post pregnancy weight loss youtube

There are a lot of things about having twins that are hard to put into words or hard for people without twins to understand. For some things, parenting twins is double the work. For other things, it is half the work. I absolutely love being a momma to identical twins.

However, I read some of these articles about parenting twins or talk to some people with multiples and it feels like they are trying to make parenting twins far more unique or unusual than it is. Some of the things involved in parenting twins applies to parenting more than one child. Having twins in itself is special and unique. Why make it bigger than it is? Why say things in a way that puts down other moms, especially since most moms are moms of singletons? It feels like it is making a divide, when there is no need to create more mommy competition than there is already.

I was reading this article and it seemed to cover all the bases for most of the "unique" twin things I hear a lot, "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare. I went through the points she made regarding "unique twin things" and expanded on them, since many of them are not twin-exclusive, and some apply to sibling groups but are a little different for twins.

1. "People will ask inappropriate questions."

Totally agree with this one. We have heard some wildly inappropriate questions-- especially in front of our children-- as to how our twins were conceived. Even now I get asked if they are natural. But now that we have 4 children, we hear a lot of inappropriate comments, especially because they are all boys, these also said in front of my four precious children. Comments Ive heard from strangers:

"If I had 4 boys, Id put a gun in my mouth."

"Having 4 boys is the worst thing that I think could ever happen to me."

"Are you an alcoholic? I would be if I had 4 boys."

"God bless you because I cant think of a worse thing than having 4 boys."

"Better you than me because that sounds miserable."

I know the author was referring to fertility/conception when stating the inappropriate questions. When people ask about our boys ("Yes, all boys, all mine") they usually notice two are the same height and look the same ("Yes, they are identical twins") and I will sometimes hear if we "planned" them-- because using our magic looking glass we knew down the road that our 4th child would be another boy? So we thought lets do twin boys for children #2 and #3?

"Good Lord, Im so thankful I dont have twin boys."

"Twin boys! That is horrible. Wow, I have always wanted twins, but never twin boys."

"Im surprised you are out of the house and dressed. If I had twin boys, I would stay in bed crying all day."

Note on that: people really need to stop using the Lords name in vain to curse my blessings.

2. "You have to learn to speak twin."

This is the first point she makes that I truly dont agree with. Twin language? Really? This is one that just makes me shake my head...

Anyone who has raised a toddler knows how language gets warped and distorted as their child learns words. Dirty diaper becomes "bo bo;" water becomes "wah." Ive met people in adulthood who are still called by the name they referred themselves to when they were three-years old, unable to pronounce their full name.

Then you take two children learning language at the same time who spend all day together... yeah, they babble and sometimes it appears they have invented a little language. But they havent. They are babbling. We have taken our boys-- all 3 of the older ones-- on playdates where they are playing with their peers and their friends even seem to know what they are talking about.

I attribute this to the fact that these children are just used to not understanding a lot of what is being said to them. Up until that point in their cognitive life, they have had a world of people talking over them and at them. And so they are imitating what was modeled for them, just like they do with everything else. You give them a pot and a spoon, they pretend to cook {until they start beating their brother with the spoon...}.

Our boys have all gone to speech therapy. With our oldest, we were taught not to encourage his mutated words. Even when he said words in an absolutely adorable way, we were to repeat it back to him correctly so he learned the correct pronunciation. With our twins, we were taught not to encourage their "twin speak," even when it was hilarious. When one babbled a word incorrectly, we were to repeat it back correctly.

Honestly, we never had an issue with "twin talk." I have met many people that strongly believe in twin language. Strongly. We have had age appropriate babble from our children that seemed to be understood by each other-- even our oldest. Our twins would be fussing in their high chairs, yelling some undecipherable stream of words, and our oldest would say, "Mom, he wants the red car and he wants his blanket!" after my attempts of appeasing them failed. Our oldest would diligently fetch these items; his brothers would take them and instantly stop fussing, their attention fully absorbed in their treasures.

As our twins have grown, we have encouraged correct language. When we figure out a hard to pronounce word that they have been struggling over, we learn to recognize it in their speech and work with them on the correct pronunciation. It doesnt make sense to me to latch on to toddler speak and dub it twin language.

When I tell people, no, our twins do not have a secret language, they usually launch into how their cousins twins could read each others minds. One would just burst out crying and the other would go get a certain toy and the twin would stop crying because they just knew. My sisters and I were always very close and always anticipated/knew what the other sister wanted, just from our surroundings/past experience/knowing each other. Siblings have a bond. Twins have a leg up on this sibling bond because from their moment of conception they have been thrown together as a pair, even in familys where the sibling bond is often ignored or left to grow on its own without parental guidance.

3. "You will never stop being asked if they are twins."

My sisters and I look like replicas of each other. We used to find it so amusing when people asked us if we are twins. Sometimes we said yes; it was all a game to us. Now that Im grown with a set of identical twins... it isnt the game it was then. Our boys are three-years old and Im not sure I can really convey how often we are asked if they are twins. It isnt that I mind talking to people or that Im not friendly; I feel like I am very friendly and open. I love our boys and love talking about all of them. It is just that we get asked at every store, at every errand, at the guard shack driving on base, at Chick-Fil-A when we walk in the door, when we order, when we are sitting at our table, by the parents in the play area, by the fellow patrons around us, on our way out to the parking lot... We seem to go in waves of being asked if they are twins. We will only get asked on some of our errands and then other times we are asked e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e every time we go out. {Mind you, I do not dress our twins alike. I sometimes put all of our boys in matching/coordinating outfits for events and such, but not our every day wear.}

4. "There is no such thing as just running to the store quickly."

This point made by the author was one of those comments that make singleton parents glare at twin parents. Because leaving the house with one child is so easy and singleton parents have no idea how easy they have it?

As a parent of singleton first, I can tell you that it is not that easy. Our first child was a breath holder from 6 weeks to 3 years. It was intense. And going from buckling no car seats as a free agent adult to buckling a car seat every time you leave the house, it is a big change.

Now as a parent of 4, I can tell you leaving the house with one child is not the chore it used to be. Buckling one car seat and taking one child in when I have 3 more children in car seats staying home with Dad feels like much less work. That sounds like Im saying that one car seat is easy...

No, what Im saying is that it is relative. Having your first baby is a major learning curve. Having your fourth baby is much easier. Things dont surprise you so much. I expect to have some fussiness in the store, maybe some crying in the car. I expect babies to be loud and disruptive in public and know what age appropriate behaviors from our toddlers are. I enjoy going out and having one on one time with just one child and appreciate not having to do zone defense down the aisle of the commissary.

If I could go back in time there are so many things I would be much more relaxed about with our first, but I cant because I was figuring it out then. I had no idea what to expect at each of the ages and stages. There are definitely times now that I hear a mom of one complaining to me about how their house is a mess and I do want to laugh out loud, thinking about the uphill battle I have at home with our 4 children. But I have been in that moms shoes. I know how that mom feels and I know those feelings are real.

5. "The learning curve for sibling rivalry happens much sooner."

I think this really sums up a lot of the differences between twins and singletons, not the sibling rivalry, but that things happen much sooner. Instead of easing into balancing sibling groups, you are thrown into it. We went from one child to three children-- a big transition! As someone who rarely pushed a stroller with our first, I was then taking a stroller that could hold three children everywhere we went-- two infant carriers, two bottles, two sets of baby toys and blankets to keep track of, three children to balance. And when our twins became mobile it was much more difficult finding a place for our oldest to do toddler activities, like Playmobile sets. He would pull his toys away from one baby only to be accosted by the other baby. It was a lot for him to take in. Our style of parenting changed a lot going from one child to three children, though there has been a much smaller shift going from three children to four.

6. "They truly love being together."

This one is another stretch. How is this just twins? Our boys fuss and fight and bicker all day long. But they freak out if one of them leaves. They worry about the baby when I leave the house with just him, "Dont forget to feed him while you are gone!" Thank you, 6-year old; I will remember to do that! They worry when my husband leaves with any combination of them-- our 6-year old and a 3-year old; both the 3-year olds... They are so excited when their brothers come home after any amount of time away. "Where did you go?! Did you have fun?!" Whenever we go anywhere-- doctor appointments, piano lessons, etc-- and the one with me is offered stickers or suckers or treats, he demands 3 more for his brothers. They all look out for each other. We have encouraged from the beginning the sibling bond, the band of brothers. It is so important for brothers to have each others backs.

7. "It feels like your kids grow up faster."

It is weird to me having two pass through the phases together. It feels... different. We seem to hit the phases fast and furious. We binged on toys to make our day easier; we have so many baby toy hand-me-downs, two of everything, because it was easier to give them each a toy in their Bumbo. We had two swings, two bouncey seats, two, two, two. Two push lawnmowers, two Fisher Price poppers, two Fisher Price school buses... And then they grew out of it all and it is passed down to baby #4 who finds far more entertainment in his brothers than his toys.

Looking at baby #4, Im amazed at how old our twins are. We are out of the baby stage with them-- they are 3 years old! We are moving into the preschool years. How did we fly through that? I still remember the long evenings, double the colds, double the diapers...

