pregnancy weight loss after miscarriage

Before LL came along my three year old daughter was my little partner in crime.  Ive been lucky enough that since she was born Ive been able to have a career break from work. This has meant me and my daughter have been pretty much inseparable.  We have done everything together.  The good times of spontaneous picnics, girls shopping trips and farm visits, and (lets not wear rose tinted glasses here) even the not so good times, like when she spilt a whole jug of milk down me in the middle of Marks and Spencer or when she tantrum rolled herself down an aisle in Sainsburys. 

Before LL came, in those last few weeks of my pregnancy, I really treasured every moment. I knew things were about to change.  But what nobody told me is how our relationship would change, or the guilt Id feel as my role changed.  

In these first few weeks of having LL, my time has been almost entirely consumed with caring for a newborn.  With breastfeeding, changing and caring for this little bundle 24/7. And I guess that is how it should be.  Ive included my eldest in all the things youre meant to, like reading to her whilst Im feeding, including her to help care for LL.  But still, theres been a change.  

Its not me she calls for if she needs something now. Its not me she gets into the car and sits nicely for.  Its her Daddy. I feel like Im suddenly second best.  

And I know this is good.  My husband tells me its nice to finally be that person for a change, instead of it always being me.  And I know this is completely normal.  But that doesnt stop me feeling guilty when she asks for Daddy when Im stood right next to her.  Or when I tell her to wait a minute for the hundredth time as LL has just been sick everywhere again.

I know I cant do everything.  I know Im not superwoman.  But that doesnt stop me from wanting to be.  I guess I have to adjust to being a mum of two.  I just wish someone had forewarned me of this guilt I feel.  

I think the transition from three to four just takes time for us all, I just hope my eldest always knows how much I love her, even if its not just us two girls anymore when Daddy goes to work.  Its something even more special now, its us three girls.  The three musketeers.  

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Hello there! I am sorry I havent posted in a while.  Before LL came along, I had this idea in my head that I would still be blogging whilst she fed and Id be able to happily multi-task.  The reality is some days its a mission to brush my own teeth, let alone write a legible and coherent blog post!

But, here I am.  LL is 5 weeks old today and Im sat in the nursery feeding her.  Weve had a really bad night and I think I got a grand total of 2 hours sleep.  My husband is also away, so its been a tough week.  Not that Im feeling sorry for myself (well maybe I am just a little).  The kitchen is such a mess it looks like we have been burgled, and for reasons unbeknownst to me, I thought it would be a good idea to sort out a kitchen cupboard this morning.   

I can only describe these first few weeks as some of the toughest times with sleep deprivation and trying to get into a rhythm of having two little ones to look after.  But, these first few weeks are also the most magical and special.  Its a strange mix.   

I know these days will quickly pass, so when Im sat in bed shedding a little tear because I am so exhausted, I try to focus on the fact that one day I will want these days back. 

One of the hardest things of being a mum of two is the guilt in trying to split my time between them both.  I feel guilty if one is crying while Im trying to sort the other out and at times I just worry if Im doing a good enough job.  I feel guilty if I am cleaning instead of playing, guilty if Im trying to Christmas shop instead of just being a mum.  But then I think all of this is part of being a mum.  I thought with my second I would worry less about what Im doing, but where I am confident in alot of things, that worry of if Im doing a good enough job is still there, especially when Im tired.  I think that just comes with being a mum and Ill never escape it. 

I cant put into words my love for LL and I look at my two girls and wonder how I got to be so lucky to have this amazing little family.  

LL has finished feeding now, so I will go and try and do something with the kitchen before feral cats make a home in there. 

I have lots to share with you, from my birth story, to the things I wish Id packed in my labour bag and a little story of breastfeeding in front of 500 people!!!!

Thank you so much for reading and bearing with me.  I thought people may have forgotten about me and my little blog, but I was so happy this morning when I saw people were still reading and checking back. Thank you so much, it means so much to me to have you share my journey. 

I hope you are having a good day, and I hope this post is legible and makes some sense.  

Thank you for reading, 

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I love going and exploring new places, and when my lovely husband asked if me and Baba wanted to tag along on his business trip to Windsor, I obviously jumped at the chance!  I hadnt been to Windsor for a very, very long time, and when we arrived in the evening it was even more picturesque than I had remembered.  We took a leisurely stroll and walked past Windsor Castle, pretty Royal Christmas lights and then we all went for a bite to eat. 

