intentional weight loss during pregnancy

Here is my follow-up post on my partial molar pregnancy. All in all, I had the best possible outcome with a molar pregnancy: no complications and my numbers went down quickly.

Things Ive heard a lot of throughout this whole process:

• "At least it happened early in the pregnancy."
• "At least you have 3 healthy boys to focus on."
• "You can try again soon."
• "Im sure those complications wont happen to you; dont worry about it."
• "My friend who miscarried just gave birth to a beautiful baby."

Sometimes it felt like as soon as I talked about the molar pregnancy or answered questions about what a molar pregnancy is, people would rush to assure me that it was all going to be fine or not to worry about it or that we will get pregnant soon. While talking with my doctor, he told me that the chances of me having the more serious complications of a partial molar pregnancy (read "Molar pregnancy") were very low because of how quickly my numbers went to negative, so I also felt that my chances of relapsing were slim to none. Honestly, I dont know what I wanted people to say. And I know that people were just trying to let me know that they love me and want the best for me, that they worry about me and didnt want me to have to go through anything more. I knew that they were trying to give me hope. I guess I liked it best when someone would just say, "Oh, man, Im sorry you are going through this. Ill be praying things keep getting better for you." The comments of "youll get pregnant again soon" felt like people wanted me to stop grieving over the loss of this pregnancy, this baby, and to move on. Sometimes I just felt down about the whole situation and didnt know what I wanted to hear. Whatever people say though, Im still always happier when someone says something to me about it instead of ignoring it. Grief is hard to manage and often made me feel like I was pushing people away.

I had a hard time moving on from this pregnancy loss. We had gone through an unexpected pregnancy loss before (this partial molar pregnancy was my 4th pregnancy; I miscarried our 1st pregnancy as well) and it was hard then. On one hand, having my 3 beautiful boys was an absolute blessing. They did keep me busy and they did remind me of the beauty in life, the fun in the everyday. They relaxed me and kept my hands busy. On the other hand, it was hard to find time to grieve. I didnt feel that I had time to throw myself into the emotions I was feeling and that sometimes I had to push them to the side. Maybe that is why the grieving process took longer. I do also think that the uncertainty of the next couple years played a big role as well (my husband is in the Navy, read "Asthma, STA-21, commissioning, and PCSing-- yikes!"). I kept thinking, "Oh, this was perfect timing to have a baby. What if I get pregnant before he has to leave? What if I get pregnant and we are moving during my due date? What if I dont like my next OBGyn?"

It took me awhile to realize all the pressure I was putting on myself over something that I couldnt change. It was ridiculous. I didnt like hearing from people, "You need to give yourself time to heal," when I told them about this wait period with the blood draws, but I realized I do. I wouldnt be happy if we rushed into the next pregnancy and miscarried. During my mono/di twin pregnancy (read "Identical or fraternal [revised]"), one of my big rules, because it was high risk, was, if I went into premature labor, would I regret an activity/food/drink/etc? If the answer was yes, I didnt do the activity, like take the walk or finish the chore list or eat the cold cuts for lunch. (I hate the no cold cuts during pregnancy rule. Since when is that a thing??) The risk had to outweigh the benefit. For this partial molar pregnancy, the risk of rushing things did not outweigh the benefit. Our timeline of moving and my husbands Navy schedule will sort itself out. And, in all honesty, this timing of our partial molar pregnancy wasnt exactly perfect either. We are moving across state lines in less than a week and my due date for the partial molar pregnancy was September 9th. I would either be super pregnant right now, stressing about all the things that needed to get done for our move, or nursing a newborn, since Ive never made it to my due date, even with our singleton.

The thing that has been getting me down as we get ready to move is never going to my OBGyn again. When we got pregnant this last time, I was very excited that when all was said and done, I would have given birth to 3 kids in the same state, a big feat for a Navy family. I would have also used the same OBGyn for 2 pregnancies. I liked the idea of having the same doctors and saying, "Oh, last time Doctor P was just wonderful; Im so glad he could deliver us this time as well." The only consistency in my history with OBGyns I have is having a pregnancy and a miscarriage at the same practice. My first pregnancy (miscarriage) and my second pregnancy (singleton) was at the same OBGyn practice; my third pregnancy (mono/di twins) and my fourth pregnancy (miscarriage/partial molar) was at the same OBGyn.

