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When I first started this blog, my husband was in college taking mechanical engineering classes. We had newborn twins, a 2-year old, and I needed an outlet. I felt like my life revolved around schedules-- my husbands schedule, our newborn twins schedule, and our toddlers schedule. (Then we added a puppy to add yet another schedule-- house training a dog. Go figure!) Since I had put my degree on hold when my husband started college (under a rigorous timeframe imposed by the Navys STA-21 program), this blog was a great way for me to do something I loved. I missed writing. Blogging about our life as a Navy family helped give me structure.

I really enjoy blogging. Over the past couple years Ive written about the things that have happened to us along the way: infant twins to toddler twins and now 4-year old twins, homeschooling, moving across town and moving to a new duty station, making new friends and moving away from dearly loved friends. Ive written about our second miscarriage and subsequently dealing with a molar pregnancy. I have been moved to tears by the emails Ive received regarding that difficult stage in our life; it is amazing to me how many of my friends have had miscarriages that I never knew about. It helped me to put one foot in front of the other when I had friends helping me navigate the months following the molar pregnancy. It was hard for me to write about it; I doubted several times if I should hit publish. It was so personal and close to home, yet the stories that people shared with me made me so proud that I had posted my experience.

As Ive blogged about our life, bursting at the seams with these 4 busy boys of ours, I knew that we were living in a little bubble. The military, while always nearby, wasnt involved too much in our life. In North Carolina, my husband mustered with them several times a week for PT and before his classes. We had balls each year and award ceremonies, but those are the fun aspects of military life. His schedule was slammed, which was expected because he had to complete his mechanical engineering degree in 3 years per the STA-21 program. In South Carolina, it felt like we started getting our feet wet with military life again. He went to power school and prototype. The rotating shift work started with prototype and I balked. The rotating shift work in prototype was different than the rotating shift work on a fast attack submarine doing pre-deployment work-ups, but it was still rotating shift work and it reminded me of what we were heading back in to. Now my husband is at SOBC (Submarine Officers Basic Course). In SOBC, he has a very different schedule than with power school and prototype, but we are states away from each other. While he is up in Connecticut at SOBC, I am staying with my parents and doing life with 4 children.

Our oldest is 6-years old and really missing his daddy. He doesnt know how easy we have it right now with SOBC. My hubby may be stationed in Connecticut for the next couple months, but we are able to video chat with him almost every night. He calls me on his lunch breaks. While it is not the easiest drive to make, he can drive and visit us on weekends (there is a great comfort in having the option to do something, even if it isnt practical to do every weekend). Hes already come to see us one weekend since hes been there and we have another visit on the calendar. This SOBC schedule is not a submarine schedule. I know that; my husband knows that. Our children, who miss their daddy right now-- today-- do not know that. They dont know why we have packed up our things from South Carolina and moved states away to my parents house. They hear us talk how we are moving to Washington state and the concept is foreign to them; they dont know what that means and they long for familiar things. Where are their bikes? Why cant they play outside with their friends from South Carolina? Why isnt Daddy here to take them outside and throw ball with them? Where is their playroom? Why are they sharing a room with me here at Marmie and Papas house? Our 4-year olds have off days and miss their daddy. Our 6-year old is hit with it like a ton of bricks. The other day he started sobbing that he wanted to go play with his best friends in South Carolina and that he wants Daddy. It breaks my heart.

I know it breaks my husbands heart as well. He isnt here to hold his children and comfort them when they miss him. Even harder is when he video chats with them and they say those sweet, heart breaking things, "Can we move back to South Carolina now?" It is hard to explain the "whys" of our life to the children at these ages, 6-years old and 4-years old. We tell them that we are moving because Daddys job is in Washington state now. We are staying with my parents before we move to have some fun at their house for a couple months. Daddy has to go to a school in Connecticut and will be back when he is finished to drive us to our new house. We let them video chat when they want to see his face. We tell them the same things and reaffirm how much we love them and want to listen to them. We tell them we miss their old friends too and pull out paper to draw their old friends pictures. We set up routines here and try to implement familiar routines and schedules. But it still just feels heartbreaking sometimes, navigating them through all these transitions.

Here, now, at my parents house, I worry so much about what I will do when I am across the United States from my parents. They have helped so much. When I feel overwhelmed by life (for instance, last week when I came down with a really bad cold that is still holding on), they step in and take care of the boys. Every night my dad puts our 4-year olds to bed while my grandmother puts our 6-year old to bed. Im able to sit with my mom as she helps me get things for the next day together (clothes for the boys, lunch/snack for our kindergartner) and put the baby to bed. When the boys are having a rough day, each of them have someone to hold them and comfort them. If my lap is full, they can sit with my mom, my dad, my sister, or my grandmother. When our 4-year olds are napping, my grandmother can walk to the bus stop and pick up our 6-year old. When the baby is crying, my sister is here to finish up the evening bath with the older 3 so I can tend to the baby. When the boys are bouncing off the walls, my dad can take them to their gym class so I can make dinner in peace.

When I think about Washington state, I think about how life was on a fast attack submarine before we had 4 children; our oldest was just a baby then. I think about how life was with 4 children as my husband went through power school and prototype. I think about how life would be for me right now with him in SOBC if I didnt have the support system from my parents... and Im nervous. We wont be able to video chat with Daddy while hes gone on a submarine. We wont be living in the same house as my family and able to have someone else manage the school pick ups and drop offs if Im overwhelmed. We wont have someone there to step in and do bath and bedtime with one set of children while I put the other set to bed. We wont have a multitude of adults to choose from when our oldest is having a hard time and misses his dad; my dad wont be there to step in and say, "Hey, come help me with this," and take him off for some much needed one on one "man time."

