard on the frustrating days with the one toddler who treated potty training like a joke on occasion not to feel super frustrated when the other toddler, the one who wanted to do this, had a legitimate accident. I would feel like, "I have done nothing but change sheets and change clothes all day long and here we go! Another accident!" When really I had changed his twin brothers sheets and clothes and this was his first accident that day and, on top of that, was a real accident, compared to his brother who had "on purposes," as my hubby and I have come to call them. It was very important to pay attention to who was having accidents and what type of accidents they were and not just heap all of the accidents together. It wasnt fair to either of the toddlers, the one in the right or the one in the wrong. Why should the one in the right be punished for his brothers crime? And why should the one in the wrong not have to bear his own punishment?

The last frustrating point of having potty trained twins is the laundry. I know that we arent alone in having kids who love clothes. Even our oldest is always wanting to change his clothes for his activity. This morning he wore an outfit to rocknroll in (pulling out all our Rock Band accessories) and then put on an outfit to exercise in; now hes outback wearing play clothes. Now we have 2 toddlers with an underwear bin. They want to wear Superman, then Spiderman, then Mickey Mouse, then  Monsters Inc... It is crazy! We do everything we can to stop them from changing. They literally have a lock on their closet where we keep all their clothes, including their underwear, but we still find them sneaking into the dryer and pulling out clean underwear and a clean change of clothes. We find them changing into clothes from the dirty clothes hamper... The amount of clothes they go through in a day is insane. I dont even know how Im going to feel when baby #4 gets here this summer and we are adding newborn laundry into the mix. Will I ever be able to escape our laundry room then??? Our kids change their clothes unnecessarily, but then we have the aforementioned accidents and it all just piles up. Plus my husband who today will 3 different outfits to wash: his uniform, his civilian clothes, and then his t-ball coaching outfit. This is why I stick to pajamas. I can wear them all day and then sleep in them. Easy and completely cuts down on laundry. (Totally kidding! Kind of...)

All in all, potty training our twin toddlers has not been the huge sigh of relief that it was when we potty trained our oldest. I think once we are through with pull-ups and done with these accidents-- small, large, accidental, on purpose-- Ill love potty training more. I think when they are old enough to go into the boys room together and Im not dealing with them touching everything in the public restroom, Ill love potty training more. I think once their bathroom doesnt smell faintly of urine no matter how often I clean it, Ill love potty training more.

Each of our kids has potty trained differently. Two of our boys have been very easy to potty train, the third a little more challenging. I think we were quite spoiled the first time we potty trained, accomplishing days and nights so close together, throwing diapers out all together. I liked how we did it then, but Im reminding myself that it is different now. Even though we potty trained him when we had 3 children, we were only potty training one child. Now we are potty training 2 children and our family is much busier with twin toddlers than when we had twin babies (read "Follow-up on potty training" for the blog post on potty training our oldest).

To quote Monty Python, "Always look at the bright side of life..."

Posts on our potty training journey:

Potty training our oldest son?
"Try to see it my way"

"Why not?"
"Follow-up on potty training"

 

Potty training our identical twin boys

"Potty training 2.5 year old twin boys?"

"Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}"
"Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}"

"Potty training twins: Part 3 {Treats}"

"Potty training twins: Part 4 {The process}"

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