How cool is this painted phone box outside the Castle?

Windsor castle was all lit up, with projections of various pictures and snow cast on its side. 

Taking an evening stroll. 

The crown jewels Christmas lights. 

The next day, Mr Bee had to leave early for his meeting, so me and Baba did a spot of Christmas shopping in the town and then we made our way to Windsor Castle.  I was a bit nervous, as it was only me and Baba and a pushchair.  Sometimes it can be quite hard to manage the two.  I have to say, the staff were wonderful.  I was helped everywhere, and the stewards all chatted to Baba and were so friendly and welcoming. As a mum on your own with a toddler, this makes such a difference!!

Unfortunately, you cant take pictures inside the main area inside the castle, which are called the State Apartments, and you also have to leave pushchairs at the entrance. Baba managed to walk round most of the way, and she was fascinated!!! 

There is the most amazing giant dolls house that belonged to Queen Mary. I dont think I can even do it justice to describe it.  It is so intricate and the detail is phenomenal. Baba enjoyed seeing all the rooms and furniture and one of the stewards challenged her to find a little dog in there.  (Special thanks to him if he ever reads this, he will know who he is and he was so lovely to us!). We then wandered round the rest of the castle.  You can do a free audio tour, and Im sure if I had done that, I would have some interesting facts for you.  But with Baba in tow, we literally just wandered round and marvelled at the chandeliers, the paintings, the beds and the ceilings. And I think sometimes it is special just to do that. To just take everything in that you are seeing, without trying to concentrate on all the facts. It was just being in the moment with Baba and appreciating all of the treasures.    

The castle is also decorated at the moment with the most beautiful Christmas trees I have ever seen!  We collected the pushchair at the end of our walk round and then we made our way into the grounds. Luckily, we caught the changing of the guard ceremony which Baba was amazed by!  She could not believe these were real live guards were marching!!! 

Afterwards, we had time for a bit more shopping, and we stopped at a cafe for a spot of lunch.  This all might sound idyllic, but I managed to spill a whole jug of milk down myself in the cafe.  Not my best moment, but I gritted my teeth and carried on smiling and we got on with our girls day.  With the lovely smell of warm milk following us. 

We wandered round the shops some more, and found the famous crooked house and more quaint shops and streets before Mr.Bee came to pick us up.  

Windsor is so worth a trip and I cannot recommend to you enough a trip to Windsor Castle.  My daughter is only two and a half, but she is still talking about the guards and the dolls house.  And the shops in Windsor are definitely worth a look too! You can find more information on Windsor Castle here.

So thats our Blogmas day four and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow for some very prickly and festive fun!!! Thank you for reading and to stay up to date with Blogmas 2014, click on any of those little links to your right!!!

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Christmas has well and truly arrived in the Laura Evelyn Bee household and today we put up our Christmas decorations!!! We had a Christmas music channel on in the background and I have to say Baba seemed quite bemused my East 17 prancing about in big woolly hoods!! How could I explain to my daughter that East 17 used to be cool? (For anyone who doesnt know who they are...maybe just Google them. They used to be the bees knees back in the 90s!!!). Ive taken some photographs so you can have a nosey at what we put up.  All photos obviously come compete with Pablo T Dog in the background and of course Baba who suddenly appears out of nowhere the minute I try and take an arty shot!

Hanging the decorations.  Obviously we broke some and then obviously I re-hung all of the ones that Baba and my husband put on the tree. Its got to look symmetrical. 

Ta-dah! The tree in all its Christmas glory. 

Our stockings (and me in my woolly hat!).

 

I love a Christmas cushion, or two. 

My husband bought me this from his recent work trip to America.  It smells gorgeous!!! Though makes me slightly hungry!! And this is the shot where I told Baba to stand well back.  Hmmmm. The little monkey!!!

Our house is well and truly Christmassy now, and the countdown to the big day is well and truly on!!! I hope you are all having a lovely day and I will see you nice and early tomorrow for a little road trip!!!

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Happy Christmas!!! 

I wanted to write a quick post to wish you all a very happy Christmas! I hope you all have a lovely day filled with love and lots of food (obviously!) 

