pregnancy weight loss after miscarriage

Before LL came along my three year old daughter was my little partner in crime.  Ive been lucky enough that since she was born Ive been able to have a career break from work. This has meant me and my daughter have been pretty much inseparable.  We have done everything together.  The good times of spontaneous picnics, girls shopping trips and farm visits, and (lets not wear rose tinted glasses here) even the not so good times, like when she spilt a whole jug of milk down me in the middle of Marks and Spencer or when she tantrum rolled herself down an aisle in Sainsburys. 

Before LL came, in those last few weeks of my pregnancy, I really treasured every moment. I knew things were about to change.  But what nobody told me is how our relationship would change, or the guilt Id feel as my role changed.  

In these first few weeks of having LL, my time has been almost entirely consumed with caring for a newborn.  With breastfeeding, changing and caring for this little bundle 24/7. And I guess that is how it should be.  Ive included my eldest in all the things youre meant to, like reading to her whilst Im feeding, including her to help care for LL.  But still, theres been a change.  

Its not me she calls for if she needs something now. Its not me she gets into the car and sits nicely for.  Its her Daddy. I feel like Im suddenly second best.  

And I know this is good.  My husband tells me its nice to finally be that person for a change, instead of it always being me.  And I know this is completely normal.  But that doesnt stop me feeling guilty when she asks for Daddy when Im stood right next to her.  Or when I tell her to wait a minute for the hundredth time as LL has just been sick everywhere again.

I know I cant do everything.  I know Im not superwoman.  But that doesnt stop me from wanting to be.  I guess I have to adjust to being a mum of two.  I just wish someone had forewarned me of this guilt I feel.  

I think the transition from three to four just takes time for us all, I just hope my eldest always knows how much I love her, even if its not just us two girls anymore when Daddy goes to work.  Its something even more special now, its us three girls.  The three musketeers.  

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healthy pregnancy weight loss

You have to read this story.  She sounds much like me.  A former IVF patient who never succeeded in becoming pregnant during treatment gets pregnant multiple times over the age of 40 with only one fallopian tube (she previously had an ectopic).  The difference is, she wound up with four children...all in her 40s! Many women do get very fertile in as they get older.  Read more:

SEE ALSO: WOMEN WHO GOT PREGNANT NATURALLY OVER 50 (getpregnantover40.com)

From the article:

“I almost laughed when he insisted I take a pregnancy test before prescribing hormone tablets to help. I knew I was far too old to be a mum again,” she says.

picture:  mirror.co.uk

But, for the third time in her 40s, Louise’s test was positive.
More shocking news was just around the corner when the 12-week scan showed she was expecting twins.“At first, the sonographer could see two sacs but only one embryo. I thought I’d been ­carrying twins but lost one along the way.
"But they told me to come back 10 days later for another scan, and that’s when we saw the twins were both OK,” Louise recalls.
“Most women find their fertility decreases as they get older, but mine boomed.
“One doctor suggested that maybe my body started releasing more eggs as I neared the menopause but there’s no solid ­explanation.

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pregnancy hormone weight loss pill

Get Pregnant Naturally, It Will Happen On Its Own Schedule

Doesnt it feel like a race sometimes? I recall when I ran a womens infertility support group, most people sheepishly admitted they felt like they were competing with others when it came to who could get pregnant first.
Your self esteem takes a beating when you cant get your body to "perform" and it seems like slap in the face when others get pregnant before you. One member said, "I definitely want to get pregnant before my sister who is getting married next month" as if she was going to be humiliated if she couldnt "outperform" her.

SEE ALSO: SHARING INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR INFERTILITY (getpregnantover40.com)

Well...I have one thing to say...take yourself out of the race...it only adds stress to an already overly-stressed situation - and stress will only get in your way of getting pregnant.

So how do you get yourself out of the "race" mindset?

1. Remember, babies come on their own schedule...not out of your need to feel like youre getting ahead of others.

2. Just because someone had a baby before you - it doesnt mean theyre better or more worthy...theyre just on a different schedule.