And suddenly they are playing games with their big brother and our house is now three of everything. This was a Christmas of threes. Our garage has shifted from toys for our oldest {one of each} plus toys for our twin toddlers {two of each} to toys for our boys {three of everything}.

I think maybe now they are older and out of the extreme hands on baby phase, maybe it will feel more normal to have two children pass through the stages together. Maybe it will feel a little less intense than when it was two babies. I dont know. I am just floored that our oldest is now 6 years old. SIX. Not the tiny baby on my hip. Our twins are 3 years old. THREE. Not the round babies in cribs and diapers. And we have a fourth baby. What? How time flies!

8. "They will always be compared to each other."

There could be a whole article on this one alone. Yes, yes, yes, yes, a million times YES. We have 4 children and we have heard, "Does he sleep like the other ones? Does he eat like the other ones? Is he a good baby/bad baby/same baby as the other ones? Does he look like the other ones?" Normal, right? Yup.

But for twins, it is different. We hear that and then some. If one of our twins falls off the slide and starts crying, I hear, "Is he the sensitive twin?" If one of our twins is wearing mismatched clothes and the other twin is wearing what I picked out, I hear, "Is he the rebellious twin?" If one of our twins is throwing a fit in public, I hear, "Is he demanding twin?" If one of our twins says hi to the people asking if they are twins, I hear, "Is he the outgoing twin?" The are just labeled. Labeled everywhere we go no matter what they are doing. They are labeled as the twins and then people want to attribute each and every one of the smallest behaviors they are exhibiting at any given moment to which twin they are.

And when our oldest is noticed in the midst of the twin labeling, he gets asked, "Are you a good helper with your brothers?"

{Face palm}

9. "You will always be teaching people about twins."

Yup.

"My dad is a twin so I was sure I would have twins."

"My brothers cousins wife had twins, so I know my turn is next."

Read my blog post, "Identical or Fraternal {revised}."

What do you think of this list and of her article? Do agree that these are unique to twins or do you think they cover sibling groups as well?

 

View Megan Shauris article here: "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare?

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weight loss and gain during pregnancy

We potty trained our oldest when he was three years old-- hes now five years old-- and I am so ready to have our toddlers potty trained as well. However, my husband and I decided awhile ago that we wouldnt potty train our twin boys until they turned three. What led us to that decision?

When our first was a little guy, I dabbled in potty training. I would put him in underwear at 18-months and let him feel what it was like without a diaper. We brought him to the restroom with us and worked on his "potty vocabulary." We encouraged him to try to use the restroom. We asked him when his diaper was full if he was stinky... on and on. We never really pushed the potty training, but we highly encouraged it.

By the time he turned three, he had decided that potty training was not for him. Diapers were great. I would ask if he wanted to use the potty and he said, "No," every time. In fact, he never used the potty until we actually made him potty train. But, when he was just past three and we made him potty train, he exceeded the readiness list (read "Why not?") and we potty trained him days and nights all at once. Why not do it that way?

Our toddlers have thrown us a curve ball. While our oldest demonstrated zero interest in potty training, our toddlers are super excited about it. They are two and half years old right now and love talking about the potty. They love when their older brother uses the potty. They love when we are in the bathroom, either to use the restroom ourselves or to brush their teeth, take a bath, whatever it is that brings us into the glorious restroom. They have used the restroom multiple times. One of them even told us-- on his own initiative-- that he needed to use the restroom for a larger function than just tinkling. Our oldest would never have done that in a million years. In fact, when asked at the same age, he told me, "Ive got my diaper."

Which brings us to another big difference between our oldest and our two toddlers. While D was also a late talker, when he started talking, he really started talking. Our toddlers are dragging in their vocabulary. Right now they are playing and talking and I can make out about 20% of the words they are saying. When Im involved in what they are doing, not just eavesdropping, I can get that number to 50% or so. They are in the midst of this phase where they throw fits about everything. At the park the other day, one of our toddlers threw an epic meltdown when I told him to stop touching things in the parks public restroom (ew, ew, ew, ew).

There are days when the toddlers shake our resolve regarding putting off potty training. A week or so ago, one of our toddlers was obsessed with the restroom. He told us before he had to go potty, after he went potty, and wanted his diaper changed if it was the slightest bit wet. When we were changing a barely wet diaper for him to run and finish in the potty, we thought, "Should we?" We debated the pros and cons, if we wanted to or not. While we see many pros, the con-- their ability to communicate-- remains the same.

Which leads me back to how we potty trained our oldest. Yes, we made him potty train. He was over three years old and literally demonstrated every bullet on the readiness list (on every readiness list I read). When we kicked off the potty training, we handed the responsibility over to him. He became responsible for telling me the timer went off and it was time to try. He became responsible for going potty before we left the house. He became responsible for telling me he had to go potty when we were out and so we had enough time to get to a restroom. He became responsible when he had accidents after he was potty trained. I dont see the toddlers rising to this occasion. I watch them and wonder, but at the end of it, I dont see them taking this on. I see me pushing two toddlers to try. I see me cleaning up accidents for weeks and weeks with little progress. I see a year or more of over night diapers and just-in-case pull ups and carpet cleaner and extra clothes when we leave the house. That is not how I want to potty train.

And so we wait. We wait and let them build their potty vocabulary. We give them praise and a treat when they ask to use the potty. We change their diapers when they ask and make sure to clean up stinky diapers right away (not that anyone with a nose would be able to tolerate a toddler in a stinky diaper for more than 30 seconds anyways). We are viewing potty training in a different light. Potty training is a process and there is a lot that builds up to it. If we teach them that using the potty is the end goal and the words they need to know before switching to underwear all the time, they will comprehend what their role is much more than throwing it all at them at once. If we teach them to understand "no" and "wait," then they will have more control over themselves when we cant access a bathroom immediately or when we tell them accidents happen but not once you are potty trained.

This is not to say that I do not have a countdown until we get our youngest two kids out of diapers: 5 or 6 months. Now if only we could skip the whole "potty training process" and jump straight to three potty trained kids. :)

(Note: we did allow our oldest a period of leniency when he was working on potty training. It is hard to learn that it takes longer to get to a bathroom when you are at a grocery store than at home or that sometimes Momma doesnt know where a bathroom is and has to find it, like at a big mall. However, once he was potty trained, we told him he needs to make it to a bathroom. Again, we made exceptions after big changes that initiated backsliding, like when he was having problems with a bully at preschool and things such as that.)

Blogs I wrote on potty training our oldest:

"Try to see it my way"

"Why not?"

"Follow-up on potty training"

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is weight loss good during pregnancy

We moved to South Carolina at the end of August for my husband to go through the pipeline (again). The first class up date for power school, October, my hubby did not get picked up. This week they put out the list of who will be classing up this time and my husbands name was on the list.

This morning when he came home and told me he was classing up, I was very surprised by my disappointment. Weve never been "on hold" like we have been here. He has had to muster twice a week while on hold, but he was home before 8 am every morning. By the time I got out of bed, he had already fed the boys breakfast and was cleaning up the kitchen, even on muster days. That was a definite bonus. By mid-November, I think we started grating on each other though. I really wanted him to class up soon. I told my mom, "If he doesnt class up this time, we are going to kill each other!" We dont have a busy calendar here and so we were all spending a lot of time at home together-- all.day.long. Wonderful for a month or so, but it is now December and we have been doing this since he graduated college in August (granted we did move from North Carolina to South Carolina during that time and he completed indoc, but, still, mostly just spent here at home). It is amazing how irritating little things can become when you spend all day, every day with someone.

Then we went on mini-vacation during Thanksgiving weekend. We spent four days at the beach with no plans, just hanging out as a family, away from our house and the day to day routine. We had so much fun. It was so refreshing coming home after that. And we talked about things we could do if he didnt class up this time... And I started thinking, "Oh, it would be nice if we could do this and that..."

So this morning I realized how much things will change around here. He fed the boys, as usual, this morning. While I got ready, he got the boys ready. While I was out of the house with the boys, he cleaned up the house and did the dishes. It really struck me just how much of a help he has been around here and how petty and silly the little things are. He would get irritated with me taking so long to get ready-- reading and talking on the phone to my sister while getting ready. I would get irritated with him for filling up the hamper after making a trip into his closet or not having the boys clean up their messes as they went. Today, that stuff all seemed silly. He gladly played with the boys while I chatted with my sister this morning, telling me to enjoy my last couple leisurely mornings. (Can I even emphasize how nice it is to have two parents home in the morning???) And when we got home, I noticed all the stuff he did do instead of all the stuff he didnt do and how much I appreciate him doing those things.

As for my feelings now that it has sunk in that hes classing up, Im fine with it. We came here for him to go through the pipeline and now hes started. Im surprised at how stressful it was to find out when he was classing up. For the October class he was told yes and no all the way up to the day school started. The next classes will probably be more of a roller coaster, SOBC and prototype. SOBC is unaccompanied in Connecticut. Prototype is either here or in upstate New York. I think Ill have a Navy wife heart attack if they tell him, "Oh yeah, you are classing up next week for prototype... in upstate New York." But I wont will do my best not to stress out about that until power school is over.

