unexpected weight loss during pregnancy

I went out on a limb, took a leap of faith, felt a little adventurous, grabbed life by the horns... whatever you want to call it. I went on multiple road trips with my multiple children. My road trip travel itinerary:

July 30th to July 31st:

made a three and a half hour drive to a friends house with the boys and our dog, stayed overnight

July 31st to August 2nd:

made a four hour drive to my parents house with the boys and our dog, stayed two nights

August 2nd to August 3rd:

made a one and a half hour drive to a friends house with the twins (leaving the dog and my oldest at my parents house), stayed overnight

August 3rd to August 10th:

made the one and a half hour drive back to my parents house. Stayed at my parents house for the rest of the trip. My husband joined us on August 9th and drove back to North Carolina with us (thank goodness).

Virginia July 2012

This past week, we went on another adventure! This time my husband was with us from start to finish (including packing, unloading when we arrived, reloading to leave, and unpacking when we got home). From August 13th to August 15th we went to the beach. It was fabulous in a we-went-to-the-beach-with-three-kids kind of way, but fabulous nonetheless.

On our drive home, my husband and I were chatting about the trip, especially dinner last night (I had a seafood platter with fried shrimp, grilled oysters, and grilled scallops and key lime pie for dessert; he had the salmon with a goat cheese fondue, grilled asparagus, and garlic mashed potatoes and chocolate cake for dessert). The trip wasnt exactly at the best time for us, only in the sense of when is a recreational trip ever at a good time with a four-year old and one-year old twins? We had to find someone to watch our dog last minute, figure out what we were going to do with the cat, and rearrange some of our scheduled plans (such as a doctors appointment for the toddlers and a class my husband is taking). We had the daunting task of looking around our home and thinking, "What exactly do we need at the beach with all these kids?" We wondered how baby proof the beach house would be... if our 16-month old twins would like the beach... if we would be able to provide enough sun protection... and attempt to pack for any possible surprises (diaper blow-outs en route, etc).

The big road trip at the beginning of August also faced many challenges. I have never stayed overnight at someones house before with the children: all three boys and the dog without my husband to help. Baby proofing was my chief concern. What if our friends make us dinner and Im chasing toddlers the whole time? What if we have epic twin toddler meltdowns at someones house? What if the night Im at their house is the night my preschooler wakes up with a bloody nose (something he is prone to)? I had an entire list of what-ifs and reasons to postpone. The closer the travel dates came, the more doubts I had.

In both cases my desire to get out of the house won out over my concerns. I wanted to see my friends who live far-away. I wanted to go to the beach. And so, we went.

Get this: we had a great time.

On July 30th, my husband waved good-bye to us on the driveway and off we went! The dog got carsick, as he always does. We had to stop multiple times for bathroom and snack breaks. We stretched legs. We got stuck in traffic. We listened to the Jake and the Neverland Pirates CD approximately one hundred million times. And we arrived at my friends house ready to get out of the van. The boys were a little unsure about their new surroundings at first. Seeing the familiar face of a family friend, they quickly warmed up and started exploring. My friends teenage sons helped wrangle babies. My snack bag supplemented the dinner that the toddlers threw on the ground. The trip was an "unknown." I think moms in general dislike unknowns. I know moms of twins try to avoid unknowns at all costs. It was an unknown that led to great conversation and delicious dinner, a late night laugh session while watching the Olympics, and warm see-you-soons the next day as we said good-bye.

? Heading to my parents house, I knew what to expect, which makes it easier to travel there. I know what to pack and what they already have on hand. I know the nearby stores and my familys schedule. Heading to the next friends house on August 2nd was much more of an unknown. Not only would I be staying overnight, we would be visiting her and her toddler at her parents house, three toddlers visiting "the grandparents." I knew I wanted to be a good houseguest. How to convey this to two toddlers? (My oldest stayed at my parents house for a little grandparent and great-grandparent time.) But, grandmothers have a way of softening even the wildest of toddler hearts. My boys had no problem going "up" to my friends parents and even shared with my friends toddler. They had a lot of fun moving from room to room, exploring new toys and playing with a new friend and new dogs. This unknown led to more great conversation and another delicious dinner, another late night with the Olympics, and warm hope-to-see-you-soons the next day (this friend actually lives across the United States and Im not sure when I will see her next). The toddlers, I think, were happy to say good-bye to each other. My boys were done sharing and her son was tired of the intruders... Oh, toddlers!