I have a feeling that this blog, originally started to focus on our life as a military family (much emphasis on family), is going to involve a lot more of the military aspects as military life encroaches on the relative calm we have achieved with our boys. (I say relative because life with 4 children, I doubt, is ever calm and then throw in the fact that we have a towering 6-year old and rambunctious 4-year olds and that calm is just gone.) I have a feeling we will be talking about dealing with childrens emotions when Daddy is underway and balancing a household with the Navy schedule and how to maintain a sense of normalcy. Ive been pouring over one of my favorite Navy wife blogs, "Keep Calm and Have a Cosmo." She is full of tips for managing a family as a military spouse. Ive been sensing the shift in our own family from "pseudo-civilian life" to "real military life," as us military families rarely consider shore duties and training commands "real" military life. While we have dealt with many challenges over the past couple years unique to military life as he went through college with the STA-21 program and then the training pipeline, I know we arent back in "real" military life yet; as the spouse who has lived through life on a fast attack submarine, I know we still have it good. It has been difficult supporting our children through this transition, as we are still in the midst of a PCS to Washington state (house packed out, living with family, hubby at SOBC, cross country drive with 4 children in less than 8 weeks). It has been hard balancing all the moving parts of this PCS myself, even as a military spouse on my 5th PCS.

Reading my old blog posts, it puts in stark contrast the subtle shift that has been taking place in our home. I see clearly where we were then to where we are now. I can picture what it was like as my hubby went through college. I see the small changes in how our household operated as my hubby went through power school and prototype. I see now how different it is here, especially for our children, as their daddy goes through SOBC. I know the next big change for us will be boat life once we reach Washington state. As we navigate this new chapter in our lives, I am very glad to have this blog, not just as the outlet that it has been for me, but also for the support I have received from my fellow bloggers and my readers. I love when a friend emails me or says to me, "Hey, I had the same experience!" I love the links to similar blog posts, "Here is how we got through the same thing.." I love funneling my thoughts into one blog post (then debating whether or not to publish it) and connecting several communities of women. It makes me so happy to hear from working moms, stay-at-home moms, moms of multiples, moms of singletons, civilian moms, military spouse moms, and even military spouses without children, who relate to the challenges of moving and making friends and balancing the military with the rest of your life. Thank you to all my readers and thank you to all who comment, message me, and share my posts.

As we move from this bubble we have been living in back to the "real" military, please hang with me! Keep the messages coming and sharing your stories. I love hearing from you.

How have you transitioned back to boat life from an extended time away from it?

How have you helped your children deal with the transition back to boat life? Or through a difficult PCS?

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The other day our boys were exhausted from a busy day out. Since they no longer nap, I brought them upstairs to watch a movie and (hopefully) rest for awhile. Sitting in my arm chair with a 10-month old nursing/sleeping in my lap, 2 4-year olds spacing out on my bed to "101 Dalmatians," and a 6-year old flipping through his Highlights magazine on the floor, I did what all moms do when trapped in front of the same movie we have watched 100,000,000 times before: I grabbed my phone and started reading blogs. Well, then I switched to Facebook and started reading comments. One Humans of New York post stuck out in my mind. It showed a woman beautifully dressed for the Met Gala. She mentions how life with a one-month old is different than how she thought it would be and how she didnt let her baby near her dress. Many people commented on it saying, "Oooh! FIRST TIME MOM!" One comment has been rolling around in my mind since I read it: how snarky moms with 3, 4, and 5 kids are, how they think they are better than everyone else just because they have a ridiculous amount of kids, how they dismiss everything moms with 1 and 2 kids are going through because they "only" have 1 or 2 kids, how we are all moms and should be supporting each other instead of bullying each other, and, finally, how we all walk through this motherhood journey differently.

Whew! When I read that comment, I first thought, "Wow, this lady really does not like moms with 3+ children." Then I started thinking about it. Do moms with many really sound so judgy? As a mom of 4, I would like to think not. But then I started thinking back to a lot of comments I heard when I started my motherhood journey, how irritated I would get when people poo-pooed my concerns by patting me on the head and saying, "First time mom, eh?" I also started thinking about how my thinking has changed from my first pregnancy to our last pregnancy and from our firstborn to our last born. There has been a significant shift in my thinking and I do parent differently. I noticed it after we had twins (our second and third children), but Ive really noticed it with our fourth baby. Much of what I did differently with our twins I attributed to the fact that we had twins after a singleton. However, with our fourth baby, Ive really noticed a difference in my mothering than with our first child and our second and third children.