3. Now that I have my daughter, Im glad I had her when I did...if I had her when we first started trying to get pregnant, shed be older by now. Im enjoying every minute. Most people my age are going through the trauma of watching their kids move away from home or going to college...I have many years of fun ahead of me.

5. The way I see it, for every week, month, and year I waited for my daughter to come into my life, thats how much more I enjoy being with her. I dont think I could have ever appreciated what a miracle the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth is if I had gotten pregnant on my first try (or if I had a baby in my 20s).

6. It seems like whenever Ive been envious or jealous of someone else, I later find out that theyve struggled as much or more than me it some part of their life. What appeared to be a charmed life wasnt so perfect afterall. Maybe they had an easier time getting pregnant, but there are many phases of life and many twists and turns along the way.

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post pregnancy weight loss motivation

I was in two minds as to whether to publish this blog post or not. So much of what we see and read online is about how well people are doing, happy lives portrayed and smiling perfect images.  And whilst that is all great, I also want my blog to reflect and record our lives. The good times and the tough times. So here goes.

LL is now 8 weeks old and appears to be struggling with reflux or colic. I say appears, as to be honest I really dont know whats going on. All I know is Ive got a very unsettled baby who appears to be in discomfort and who Im up most of the night with.

It all started just before Christmas, and its got worse and worse. On Christmas day she must have cried from about 4pm until midnight and then she was so exhausted she fell asleep.

I was at the GPs as soon as they opened after the bank holiday, but I came away none the wiser really.  I know she is medically well. She breast-feeds well, is gaining weight and is alert. I think we are just going through an unsettled phase.  But its so tough.

I think these last few days have been harder than when we first came home from the hospital.  Im also exhausted which doesnt help. Weve tried gaviscon and colief, which for the record are a bloody nightmare to give to a breastfed baby. At 4am this morning as LL was unsettled, I attempted to give her the colief via a syringe in warmed breast-milk.  When she then spat the lot out in my face, I threw the syringe across the room and decided I wasnt going to give it anymore. I think its causing both of us too much stress that outweighs the good its doing.

Yesterday, my eldest had a little accident and couldnt get to the toilet in time.  I was cleaning up the floor and asked her to pass me her wet knickers so I could wash them. She threw them at my head, so I got a wet slap in the face with her knickers. I just burst out laughing.  I think if I hadnt,  I may have been hysterical. Which I was today.

We had a bad night last night, so as my daughter is at preschool today,  I thought me and LL would have a lie in. What actually happened is our smoke alarm which is connected to the mains starting beeping every 5 minutes. This sent the dog mad. With instructions from my husband on how to dismantle it, I balanced precariously on a chair in my pjs.  LL started to cry, the dog was barking, and I saw two long spiders legs poking out from under the alarm.

This suddenly felt like the worst ever Bush Tucker Trial.  I half expected Ant and Dec to appear.

After some messing about with a screwdriver, I finally dismantled the alarm.  Oh wait, I missed the bit where I wailed on the floor for 5 minutes. Then I got a grip, and then I dismantled the smoke alarm.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog today is to say its tough. It doesnt matter how much I love LL, how lucky I feel to have my two girls, its still tough. And in the midst of my wailing this morning Ive decided to take each day as it comes.

Being a mum for a second time, I know this stage wont last.  I know I just have to ride it out. To all new mums, hang on in there. Being a mum is meant to be tough.  You are doing an amazing job. And if you do ever find yourself in the jungle, Bush Tucker trials arent a patch on parenthood.

Thanks for reading, 

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maintaining weight loss during pregnancy

"I am so homesick now for someone that I never knew.
I am so homesick now for someplace I will never be.

Time wont let me go; time wont let me go..."

-Time Wont Let Me Go by the Bravery

I posted awhile ago about getting "a little help from my friends." Lately, Ive really needed a little help from my friends. I have felt so stuck with this past miscarriage and molar pregnancy. I feel so sad about losing this baby and I feel so disappointed we have to wait to start trying again (thankfully, not wait as long as we were originally told, read "3 weeks, 3 months"). There is a weight on my chest and I feel like Im going through the motions.