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baby losing weight in third trimester

Our toddlers are 16-months old. While they still have a very selfish, toddler view of the world, they have started actually interacting with each other in a more meaningful way. I love seeing all of my boys playing together; I feel like Im watching (and nurturing!) the foundations being built to life-long friendships between all three of my precious boys. As for the one-year olds, it is hilarious and entrancing watching two toddlers discover the world around them. This is definitely one of those "double the fun" times.

"Do you like see-food?"

 

"You promise I get a turn after this, right?"
"Of course, of course..."

 

"On your mark... get set..."

 

"Go!"

 

"Wow. Dads lawn mower makes a lot more noise than ours..."

 

"Here comes the dump truck!"

I know, I know. A lot of pictures of just the toddlers. Well, as any momma of a four-year old knows, four-year olds do not play in one place. While the toddlers often stop what they are doing to sit and watch something loud or unusual (such as the lawn mower), the four-year old immediately jumps into action! Their big brother is currently a 1. obstacle course guy 2. a rock-n-roll guy 3. a football guy 4. a BIG MUSCLES guy 5. a karate guy 6. a good cook guy... Im sure Im missing a few things. The other obstacle in getting a picture of all three boys is that the preschoolers games are much too advanced for the toddlers. When we go in the front yard, he wants to ride his bike up and down the driveway. The toddlers, on the other hand, like to push around their Fisher Price corn poppers. Usually, during play, the toddlers are occupied with one thing and the preschooler is doing something more elaborate and age appropriate. As the momma, the toddlers are the greater urgency, to use a triage approach. I can direct the preschooler verbally but must bodily move the toddlers. When we go to the park, I can let the preschooler play on a different area within eyesight; D can swing while I hover over his brothers on the little tykes playground making sure no toddlers hurdle themselves head first over the side of the slide. Also, now that D has actually started preschool, I have large chunks of time with just the toddlers, something that has been very enjoyable to me. It is great to have a chance to interact with them only on their age level. This is the first time that I have had significant one-on-two time with them (and get pictures of them!).

 

We do participate in many, many group family activities. We like to have the kids participate in our household chores, like mowing the lawn. The toddlers push their Fisher Price lawn mowers around the driveway while D rides on his John Deere Gator as Husband cuts the grass. We are all outside and the boys get to imitate Daddy, help with some little things, and generally learn that the grass does not cut itself. Inside the house, I have the boys help unload the dishwasher, fold the laundry, clean the kitchen floor, and wipe down the highchairs. None of these things are ever really times that I have my camera on me. However, it is so adorable seeing the three of them cleaning the kitchen floor that I really do need to record it one of these days. We do a lot of fun family activities too, spending most of our time hanging out in the backyard or the sunroom. We do things like push trucks, do puzzles (usually easier block puzzles, having our oldest teach his brothers), blocks, rolling and kicking balls (kicking balls outside only!), playing with push toys and wagons... all sorts of things. We read a lot together. Ive started teaching the preschooler the sounds of the letters. Now hes interested in the more basic books with less of plot again, books that are easy to find these "sounds." Sometimes the toddlers will be absorbed in their own happenings and I can curl up with D and we can read a longer, more in-depth book that has a storyline. These kind of moments are hard to take a picture of. When you are absorbed in them, the last thing you want to do is interrupt the moment to grab your camera. I did recently capture my husband setting up our new play equipment with the boys. C and O felt that standing on the landing was the best use of their help. D was actually quite a big help, screwing in one side of the equipment. It is amazing what four-year olds are capable of! We are constantly amazed at the inner-workings of his mind... :)

 

Daddy has a lot of helpers!

 

Screwing the pieces together-- go, D man!

 

Enjoying the fruits of their labor.

 

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post pregnancy weight loss yoga

When this homeschool year started, I was excited. Our first "real" year of homeschooling! I opened up my calendar and my feelings shifted slightly, "Oh no! There is nothing on our calendar!" So I started adding things to our calendar.

I continued our piano lessons on Wednesdays. He is really interested in music and learning piano.

I found a fun ASL co-op class on Thursdays. He likes sign language and I thought he would enjoy doing it with other kids-- just for fun.

I found a storytime on Fridays. This is really our only "toddler-friendly" activity.

Fall started. We enjoyed our schedule.

Then we found a fun co-op class on Wednesdays after our piano lessons. We joined that.

Then one of our toddlers needed speech therapy on Mondays.

Plus we go to church on either Saturday night or Sunday morning.

Plus we still had to go grocery shopping...

...and I joined a mommy meet-up group that I never had time for.

...and a homeschool field trip group that I never had time for.

...and friends that I was having a hard time finding room in our schedule just to hang out with.

...and a house to take care of.

...and toddlers that were still napping.

...and a newborn.

Oh, yes. And homeschool to actually accomplish with our kindergartner.

Suddenly our schedule was not fun. How had kindergarten become such a chore?

At a park playdate I opened up my calendar to a homeschool mom currently homeschooling her 4 children. I figured that she is wise at planning her family calendar since her oldest 2 are teenagers. I asked her, "What am I doing wrong? We are stressed and fighting every morning when we leave the house and we are homeschooling kindergarten! I dont think it should be this hard." Bless her she went through my schedule and helped me cut it down. {Side note: be thankful for honest friends!}

We dropped piano lessons and ASL co-op to free our schedule and because winter break was a good point to drop the classes before we move.

We obviously kept church and speech therapy.

The Wednesday co-op stayed since it was one of the things that our oldest loved and really wanted to keep on the calendar, plus it wasnt too stressful to get to or be at especially after our calendar was cut way down.

Friday storytime is drop-in and so on Fridays when we are looking for something to do, we go. On Fridays where we are way to busy after a hectic week, we dont.

I dropped the mommy meet-up group and the homeschool field trip group. Even being part of them online was stressful. I never had time for the playdates, even the ones that I wanted to go to. It feels so much better not having that "failure" hanging over me. I figure that if our schedule ever dies down, then I will consider joining again, but first I want to get in the swing of things.

After such a busy schedule, I wanted to give us a chance to breathe and regroup. Our co-ops and commitments ended in December then we hit the winter holidays. I gave us the freedom and flexibility to let school happen or to take a break. We ended up doing more no-school days than school days over Christmas, which was fine. We started school early this year and have plenty of days we can take off for moving, if we need to. As we get ready to start school again post-holiday, Im keeping in mind the lessons I learned this past fall.

Dont feel that homeschooling means open schedule.

Dont fill up each day with an out of the house activity.

Dont make it harder than it needs to be.

Since Ive cut down our schedule Im being far more discerning as I put things on our calendar, especially weekly commitments:

1. Does it include all the age groups of our children? Finding activities that all our boys can participate in is wonderful, specifically our oldest 3. If I have something interesting for them to participate in, it is so much easier to get us out the door. "Lets all put on our shoes for our nature explorers park trip!"

2. If it doesnt, do I already have several things on the calendar for that age group? For instance, my schedule was very heavy with activities for our kindergartner, our "official" homeschooler. Even though we were doing things for him, I was still bringing his 3 younger siblings to all those activities and they were getting bored and tired of hanging out in the car or lobbies or sitting quietly on benches watching their brother. While I do think that some activities geared toward a particular age group are great and fine {storytime for our toddlers, co-op for our oldest}, it is important to balance how often I put things on the calendar for one age group.

3. How busy will I be? Over extending myself on weekly commitments meant a lot of the other daily tasks became much bigger chores, such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, laundry, and the kitchen. As a family, we love cooking together and eating dinner at home, but we were short on ingredients and short on time. Our dishes were stacking up. Our laundry was piling up. It was stressful because each day we had too much going on. With young children, leaving one day {Tuesdays, in my case} open wasnt much help because I couldnt count on that day being a good day to get chores done. What if the boys came down with colds? Or our toddlers were exceptionally uncooperative that day? Or the baby was up all night and I was feeling sluggish?

4. Do we have free time? I love free time. The best things happen out of free time. Our boys invent a wild game to play together. We bake together. We do crafts together. We snuggle up and watch movies and eat popcorn together {we love watching movies together!}. When our schedule was so full, free time was miserable. The boys were tired and always fussing at each other. I needed a break and didnt feel like engaging when I finally had a minute to myself. Free time gives us the chance to let our math lesson run over because we are having fun. Free time lets us read just one more book together. Free time allows us to throw on shoes and take a walk. Free time lets us say "yes" to our neighbor that wants to come over and hang out for awhile. I am a firm believer in free time.

What lessons have you learned regarding your family calendar and homeschooling?

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Our toddlers are days away from turning three-years old which means it is time for another must-have list! :) What are the things that have made this past year with toddler twins just that much easier? I have found that as our twins get older, it is becoming much less about finding things that work for twins and more about finding things that work for having three children. Most of these things are applicable to making life easier with three young children, not twin specific.