What differences am I talking about? Ive actually written a couple blog posts about this topic before. One of them about "becoming my parents" and how I understand many of their parenting decisions the longer I mother; one of them about how differently I view our childrens ages and my expectations of them this time around now that Im not a "first time mom." In a general sense, the biggest difference, to me, between having my first baby and having my fourth baby is that I know how quickly the infant stage passes. Being a person that thoroughly enjoys the baby stage, I now have first hand experience that the sleepless nights, the colic, the breastfeeding, the pumping, the bottle-feeding, the baby foods, the diapers, the footie-pajamas with 100 snaps that never line up correctly, the spit-up, and the fussy evenings fly by before you even realize it. Our fourth baby (who I swear was just born!) turns one next month-- what?! There are so many amazing "firsts" that first year that are clearly marked: first bath, first time he holds up his head, first smile, first time reaching his arms up to me when I say his name, first time sitting up on his own, first time in a high chair, first foods, first time standing, first steps... I can clearly see these firsts and mark them in his baby book. The firsts after that become much harder to distinguish. One day our 6-year old burst in to the house and wanted me to watch him ride on his skateboard. Apparently he had been practicing this (with the appropriate protective gear and padding). It was my first time seeing him slowly make his way down our driveway on the skateboard, but his dad had seen him do it and he had been practicing this for years (according to him). Suddenly these tiny little babies of mine that I have invested so much of my time in are these little people with their own little lives. I feel our 6-year old and our 4-year olds moving further and further away from me with each year. I dont notice it so much in our day to day life; it is when I stop and reflect on our days that I see how much they are growing. And so, with our fourth baby, when I am elbow deep in sleepless nights and sticky baby hands pulling my hair and his snot covered face buried in my J Crew silk blouse, I know that in a blink of an eye he will be a 2-year old, that before I know it he will be a 4-year old and the next day a 6-year old. I know how fleeting it is that my baby will need me as he does now. With that lesson in mind, I can only assume that when our oldest is 12-years old, I will look back at the time when he was 6-years old and miss this time, when he needed me as a 6-year old boy needs his mother.

How does that lesson affect my day to day parenting? With our fourth baby, it is easy to see how it affects my parenting. The little things really just do not get to me. I can wake up after a rough, sleepless night and say, "Man, he slept horribly!" My day is not derailed and I just brew an extra cup of coffee. I give grace when he screams through dinner. I am able to slow us down and say, "Yeah, probably not going to get those errands done today; lets just take a walk instead." Our fourth baby loves taking walks and so we love walking him. We are able to put on the brakes and enjoy the small moments that happen each day, whereas with our oldest I felt like those fussy colicky days dragged on forever; with our twins, I felt like they flew by in a world of baby spit-up and endless evenings. With our fourth, I feel like the days are full of baby smiles and sweet moments. When I compare him to our other children, they really arent that different, but my perspective has changed.

In my day to day parenting with our older three boys, it is sometimes harder to see how this lesson affects my parenting. For instance, with our oldest, he is our first 6-year old. I get these glimpses when I see him around other 6-year olds that the behaviors that we find so baffling (repetition, slap-stick comedy, potty humor) are completely normal. Those are the times where I say, "Hey, we need to cut him a break. When our other children are 6-years old, I doubt we will even bat an eye at this behavior yet we are holding our oldest to a very high standard that perhaps should not be this high."

With our twins, it is hard because some of the things that they are going through are exasperated by the fact that we have 2 children the same age. So this morning when one of our 4-year olds was having an absolute come apart because he couldnt find his Olaf piggy bank, our other 4-year old was having an absolute come apart because he wanted to go to My Gym right now (all while I was in the middle of feeding the baby and getting our kindergartner ready for school). I have to take a breath at those moments and think, "Would this be so annoying if one 4-year old was yelling at me right now?" First instinct is always YES!!!!!, but then I am able to step back and dig deep and think, "Maybe not... because I would be able to focus on the one 4-year old in front of me who wants his Olaf piggy bank and talk him through it." If I had one 4-year old, I would be able to approach the situation this way: 

"Yes, I am feeding the baby, but when I am done I can go upstairs and help you find it. Do you know where you saw it last? What do you want to put in it? Do you think we should find somewhere safe to put it so we dont lose it again?"

Instead of this way with 2 4-year olds:

"Yes, I am feeding the baby-- please stop interrupting, I am talking to your brother-- and I will help you find your Olaf piggy bank-- sir, I need one second, we are not going to My Gym right now. I need to talk to your brother and then I will talk to you-- yes, I know you want Olaf, your brother was interrupting, I will help you find it. Sir, do not yell at me. We are not going to My Gym. We will find your piggy bank. I am feeding the baby. I hear you. We cannot go to My Gym; it isnt even open right now. I need a minute and I will go upstairs with you. Okay, both of you-- time out until I finish feeding the baby. Then I will help you both. Time out. Go."

With them, I find that I know what to expect from their ages-- a newborn, a 1-year old, a 2-year old, a 3-year old, a 4-year old, etc-- but that I am often surprised by how it translates having 2 children at that particular age at the same time. I have been most surprised that, while the newborn phase was super busy, the toddler phase was harder. I have also been surprised lately with the challenges we have had with 2 4-year olds. They are about at the age where pushing them in the stroller is impractical (pushing 2 30-pound children in a double stroller while wearing 1 20-pound baby in the Tula? No, thank you), so now we have 3 children out of the stroller and only 1 child in the stroller (2 of them being 4-year olds with 4-year old temperaments). Anyways, so some of my expectations regarding their ages and stages are different when handling twins than a singleton. I know this also makes me approach our fourth child, a singleton, with a softer lens as well. (For instance, before our fourth child, the last time we were doing the newborn stage, we were changing two babies diapers around the clock, which makes changing one babys diaper feel like a lot less diapers. The last time I had a 10-month old, I was wrestling 2 10-month olds through diaper changes and into clothes, which makes wrestling one 10-month old feel like a lot less work.)