Yesterday I took the boys to the park and let them play in the woods. They had so much fun running around together and playing. I sat down against a tree, leaned back, and let the sun shine on my face. The foliage kept whispering in front of the sun beams as the wind blew threw the trees. I felt the sunlight flicker against eyelids. It was so relaxing to just be, to hear the boys playing around me and need to do nothing but enjoy the moment.

It has been hard to talk to people about whats going on. Posting on my blog is one thing. Im not even sure how many people I know actually read my blog and Ive enjoyed writing about it. Talking about it is another thing. I feel my voice start quivering or I wonder if Im using the wrong words or if Im offending my listener. What is their story? Are my struggles acceptable to talk about? What if they repeat what Im telling them and people start gossiping about me? I start doubting myself and feeling self-conscious for wanting to talk about my raw, open feelings. I wonder if Im letting the right person in. Why are adult problems so complicated? Are they actually that complicated or am I making them complicated?

Sometimes I find myself thinking about my best friends who live so far away. I love talking on the phone with them and hearing the raw emotion in their voice, how much they care about me and feeling that surge of love because I know how much I care about them. I long to sit on their couches and sip a cup of coffee while we just be together. It is so nice to be around best friends that know-- know what you are going through inside and out, not just the "big thing" but all the little things that are making the big thing worse. I know they are praying for me and thinking about me, just as I pray for them and think about them. Distance, though... the distance is still there. We cant change distance.

And I cant change what happened. I cant turn back time and look at the ultrasound screen and see a healthy baby. I cant change that my husband is swamped in school. I cant change that the toddlers are two and suffering through "#toddlerproblems," as Honest Toddler calls them. I cant change the busyness of day to day life with three kids. I cant change that my family lives so far away and that it is a road trip to get a hug from my mom (though I can shamelessly "borrow" all the things from her that remind me of her). Ugh, and I cant change this wretched molar pregnancy diagnosis.

What I can do is talk about it. I have reached out to my local friends; Im going out on a limb. Im doing what makes me uncomfortable and letting people in. I need to let people in. Its a risk, but a risk worth taking. Ive found out that others have gone through similar things, some things more heart-wrenching than what Ive experienced. I was talking to a friend who was telling me about her mindset, or way of thinking, when dealing with life challenges. Sometimes she finds that shes approaching the problem with the wrong attitude, which really struck a chord with me. I feel like Im just focusing on what I cant change. I need to move on. I need to acknowledge my loss and... and something. Im not sure what the something is yet.

When we lost our first baby in pregnancy #1, I woke up in the middle of the night and pulled out the box of baby clothes I had bought during the pregnancy. I laid all the layettes and onsies out on the floor, thinking of the baby that would never wear them. I held the empty clothes and wept. When our first born came home from the hospital, I thought of that first baby, the one that was never born, how old that baby would have been. That baby has never left my heart, but Ive accepted the loss. I think I just need time. Time to pass and lessen the sadness. When I think of this last pregnancy, I just think of what will never be, what isnt anymore. It feels like a loss only real and present in my heart. Im afraid if I let it go that it will be like it didnt happen.

So, at the risk of sounding redundant, I havent move on yet. Im trying to get to the place that I can let go and that I can embrace the present. Ive found some comfort in talking to my local friends about the loss and hearing their stories. Ive found a lot of comfort in praying about it and journaling about it. Ive found more and more comfort in loving on my boys and going through the motions of family life.