North Carolina August 2012

The beach trip was a great unknown. This time we would be going somewhere unknown with friends of ours who have triplets. Would there be ample room for all of us at the beach house? And how will five one-year olds feel about the beach? What shops are nearby? Will our schedules work well together? This trip was smooth sailing from start to finish. I think I felt the most relaxed heading out on this one. I had already dealt with two overnight trips with the boys that went great. This time, my husband would be there. Easy peasy. We packed the van great, the drive was great, the beach house was beautiful, and two of our boys (D, the oldest, and O, one of the twins) loved the beach. We had breakfast at this delicious little place that had a shop attached. I bought the boys t-shirts. We left to go spend hours at the beach. While C was not fond of the ocean, he loved the sand! Both toddlers played so hard at the beach that they fell asleep while we were packing up. We went back to the beach house to meet up with our friends, whose girls were napping. We fed babies and showered, then headed off to a restaurant. The boys were antsy at the end so I took them outside to play cornhole on the patio. That evening I went on a walk on the beach with D while my husband put the one-year olds to bed. We talked on the patio while the kids finally drifted off to sleep before opening up the bottles of wine and playing board games.

There were times on all these trips that things didnt go as planned. I held C most of the time we were at the beach. A four-year old sometimes would rather argue than obey. Our 16-month olds were so tired after the beach that they screamed all the way through bathtime. While visiting our friends earlier in the month, the boys refused most of the food offered to them. At one point-- so dramatically refusing food-- they wouldnt eat bananas, a favorite at our house. Sometimes they snacked instead of eating a formal lunch. Sometimes I gave them things that would make them happy so I could socialize (I may or may not have offered licorice during dinnertime at one point...). The toddlers occasionally became fixated on something they shouldnt (a flight of stairs, a dog dish, my glass of wine). Why kids cant just say, "Hey, I know what we are doing is out of the ordinary, so Im going to make things easy for you," I dont know.

? The unknown is scary when heading out with kids, especially when toddlers are involved. Every once in awhile it is fun to exercise your adventurous side. You may be pleasantly surprised.

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unintended weight loss during pregnancy

Dont get me wrong, I am a huge fan of teaching through hands-on experience. I believe that the best way for kids to learn how to behave in public is by taking them out in public. Kids learn best by getting down and dirty-- using a fork (very messy), going down stairs (very slow), getting dressed (so hard not to just pull their arm through the ever-elusive arm hole), or "helping" you (C now needs a towel to help me wipe down the high chairs after meals). And Ive had many people comment on the amount of bookcases in every room of my house that my kids-- seemingly-- leave alone: baby-proofing through repetition ("do not touch the books... do not touch the books... do not touch the books...").

As every well-meaning, opinionated stranger will tell you, your kids have to learn. I remember this lady at Target eavesdropping on a conversation I was having with D, telling him that we cant buy some hundred-million-small-parts-toy because his brothers could choke on the pieces. Her great advice? "Tell them they cant play with certain toys. They need to learn whats theirs and what isnt." It was such great advice that I should have brought her back to my house to enforce that practice... instead, I smiled and thanked her, moving my hoard to a more private end of the aisle. Honestly, allow my (then) three-year old to play with a choking hazard and expect my mobile twins to not swallow the small parts??

But how do I teach them what they can and cant do while maintaining my sanity? Case in point: unloading the dishwasher. As you may have seen on my Facebook page, my kitchen is not baby-proof. We have an open floor plan and cannot gate off our kitchen. Earlier this week (unloading the dishwasher has become more than a chore-- it is now an event), I unloaded the dishwasher when the toddlers were not contained, not in highchairs or napping. As soon as the "click" of the dishwasher let out its siren call (I can just imagine the sound resonating down the hallway to their little ears), the toddlers swarmed. C tried to climb on the dishwasher door ("No, no, no!" Do I always sound like a Ferbie?) while O attempted to eat the top rack. I pushed them back, only for C to climb under the dishwasher door-- angrily, because it is not an easy route.

I quickly took everything out of the dishwasher and stacked the clean dishes on the counter. I slammed shut the dishwasher and sighed. How to teach two toddlers to leave such a fascinating appliance alone? When I tell C "no, no" and move him away, O is making his move and grabbing the silverware (and then I need to wash the silverware again). While Im putting O in the sunroom, away from the dishwasher, C is attempting to throw all of my dishes across the room (broken dishes = huge hazard). And loading the dishwasher is even worse. Granted, I do not want to be re-washing all my dishes or replacing broken dishware; however, I do not want my precious one-year olds running their hands on dirty, germy dishes then immediately shoving their hands in their mouths-- yuck! So what are my options?