Beyond the multiples perspective (comparing twins to a singleton), some things simply are a lot less work when I do them with our fourth baby than with all 4 children. I am surprised when I travel or go out with "just the baby" at what doesnt feel like work to me anymore. When I went out with our first baby, getting the infant carrier in and out of the car, pulling the stroller in and out of the car, loading and unloading the diaper bag... it was a lot. Everywhere I went I carried a sea of belongings. If I stood in line and he started fussing, I was exhausted and irritated, "Why are they taking so long to check out at the grocery store? Come on..." I would wrestle him through doctors appointments, "Im here with a baby! You would think they could move this along..." Even when we had our twins (our second and third children), I would never choose to make a stop when I was out with the children. I remember taking one of our infant twins with me to the store and he cried the whole time. I thought, "Man, even taking one child to the store is a ton of work." Then we had baby #4. Our twins were 3-years old. Our oldest had just turned 6-years old. I fully expected to have the same feelings lugging around the baby and the infant carrier as I had when our twins were born... but I didnt. I dont know if it is because Im a baby person, but toting around one baby? I got this. If I leave the 3 older boys home (with their dad or my parents) and I am out with the baby, Ill stop at Starbucks. Ill run in to the grocery for one thing (unless they have to, moms never choose to run in the store for one item). I call home, ask if anyone needs anything else. I take him to the doctor and dont mind waiting-- one baby is a break from 4 children (Dont mind me! I brought a book!). I buckle and unbuckle him from his car seat, unload and reload the stroller, pop in and pop out the infant carrier. NBD (No Big Deal). I did not expect to feel that way and it really is a change from how I felt with our first and our twins. But it is less work going out with one baby than 4 children-- making sure our oldest is buckled in his high-back booster and buckling the other 3 children in their car seats, unloading 4 children from the van, getting the baby in the stroller and making sure the older 3 are holding hands in the parking lot, keeping an eye on 4 children at the park, etc.

For other things, like pediatrician visits and the like, it is definitely different for me the more children we have added. The things I would take our first in for were not things I took our second and third in for and definitely not what I take our fourth in for. It ends up falling in that category of, "Man, do I really want to drag 4 children to the pediatrician?" Because some one always catches something new when we go in for a sick visit. If I have one sick child and 3 well children with me, I dont want to sit in the sick child waiting room with 3 well children, but no one wants me in the well child waiting room with my one snot-nosed, coughing, feverish child. And who wants to deal with all those children in the small pediatricians office? Children climbing all over the exam table (and falling off of it), children licking the floor and sliding all over the floor, me bouncing the sick child (or children) on my hip, the doctor finally coming in to glare at the misbehaving children who have been waiting for 20 minutes and then telling me, "Yup! He has a cold." No, thank you. If Im taking children to the pediatrician, I need a reason. Rash? You better have that rash for days, then Ill take you. Fever? Better be high. Injury? Ill call the nurse line first. Any questions or concerns, I call my mother, who has 4 children herself (plus 5 grandchildren now).

The last thing I thought of for how things are different for me now that weve had 4 children compared to when we had one child is that I really have allowed myself more grace. My mom is always instructing me to pick my battles. Some things that were worth fighting over with one child simply are not worth fighting over with 4 children. For instance, I wrote a blog post on "toddler technology." The times that I found it appropriate for our oldest to hang out and watch a lot of movies are different than the times I have found it appropriate for our other 3 to hang out and watch a lot of movies. During this move, our oldest has spent a lot of time on his tablet playing Minecraft and Minion Rush. It simply becomes overwhelming to do it all by myself and I have to give myself grace, allow for different seasons in our life, allow for times when we do things closer to our ideal and times when we take more shortcuts. Life happens. Much like how I need to give our children patience and grace, I also need to extend that to myself.

Which brings me to the final point: patience and grace. Ive written many blog posts on motherhood. This whole blog is about being a Navy family: our life, our experiences, my musings. One of my greatest parenting convictions is that we all do things differently. What works for me today, might not work for me tomorrow. What works for one of my children, might not work for another of my children (something I have definitely learned the more children we have had!). How I feel about something is not how another mom feels about it and what is important to me may not be important to you. When I write my blog posts on parenting and managing twins, that is how my husband and I have handled our situation, how we live our life. My favorite parenting advice to give is do what works for you. Treat other moms with patience and grace. It isnt a competition and we dont help our cause as women by putting each other down. Being a military wife and now mother to 4 children including twins, I feel like there is this competition to "have it worse:"

"I had 4 kids in 4 years and none of them are twins; that must have been much easier getting two out of the way at once."  

"That must be so nice having such an age gap between your twins and your baby; my kids are 12 months apart and it is so crazy."  

"I have a 28-month old, a 17-month old, and a 2-month old and my husband will deploy next year."  

"I have 13-month old twins and my husband is deployed."

We dont know anyone elses story. We dont know why someone is getting in our face about how much "worse" they have it. Maybe they are having a bad day? Maybe they arent trying to be a one-upper and I am taking it the wrong way? Maybe they really are just a one-upper and I need to put it in a bubble and let it go? Patience and grace.

We are in this together. I know that it was hard with my first baby and it is hard with my fourth baby. I know that the challenges I had with my first baby are different than the challenges I have with my fourth baby. It was hard being pregnant with a singleton and hard being pregnant with twins. It is important to extend the same grace that I wanted as a first time mom to other first time moms. More important than that is knowing that not everyone desires or will have 3+ children and that is okay; it also doesnt make the experience of having 3+ children better or greater than having 1 or 2 children.

To whoever wrote that comment on the HONY post, Im sorry that your experience with moms of 3+ children has been less than positive. I hope that this blog post helps shed some light on the perspective of parents who have 4 children and compare the experience of parenting their first child to their fourth child. I also hope that as parents we can uplift each other instead of bringing each other down. You are absolutely correct that we need to support each other and that everyones motherhood journey is different.