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weight loss during ninth month of pregnancy

One of the things you hear often that first year with twins is how great it is they have each other. I would say that for most of the first year, C and O did not notice each other by any great stretch of the imagination. I do think that they enjoyed the comfort of sleeping next to each other (we had them in the same bassinet for the first couple months and then in the same crib until about six or seven months). I felt sometimes that having both of them in the same room, even when they were in separate cribs, helped keep them entertained for a bit in the mornings when they woke up and after nap. But then I would wonder if they were so content to play in their cribs because we taught them to do so; I never rushed in the moment I heard them wake up (Bringing Up Bebe would say that is the "wait"). After they started walking, I noticed them interact more. Most of the time it would be toy stealing-- angry-- or playing quietly-- not so much playing with each other but playing contently in the same room with their own toys. Now, my boys are a little delayed with their vocabulary, so perhaps other kids their age started interacting earlier. When they started walking well, they would play a chase game with their older brother. I sat on the floor and they would all giggle and run back and forth across the room to me. Sometimes they would play peekaboo, with me or just with each other. It was cute how the peekaboo games started. Sometimes they would start by total accident. One of the toddlers would be crawling underneath the kitchen table and the other toddler would peek beneath the chair legs at his brother. This would start them giggling so then they would cover their faces and do it again, and again, and again. Other times, the games started intentionally. One toddler would be sitting and playing blocks. The other toddler would come over and sit down in front of him, cover his face, and start giggling, like, "Play peekaboo with me! Isnt it silly?"

I do think they love each other, just as they love their Mommy and Daddy and older brother (and the dog). But it has more been surprised delight when the other infant made an appearance, "Ah, yes, you again! Im so happy you are here for tummy time!" Ive noticed it has been similar to our oldests first couple years when my husband was underway so often. He didnt quite get that it was Daddy who was gone, but he knew someone was gone... and it threw him off a bit... and he was always happy when Daddy showed up again.

?The past couple months, however, have been different. C sleeps much more than O. I take O out of the room when he wakes up and let him come play with his older brother D and sit with me. When C wakes up, O will sprint to the baby gate and try to say his brothers name. It is adorable. If I leave the baby gate open (we have a ranch style home), O will take off down the hallway, even if C is happily sleeping, and sneak into their shared bedroom to check on C. Ive found him quietly playing next to Cs crib or poking his hands in between the rails while saying his brothers name. I feel like he wonders what his brother is doing since he himself isnt napping.

C has taken to calling O "brother." (They actually both say "brother." I dont know if it is because everyone we meet says "brother" to them, but they call each other "brother" and call their older brother D by his name.) The other day I was getting ready in my bedroom, on the other side of the baby gate down the hallway. I heard C yelling at the gate (yes, I can tell apart their cries). As I came closer I heard him saying "Brofer! Brofer!" and pointing energetically toward the sunroom. I open the gate and he took off running as fast as his little legs would take him. He stopped in the sunroom doorway and yelled, "Brofer!" pointing into the sunroom. I walked in the sunroom to find O crying over a pile of stacking blocks. He was frustrated with the blocks because he was trying to stack together chunky Legos with Duplos. I helped O sort out his blocks, stacking the right kinds together. C squealed with delight, happy I helped O solve his problem, and then ran over to play at the train table. My sister said he was a toddler Old Yeller, "Whats that, boy? O cant get his blocks straight?" It was adorable.

When we pray at the table, they must hold hands with each other. Toddlers sometimes have a hard time sorting out the logistics of things. "If Im holding a fork and eating my dinner.... how do I hold his hand?" But they furrow a brow and either switch hands holding the fork, freeing a hand to hold their brothers, or they set the fork down all together to hold hands. They imitate each other. If one of them puts a napkin on his head, the other must do so as well; this leads to peals of laughter. If one of them starts doing a silly dance because he is excited about something ("Sweet! Bananas for breakfast!") then the other one does so as well. It is sweet watching them work together to stack blocks or make a train on the train table or struggle to take off each others shoes.