Side note: I cant believe that my next must-have list will probably be for the youngest of four children-- newborn things again! This pregnancy is flying by; Im already in the third trimester!

1. The Aqueduck Faucet Extender

Without the Aqueduck, reaching for the water flow

With the Aqueduck, standing flat footed on the stool

Not sure what the silly face is for, but using the Aqueduck

This is seriously a parenting must-have, twins or not. I cant believe I didnt own this when our oldest was small. This makes washing little hands so.much.easier, even with a stool boosting them up. The Aqueduck moves the water flow closer to them and is easy to take on and off, which is useful when you have guests using the bathroom or if you want to bring it with you on a family vacation. I know this will be coming on our next timeshare trip.

2. Lunch containers

All these are from-- where else?-- Target

I dont have a specific lunch container that I highly recommend... Instead, this is much more about just having a lunch container that suits your needs. I love how these lunch containers from Target dont have fancy lids to open or lots of compartments to keep clean. I can take the lids off and let the boys finish their picnic lunches in their carseats. They are small enough to easily fit in their laps and hold the perfect portions for our almost three-year olds and five-year old. We pack a lot of lunches and so having containers for each of them is very useful. I also have water bottles that I refill for them and bring with us. Again, I dont have a brand that I am in love with. I tend to prefer water bottles that dont have a lot of small parts and no valves. Easy to clean is a must!

3. Thirty-One Picnic Thermal Tote

I do have a lunch pail that I absolutely love for heading out with all four of us-- me and the boys-- and the times when my husband goes out with us too: the Thirty-One Picnic Thermal Tote. I love this lunch pail. It fits us perfect for our park trips, afternoons out running errands, and when Im bringing snacks to our oldest sons little sports games. I use this thing almost every day. I can also fit my water bottle in here along with our lunches. This lunch pail is not too big and not too small. It is also soft so I can shove it underneath our stroller. The handle is adjustable so I can hang it over the handlebar of our stroller. I bought this lunch pail because I was out with one of my girlfriends and she had packed her lunch in it. I absolutely loved it and how well everything fit inside! I went home and told my Thirty-One consultant that I wanted one and promptly placed an order. :)

5. Croc-like shoes

Putting his Crocs on all by himself

Putting his Skechers on all by himself

I know what you are thinking: CROCS?! Yeah, Crocs. When you have three kids, it is really (really, really, really) annoying to help get three sets of shoes on six feet, tie six shoes, and then-- Lord forbid-- we go somewhere where they have to take their shoes off. Or their shoes get wet. So Crocs, or Croc like shoes, are just the ticket. The little boys can put their Crocs on and off by themselves. If they get wet while we are out, they dry quickly, unlike canvas sneakers. They breathe. They work like flip flops and protect their toes like sneakers. When we go to the spray park, they can wear their Crocs in the sprinklers. I let the Crocs dry and then they wear their Crocs over to the playground. Love a multi-purpose shoe! Their feet have grown again and it was time to buy shoes for this summer. A friend tipped me off to the Skechers Boys Guzman Seeperz. They have all the convenience of Crocs without that oh-so-stylish Crocs look. I loved the price tag-- I bought all 3 boys a pair at the outlet mall for just under $50 compared to one pair of Crocs at $29.99-- but for our oldest they have been a little disappointing. The shoes are still intact, but the white on the toes start chipping almost the same day we brought them home. Little kids are quite hard on play shoes, although they havent chipped near so bad for our toddlers.

6. Baby-sitter

In my blog post "0-2 year old twin must-haves," I said drop-in childcare and a baby-sitter were a must. Sadly we have moved from North Carolina to South Carolina and we no longer have a drop-in childcare place (believe me-- I have looked!). Being a military family, we move a lot. We are probably only going to be living in South Carolina for another year. When our oldest was a baby, I never had a baby-sitter I hired. I never even looked. I would ask my girlfriends in the FRG or I would reschedule whatever I had planned. My husband was always underway or working. I had a sling and our son went everywhere that I went. Having three kids with a fourth on the way changes that a little bit... I kind of need a baby-sitter for a lot of things, like my OBGyn has a no kids in the exam room policy. Actually, my last OBGyn had that policy when I was pregnant with our twins, but it was much easier to drag one fairly well-behaved toddler with me than a preschooler and two toddlers-- its slightly more distracting. Also, with three kids and our fourth on the way, we like getting out every now and then. My hubby and I want to use a baby-sitter to go birthday shopping for our toddlers. Not a very fancy date, but it sure is nice to get out without three kids in tow and chat as a couple. With a busy family, it is good for our marriage to take advantage of those little opportunities to get out by ourselves.

I know what a lot of my military wife readers are thinking, "But where do I find a baby-sitter?!" I dont really know. One of my best friends has found their baby-sitters (2 different duty stations) on sittercity.com. It is free for military families: Sittercity Military Program. My sister has even used a baby-sitting site like that, for her daughter and also to find a pet sitter for her cat. One of my really good girlfriends used to baby-sit for those sites before she had kids; I would definitely hire her to watch my kids (and I often do abandon my kids at her house-- haha!). I didnt have good luck finding a sitter on those sites when we first moved here. I get really nervous leaving our asthmatic toddler with people I dont know. Im going to have to give them a try again when we move next time; I dont know if well move somewhere with such an awesome neighborhood as we have here. I found our current sitter by word of mouth from my neighbors. I do know that I didnt just have a baby-sitter fall into our lap when we moved to South Carolina, away from our awesome baby-sitters in North Carolina. We found our baby-sitter here by asking people about baby-sitters. I messaged people. I posted jobs on baby-sitting sites. I met up with people. I actively searched for a baby-sitter and, after a couple weeks, I found the perfect match for us-- a fabulous Navy wife who also happens to have asthma (makes me much happier finding someone who understands asthma to watch our boys!). It takes patience. It is hard as a military family, moving to a new state and finding someone you trust to watch your kids, especially when you dont know anyone. Give it time. Keep looking. It can happen!

7. Our Baby Jogger City Select with a Second Seat

Well, you knew this would make the list. Read my previous blog posts about it here:

• "0-2 year old twin must-haves"
  This post includes pictures of our toddlers at two-years old using our stroller.
• "I love my stroller"
  The original post about our stroller.

Most of the time, now, I only put one seat in the stroller. There are still times when I put in both seats. Yesterday at the park I put in both seats because the boys played at the playground for an hour or two, ate lunch, and then played at the splash pad for another hour or two. I was very worried they would be tired on the way back to the car and wanted the toddlers to have somewhere to sit (at 28 weeks pregnant carrying two toddlers and all our gear isnt an option for me). A lot of times when I only have one seat in, one toddler will sit in the seat and the other toddler will sit on the foot rest. Not the best picture, but here is a picture of them doing that when we looked at Christmas lights this past December:

I put one seat in most of the time because only one of our toddlers really ever wants to ride in the stroller anymore. The other prefers walking. When baby #4 comes along, Im going to put our glider board back on our stroller. That way I will have the glider board for one toddler, a seat for the other toddler, and the infant car seat adapter for baby #4. For times when we are going to the park and hanging out for a long period of time, I love having the stroller with me to help carry all our stuff.

8. Responsibility

This is the age where our toddlers want to help with e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. They want to help unload the dishwasher, clean the bathtub, fold the laundry, pick up toys, carry in the groceries... but they dont really want to follow through with all of it or do any of it exceptionally well (well, the way I would do it if I didnt have "help"). Today when I cleaned the bathtub, I let one of our toddlers help me scrub. No need to worry; I used baking soda to clean the tub so it was entirely safe. I just gave him an extra scrub brush. (Read "Homemade household cleaners.") In my blog post "Domestic goddess," I talk about our cleaning schedule. They love helping me clean. I give them rags to dust with and dole out small tasks for them to help with. Today I gave one of our toddlers one piece of laundry at a time to put in the laundry hamper as I folded clothes. I like encouraging them to help because Ive seen how awesome it can be-- our five-year old is an exceptionally good help. Hes even started washing dishes lately! Yeah, awesome help. Encourage it while they are interested. :)

The other thing they love is having little things that they can do by themselves. Our boys love coloring. I put the crayons and the paper on a shelf that they can reach. This took time-- we didnt start out with the crayons within reach. They have learned that if they want the privilege of using the crayons whenever they want to, they need to use them at the table. They feel like big kids getting the crayons out whenever the urge to color strikes them. Having these little independent activities that they can do by themselves helps them start understanding responsibility and following instructions. These types of things are much easier when you are delegating to the youngest age. When we had these types of responsibilities for our oldest and our twins were around 18-months, we had to set him up in an area that wasnt accessible to his younger brothers who were not old enough to understand what he was doing and why they couldnt participate. Now that they are almost three, they understand when we tell them that their older brother is working in the office and they need to stay out. We can usually distract them with an activity of their own at the kitchen table. We have designated areas for all these types of activities/responsibilities. Our office is transitioned to a KNex/Lego workspace for our oldest (right now my hubby and our five-year old are building a 3D Star Wars puzzle in there). Most of our toddlers activities are at the kitchen table so we can keep a close eye on them and make sure they get properly cleaned up when they are finished.