To the first time mom sitting at the pediatricians office first thing Monday morning because your 9-month old sneezed over the weekend and has a drippy nose, love to you. To the second time mom wiping a pacifier off on the hem of your dress, love to you. To the third time mom wondering if the baby has been bathed this week at all, love to you. To the fourth time mom popping in 101 Dalmatians for the 100,000,000 time just to have some peace and quiet in the evening, love to you. To the fifth time mom answering for the 100th time "Yes, they are all mine," love to you. To the mom of newborn twins struggling to feed one baby and bounce the other, love to you. To the mom of toddler twins desperately trying to make the house one iota more baby-proof, love to you. To the mom suffering from a recent miscarriage and desperately missing that baby you never held, love to you. To the mom balancing the children and life while your husband is deployed or away, love to you. To the mom pregnant and chasing after one or two or three children and longing for a nap or a break, love to you. To the mom of the toddler screaming through the grocery store while your fellow shoppers glare at you, love to you. To the mom crying in the bathroom while you text your mom and the children tussle and fight in the other room, love to you. To the mom sitting in the van in the driveway while your children nap in the backseat, love to you. To the mom of one child being asked all the time when you are having another, love to you. To the mom feeling you are doing it all wrong, love to you. We support you all.

Happy Mothers Day!

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Ready to get their flu shots

To start this off, I am NOT against military clinics. I know many people immediately start looking for the bad when going to a military clinic or automatically assume the doctors arent as good or whatever. We have used three military treatment facilities (MTF) so far in my husbands naval career and two civilian providers, this being our third MTF. I knew what to expect heading back to the MTF. Before moving here, I was very nervous about moving our asthmatic toddler from our last pediatricians office. They were wonderful there and knew his whole history, what his triggers are, what medicines hes been on, etc. They took excellent care of our boys there, especially O, and I was nervous to move right before cold and flu season. (Read "Reactive airways.")

When I walked into the clinic here in South Carolina, I was impressed. It seriously looks like a mini Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. I have been seen quickly both times I went to the clinic, no long wait times. The pharmacy moves right along and they have a drive up window. The staff is great. The lab is quick. They even have an email service that Ive used several times. I have sent my doctor emails that reach her nursing staff. They have replied to my messages promptly, within 30-40 minutes or first thing the next morning if I sent one at the end of business day.

Downside?

It is October 23rd and they still do not have flu vaccines available to dependents.

There are posters all over the clinic advertising the importance of getting a flu vaccine and they still have no definite date on when flu shots will be available to dependents. My PCM even told me, "They say next week, but theyve told us next week every week." So I asked her, "Can we get a referral or prescription and go out in town?" She kind of beat around the bush in the office and I didnt have a place I knew we should go, so I didnt press the issue. She did emphasize before I left how important it is for me to get O his flu shot since his asthma and medical history puts him in a high risk category.

On top of this, South Carolina seems to have very strange laws regarding vaccines for minors. No child under the age of 6 (the age I heard most consistently from pharmacists) can get a vaccine without a prescription from their doctor, meaning no walk-in flu shots. I called Walgreens, Rite Aid, Target, and local urgent cares. Consistently, we were denied flu shots for our two and a half year olds, some said they would be willing to give our five-year old his flu shot. I even offered to pay out of pocket since flu shots are, what, $15 or $20? No, flu shots are $31.99 (times three, since we have three boys), but even paying out of pocket, they still would not give our toddlers the flu shot.

I found a nearby CVS and asked the pharmacist what I had to do to get our boys, including the toddlers, a flu shot there. She said, "Oh, just have your doctor send over a prescription and we can give it to them no problem. We accept Tricare Prime." I went home and messaged my doctor. She sent me back a message this morning denying my request. She told me to take them to the Health Department.

I ended up having to post a thread in a wives group where someone tipped me off about CVSs Minute Clinics. I found our closest Minute Clinic (a little over half an hour away) and we all drove over there this morning. Here is the link to the Humana website with the Minute Clinic information: "Convenient Care May Still Need a Referral." I called Minute Clinic (link to their website: Minute Clinic) and got specific information about the clinic I was going to take the boys too, confirming that they would accept Tricare Prime, that they would administer the vaccine to two and a half year olds, and that they did have childrens flu shots in stock. My husband, being active duty, was already given his flu shot by the Navy and, finding this to be quite the ordeal, I had already gone to Target for my flu shot the week before.

The Minute Clinic has a highly irritating automated answering system. When I finally reached a representative, I was feeling frustrated by this whole process. The guy on the phone was really nice and very helpful. I actually hung up smiling, glad to finally have somewhere to get their flu shots. The woman at the Minute Clinic was an angel, seriously. She was so sweet to our screaming two-year olds and actually managed to give our five-year old his shot without him bursting into tears (he has a fear of shots right now). Getting there was challenging, but CVS made the process as painless as possible. We even got a 20% coupon that we used to buy the boys candy for being so brave. Even our cashier was sweet, telling the boys how good they were.

I am really irritated with how our flu shots were handled at the MTF. I feel like they have basically thrown their hands in the air and said, "Oops! We dont have them yet! Gotta wait!" Come to find out, most of our neighbors do not have their flu shots yet. Ive heard from several people that they find this process so irritating that they dont get them anymore. I have never had this experience with Tricare, at a different MTF, Prime, or Prime Remote. I even asked our doctor if there was an exception for high-risk patients to get their flu shots (me and O) and she said no.