Their imitation is not limited to each other. They try to do what their older brother D is doing as well as imitating me and their daddy. They get frustrated sometimes imitating D. Hell be hitting t-ball in the backyard and they cant figure out how its done and really want to do it. Or hell be driving the John Deere tractor and they cant reach the peddles (not that I would allow them to drive it! Yikes!). He also has lots of toys with small pieces that are so fascinating to them-- that I dont let them near due to choking hazards-- which endear the toys to them more (Playmobile playsets, for instance). They just always want to see what D is doing, if hes putting together a puzzle, or watching cartoons, or drawing at the table. They climb in the chair with him, follow behind him, snuggle up on the couch beside him. Sometimes it is too much for him, like when hes making a puzzle and they come over to kick the pieces around or climb in his chair making no room for him. They watch him while they are in their high chairs eating snack and scream to get out when he sits down with a toy. They also watch me and want to do what Im doing, unloading the dishwasher, doing the laundry, making dinner. They cook in their little kitchen and bring over samples for me to try. If I sit down, they want to crawl in my lap. O will bring a book for me to read to him; C will crawl in my lap with his Batcho and suck his thumb while I read my own book.

They are helpful and sweet as well. When it is time for Os medicine, both C and D will get toys for O to hold while he sits with the nebulizer. The other two boys will put a blanket on Os legs; D does a dance to distract O on days that O just doesnt want to do the nebulizer. If one of the toddlers starts crying, someone will bring him his favorite blanket, either the other toddler or their older brother. When I sit down on the couch, O runs to the blanket bin and pulls out a blanket for me and tries to put it in my lap. It is very obvious now that they are aware of the other family members and not just themselves. They ask about the other family members that arent in the room, Dadda when hes at work or Brother when one of them is sleeping, and seek them out when they arent immediately found, "Dadda is at school and wont be home until dinner. Your brother is taking a nap and will be out in a little while." They pat each other and their older brother on the head when someone starts crying. They know what "gentle" means and gently pet each other. (My favorite is when they call each other "baby," like they arent the same age...?)

?We heard it a lot the first year, "How lucky they will have each other!" "So much fun to have a built in playmate!" Maybe those people were speaking from experience or maybe they were just saying that because our toddlers are twins. There are many days when the built-in playmate is just a built-in battle; toddlers are willing to put it all on the line for a desired toy. But then there are many days that they have someone to play peekaboo with at the check out stand or to talk to in their crib while I make myself a cup of coffee in the morning before getting them out. And while they do enjoy playing with their older brother, they have someone to play with who is at the same age level as them, a fellow toddler whos interests are the same. ("Lets not stack the blocks; lets throw the blocks.") You know, up until about 20 months it was pretty much like having two separate toddlers throwing two separate tantrums on me. Now at least they are two toddlers throwing a tantrum over the same toy or two toddlers throwing a tantrum because his brother wasnt doing what he wanted.

Other blog posts on twin toddlerhood:

• "Tuesday afternoon is never ending"
• "Twin toddlerhood"
• "Calling twins!"
• "Jigsaw puzzle"
• "Pictures of the boys"
• "You know you are a twin mom when..."
• "Do as the toddlers do"
• "Identical brothers"

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weight loss during pregnancy normal

 

I told one of my girlfriends when all our troubles started that I was going to cook away my misery. Thats been the goal and, I have to say, it has helped. I have enjoyed keeping busy and Ive enjoyed the fruits of my labor (good food!). I like talking on the phone to my sister while I chop and saute. I love giving the kids new foods to try and testing out new recipes. I talk to God while I work on my recipes; I like this focus of energy as I pray. I dont understand why I had a molar pregnancy (read my blog "Molar pregnancy"). I really expected to hear that we needed to wait for a cycle and then start trying. Instead we are looking at 6 months... and that is if we dont have any complications.

So what recipes have been keeping me busy?

Pioneer Woman Ree Drummonds Chicken Pot Pie
Im going to include a link to the recipe online at On My Menu: Pioneer Womans Chicken Pot Pie, however, I recommend buying her cookbook, Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl. I love her cookbook, especially her recipe for a pot of beans. Nothing makes me happier than making a big pot of beans. Back to the chicken pot pie, I actually do a lot of the shopping for this recipe at Trader Joes. I buy their Frozen Pie Crust. Im a little picky about my pie crusts. I dont think Im a very good cook; I do think Im good at making pie crust. With three kids and the worst kitchen weve ever had in our history as a military family, I dont have the time or patience to make a pie crust, simple as it is. I love that the Trader Joes pie crust uses butter and not shortening. Not only is shortening loaded with hydrogenated oils, but pie crust tastes oh, so much better with butter. My other favorite Trader Joes short cut is their Mirepoix-- 1/2 an onion, 3 carrots, and 3 celery stalks, already cut. I replace the onion, carrot, and celery in the recipe with Trader Joes already diced Mirepoix. Simple and delicious! This recipe tastes worlds better using fresh vegetables, instead of frozen. I have made it with frozen in a bind, but Mirepoix makes fresh possible when Im in a rush. Finally, I use a store bought rotisserie chicken; Harris Teeter even has a Smart Chicken rotisserie chicken. Oh so simple. Could a homemade chicken pot pie be any easier or delicious? My family loves this recipe.