9. Olivers Labels Safety Wristbands

This one is identical twin specific. We bought these wristbands when our twins were born. They were much too big for newborns, but we started using them after we found our first baby-sitters in North Carolina, before our sitters could tell our identical twins apart, or when we would drop them off in a childcare situation (drop-in childcare, church nursery, etc.). These are very useful when we have new baby-sitters (our new baby-sitter here in South Carolina now can tell our boys apart) or when we have friends/neighbors watching the boys. Now that weve been making all new friends, these have been quite useful again, especially since our toddlers dont like being called by the wrong name. "That not me! That my brother!" These are also super handy when you have a lot of extended family visiting or out of town guests that arent used to interacting with your twins. Our boys have such different personalities (and look different now that they are toddlers and not newborns) that it only takes people a little while to identify them. As I said, we bought each of our boys a pack when they were born. They are turning three in a few days and we are still using the same pack. When we had family in town for a couple days, I usually just kept the same wristband on them the whole weekend. These wristbands are very durable and did well through bath times and daily wear and tear for those long weekends.

(I am avoiding saying "knowing who is who" because I seriously do hate the "who is who" game. Read my blog post "Identical brothers.")

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Sick day? As a stay at home mom? Hahahahahaahahaha!

Weve caught a couple small colds this year, but nothing serious or long until this past weekend. Saturday we all felt fine. Sunday I woke up with a miserable cold. Im not sure how much truth is in this, but I feel like colds hit me hard when Im pregnant. In any case, this one definitely knocked me off my feet. The toddlers just had drippy noses, though we could tell they werent feeling well by how long they slept. Our 5-year old and my hubby, thankfully, still have not shown any symptoms.

Sunday my hubby took our 5-year old to church. They then went to lunch and ran a couple errands we needed done. Afterwards, he dropped our 5-year old off at home and went to school to study for a couple hours. Monday was a regular school day for him. (My hubby is currently going through power school.) And this pregnant, under the weather momma was taking care of a 5-year old and 2-year old twins alone.

Sick days are one of those things that really truly have gotten better as the kids have gotten older. Even back when our oldest was an infant, it is hard taking care of an infant when you dont feel well. They cant do anything for themselves. If they are crawling, they are pulling up on things and falling over or putting themselves in harms way. You have spoon feeding, bottle feeding, constant diaper changing, rocking to sleep, nap schedules, and, Lord forbid the infant gets sick when you do! A fussy infant when you are also sick is so hard to manage. Then we had twins and it became exponentially more difficult. Instead of caring for one infant, we had two. Two infants when you are sick are an extreme juggling act, especially if they come down with it too! You can sometimes do fine taking care of two well babies when they are on the same schedule, but when they are both sick, they both want to be held and they both have needs that can be hard to meet when you are under the weather. On top of that, I was also taking care of a toddler, bouncing around and wanting something to do. I remember many colds where I was sitting on the floor with a box of tissues and two crying babies in my arms while my oldest rolled around on the couch watching movies.

These past two days Ive been home sick with a 5 and a half year old and two 2 and a half year olds. It really has been one of those times when having twins is a major benefit and they entertain each other. Our toddlers spent much of the past two days pushing trains together and playing house in our playroom. Occasionally they would bring out their "babies" for me to ooh and aah over, little stuffed panda bears and dinosaurs cradled in their arms. They would chase each other around our family room and play hide and seek with each other. (Strangely, those types of games arent usually too wild with two two year olds, but as soon as you throw a five year old in there it reaches a whole new level of wild.) I still had to take care of them and change their diapers. However, toddlers dont fly through diapers like infants do, so the diaper changes were less frequent. I left snacks and drinks within their reach and could direct them to the snack pile when they told me they were hungry, "Its on the table, love." They brought me diapers and wipes to change them when they told me they were stinky. If they got too wild, I redirected their play without having to get up from the couch, "Boys, too wild. Can you go find your trains to push?" When they woke up from nap fussy and groggy (they have a mild version of my cold), they came out of their bedrooms and stumbled over to me on the couch for after nap cuddles-- I didnt need to go get them out of cribs and immediately start on diaper changes and getting bottles ready.

As for our 5 and a half year old, he has been awesome. Seriously. I have been singing his praises for the past couple days. I put the art box in the office for him where his Legos and KNex are. He has been making me "get better soon" hearts and cards since I got sick. Yesterday he even made me a paper rose. Ive let him play out front and at the park behind our house. He wears a watch and I tell him what time he needs to check in with me, "When the long black hand is on the 9, you need to come in and check up with Momma." He has religiously come in at the correct times. I do believe he feels he is coming in to check on me and not check in with me as every time he enters the house he quietly comes in the family room with a, "How are you feeling, Momma?" and lays his hand on my forehead. He can make sandwiches for himself and for his brothers, as well as get tangerines and such from the fridge and peel them for all 3 of them. He has brought me blankets, pillows, Kleenex, water... All with the sweetest attitude. He is so excited we have another baby on the way and I think he has been practicing his caretaking skills. I woke up from a short nap on the couch to find him rubbing my feet. When he saw I was awake, he said, "Hey, Momma! Im trying to help make you feel better" He has played with his brothers, watched movies with me, played outside when he felt cooped up, and spent a lot of time building and drawing in the office.

Those have been the easy times, the things-went-perfectly times. Of course over the past two days weve had crazy times. Sunday night a little before my hubby came home, I started feeling so overwhelmed. With a pounding head and 3 kids running around wrestling and misbehaving, I didnt know how we would get through the rest of the evening. I wanted to curl up in bed with a box of tissues and some Vicks, not patrol toddlers who kept jumping on the couch. I felt too tired to talk, let alone get the boys ready for bed. Yesterday one of the toddlers fell down and bumped his knee. I came in the playroom to see if he was okay only to discover that instead of playing quietly with their cars and trains, the toddlers had dumped all of our board games out of their boxes into a pile on the floor, including 3 of our 5-year olds puzzles. Oh, I felt so deflated. It was time for their nap anyway; after tucking them in, I sat on the playroom floor with a pounding head, running nose, and started sorting through all our game pieces. Sunday afternoon while my hubby was out with our 5-year old, I heard a stool scraping on the kitchen floor. I told the toddlers to come on out of the kitchen and got the reply, "One minute!" Suspicious, I walked in the kitchen to find them with a box of markers and one of my Lennox bowls, pilfered off the counter. Theyve all 3 been bored at times over the past 2 days, Momma too sick and tired to plan anything during the day. They come whining over to the couch, "Moooooomma.... I want to cuddle...." which really means they want to crawl under the blanket with me and start using it as a play fort, wiggling and squirming and starting tickle fights. Silly when I am well, uncomfortable (and irritating) when Im sick and 18-weeks pregnant. And over the past 2 days we have found so many tissues shredded by our dog, no matter how hard I try to pick them up.

Thankfully today Im feeling better. Still congested, still a little groggy, but much, much better. Our 5-year old let out a cheer when he saw me come in the kitchen this morning and eat a big breakfast. "Are you feeling better, Momma? Yay!!" Even more exciting, the Navy has given my husband 2 days off due to the weather advisory, so Ill have lots of help today. There has been a festive air in our house all morning with Momma feeling better and Daddy home to eat breakfast with us.

Here are some of my tips when home sick:

• Dont do any unnecessary household chores. If you dont have to do it, dont do it. Wait until you feel better.
  I did no dishes yesterday. When my husband came home, he cleaned up the kitchen, which was fabulous. However, if he hadnt have done the dishes last night, I would do them today when I had my energy up. Laundry... shudder. Ill be catching up on that today too.
• Snacks, snacks, snacks, snacks, and sandwiches.
  Perhaps my children have been carb loading for the past 2 days, but go for easy food. I kenneled the dog and put a small supply of snacks within their reach. No, I do not normally give them snacks-- firm believer in mealtimes as a family-- and, no, they are not normally allowed to eat anywhere except the kitchen table. However, it was so nice not to have to get up and make food all day. I tried to give them foods that werent too messy: sliced apples, granola bars, bananas, tangerines, slices of bread, etc.
• Put water within their reach.
  Again, not normally something I am big on. I do not like our toddlers to have unrestricted access to something that will make a mess (or ruin our household electronics). Since our 5-year old can reach the kids cups and fill his own cup, I only put water out for our toddlers. I filled two water bottles up and set them on a coffee table within eye sight of the couch. That way I could see the water bottles and keep an eye on them while drinking them. When I got up to fill my own water, I checked to make sure they had water, that way I wouldnt hear, "Momma, more water!" after I was all settled in to my couch nest.
• Close off areas of the house.
  While they may have "free reign" of the house while you are stuck on the couch, they dont need access to the whole house. I even locked several of the doors of the house that I didnt want them in, including some of the bathrooms that our toddlers could make a mess in (no, thank you to toothpaste squeezed all over the bathroom!). I also closed off the master bedroom, the laundry room, and our guest room.
• Find what is entertaining and bend the rules.
  I dont like the television on all day. And I dont like the boys to be able to reach crayons whenever they want to. And I dont like our family room littered with toys (thats what the playroom is for!). But the past couple days, we watched kids movies and shows in the morning; I watched my shows in the afternoon during nap/quiet time. I put crayons on the kitchen table for our toddlers and the art box in the office for our 5-year old. I let the boys play in the hallway to the guest room and push trucks all over the house. Yes, we keep sitting on Legos in our couch cushions, but they all played and we all made it through the cold. I received a lot of artwork the past couple days since they could reach crayons and paper whenever they wanted too-- mostly "get well soon" cards and that really helped me feel better. :)
• Try to take care of yourself.
  Man, there have been many colds that I powered through and tried to do business as usual. The colds dragged; I was exhausted at the end of the day and for more days. Something about being pregnant helped me be a little more selfish, rest more, drink more water, put things off that really didnt actually need to get done (ahem, laundry). I took short naps when the boys were watching a movie and slept when the toddlers napped, having my 5-year old go play quietly in the office or sitting in the family room with his picture books. I told the boys that I wasnt feeling well and needed to rest when they pleaded with me take out Play doh (a hands on activity when you have two year old twins). Thankfully our fridge is stocked as I recently went grocery shopping, so I didnt feel bad about not cooking meals; we had plenty of supplies for sandwiches and pasta. (Plus our fabulous neighbors brought us over tons of food when they found out I was sick-- THANK YOU!)