Im still give the MTF a chance. Im switching PCMs, at least for the kids, and seeing if there is a different doctor that we connect with more. Right now, Im just glad that our whole family has their flu shots!

Here is a link to the immunizations page of the health department, by state: "State Health Department Immunizations Websites."
(Without insurance, flu shots are $25 at the Health Department in South Carolina.)

 

Here is a link to an article I really liked about being pro-vaccine: "Im Coming Out... as Pro-Vaccine."

 

My blog post on "RSV and premature babies," outlining Os 4-day stay in the PICU with RSV.

 

My blog post about the "2012-2013 RSV season," when O got the Synagis vaccine.

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So Im trying my first "link up" and Im not sure if Im doing this right, so please bear with me. I discovered this blog, "Eights on the Move," and she does a Military Monday topic where people link their blogs up to hers and answer the questions posted on the topic. This weeks topic is about Family Planning. Here is the link to her blog to see what other people posted, "Military Monday: Family Planning."

Being a military family influences many aspects of your life. For instance, you never know if your husband will actually be present for your plans. Some plans are fine, like a family movie night that you really wanted to have-- easy enough to cancel or reschedule. Some are frustrating, like family pictures with a professional photographer ("Um, can you Photoshop my husband in...?"). Some are emotional, like your wedding; my husband didnt tell me at the time of our wedding that he did not know until a couple days before our wedding that he would be able to make it. He didnt tell me until afterwards because he thought it would "stress me out." Since he was able to make it, I guess it really doesnt matter either way. I did ask him how I would have felt if he told me two days before the wedding that he couldnt make it... talk about stress!

Other things are just straight up complicated, like planning when to have a baby. If you have been following my blog, you have read about my miscarriage and partial molar pregnancy. We planned on having Baby #4 in North Carolina. My husband had no duty days or underways going through college. We didnt have to deal with a boat schedule. It was the perfect time to have our last baby. You know, until we miscarried and then discovered it was a molar pregnancy and I needed to have weekly and monthly blood tests before we could get cleared to try again...

The wrench was thrown into our plans and it had nothing to do with the Navy.

When is the perfect time to have a baby as a military family?

Honestly, there isnt a perfect time for us. We never feel that our finances are in the right place or that our plans are under control. Ive never felt in shape enough or prepared enough to welcome our newest family member or family members-- definitely didnt feel prepared for twins!

After being a military spouse for almost 7 years now, I have come to the realization that the only certainty with military life is uncertainty. You never know what life will throw at you. And once you have that little person in your life to care for, you still have the other aspects of military life to contend with. Our oldest came down with reseola during one of my husbands underways when we were living in Hawaii. My parents, on the east coast and 6 hours ahead of me, were powerless to help, despite my many tearful phone calls to my mom. He had a fever over 105, projectile vomiting all over my bedroom, and I was frantically getting us to the car to head over to the emergency room in the middle of the night. I did not know at the time that he had a common childhood illness; I just remember thinking, "Please be okay. I do not want to send a Red Cross message to the boat with a horrible message about our son." I was terrified and my husband was out to sea.

We did luck out with our timing for having twins. My husband was picked up in the STA-21 program and sent to North Carolina for 3 years to get his degree in mechanical engineering. Shortly after arriving, we found out I was pregnant with identical twins. I thanked God every night that my husband wouldnt be going underway or standing duty on a boat, that he would be home every.single.night. The pieces fell together perfectly.

This time around, God has His own perfect timing in mind. I really thought it would be perfect to have our last baby at the same OBGyn that we delivered our twins at, that we should have the baby before we moved to South Carolina. It just felt perfect to me. We dont know when the perfect time is now. We have no idea what my husbands schedule will be. First we hear he will be in the October class for power school, then he wont, then he will... I dont know. I dont know how long we will be living in South Carolina. I dont know how long it will take us to get pregnant. I dont know if there are good OBGyns close by who I would trust as much as I did our last OBGyn, especially considering my history (first pregnancy miscarriage, second pregnancy induced early for medical reasons, third pregnancy identical twins, fourth pregnancy a partial molar).

For us, the right decision is to proceed with business as usual. So we dont know my husbands schedule or where we will be living in 9 months. So we dont know when I will get pregnant or if it will be viable. There are so many unknowns that we deliberately put out of mind: What if it takes a long time to get pregnant and he finishes power school, SOBC, and prototype and is back on a boat, deployed? What if we dont like our new OBGyn and they dont do enough monitoring in the first trimester? We may be a military family, but we are still a family-- a husband and wife, following God, raising three boys the best way we can. Times like these are when we need to hand over our concerns to God and trust that it will all work out in the end, which it will. So what if it takes a lot longer to get pregnant this time? So what if he is deployed when I deliver? So what if we have to fight more for first trimester monitoring? We will face those challenges as they come, but not before then.

Want to read more about the things I mentioned in this blog post?

• Check out "In my life," where I give more details on how my sister delivered their one and only while my brother-in-law was deployed.
• To learn more about my miscarriage and partial molar pregnancy, read "3 months down." Here is my blog post just about what a "Molar pregnancy" is.
• Here is information about the "STA-21 Officers Program."

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My husband was picked up STA-21. Ive written several blog posts about our STA-21 journey and going through the officer pipeline: power school and prototype in South Carolina. It is surreal to me to be writing this post about the last piece of his STA-21 journey, going to SOBC in Connecticut. It doesnt seem that long ago that we received the news that he was picked up STA-21. It was such a whirlwind leaving Hawaii to move to North Carolina for him to get his degree in mechanical engineering; all too soon he graduated college and we were off to South Carolina going through the officer pipeline.It is crazy to me that in a few short weeks we will be back to the fleet. When we left the fleet for the STA-21 program, I felt we had all the time in the world. I tried to remind myself along the way that the time would slip away from us, but it is one thing to know it and another to live it.