Pioneer Woman Ree Drummonds Comfort Meatballs
Im telling you, if you are feeling down and in need of some comfort food, pull out Ree Drummonds cookbook. It is full of feel good family food. Her Comfort Meatballs will disappear as fast as you set them on the dinner table. I use Simply Heinz, ketchup supposedly made with all-natural ingredients and no high fructose corn syrup. Even with small children in the house, you should use a dash of Tabasco. I use a small dash and that little kick is delicious. Our four-year old renamed these "Sugar Meatballs," a name that has stuck at our house. He calls them this because you roll them in flour before browning them in a pan, very similar to rolling cookie balls in sugar before baking.

Clodagh McKennas Smoked Salmon Pate
My newest love is Clodagh McKenna (sorry, Ree). I highly recommend her cookbook as well, Homemade. I just bought another of her cookbooks, Kitchen Diaries: Delicious Recipes Throughout the Year; it ships tomorrow and I cant wait to crack it open when it arrives! This recipe says it takes 5 minutes to make and, let me tell you, it takes 5 minutes to make. You literally throw smoked salmon, creme fraiche, cream cheese, lemon juice, salt, and pepper in the food processor. Could it be easier or tastier? 2 out of our 3 boys loved this. Surprisingly, the toddler who eats nothing wolfed this down and the toddler who eats everything turned his nose up at it without trying it (all three times I offered it to him). Our four-year old loved it and asked for it over and over again. Reason #1 why this was such a hit with me: tasty "mom lunch." I tend to eat a very low-key lunch, regardless of what I serve the boys, such as cheese on sourdough with a cut up vegetable or leftovers. Make tastier leftovers and have this in your fridge for lunch during the weekday, spread on a crusty bread. I also served this with the vegetable soup to make it "fancier." Nom, nom, nom.

Southern Living Big Book of Slow-Cooking Tortellini Vegetable Soup

 

Ingredients:

Cooking spray

2 (8 oz) packages refrigerated prechopped celery, onion, and bell pepper mix

1/2 tsp pepper

1 medium zucchini, coarsely chopped

1 (32 oz) container chicken broth

1 (16 oz) package frozen baby corn, green bean, pea, and carrot mix

1 (15 1/2 oz) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed

1 (14 1/2 oz) can diced tomatoes with basil, oregano, and garlic, undrained

1 (9 oz) package refrigerated cheese tortellini

Garnish: shredded Parmesan cheese

 

Instructions:

1. Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add celery mixture, and saute 5 min or until tender. Transfer mixture to a 5 qt slow cooker. Stir in pepper and next 5 ingredients. Cover and cook on LOW 7 hours.

2. Increase heat to HIGH; add tortellini. Cover and cook 18 minutes or until pasta is tender. Garnish, if desired.

 

This recipe has become a family favorite. It is delicious. And I love this book of slow-cooker recipes, available on Amazon or at Costco (where I bought it). Say good-bye to slow cooker recipes that call for a can of cream of whatever and a bag of frozen vegetables. Those recipes all taste the same! Instead, crack open this book and enjoy a world of slow-cooking rarely seen by mini-van drivers like myself. I have actually never made this particular recipe in a slow cooker, instead I make it in my Dutch oven. I replace the prechopped celery, onion, and bell pepper mix with freshly chopped vegetables. I always have these veggies on hand and it is easy to coarsely chop them. I do use the bag of frozen baby corn, green bean, pea, and carrot mix, another item I always have in my freezer. Before adding the tortellini, I cook the soup on medium heat for an hour or more or on high heat for about 30 minutes, depending on my time constraints. I bring to a boil and cook for just under 20 minutes after adding the tortellini. I always garnish with Parmesan. This soup is delicious hot the day you make it and delicious cold for leftovers. I sent it to school with our four-year old for his preschool lunch and he loved it.