Im also dreading passing the due date. My husband says to not worry about it and let it go. I know he means well and I know this whole thing has been hard on him as well (he was sooo worried about me when we got the diagnosis). I just dont seem to be able to. I cant believe how much time has passed. From our first questionable ultrasound at the end of January to now, August. My positive pregnancy test was at the end of 2012-- time is marching forward. It is much easier said than done to not focus on the passage of time. My friends who were pregnant at the same time as me are all giving birth to their babies. Other friends have announced their pregnancies. My heart fills with joy for them; I know many of them have also struggled with infertility, pregnancy loss, and complicated or high risk pregnancies. Im not begrudging any of them. Just seeing their pregnancies come to fruition reminds me of where I "should be" in my pregnancy-- definitely something I have struggled to let go of. There are also smaller things, like commercials on TV that made us laugh when I was pregnant, "Oh, thats going to be us," or whatever we said. Now I see them and am reminded of how excited I was about the pregnancy and how excited our oldest was to be a big brother again.

This update has taken me awhile to write because the feelings were so raw for so long. Now Im honestly at a much better spot. Occasionally my heartstrings are pulled, like with the approaching due date, but the constant longing when I see a pregnant belly has died down. I remember the first couple blood draw appointments, taken at my OBGyn office, were really hard. I would sit in the waiting room and try not to look at the pregnant women checking in or struggling to lower themselves in those waiting room chairs (pregnant bellies are so cumbersome). I remember this one gal who was standing in line with her hand resting on her tummy; I thought the baby was kicking and she was feeling the little movements. I miss feeling that, in spite of how miserable carrying a pregnancy actually was for me. Now I dont feel my cheeks flush when confronted with a pregnant belly and I dont automatically calculate the weeks I "should be" when I look at my calendar. I dont feel on the verge of tears when our oldest asks when we are going to have another baby or tells me how much he wants a little sister; I can easily talk to him and answer his questions.

So now Im cleared to TTC, as many online forums call it (Try To Conceive). Whenever we get pregnant again, I will have close monitoring during the first trimester to make sure that Im not carrying another molar pregnancy. The molar pregnancy is behind us, but, as every woman who has experienced pregnancy loss in one form or another, it will never be forgotten. Two miscarriages, one of them being a molar pregnancy, has definitely made my husband and I nervous when it comes to certainty in our positive pregnancy tests. No, we are not pregnant now, but we recently discussed our feelings going forward. I was surprised to find that both he and I had the same feelings toward our next pregnancy. We are excited to be able to try again, though nervous. Nervous to experience all of this again, nervous at the possibility of miscarrying, nervous at the uncertainty of pregnancy and the heartbreak of loss. I think he feels much more like he doesnt want to get his hopes up whenever we find out we are pregnant again. I feel much more like I dont want to lose another baby. Its funny how men and women view things so differently. Ive learned through this whole thing that sometimes he words things differently than I would and that he views things differently than I do; however, his love is deep and strong and he felt the loss as well. He is my best friend and Im thankful for him everyday.

Heres to hoping!

My other blog posts on my molar pregnancy:

"Miscarriage"

"Molar pregnancy"

"The bake queen"

"3 weeks, 3 months"

"Time wont let me go"

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weight loss during pregnancy in third trimester

5-years old is a fun age. I know our oldest has only been five for a handful of weeks now, but Ive loved every minute of it. Is this what people have meant by it gets easier? (And it only took 5 years! Not including 9 months of pregnancy!)

Dont get me wrong, I absolutely love being a stay-at-home mom. I love spending every day with my kids and helping them through each milestone, kissing every boo-boo, wiping away every tear, scaring away all the monsters, and going on countless backyard adventures. Every momma knows that there are easy stages and hard stages. 5 years old has proven to be one of those stages that feels like a fun adventure, glittered with childhood imagination and peppered with mysteries to solve and experiments to conduct. I love it.

Ds imagination at 5 has just taken off. Hes always been big on costumes and pretend play, but now we have elaborate plots and various "rules." I love when he pipes up from the backseat, "Hey, Momma! Want to hear a story?" Of course I do! His stories are long-winded and sometimes missing a point, but some of them are laugh out loud funny and others are just heartwarming (like the little boy who had two little brothers that he loved more than anything in the whole wide world-- yeah, super cute!). I love when he tries to play Magic School Bus with his 2-year old twin brothers, "No, no! You are Arnold. You have to say... And, Carlos! You have to sit here! Where are you going?" Im supposed to be Ms. Frizzle in the chaos, but it is too cute half the time to intervene.

Even better, 5 seems to be the magical age of explaining and negotiating. No longer do we have conversations like the one I had with one of our 2-year olds the other night, "No green beans, no watermelon. Yes green beans, yes watermelon," holding up samples of said items to reinforce my point. I can tell D things like, "You need to be a gentleman at breakfast. A lot of family came to town to see you. They want to talk to you. Do not use potty words. Tell them the things youve learned about the beach this summer." And guess what? He behaved like a perfect gentleman, even pulling me to the side later to tell me that he did just what I said and "didnt use potty words or anything potty talk except when I had to go poop then I said, Excuse me, I have to go poop." (Still working on etiquette!)