Best of luck to all you sick mommas out there. Hope you feel better soon!

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If you follow my blog, you might have read my post, "Mom to all boys." In it I say:

Why does it bother me so much hearing "boys will be boys?" Because, in my experience, people do not use that expression in regards to positive behavior demonstrated by my children.

To be honest, most of the time when I hear boys will be boys, parents are using it to justify their childrens bad behavior. It really bothers me.

I come back to that expression time after time and each time it just makes my skin crawl. Why are we teaching a future generation of men that their behavior is okay or justified due to their sex? It makes me think back to various jobs Ive held when men touched me inappropriately or said inappropriate things, once to a point that I had to report a guy. What if the manager had said, "Boys will be boys"?

I am not under some illusion that males and females think/act/are exactly the same and we need to drop all gender references. As our boys have grown, I have noticed our playdates with girls and boys have changed. In truth, our playdates {not everyday play in our own home or for our friends everyday play in their homes} have only really changed this past year. The boys and girls-- through no direction from the parents-- tend to split off or assign various roles to each group. The boys say, "We are knights and are defending the castle! The playground is the castle!" and they are off roaring around the playground with sticks and swords and imaginary bows and arrows. The girls say, "We are the princesses!" and they go in the castle, assigning bedrooms and nurseries and describing the imaginary dresses each of them are wearing. But this extreme division is only starting now. The younger siblings are following suit with the older siblings. When our oldest was 3 years old, he happily joined in on the game with whatever the boys or girls were doing. Now that our oldest is 6 years old, his little brothers trudge along after him, waving swords and occasionally wandering over to check out what is happening in the castle.

My problem is not with boys preferring one game over another or boys playing differently than girls. Our boys spend a lot of time sword fighting. All day long we have wrestling, sword fighting, bloody noses, fat lips, questionable injuries {"Is it broken? Is he fine?"}. Every thing that enters into our house is literally made into a weapon: stuffed alligators are swords, paper towel rolls are swords, paper folded round and round is a sword, pencils are swords, really short pencils are guns... Everything is a weapon. Even our 3 year olds grab long strands of grass and try to tie them to sticks to make bows and arrows. If you know me, you know I am not a fan of weapons. When I take our boys to play with other boys their age, they seem to all do this. They want to protect, to serve, to fight, especially these military children of ours who hear military talk all day {Soldiers! Sailors! Airmen! Marines! Duty! Honor! Courage! Commitment!}.

My problem is when all of the above behavior is immediately dismissed, justified, or permissible due solely to gender. Our oldest is 6 years old; our twins are 3 years old; our baby is 6 months old. We are still in the realm of "little kid play." Why is it okay for big boys to tackle our little boys to the ground as theyre crying and beat them with a foam sword? Why is it okay for big boys to chase a 3 year old down pelting him with Nerf bullets as the 3 year old screams in terror? Why is it okay for little boys to chuck rocks at our stroller with the baby inside? Why are we-- WOMEN-- justifying this behavior in front of our future generation of men by saying "hes all boy?" Since when is it okay for men to throw rocks at babies????

As a woman, that makes me angry. Why are we using our roles as influential women in these mens lives {because our boys will grow up to be men} to ingrain gender stereotypes in them?

Our boys are allowed to explore their creativity to the full extent. Our oldest has started playing Destiny {in small doses} with his dad and grandfather, an activity beloved by the men in my family. He plays Minecraft and revels in his successes. Our boys do wild sword fights where they make tents in their room and battle all afternoon. When we watch Lord of the Rings, they make KNex swords and reenact all the battles they see on the screen. Our 3 year olds are constantly on an Orc hunt. They are given the freedom and space to behave in the way that they wish.

However, we still have house rules. Older children must watch out for younger children. All children must have respect for babies. Respect is very big in our home. It is never acceptable to point guns or weapons at adults or babies, with the exception of adults who are willingly and knowingly joining in their game {such as a Nerf gun war}. We do not allow wild horseplay in our family room, where we have guests and babies, but we have a playroom and their bedroom for such activities. We feel that, especially indoors, they need to find appropriate ways to channel their behavior.

Dont get me wrong, our children do their fair share of far too rough play at home and at the playground. They do their fair share of hitting instead of using their words or sword fighting with unsuspecting friends. What I do is help teach and guide them on how we play with friends. "Why dont you ask her if she wants to play battle with you?" "When you pushed past him to go down the slide, you hurt him. Would you like it if someone did that to you?" "When we dont get our way, we use our words not our hands. You need to say that you are sorry and then take a rest with me for a few minutes."

Last night our boys were playing wildly with stuffed animals and one of our 3 year olds took it way too far. All the stuffed alligators {aka alligator swords} were taken away. We have rules for indoor play. "Do we play like that in the house? Is it okay to hit your brother when hes asking you to stop or not playing your game?" We have outlets for them. Our boys are allowed to play on our back porch where I can supervise them and they can get a little wild. We have games they enjoy doing, like puzzles, KNex, trains, cars, Legos, coloring. When they get too wild all together {as sibling groups can easily do}, we break them up and have them do some quiet activities on their own until they can play together and follow the rules. When it has gone so far down hill that they all just need a rest, I either send them all to sit on their beds {which means they took it way too far} or I have them take a break and watch a movie or read stories.

When we discuss their behavior with them, we do not make them feel that they are destined to be a certain way because of their gender. How would it make them feel being put in a little box due to their gender? And how does that make them relate to others based on their genders? We talk to them based on the incident, just like how we do all areas of our parenting-- not dragging in far past incidents, not heaping more and more trouble on them-- but discussing what happened then. "Do you think that you treated your brother fairly or unfairly?" "It is never okay to behave that way towards a baby. That was far too rough of play for a baby." There are definitely behaviors that we have constant issues with that we are continually working on. For instance, our oldest lately is playing way too rough with his brothers when they all go into their room {aka the coliseum}. We are really working on that because he views them far more as peers than as younger children-- when there is just over 2 and a half years between them in age. "If you want to go play in there with your brothers, you will follow the rules or you will have to find something else to do."

Why is this so important to us? Because we arent raising boys to be boys; we are raising boys to be men. We dont want them to be limited in their views or the future generation of old men to make racist/sexist/bigoted comments towards young mothers in Target {which I have had my fair share of}. Right now, being so young, they obviously dont have any bias regarding race or gender. We are starting to hear comments like, "This is the boys table, Momma," but our boys still happily play with all their little girl friends. One of our 6 year olds best friends is a little girl who trudges through our front bushes finding weapons with him one minute and then the next is teaching him all sorts of cool gymnastic/dance moves, which according to our oldest are very useful in battle.

As for race, our boys are still blissfully unaware of skin color-- or, rather, experience of racism. Our oldest is really drawn to Martin Luther King Jr right now {actually wants us to throw a birthday party for him}. When we read stories about him, he gets emotional that anyone would treat someone badly based on their skin color; I think it is hard for his little 6 year old brain to fathom tolerating or practicing racism. So far we have stuck to picture books on Martin Luther King Jr and the book "Pink and Say." We feel that equality is a conversation that is worth starting now, to get the vocabulary and understand that we are all people, that Christ died for us all.