Right now I discreetly put dishes and flatware in the dishwasher whenever there is a "break." The boys are out pushing trucks in the sunroom? Time to put load up some dirty dishes. Most often, I load or unload during mealtimes and do the bulk of my dishes while my husband puts the kids to bed. I feel like a crazy person, waiting for an opportunity to do my "dirty work." I sneak into the garage to clean the catbox. I sort laundry as Im shoving clothing pieces into the washer, straight from the hamper (hmmm... how did a red sock end up in the white load?). Folded laundry is kept in the basket, easy to move away from curious one-year olds and I have seriously debated getting a laundry hamper for each room just so I can easily shove the folded piles into the closet when company comes over. (I do hear that some people put away their laundry, like, in those large pieces of furniture standing around in your bedroom? Im not sure how that works, but I am all ears!)

And naptime. I insisted that business as usual proceed with my oldest. I vacuumed and unloaded the dishwasher, putting away all the dishes, when he slept. With two 15 and a half month olds... I do things very different. I have a bright blue sign for my front door, "NAPPING TWINS" that hopefully scares the UPS man away from the doorbell. I actually caught myself telling my oldest to wait on flushing the toilet until after his brothers were up from nap. Realizing how ridiculous that sounded, I used the California-water-shortage excuse (yes, we live in North Carolina). And, while I do dishes, we do not do "loud" dishes while they sleep. General loading or unloading, fine. Stacking dishes, no. Putting away pots and pans, no. Showering during naptime is usually fine. Blow drying my hair during naptime is never fine (and maybe I like the frizzy, beach head look, okay?).


As Jane Roper says in Double Time: How I Survived-- and Mostly Thrived-- the First Three Years with Twins about pacifier usage with her twin girls, "And let me interject here just to say that pacifiers were one of those things--along with cloth diapers and no TV before two years old-- that we might have attempted with one baby but we totally cried twins! on." You could say that I have called "twins!" on a lot of things around here lately: pool trips, trips to playgrounds (two toddlers up high on a playground? Can you say "trip to the ER"?), grocery shopping, going out in the afternoon, remembering what day of the week it is, arriving on time... I mean, I can add more and more to the list. Time slips away from me. I plan on calling a friend to meet up early in the week, but we have a really bad Monday, Tuesday is a little better so I get Mondays things done, but I have an appointment for one of the boys on Wednesday which involves dropping the other two off at childcare, and suddenly its Thursday and I still havent called my friend. Or, my husbands favorite, he comes home and I am still in pajamas. I defend myself, "We really did get stuff done today." Husband, "I believe you! So, whats for dinner?" Me, "Can I just say now that you should never ask me whats for dinner or else you will be cooking it?"

I still dont know how I can enforce all the lessons I enforced with my oldest. At the playdate today, O was having "Mommy issues" and wanted me to hold him. While Im holding him, C is dominating the play area, stealing toys and being generally wild. How do I tell a toddler with no words that I need to go take care of another wild toddler? When I set O down, he buried his face in anger and screamed. I then refocused my other toddler, who was angry I was refocusing him. His body language plainly said, "I am content stealing everyones toys and throwing them. Let me be." So then I have two angry toddlers. Hmmm.

Or the other day when my four-year old was riding bikes with my husband. C and O were fascinated by the bikes. I sat on the curb with them and told them, "Sit on the curb. No going in the street." O sat on the curb. He kicked his legs and smiled at me. C dedicated all of his energy into climbing off the curb into the street. Round and round we went. By the end of it, I doubt he even really wanted to be in the street, he just wanted to win. I repeated over and over again, "Sit... no, sir... sit... no, sir..." Oh, he was mad. Finally having had enough, I decided going inside was the best option. O, who sat like a gentleman the entire time, did not want to go inside. His body language said, "Why am I being punished because my brother cant sit?" Not able to leave either of them unattended while I carried the other in the house (by the road, a four-year old on a bike, etc), I scooped up C and tried to convince O to walk. O crumpled in an angry toddler puddle. C, realizing that we were leaving his beloved street, writhed in my arms until I had to set him down to also crumple in an angry toddler puddle. Hmmm. If my oldest had behaved that way at the same age, I would have stood by and said, "I know you are mad. Its okay to be mad." I would have picked him up and brought him inside, reaffirming his feelings yet guiding him to a better way to handle his feelings. With two angry 15 and a half month olds dragging their angry selves towards a street while my four-year old is riding around on a bike, the best-- and safest-- plan for me was to bring them in the house, "I know you are mad. It is time to go inside. I am sorry you are so upset." I gave them "quiet time" in separate areas of the house, C playing in the sunroom with a toy, O playing in the family room with a toy. They calmed down and we moved on.

Im calling "twins!" on the toddler years.

"Whatever gets you through the night, its allright, its allright.

Do it wrong or do it right, its allright, its allright..."

-John Lennon

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