But I digress. Right now my hubby is at SOBC (Submarine Officers Basic Course). This is an unaccompanied school in Connecticut. Unaccompanied means that the Navy does not move the family up while the service member attends this school. The school is about 9 weeks long. It seems the service members can attend SOBC at various points while they are going through the officer pipeline: before power school, in between power school and prototype, or after prototype. It also seemed that the most common time to attend SOBC was in between power school and prototype or after completing prototype. My hubby attended SOBC after graduating prototype. While we were in South Carolina, it seemed most spouses chose out of the following options while their service member was at SOBC:

• If the service member went to SOBC in between power school and prototype (attending prototype in South Carolina, not moving from South Carolina to upstate New York), they stayed put in South Carolina.
• If the service member went to SOBC before power school and prototype or after completing power school and prototype, they would pack up their house (or leave their HHG in storage for a bit) and go with their spouse on their own dime to SOBC. As far as I know, this means staying in the Chalet (a Navy hotel on base) for a couple months with their spouse.
• If the service member went to SOBC after completing power school and prototype, moving to the next duty station on orders.
• If the service member went to SOBC after completing power school and prototype, packing up their house, putting their HHG in storage, and moving back home with their family while the service member is at SOBC.

I also noticed that it seemed that a lot of the families without children had more flexibility when it came to living arrangements during SOBC. For instance, it is much easier to live in a hotel room with your spouse for 2 months when you do not also have lots of little kids to contend with. They also had a better ability to travel during those times, visiting their spouse for a week or two in SOBC or packing up their house, putting their HHG in storage, and living half of the time with family back home and half of the time with their spouse at SOBC.

As for the day to day life while at SOBC, I recommend reading A (Very) Unofficial Submarine Officer Pipeline Rundowns blog post "Submarine Officer Basic School (SOBC) Rundown." After prototype, we packed out our house and I went to live with my family while he went to SOBC. I have not been to Connecticut and do not know what life is like there or about life in the Chalet. Here are our reasons for moving in with family while he is at SOBC:

• A lot of the people we knew had already moved/were moving soon from South Carolina. Because we had gone to South Carolina for him to complete power school and prototype, when he finished those schools his classmates also left for SOBC or to go to the boat. That meant that I was saying good-bye to a lot of the friends that I had made.
• We have 4 children and the idea of living in the Chalet (a hotel room) with a 6-year old, twin 4-year olds, and a baby for 9 weeks just didnt sound very appealing.
• We have orders to the west coast and our family is on the east coast. We dont know when we will fly back to visit, especially since we also dont know the boat schedule (or how boat life will be). It seemed like a good idea to spend some time with family before moving so far away.
• A small bonus to this would mean that our HHG will definitely be at our next duty station when we arrive after SOBC.

Those were our reasons for moving in with family while my hubby went to SOBC. However, I have heard from several spouses how they always move together, even with kids, even if it means staying the Chalet for months, even if they have to pay for themselves to be there. Ive heard from other spouses that they always stay in their home for as long as possible, even if they are living there alone. As with all things, I think it is important to make the best decision for your family. This was the best decision for us.

The other nice thing, for us, was that my family lives a heck of a lot closer to Connecticut than where we were living in South Carolina. This meant that my hubby was able to make a couple weekend trips to come visit me and the children. Unlike power school and prototype, SOBC is a Monday through Friday affair and the service members have weekends off. This facilitated the weekend visits. We took advantage of that and visited friends stationed nearby.

The bad thing about that was that we were not there to enjoy that schedule with him. He got out early most days while at SOBC and had the weekends off. It has been heartbreaking at times dealing with life with 4 children while Daddy is away. The SOBC schedule has been a breath of fresh air compared to the schedules weve been contending with the past couple years. I wish that we were closer to enjoy it as a family. The weekends have been nice and he went out of his way to drive and see us often. Because we are not together, we did make a conscious effort to enjoy this time as best we could. When he wasnt visiting us, he would go to Boston or New York City with his friends at SOBC. I took advantage of living with family and have been going out in the evenings and to visit friends over the weekends-- often without any kids in tow! (That is huge for a Navy wife accustomed to living far away from family or with a trusted baby-sitter.) Even with all those fun things on our calendar, I sorely wish that we were together and could be using this free time to be together doing nothing since I know that boat life is going to be challenging. Ive felt frustrated getting early afternoon phone calls that hes out of school and I just wish, wish, wish that we were doing life together right now, taking advantage of that schedule. A family we went through prototype with is also at SOBC, but they have orders to a boat in Connecticut so they PCSd to Connecticut after completing prototype. I am envious that they have their house set up there and get to enjoy the SOBC schedule. This time apart has been a little hard on me knowing what we have ahead.

Sometimes I had serious doubts as to whether or not we made the right decision not going with him. With all the changes, this time was pretty hard on our kids-- packing up our things in South Carolina, moving in with family, Daddy being away, and this "move to Washington" hanging over them. I have rolled around our options often in my head. Would it have been better to have stayed in our house in South Carolina? No. We wouldnt have family nearby and Daddy wouldnt be able to come for weekends and our friends were all moving away. Would it have been better to have gone to the Chalet in Connecticut? No. I cant imagine how my sanity would have survived sharing a one room hotel room for 2 months with our 4 boys. We cant move ahead to our next duty station; we are in the process of building a house there. This was our best option, being surrounded by the support of our family and having this time with them. Yes, this has all been hard on the kids, but I think that this was the best option for us, even with the challenges.