Picture books are a great way to initiate these conversations and to help bridge any gaps that our children may encounter. As boys, they have encountered far more "bully" behavior than anything else. They get frequently told that behavior inflicted on them is okay because they are "boys playing with boys," mostly in playground situations where we are playing with strangers. For bully behavior, I love "Llama Llama and the Bully Goat." That book is great at pin pointing behaviors that our children frequently encounter and also helps outline a great way to help diffuse bully behavior. In the book, the bully goat has to sit next to the teacher through recess and for the rest of the day so she can help navigate his interactions with the other kids. When our boys have "bully goat behavior," as weve come to call it, I explain to them that they need to take a break for awhile with momma, mostly applicable to our 3 year olds who are still figuring life out. It has been a great resource for our oldest to recognize behaviors that he previously had a hard time processing. It upset him to have kids treat him in a way that hurt his feelings {or his body} and then have their parents tell him to suck it up because he is a boy. Now hes feeling far more confident in telling a child that he doesnt want to play with him anymore and moving away from him or alerting an adult of what is going on.

For gender issues, we focus on modeling the attitude we expect. They hear positive things about girls at home and do not hear gender stereotypes from either parent. We read books and encourage open play. Our boys have baby dolls and a variety of toys. The book "Just Like Me" actually sparked a lot of conversation regarding girls and boys as well as interaction with siblings. The twin girls talk about their similarities, but also their differences. All of our boys, twins and singletons, talked about how they are like that-- the same, but different. They also talked about how they are a lot like the girls in the book, which then evolved to how girls and boys have a lot of similarities and differences as well. This topic has been one that we try to let naturally penetrate our interactions with peers because we want them to see it in action, to respect males and females alike, and to recognize we are all people, despite our differences.

We have taken a similar approach with race as we have with gender-- that we model the attitude we expect. For our 3 year olds, we have followed the same path we took with our oldest at that age. We focus on the Bible, how Christ loves all of us, we are all people. As our oldest has grown, the conversation has changed, mostly due to his questions. Weve talked about how sometimes appearance and skin color is an indicator of your culture and different regions of the world. Weve talked about how America is a melting pot and weve even dove into some of the more sordid aspects of our history. A hero is always welcome to a 6 year old and so weve introduced him to Martin Luther King Jr, a hero he has really taken to. While with gender we have really tried to just let the conversation be without pushing any agenda, race is something that we have focused on introducing. We want them to be aware and conscious of how they treat others, as well as biases that they will need a response to.

In our house, "boys will be boys." We are proud of our boys. We love parenting boys and we want them to embrace who they are: young men. But we are going to do our best to raise these boys to be Christ following, conscious men who exude love, peace, faithfulness, and self-control.

To quote the movie Little Women:

Marmie: "Feminine weaknesses and fainting spells are the direct result of our confining young girls to the house, bent over their needlework, and restrictive corsets."

Meg: "Marmie, must you speak to everyone about corsets?"

Marmie: "Oh, Meg. Do I?"

Some things are worth talking about.

 

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Leading his brothers in a morning exercise.

This might very well be my most random post, but it comes from a very honest place. Lately Ive felt tired. I mean it-- straight up, worn out, used up, nothing left, another day?, tired. Ive felt that the boys go day after day fighting the same fights, getting in the same trouble, picking on each other in the same ways, keeping me going and going and going without rest day after day after day. And those minutes I steal for myself-- taking a shower, sipping my coffee-- are interrupted by screaming and fighting and rule breaking.

I want to tell the toddler who comes in my bathroom when Im trying to put a little make up on my face, "You wouldnt have a fat lip if you werent jumping on the couch in the first place!"

I want to tell our 5-year old, "Your brothers wouldnt be screaming if you didnt bring that toy in here in the first place! You know that toy isnt supposed to be left down."

And why does the dog always have to go to the bathroom the minute the boys are napping, our 5-year old is watching a movie, and Ive just settled on to the couch?

I feel people are overwhelmed when we show up, that my boys arent listening. I feel they wiggle and fight and run and touch. They wont stand next to me, they wont use inside voices. I feel they are constantly wrestling, constantly wanting up and down and up and down, constantly screeching and fighting with each other.

I want to explain that we do have house rules. And that maybe it isnt always like this. But lately it does feel that it is always like this.

This afternoon I turned on the television and there was a show on TLC called "Quints by Surprise." I thought the babies would entertain the boys and so I turned it on. I was right, the 5 little toddlers did entertain the boys.

However, the show taught me a bigger lesson. The parents were doing all the same things that I do... and the toddlers were acting the same way our toddlers act. Yet when I watched the mom on television, I felt she was doing it all right and that her kids were well-behaved! Why am I doubting myself so much? I saw situation after situation play out with this bustling family-- from loading the toddlers up in the stroller, measuring them on a growth chart, spending the weekend at home-- and the toddlers were acting the same as my toddlers.

It sounds silly, I know, but watching this family made me feel that this is just life with toddlers. You do it all right, you talk to them right, you listen to them, you help them, and they will still throw temper tantrums. You help them take turns and they still fight with each other. You give the older sibling and job and they take it very seriously, upsetting younger siblings in the process... and it is all right. This is just life.

This family was like an extreme of our life. We have an older sibling and multiples-- just twins not quints. And sometimes life is crazy busy and sometimes you wait and wait for that moment where it is all easy and it all falls into place. The toddlers on television were adorable, seriously, all of them trying to help their daddy as they one after another accidentally spilled their own cup of milk on the carpet. Ive been in those situations. You have one toddler trying to help, but really making it worse, and then the other jumps in and makes it an even bigger mess! Yet the dad on television was laughing at it all.

I Googled the family to see if they had a blog and they do, JonesLife. The first post on the page, "These Days," had this excerpt:

To answer the question we get quite often – no, these days are not any easier than the days that have gone before…though we’re hoping that the 5?s 5th year of life will bring some relief to our weary souls!  I’ll repeat:  no, it hasn’t gotten any easier; rather, the challenges have changed.  Gone are the sleepless nights, hello mega-attitude and meltdowns from 5 hyper-sensitive little beings trying to find their place in the world.  Gone is the endless parade of dirty diapers, hello pee accidents by the handful and the joys of taking 5 tots to the bathroom 5 times when we dare venture out of the house.  Gone are the days of bottle feeding and burping, hello knocked over milk cups, protests over what has been provided for a meal, food thrown across the table, and ginormous messes left at the dinner table…and the dinner floor…and the dinner clothes…and the dinner hands and faces…and so on and so forth.  No, things are definitely not easier by any barometer we can measure by…just different.

 Sometimes it such a relief to know that you are not the only one.

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I love vinegar water. My mom used it as a cleaner when we were growing up and so the smell brings back memories of my childhood home. Ive always kept a spray bottle of vinegar water in our home. I have used it for a bunch of small cleaning tasks, but it hasnt been until our most recent move that I have started using it for all my cleaning needs. (Probably because up until we moved to South Carolina I had a housekeeper... read "Domestic goddess"). I want to say what prompted our shift to vinegar water is how environmentally friendly it is, but thats not true. What prompted the switch is how easy it is to make and how inexpensive it is.

What kind of cleaning products did I used to use? I used to use the Swiffer Wet Jet, but you have to buy the Swiffer Wet Jet Cleaner Refills and the Swiffer Wet Jet Spray Mop Cleaner Pad Refills, not to mention have the Swiffer Wet Jet Mop. I also had the Swiffer Dust Mop (needs the Swiffer Sweeper Dry Sweeping Cloths). We had the Swiffer Duster (needs the Swiffer Duster Refills) and the Clorox Toilet Wand with Storage Caddy (needs the Clorox Toilet Wand Refills). Plus we relied a lot on Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. The most offensive of all these cleaners (save for the waste from all these other cleaners) was my Clorox Bleach. We had these cleaners as well: Clorox Anywhere Hard Surface Cleaner, Soft Scrub, and Windex.

When we moved to South Carolina and I started doing all our house cleaning, I couldnt believe how much waste was leaving our house each week. I switched from all the Swiffer products to the O Cedar ProMist System, using vinegar water as the cleaning solution. I also bought the O Cedar Dual Action Dust Mop. I bought these at Target and picked up a couple extra cleaning cloths for them at the same time-- no throwing out, just wash and reuse. I switched from all the other cleaners to Method cleaners.

I still felt like I had a lot of waste and chemicals. Our toddlers are at the age where they want to "help" with everything and imitate everything they see Momma doing. Childproof locks and off-limit areas dont always prevent them from finding cleaners that should be well out of their reach. So I threw out almost all our harsh chemicals and switched almost exclusively to vinegar water. I kept some Method cleaners and put them in a box up on a high shelf in our laundry room. But there were cleaners I just couldnt bear to part with: our Clorox Toilet Wands and my Clorox Bleach.

Switching to vinegar water prompted a huge shift in our thinking. I buy a ginormous jug of distilled vinegar and mix this with water in a spray bottle. I use the vinegar water to clean our bathrooms (including the shower and outside of the toilet), the kitchen, our floors, our highchairs, and for detailing our vehicle (car seat buckles, car toys, center consoles, cup holders-- not the leather or our WeatherTech Floor Mats). I even use it as a dusting solution: spray a little on a dust cloth and send my toddlers to work dusting our house. I love that I can leave this cleaner under our kitchen sink and bathroom sinks with no worries. Not that I want our toddlers wandering around our house spraying everything down with vinegar water, but it cant hurt them! Even better, I never run out. Spray bottle empty? Grab one of my giant jugs of vinegar and fill it up right then and there. I love that convenience. No more shopping lists with dust mop refills, Clorox Wipes, on and on and on. No more gearing myself up for a cleaning day only to find out that I am out of bathroom cleaner.