He didnt want to go to his summer day camp because he was going to miss me too much, so we talked about one of our favorite family reads, Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdey (honestly, you should check out all of the Llama books). I asked him what happened when Llama Llama went to school. D says, "He missed his momma and started crying because he wanted to go home." I urged him to go further, "But then what happened? What did his teacher tell him?" D answered quickly, "She said it was okay to miss Momma! That Momma was coming back!" He told me about all the fun things Llama Llama did at school before his momma came to pick him up again. And then I quoted the last pages of the book, "Llama finds out something new. He loves Mama... and school too!" When I dropped him off at summer day camp, he leaned forward to kiss my cheek and whispered to me, "I love Momma and camp too!" Precious.

There, of course, are new things to deal with at 5. He has his little pride. When he fails at something, like making a basket or hitting the ball, and we laugh, he takes it very personally. (Okay, it sounds mean when I write it like that, but it is absolutely adorable when our little 5-year old shakes his little bottom before pulling the bat back and swinging as hard as he can, missing the ball, and spiraling down to the ground. Adorable. You keep a straight face!) He feels left out, especially when we are doing something with his brothers and not him, like their speech therapy sessions. "Why cant I play? Will someone come over to do speech therapy with me?" He wants to be a big boy, just like his dad. "The baby-sitter is here for my brothers, but she is going to big-boy-sit me, not baby-sit." He wants to be the center of attention and a stand-up comedian. "What do you call a snail on a ship? A SNAIL-or! What do you call a dog on a ship? A SNAIL-or! What do you call a baby on a ship? A BABY!" (Okay, still working on etiquette and jokes...) And a 5-year old can take whining to an all new level. He makes our 2-year olds look like amateurs, which, in a way, they are. He can whine for an entire day. I tell him, "Bud, you need to speak up and use your regular voice." He replies, barely audible, "thisismyregularvoice...." I dont know always what sets off the whining. Sometimes he feels hes been slighted, like if I make him give a toy to his brothers or if I say no to making double chocolate chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. I dont like the whining, but, man, sometimes I need to laugh out loud because the level of whining he can reach is just absolutely ridiculous! Surely there is a Preschool Olympics somewhere I could enter him in...

I love that he has interests now besides just loud trucks or stacking blocks. He wants to build towers and cities for his action figures. He wants to get really good at baseball and basketball. He wants to ride his bike without training wheels. He wants to be an "army guy" and a sailor and a firefighter and Superman when he grows up. He wants to help with all my chores and know how to fold the laundry like I do. He wants to bathe himself, brush his own teeth, get himself ready by himself. He wants to walk close to me without holding my hand. He wants to show me how "awesome" his Listening Ears are, as we call them. He wants to know how things work and why things are the way they are. He wants to listen to the whole story and ask questions, read more stories about a topic. He wants to tell me everything he knows and everything he did that day (of course when he wants to tell me, not when I ask). He wants to be the worlds best big brother, the worlds best bike rider, the worlds best seat belt buckler, the worlds best popcorn eater...

There are still challenges. It is hard to balance his interests when Im also chasing twin 2-year olds. It is hard to listen to everything when we are in the midst of a move and I need to take the phone call. But that is just life. Life happens.

I love when parenting is this delightful, this joyful, this rewarding. There are many sleep-deprived nights, early mornings changing vomit sheets, horror at finding the diaper was removed sometime during afternoon nap, and tears shed over worry and heartbreak. And potty training. Really not looking forward to potty training our toddlers (putting it off for a long, long time). I dont want to jinx it, but I absolutely love 5-years old.

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weight loss during pregnancy in second trimester

Are you there, blog? Its me, Kimber.

It has been awhile since my last blog post and what a summer it has been!

The boys wearing matching outfits with their cousin
for my husbands commissioning weekend