Real Simples Sour Cream Whipped Cream

 

1 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon confectioners sugar
Beat until peaks form in a mixer

Do you know how delicious sour cream whipped cream is? I do. This morning we topped our waffles with it. The sour cream whipped cream and the berries had a perfect marriage with the maple syrup and crunchy waffle, all of which went well with my cup of black coffee. :) I got this recipe from a Real Simple magazine awhile ago, though I cant find the edition; I just jotted it down in my recipe book.

Clodagh McKennas Risotto with Wild Mushrooms
My absolute favorite recipe and my husbands favorite thing I make, this risotto recipe (also found in her cookbook, Homemade). Our favorite is smoked chicken with Parmesan and tarragon. Our boys l-o-v-e-d butternut squash and sage (I wish I had added chicken that night). This recipe is so soothing to make and the reward is so delicious. It takes patience to "keep stirring," as one of my girlfriends advised me when making risotto, and patience to allow the rice to absorb the vegetable stock as you slowly add it. There is no rushing risotto. Funny how cooking can mirror real life so clearly.

My big plans today involve The Petit Appetit Cookbook-- her granola bars. Later this week Im going to make her "Happy Hummus." I really enjoy her cookbook, not just for the kids, but for simple lunch items or side dishes. I also enjoy her blog, Petit Appetit Blog.

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weight loss during 4th month pregnancy

 Here we are, facing another move. We have moved so many times here in North Carolina. When we moved here from Hawaii, we moved into a 2-bedroom apartment on the third floor. When we found out we were having twins, we moved into a 3-bedroom apartment on the first floor in the same complex. Then we got a dog and the twins became more mobile and it did not work for us any longer. When it came time to renew our lease, we declined and moved into a 3-bedroom house out in town with a fenced in backyard and playroom. The house has worked great for us! Plenty of storage room in the attic and garage and plenty of room for our boys to play, inside and out.

As you know, my husband was picked up for the STA-21 (seaman to admiral or "officers program") program. This June he will have served 9-years enlisted duty in the Navy. When he graduates this August with a degree in mechanical engineering, he will be commissioned as an officer and need to go through power school and prototype again, this time on the officers side of things. He will also need to complete Submarine Officer Basic School (SOBC) sometime in there, which is a 10-week course in Connecticut. We know he will be doing power school in South Carolina and we suspect he will be doing prototype in upstate New York. We wont get orders for prototype until after he finishes power school and we probably wont hear about power school until closer to his graduation. From the sound of it, SOBC can be squeezed in while waiting to start prototype or after completing prototype.

Our lease is coming to an end this August. We planned on extending our lease or doing month-to-month until my husband receives his orders. Then we got an email that threw all our plans into confusion: the homeowners are returning early-- this September-- and will not extend our lease past when it ends this August. We emailed the property management company to see if there is any way the homeowners would let us stay longer if we paid higher rent and were declined. My hubby contacted his lieutenant and detailer to see if it would be possible for him to class up for power school in October. If not, we would like to find out what our class up date so we can find new lodgings accordingly (are we looking to rent until December? February? Later?). His first choice class-up date was October anyways, his second December, and third February. However, we have heard both power school and prototype are backed up right now. We are still waiting to hear back from the Navy. (Please be understanding, Navy!)