There is a graduation at the end of SOBC, but I will not be attending. It is the same time as kindergarten graduation and so we are tied up here.

How was your experience going through SOBC? Did you go the Chalet with your military member or live apart? Did your spouse attend SOBC before prototype or after?

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I keep posting a bunch of articles on Facebook so I thought I would compile them in one place. I dont know how long this government shutdown will last and I dont know all the far-reaching consequences of a government shutdown. Some of the statistics that Ive been reading on how it will affect the economy are unsettling to read.

Bases are putting out on their Facebook pages and websites the various functions that will be affected by the shutdown, including closures, limited duty, and things that will stay open with little change (NEX and Navy Lodge, for instance-- "NEXs and Navy Lodges to Remain Open in Light of Possible Government Shutdown" by Navytimes.com).

What does the government shutdown mean to military families, now that congress has passed a bill saying military will continued to get paid? ("President signs Pay Our Military Act" by Militarytimes.com)

A military wife at our installation shared this list of closures for our base. This is not a list of closures at all military installations due to government shutdown. Im not sure where she found this comprehensive list, but here is the edited version (for privacy) of closures at the base we are stationed at:

* Commissaries OPEN briefly on October 1st to clear out perishables and CLOSE October 2nd until funding is restored.
 * CE responds only to Life/Health/Safety issues and emergency work orders (electric, sewer, water), all others deferred
* Environmental: Hazardous waste only
* Cease real property/space management actions
* No boat repairs, limited locomotive and forklift repairs
* Mission-critical (below MEL) vehicle repairs only
* Large contracts stop
* Base Support activities impacted
* Youth Programs and School Liaison Office closed
* Fleet and Family Support Center closed
* Education Center open for testing only
* Civilian Personnel closed after furlough in effect
* Libraries and LIBERTY programs closed
* ID card issue at PSD
* PSD can support transfers, receipts and pay on a limited basis.
* HHG shipments - new ship arrangements cannot be made until the continuing resolution or an appropriations bill passed. Previously arranges shipment will be as scheduled.

Thats right. Commissaries are closed: "In shutdown, overseas commissaries would stay open; stateside commissaries would close" by NavyTimes.com. Most commissaries will be open on October 1st to clear out the perishable items, but will close indefinitely on October 2nd, until funding is restored.

TRICare has issued statements in response to the government shutdown, reported by the Air Force, "TRICare issues statement about government shutdown":

While we cant predict the exact consequences of a shutdown on every part of our MHS, we will likely see some impact on the delivery of health care services within our military hospitals and clinics... Patients needing to schedule new routine appointments might experience delays. For TRICARE beneficiaries using providers in the private sector, little or no effect is anticipated at this time.

 On Tricares website, they have the same article, "TRICare Statement About Government Shutdown."

USA Today posted "66 questions and answers about the government shutdown."

Washington Post posted "Absolutely everything you need to know about how the government shutdown will work."

Washington Post posted this article, "As government shutdown looms, Americans brace for possible disruption, disappointment," several days ago. It had some good facts about how the government shutdown will impact America, like this quote:

Visa and passport applications from almost half a million prospective travelers would sit untouched every week, and late tax filers facing an Oct. 15 deadline would find the phone lines at the Internal Revenue Service dead. The National Zoo and museums on the Mall would close to the public. The WIC program, which provides food to 8.9 million low-income women and children, would be out of money, its supporters say. And in the District, garbage could go uncollected.

Military.com posted this article "Troops Pay Protected as Government Shuts Down." Here are some highlights from the article:

Stateside commissaries will close after Oct. 1, routine medical appointments for troops and their family members may be delayed or canceled, and veterans’ benefits – from pension payments to call centers – could be postponed... [D]eath benefits for survivors of service members killed in the country will probably be delayed, the official said.

Navytimes.com posted this article, "CNP: Shutdown could delay special pay, slow advancements." Quote from the article:

Sailors won’t receive the danger pay they get in war zones. And advancement results, personnel transfers and the training pipeline could all see delays... Navy Personnel Command will only process permanent change-of-station orders to activities deemed essential or for those heading from boot camp and training to their first duty station. 

This article was posted by a fellow Navy wife and is full of information, specifically for Navy families: "What We Know Now About the Government Shutdown" on Navy Life by Vice Admiral Bill Moran.

The Wounded Warrior Project released this statement on the government shutdown: "Government Shutdown Statement." Here are some quotes from their statement:

We will maintain our nonpartisan position on individual issues, but will speak out strongly on the need to resolve the current impasse, as well as the looming discussion over the national debt, without a break in the pay, benefits and healthcare earned by America’s veterans, members of the military, and their families. These brave men and women fought and sacrificed for the very rights and freedoms that allow these debates to go on. We owe them more than this.

(The Wounded Warrior Projects statement also includes a basic list of services that will be interrupted due to the shutdown, services that will continue, and how to contact the WWP Resource Center if you have specific questions.)

There is a lot of information about the government shutdown online and in the news. My husband and brother-in-law are AD Navy. My parents are both non-essential personnel, as are many of my friends. I have several friends who will be working through the shutdown, many of whom are contractors or essential personnel who will not be receiving paychecks.

I know that in my community, the government shutdown has a very real and very felt impact.

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