Our asthmatic toddler had a flair up 3 weeks after we weaned him off Pulmicort under our doctors guidance. He hadnt had any flair ups and we wanted to see if he still needed daily medication in the summer months, as he is two-years old and is still considered to have "reactive airways." He caught croup which became bronchitis. We landed in the ER, following up with our pediatrician who thankfully followed up with us over the phone as well. Poor little guy was on Orapred in July, back on twice daily Pulmicort doses via nebulizer, and, during the flair up, Albuterol every 3-4 hours. We are keeping him on twice daily doses for 3 weeks before considering to wean him down to once a day, what he was on from May to the beginning of July. Weve also considered Singulair. Well see. Im going to go in and talk to our pediatrician again before we move from North Carolina to South Carolina (in 8 days). Im very (very, very, very) anxious about switching pediatricians this close to cold and flu season, especially since he has needed Orapred 3 times in a calendar year and did the Synagis vaccine last year-- also the number of ER visits he has needed. I feel that our current pediatrician is extremely involved in managing his asthma and that we receive excellent care from that office. The nurses know him. The front desk knows him. Our pediatrician is up to date on his treatment whenever we go in to talk to her and she calls us when hes having flair ups. Yeah, not sure we will find someone like her at the clinic on base, but well see. The clinic in Hawaii had great doctors, but it was hard to get an appointment and there was a lot of waiting. I also like having the childrens ER so close to us now, where we take him now when he needs help. In Hawaii we went to Tripler, which did not have a childrens ER and had really long waits. Im praying the clinic in South Carolina is much more up to date than in Hawaii or we may be switching him to TRICare Standard instead of keeping him on Prime. This is our first move with an asthmatic child.

Ah, yes, can you see there is a lot on my mind?

Our pack out is in 8 days. Our house is NOT ready for the movers to come. My husband graduated and commissioned this past week. Our three-year stay here in North Carolina has come to an end. It feels like we just moved here. In my "About Kimber" during the time hes been going through college with STA-21, it has said:

I started this blog to talk about our life as an active duty military family. With our current assignment, the focus has been much more on the family side of things than the Navy, mostly since the only time I have any Navy interaction is picking my husband up at the ROTC or the Navy/Marine Corps birthday ball.

That is all starting to change. I posted a blog summarizing what the STA-21 program is back in May (read "Seaman to Admiral "Officers" Program"). As I said, my husband just graduated, getting his degree in mechanical engineering in 3-years with a wife and three kids. I am so impressed with his accomplishment! It was a challenging road and often tested our marriage (read "Marriage"), just due to the stress of the program and the pressures of parenthood. One of my favorite things about this studly man that I married is that we always come out closer and better when we go through these challenges. I truly feel we are more in love now than when we got married over six years ago.

Now that hes graduated it is off to Power School. I know I posted information about this in my blog post "Seaman to Admiral "Officers" Program," but here is a quick summary again. Before my husband goes back to submarines (and starts going underway), he still needs to complete 3 Navy schools: power school, prototype, and Submarine Officer Basic School. When he enlisted just over 9 years ago he went through power school and prototype. Now that hes commissioned as an officer, he has to go through them again, this time as an officer. We are moving to South Carolina for him to go through power school. It is a 6 month school and we will be with him the whole time, though he will have long hours. Once he finishes power school, he will have to do prototype and Submarine Officer Basic School (SOBC). Prototype is 6 months long and we will also be with him the whole time, again, long hours. He may do prototype in South Carolina, meaning we wont have to move again, or he may do it in upstate New York, meaning we would be moving again. We wont find out where he is doing prototype until around the time he finishes power school, or just after. SOBC is about 2 months long and is unaccompanied. It is in Connecticut. He may go through SOBC after he completes power school or after he completes prototype; again, we wont find that out until later. Our lives for the next 1-2 years will be very "wait and see." We are just kind of taking all of this as it comes and making plans once we know for sure what we are doing (a big reason why we decided to homeschool for the next couple years). Im sure Ive shared this blog with you before, but I have found this blog helpful when learning about these 3 schools (I didnt know my husband when he went through them the first time), "Very) Unofficial Submarine Officer Pipeline Rundown." Here are the 3 posts on each of these schools: "Navy Nuclear Power School Rundown," "Navy Prototype Rundown (Ballston Spa Version)," and "Submarine Officer Basic School (SOBC) Rundown."

Im a little nervous about making friends again, especially with 3 little boys now. I feel like it will be a lot for my new, unsuspecting friends to take in. :) They arent as portable now that they are 5-years old and 2-years old; they have little minds of their own. I havent decided yet if Im going to join a local twin group there. I have enjoyed the playdates and the twice yearly consignment sale with my local twin group here in North Carolina. We shall see. I may just be busy balancing my husbands schedule and homeschooling our oldest in 5-year old preschool. I feel like my first priority will be finding activities for our boys.

The next couple weeks will be busy for us. I would love to write again soon; it helps me feel more calm and at peace with the world. Ive been working on a couple blog posts that I havent had time to finish or edit and would like to hopefully get them up, you know, when things settle down. Man, I have no idea what it will be like PCSing with 3 kids-- including 2-year old twins and a dog! We are in for an adventure!


Id love to hear from you!

If you have an opinion on using TRICare Prime or TRICare Standard, please share!

Also, Id love to hear your tips on PCSing with lots of kids! The last time we PCSd, we only had one child and he was 2-years old.

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