So our big dilemma is that our lease is up at the end of August and we could still be stationed in North Carolina-- without orders-- until December or later. That means we need to pay first and last months rent at the new place. We need to find somewhere that accepts dogs (pet deposit and monthly pet fee). We need to buy boxes, rent a truck, find people to help us move, and probably get a storage unit until the Navy gives us orders and we move from North Carolina to South Carolina. The best thing financially for us would be if the Navy gave us orders for October and we could use those orders to move a bit early when our lease expires in August; this would totally eliminate the extra in-town move. The sad thing would be moving away from all our local friends earlier than we had anticipated.

My husband and I feel that we have learned a lot from all this moving we have done during our three-year stay in North Carolina. We could not have helped renting the wrong place when we first moved here. We rented a large 2-bedroom apartment expecting to have one baby-- not twins. We should not have moved to a 3-bedroom apartment from there; we should have moved into a house. And from this house, there is no way we could have known the homeowners would be returning early. We were told that they were going abroad for a couple years and we were their first renters. It feels like Murphys Law: everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. We tried very hard to rent the right places for our family and just have not done well at it! Maybe the next time we rent a house out in town we should only rent rental properties and not someones home they plan on eventually returning to? We know all too well plans change.

We debated when we moved here if we wanted to buy a house or not. We really liked the house prices here in North Carolina. The single thing that held us back was the uncertainty of selling it when we were ready to move. We knew that we would only be stationed here for three years, which still does not feel like very long to buy a home and then sell it. After seeing some of my friends deal with renting out homes they bought at past duty stations, I knew that was not a project I wanted to undertake right now in my life. We plan on having more children and it will be an adjustment for our kids to get used to Daddy being back on submarines when the time comes. We also knew homeschooling was a real possibility. With all of that on my plate, I did not also want to be managing a rental property in a different state. So I said that if we bought a home, I would want to sell it when we moved. This made us a little nervous, as we have never bought or sold a home before. Neither of us wanted a piece of property to stand in between us living together-- me and the kids not being able to move with him because the home hasnt sold yet. We decided against buying and instead rented. With all these moves weve done now in this one state at this one duty station, we are wondering if buying a home, no matter how long it took to sell, would have been the less expensive option. It feels like a gamble.

Regardless, we spend so much money moving. Hotels. Take out. First and last months rent. New closet organizers. Curtains. Door mats. Bathroom mats. Kitchen mats. Pieces of furniture to fit that new strange corner in the living room. Pictures for new, awkward walls. Throwing out and re-buying the food and cleaners the movers wont pack. From New Hampshire to Hawaii. From Hawaii to North Carolina. From apartment to apartment to house to who-knows-where in North Carolina. And we still have the move from North Carolina to South Carolina in front of us. And then South Carolina to New York. And New York to wherever his sea duty station is. Such is the life of a military family!

My blog posts on the STA-21 program:

"Two years of STA-21"

"Three years of STA-21"

And, our story, in "About Kimber"

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After I hit publish on my post, Motherhood without a filter, I immediately wondered if Id maybe shared a bit too much.  I worried that I would scare all the mums-to-be who read my blog, and I thought Id terrified all those mums expecting their second baby.  I dont want to be one of those scare-mongers. 

You know the ones.  The ones who are overly eager to tell you their horrendous labour story when youve only just met them and youre 9 months pregnant. Or the lady who continually complains about motherhood even though she has 5 children.  I want to be the mum who celebrates being a mum.  Who relishes having two beautiful daughters.  

But at the same time, as I mentioned in the blog post, I also want this blog to reflect real-life.  That it is hard sometimes.  But I wouldnt change a single thing.  Even the night I didnt sleep at all, I still lay on the bed the next day with LL and tried to make her smile with a toy penguin making cheeping noises (which she loves).  And when I felt ill because I was so tired, I still danced round the nursery carrying LL and dancing alongside my eldest to play that sax.

So if youre a mum to be, or going to be a mum of two, its all fine, I promise.  I hope my blog doesnt frighten or worry you. I hope instead my posts dispel this myth of the perfect mum, who doesnt, and will never exist.  I hope it reflects real-life. 

Motherhood isnt a constant state of euphoria.  It has its ups and downs, highs and lows and all those bits that fall between.  Every bit is needed and every bit is part of the journey. 

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