Its 5am on Christmas Day as I write this and Ive been up all night. Usually when people say that, they havent but it just feels like they have. I actually have. Little LL has reflux (we think) and this last night she has woke every 45 minutes in pain. Its horrible. To see your little baby in pain is tough. Add to that my sleep deprivation and youve got a recipe for me probably crying a lot today!! But it will be OK. 

I know reflux will pass, and I know that other than that she is a beautiful, healthy little girl. But right now, as I feel like the only person awake in the world, its pretty tough. 

I think were all ready for today. The presents are laid out and we prepped the vegetables ready for lunch. By the way, dont look at Instagram today. Ive been scrolling through all night, and all Ive seen is peoples trees with more presents than I thought humanly possible for a child to have! Its easy to lose sight of what christmas is about and feel like youve not done enough or a good enough job as other people. 

And this Christmas I havent been my most organised. There are things I would have liked to have done, but Ive not had the time. There are things I would have liked to have taken my eldest daughter to, but Ive not been able to because of LL. Ive had mum guilt alot this Christmas.

On Christmas Eve Id planned for us all to watch Christmas DVDs and eat popcorn, but that didnt go quite to plan as LL was unsettled and, oh yes, we think theres a mouse in the garage so my husband spent an hour installing fancy sonar devices so it will go and live elsewhere. Im hoping the said mouse wasnt meant to be my surprise Christmas present. My eldest was quite excited about the mouse actually. I think she wants it as a pet. I say mouse, I hope its not a rat. Anyway, he or she should hopefully be vacating the garage sometime soon. 

This Christmas is different to all of our others. Today I have the most beautiful three and a half year old and the most precious 7 week old baby. I have an amazing husband who is the best daddy in the world to them both.  How lucky am I to be a mummy to two little girls. 

So today Im forgetting Instagram, Twitter and looking what everyone else is doing. Im going to try and not think of the things I havent or could have done. Im going to enjoy our first Christmas as a family of four. Im also going to try and limit the amount of times I cry, though I cant promise anything as Im so so tired! 

Sometimes the idea of Christmas and our expectation and anticipation can be different from the reality. But thats ok. Thats life. I hope my daughters look back and know that even though I could sleep standing up, at 5am on Christmas morning I was sitting in bed cuddling LL and thinking how much I love them both and how lucky I am. And hoping they both have a wonderful first Christmas as sisters. 

Whether you are having a quiet Christmas today or a big family Christmas, enjoy every single minute. 

Happy Christmas and thank you for reading, and I hope this 5am post makes sense! 

xxx

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Good morning and welcome to day one of Blogmas!!!! EEEK! If youve missed what Im getting up to, Im blogging every single day up until Christmas Day and sharing all the goings on in the Laura Evelyn Bee household.  So lets get started!!! Each blog will run a day late, so today you are actually reading about what I got up to yesterday.

Today was our local village Christmas fair and what better way to start Blogmas! The whole village shuts down for the fair and roads are closed as pop up stalls, food vendors and fair rides take to the streets.  We wandered down around 5pm and Baba was just fascinated by all of the lights, sounds and goings on.  She immediately wanted a Santa balloon (which was £4!!!!!) and after alot of mumblings of the price of balloons these days, one was very carefully tied (read doubled tied) to her pushchair!!!

A woman actually walked into me as I was taking this photo and she said she had a balloon phobia and thats why she wasnt looking where she was going!  True story! 

I lost count of the amount of times good old Santa hit me in the face! 

They hit a big switch for all the street and trees to be lit up.  It was so pretty! 

And then came the fireworks!

Hmmm, I dont think I am ever going to win any photography prizes here!!! BUT, I hope that you get the jist of our evening.  We actually stopped in a gorgeous little coffee shop for hot chocolates and cake, and, before our order came I thought I must take a picture.  And guess what happened. Yep, I wolfed everything down before I even had chance to take a picture!!! One day I may actually not eat so quick to get a good food shot.  On second thoughts maybe I wont!!! 

We all certainly feel very festive now and the Santa balloon is happily bobbing away in our front room. Such a lovely start to Blogmas!!!!

Thank you so much for reading and see you tomorrow for Blogmas day 2 and tomorrow its all about the advent calendar goodies!! 

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