(Dont care for the scent of vinegar? Try My Merry Messy Lifes recipe for Homemade Citrus-Infused Vinegar.)

I started thinking about how wonderful it would be for all our household cleaners to be this convenient. What if I could mix up laundry detergent whenever I ran out? What if I could make our own hand soap refills? What if whenever I ran out of something, I just needed to make a quick trip to our laundry room to whip up a new batch? Also, what if all these cleaners were environmentally friendly and non-toxic? What if I started saving money doing all this? I spent a lot of time Googling. I didnt want to switch from my beloved Tide Pods to something equally as horrible for the environment and my kids (OxiClean). I wanted to find ingredients I could use across the board for my cleaners.

Then I stumbled across my new favorite blog: "My Merry Messy Life," specifically her Green and Natural Cleaning Recipes and Buying Guide. Yesterday my husband and I started buying our materials for making our own household cleaners.

Whole Foods
Dr. Bronners Organic Castile Soap Citrus Orange, 32 oz. $15.99
Dr. Bronners Organic Castile Soap Lavender, 32 oz. $15.99
Dr. Bronners Organic Castile Soap Peppermint, 32 oz. $9.99 (on sale)
Now Essential Oils Lemongrass, 1 oz. $6.99
Now Essential Oils Lavender, 1 oz. $11.99

Total: $63.95

Ace Hardware

Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda, 55 oz. $4.29

20 Mule Team Borax, 76 oz. $5.49

Total: $9.78

Target

(3) 1 Gallon Rubbermaid MixerMate Pitchers, $3.99 each

Total: $11.97

Amazon

3-pack of 24 oz. spray bottles $8.26

Now Essential Oils Tea Tree Oil, 4 oz. $18.00
Toilet brush with holder $12.00
Glycerin Vegetable Kosher, 32 oz. $13.47
Total: $59.72

Costco
Hydrogen Peroxide, 64 oz. $1.99

Grand Total: $215.68

Lowes does not carry Super Washing Soda or Borax, but the gal at Whole Foods recommended we try Ace Hardware (where she said they for sure carried it) or Wal Mart (where she thought they might carry it). We went with Ace Hardware where we could for sure buy it. We then went to Target; they carried Borax for about $1.50 less than Ace Hardware but didnt have Super Washing Soda. My husband feels Wal Mart probably carries both for less. Also, some of the ingredients that we bought in store are less expensive on Amazon. We wanted to make everything today, so we went with the in-store option, but next time I buy I will make sure to go with the less expensive option. The reason I bought 3 different kinds of Dr. Bronners Organic Castile Soap is to give myself some variety when making my various cleaners, same with the lavender and lemongrass essential oils. The tea tree oil was purchased for its antibacterial properties.

What are we making with these ingredients?

All these recipes are from My Merry Messy Life:

• Homemade Laundry Detergent
  (already made 2 gallons and am currently washing my second load of laundry in it!)
• Homemade Natural Fabric Stain Remover
• Homemade Toilet Bowler Cleaner (non-toxic)
• Homemade All Natural Foaming Hand Soap
• Homemade Dishwashing Detergent
• Homemade Moisturizing Baby Shampoo and Body Wash

I am really excited about her uses for hydrogen peroxide. I cannot wait to get rid of our bleach. And our Clorox Toilet Wands. We have already phased out our Clorox Wipes. I use a rag sprayed with vinegar water instead and havent looked back. Maybe one day I will make Homemade Reusable Disinfecting Wipes, but for now our system is working great. The only cleaner I havent been able to replace yet is Windex. The Method window cleaner is streaky-- not too bad for bathroom mirrors but horrible for the windshields in our vehicles.

My husband is super excited about the economics of switching to our own homemade cleaners. Yes, we spent all this money up front, but to make the homemade laundry detergent I used 1/2 cup of the Borax, 1/2 cup of the Super Washing Soda, 3/4 cup of the lavender Dr. Bronners Organic Castile Soap, and a little over 20 drops from the lavender essential oil. I hardly put a dent in our supplies and it made 2 gallons of laundry detergent! If you read My Merry Messy Lifes posts with the recipes, she includes the math of how much it cost her per ounce to make and how much it costs per ounce to buy the conventional products. Also, all the ingredients we bought are used in all these other recipes. While my husband keeps a close eye on the bottom line for our family budget, I focus on convenience. Being pregnant with our fourth and a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, I like when things are easy. It took roughly 10 minutes from start to finish to make the laundry detergent; how much easier can it get? I can tell you that was 100% easier than dragging all the kids to Costco! For once, my husband and I are in firm agreement on something-- homemade is the way to go for us! :)

The last point that my husband and I love about all these homemade cleaners is that they are non-toxic. While, thankfully, our children have never eaten anything life threatening, we have needed to call poison control several times in our 5-years of parenting. It is such a comfort to know that we have safe products in our home, the reason why my mom used vinegar water as my siblings and I grew up. I know that Borax raises eyebrows on the "green" blogs, but I have done some reading and for now we are using it. I like that My Messy Life includes links for more information on Borax and I also found this blog post helpful when making our decision: Crunchy Bettys post, "Getting to the Bottom of Borax: Is it Safe or Not?" Of course there is a lot you can read Googling the topic, but I found those 2 posts to be very informative.

UPDATE ON HOUSEHOLD CLEANERS:

I have been getting a lot of questions about our homemade household cleaners. Here are a few:

1. What do you do about the vinegar smell?

First of all, the vinegar smell doesnt bother me, at all. I dont really measure the vinegar and water when mixing it into a spray pump or our floor mop. For the spray mop, I do put in more vinegar than for just our everyday spray pump (read the above post to find out what I use the vinegar water to clean). I find the vinegar smell dissipates quickly and, as I said, it doesnt bother me.

If it bothers you, check out these recipes for citrus smelling vinegar: My Merry Messy Lifes Homemade Citrus Infused Vinegar or The Busy Moms Homemade All-Purpose Citrus Spray.

2. I like the idea of making my own non-toxic, biodegradable cleaners, but do they actually, you know, clean?

Short answer: yes, they do. I would suggest researching some of the properties you are unsure of, like vinegar, baking soda, super washing soda, citric acid, or borax. My Merry Messy Life has really turned me on to Dr. Bronners Organic Castile Soap. Our homemade foaming handsoap is way better than the store bought foaming handsoap refills. I have very dry skin (genetics and washing my hands all the time with potty training twins!) and the homemade foaming handsoap is so moisturizing!

3. Okay, but what about the laundry detergent? How does that clean?

My Merry Messy Lifes laundry detergent recommends 1/3 cup detergent per load. I have been using:

• a little less than 1/3 on very small loads
• 1/3 cup on small/normal loads
• a heavy 1/3 cup on normal loads
• a really heavy 1/3 cup for large/normal loads
• 2/3 cup on large loads.

When I was shopping for ingredients, the gal at Whole Foods told me that many of her homemade laundry detergents made her clothes dingy. I have had a similar experience with previously sampled homemade laundry detergents and store bought biodegradable detergents, so I upped the borax in my detergent (heavy 1/2 cup compared to the 1/2 cup called for in the recipe). Ive also been careful to separate our laundry into brights (color), whites, and darks; washing like colors together has really been working. Ive also been much more proactive about stains, rinsing them out when the boys take their clothes off to change into pajamas and not letting dirty clothes sit in the hamper. Big changes around here! Ive actually been staying on top of our laundry. ;)

As a former Tide Pod user, I have not noticed a difference between our laundry washed with Tide Pods and our laundry washed with our homemade cleaners and neither has my husband.

4. How long does it take to make your own detergent and cleaning products? I dont think I would be able to stay on top of that.

Im a homeschooling stay-at-home mother to a preschooler and toddler twins with our fourth baby on the way, not to mention a Navy wife. I thrive on convenient. The detergent seriously took 10 minutes start to finish, including set up and clean up. Making vinegar water requires popping open my jug of vinegar, pouring it into my spray bottle or floor mop, and pouring water on top. I have a funnel for making the other cleaners and all my cleaning materials are kept in the same bin in my laundry room. I grab my Pyrex mixing cup, my funnel, and whip up my next batch. Sound easy? It is. If you compare it to a shopping trip with kids, it is almost perfect (it would be even better if magic cleaning elves popped out of the homemade cleaners and did the actual cleaning!).

5. How much did all this cost?

I love that on all the homemade cleaner recipes My Merry Messy Life includes a price breakdown when comparing her formerly used store bought cleaning products with her homemade cleaning products. Check out her price breakdowns! We essentially started from scratch when we started making our own cleaning products. I had to buy a toilet brush because I didnt own one; we had always used Clorox Toilet Wands. I also bought gallon jugs to hold our detergent since we only used Tide Pods before. I think My Merry Messy Life reuses her old laundry detergent jugs. We have hardly put a dent in the supplies I listed in the above blog post.

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